i thought i could sweat all the germs out--apparently i cannot

so today . . . i went to the gym by myself. it is not as much fun to go alone as it is when diandra is there, but she was busy today. so i went on my own.

i am gratified by the fact that i have been there enough in the last six weeks that most of the staff knows me by name. of course, they all call me ms. miller--probably because they are all young enough to be my children! i am not used to being referred to that way--everyone i know just calls me julie. even my school kids call me ms. julie or teacher or teacher ms. julie. but when the gym employees call me that, it makes me feel like i should pat them on the head and give them a cookie . . . probably not a good idea to bring cookies to the gym though. there are those who would burn me at the stake for even thinking about bringing such yummy sweetness to within 500 yards of them, and then there are those who would knock me down and take the treats forcibly from my fingers. and i am not sure you can tell who would fall into which category just by looking at them . . .

i climbed up onto the elliptical machine and realized i had forgotten to bring water with me! not a good beginning. oh well, i did have my ipod all charged up and ready to go, so off i went. after that i did the stair stepper, and then went to the stationary bikes. although, by then i was starting to feel a little bit like i should just go lay down . . .

i've had something trying to get me for the last few weeks--sore throat, persistent cough--but i've been fighting it off. yesterday i thought it had me in it's evil clutches, as sinus congestion reared it's ugly head. but today was better, so i thought a trip to the gym would be a good thing.

once again, i am wrong.

i am wrong so often, i think i should just start doing the opposite of what i am inclined to do. i think i might have better results that way. but i didn't realize that the gym was a bad idea until i had already parked, changed my clothes, used the elliptical and stair master and was headed for the bikes. maybe a drink would help, so i detoured to the drinking fountain. but you know, it is really hard to slurp up an adequate amount of water from the drinking fountain. it goes down your chin and up your nose and onto the floor . . . i'm guessing only a fraction of the water that flows from a drinking fountain actually makes it into your mouth. and how wasteful is that? it isn't like they are recycling all that water that is going down the drain. i hope.

anyway, the drink didn't help a lot, but i went to the bikes anyway. i like the bikes. you get to sit down while you use them. i started pedaling and put in all the important information--age, weight, program. and that is when i ran into trouble. my heart rate is naturally really fast. so by the time i exercise, it can get kind of high. but the machines don't know that. and so when i get on and it takes my heart rate, it goes ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! THIS WOMAN IS GOING TO DIE!! ANY MINUTE!!! and it adjusts accordingly, making the resistance really easy. you might think this is a good thing, and it kind of is on the elliptical machine. but not on the bike. on the bike what happens is that suddenly there is no resistance at all on the pedals, so they go flying around faster than my feet can go! it is really embarrassing . . .

by the time i got off the bike, i was really feeling bad--hot, headachy, a little congested. but did i go home? nooooo. i know that is just my body trying to take it easy. so i pushed on to the weight room . . .

but it didn't last long. i just couldn't do the weights. i tried, but it just was not happening today. sometimes you have to know when to give up and call it a day.

i went to the locker room, got my gym bag and headed to the car. when i got home, i went straight to the shower, and then curled up on the couch for a nap. no actual sleeping occurred, because you may remember that i live with two dogs who had been alone all day, but my eyeballs did get a little rest.

and now i am headed for bed. because rollie insisted that i make a doctor appointment, which i did, but it isn't until wednesday afternoon. so for now, sleep will have to be my 'drug of choice,' at least until wednesday when i can see an actual health care professional.

if i live that long . . .

expectations of a personal trainer

so today . . . i've decided age has it's advantages--at least when you are working with a personal trainer who is young enough to be your son!

yes, today was the day--it was time for my free consultation with a personal trainer. i admit i had some pre-conceived ideas as to what was going to happen. my experience with personal trainers is limited to watching other people want to kill theirs, so my first expectation was that he was going to make me suffer. a lot. and i was determined not to kill myself, or him, so our expectations may have been somewhat different.

we began by meeting in his office. he talked really really really really fast, which made it hard for me to catch everything he said--especially with my hearing issues. so i am pretty sure i didn't understand everything, but i made it clear right from the start that i was 51 years old. and would be 52 in another five months, so he should take it easy on me. he asked me what my goals were, and i said, "not to keel over dead while exercising." he looked at me blankly, like 'i can't write that down.'

