Monday, March 25, 2013

let's just go with "i'm color blind..."

so today . . . my clothes don't match.  that's why i'm blogging.

i started to write a status update on facebook about the terrible mistake i made this morning, but it was too long.  i could have shortened it, but really... if i can't say it the way i want to say it, then why say it at all!

i was sitting in ms. martha's class while the kids were having music time.  i was sitting instead of leading music, because in a moment of weakness, ms. martha and ms. michelle agreed that if i would do chapel every tuesday, they would cover the music time for the rest of the week!  that's right, people, i only have to do music one day every week!!  ...and tell the bible story, but still, it is a good deal for me!

so, i was sitting there, in a teeny tiny chair, when i happened to look down.  and that's when i saw it.  my top did not match my pants.  at all.  before i could stop myself, i said out loud, "my clothes don't match!"

(perhaps this would be a good place to remind you that i have certain ocd tendencies...  i need things to look a certain way!  i can't even explain my "rules" of how things have to go together.  i just know what is right and what is not..  and if i have to walk out of the house and something isn't right?  it will bother me all day long--translation: i will feel cranky and annoyed. all. day. long.)

ms. martha just looked at me.  "my clothes don't match," i repeated.  "i thought these jeans were red, but they are not.  they are orange!  and there isn't any orange in this top, just some red.  and pink and ivory and brown and, and, red!  and the red is dark!  it isn't even a sort of orangy red that could maybe go with these apparently orange jeans!  it doesn't match!!"

and then, ms. martha, my dear friend and co-worker, said, "well, it doesn't look (insert big pause here) ba-ad."  and yes, when she said the word 'bad' it had two syllables.

anytime it takes a person two syllables to say the word 'bad,' it is not a good thing!

"oh thank you!" i said, "because that's just what i was going for when i got dressed this morning.  i really wanted to come to school looking 'not ba-ad!'"

ms. leigh anne walked in about that time.  ms. leigh anne is new.  she is still getting used to me, so she did not offer an opinion on my choice of wardrobe.  she probably couldn't figure out what the big deal was.  as i said, she is still getting used to me...

but ms. martha knows.  in an attempt to salvage the day, she fell on her sword and offered up her own outfit as an example of something that didn't match.  (yes, she really is my friend.)  to be honest, she was right.  her outfit didn't match.  but it didn't help, because she had a perfectly good reason as to why her clothes didn't match... which i would tell you if this blog was about ms. martha, but it isn't.  it's about me :)

the ironic this is, i spend my days surrounded by tiny children who don't even know if my clothes match or not.  they aren't oblivious.  they constantly comment on what i am wearing, but it mostly sounds like this-"ms. julie, i like your bracelet,"  or  "ms julie, i like your dress," or "ms. julie, i like your sparkly shoes."  which doesn't necessarily help, because really, can you trust the judgement of someone who can't even tie their own shoes or who wear their shirts backwards?!?

so now i have a problem.  i do not have red jeans.  i have orange jeans.  what exactly does one wear with orange jeans???  i can't wear black, because orange and black are halloween colors.  clearly i can't wear red--i tried that today and it didn't work out that well.  brown?  i guess that would be ok, but that feels like fall to me. i thought about a white top and a yellow sweater, but that would make me look like a piece of candy corn...

i guess i'm going to have to give color blocking a try.

but color blocking is dangerous territory for someone like me.  not every orange looks great with every purple... or green... or pink???  especially when i think the orange is red... and it sort of is under some lights...  i mean, i could spend hours in my closet trying to come up with the right combinations.  i would never be on time to work... or anyplace else!

and i know that right now some of you are saying to yourselves, "what is the big deal? just throw on some clothes and go out the door!" and while you may be right, i can't seem to do that.  i can't!  well, i can, but only when i am wearing my pre-arranged, pre-approved "throw it on and go out the door clothes."  which, i'm not kidding, i have...

and perhaps you are wondering why this is a problem at all?  why on earth would someone buy a pair of orange jeans??  this is a very good question, because i would never buy orange jeans.  but again, i thought they were red!  i tried to convince myself that it was just the lights at school that was turning them orange, but when i went outside at lunch time (yes, i ventured out in my mismatched duds--when i'm hungry nothing gets between me and jack in the box!) i'm sad to say that they were still orange...

so i guess i am going to have to go shopping for something that will look right with orange jeans.  because after wearing them all day, i've decided that i kind of like them.  they are different.  everyone has red jeans, but who has orange jeans?!?!  (no one in their right mind, you say...  i know, i hear you...)  and i'm thinking i should probably wear the jeans when i go shopping, so i can be sure that whatever i choose will actually look ok with the actual color of the jeans, and not just the color i think they are in my head!

of course, this means that i am going to have to find something in my closet that i can wear with them when i go shopping... now where did i put that top i wore today...?