"let's just say you want to increase your muscle tone." ok, i could live with that. increasing muscle tone doesn't sound all that hard. i kind of pictured lots of stretching, maybe some bike riding . . . then he wanted to know how serious i was about reaching my goal. i wasn't quite sure what he wanted me to say. i was very serious about not keeling over dead, but i didn't think that was the goal he was referring to, so i said, "well, i want to come to the gym a few times a week, but i also have a life."

i think maybe he gave up on me before we even left his office.

he guessed my height and missed it by 3 inches. he guessed my weight and missed it by 25 pounds. he handed me something that looked like a nintendo control and said, "stand up and hold this out at arms' length. it will measure the percentage of your body fat." maybe i didn't want to know the percentage of my body fat, but apparently i didn't have a choice! i obediently held it out until a number popped up. he looked at the readout and said, "hmmm. well that's obviously wrong!" ok, i'm starting to wonder if this is a personal trainer imposter. nothing is adding up . . .

after he tells me i need to add at least 15 pounds to my tiny little frame, we head out to the weight room. he feels i should be using free weights to "increase my muscle tone," so we walk down the long hall to the maximum security weight room. i say maximum security, because i don't think they let just anyone in there. i'm pretty sure they shouldn't have let me in there!

i hadn't seen this room before. it is separate from the cardio equipment and all the other machinery. the first thing i noticed was that the weights in this room were enormous!! the second thing i noticed was that everyone else in the room was male and muscle-bound. and there i went, in my new pink top, scrawny arms hanging from it's sleeveless shoulders, ponytail bobbing, following my trainer like a puppy.

he looked for weights for me, but the lightest ones in this room were 15 pounds. i'm not sure he thought i could even lift them, but i got through the first exercise and was feeling pretty proud of myself. until i tried the next one . . . it was harder, and i couldn't even do one with those big weights. he just looked at me, took the weights and led me out of the "big" boy weight room . . . i think he maybe he should have been able to tell that i didn't belong in there just by looking at me.

the rest of the work out went better. he lowered his expectations, i continued to remind him of my age, and we found some middle ground. he occasionally asked me to do something that i knew would kill me, i would say, "remember, i am old," and he would modify the instructions to better suit me.

he did push me to do more than i thought i could do, and i did it--most of the time. we worked muscles that have been taking it easy for far too long. i have no doubt that i will feel it tomorrow, but i'm still not completely sure what i should be doing when i am working out alone . . .

what i learned today is that the free consultation with a personal trainer is mostly an opportunity for them to try to get you to sign up for further personal training. he didn't design an exercise program or eating plan for me. he didn't show me how to use all the equipment. we didn't even go upstairs! he did tell me that if i would sign up for his services for the next three months, at a cost of almost $1200 for 24 hours of instruction and training, he could help me tone up those muscles, lower my body fat percentage (based on that crazy readout) and gain 15-20 pounds.

i politely declined.

i'm pretty sure if i set my mind to it, i can gain a few pounds on my own . . .

i'm a gym rat--i have the clothes to prove it!

so today . . . i bought workout clothes.

i'm not all that worried about how i look when i go work out, but i want to be comfortable. ok, i also want to be color-coordinated if possible, but that is a secondary concern. so what to wear to the gym has been a bit of an issue, since i am more likely to have clothes i can wear with heels than clothes to wear with sneakers.

i am thinking i will get hot while exercising. i think if i am doing it correctly, i should even sweat. so jeans and a cute top are not going to work. not only would that be uncomfortable and hot, but i'm pretty sure it would draw the disdain of the other people laboring away on the equipment. and my ineptness on the machines already draws more attention than i would like, without adding inappropriate clothing to the mix. so i am going to need shorts.

i have several pairs of shorts, but they are the cotton plaid bermuda style shorts. they are cute, but not really gym-appropriate. i did have two pair i thought might work. i bought them last summer before i went on vacation, because i thought they would be comfortable to sit around in at night. they are stretchy cotton knit and go clear to my knees! (ok, i am not at the gym to pick up guys, so these shorts will be perfect!) but i only had 2 pair and if i am going to the gym 4 times a week, i am still a couple pair short. (don't even suggest i do laundry in the middle of the week! that is not going to happen--and when would i find the time anyway, what with hanging out at the gym all the time . . . )

tops were another problem. tshirts would be ok, but i do sweat on those terrible machines of death (i speak of the elliptical machines or stair steppers, or whatever the heck i was on!) and a shirt with sleeves just compounds the problem. i need tank tops! but the tank tops i have are just barely long enough to meet the tops of my shorts, and i am pretty sure i am not a "bare-midriff" type person. some people are--mostly the people who have already been going to the gym for the last 5 years and are showing off their abs! i would not be one of those people. ever. also, my current crop of tank tops are made from a ribbed knit which is a little heavy--translate that to mean warm--so while they are better than a tshirt, i am going to be less than comfortable in them.

but even though i was going to have to get some workout clothes, i hadn't really planned on buying them today. i went to target to buy a sweater that i had seen was on sale. and then i found a pair of shorts--nice long shorts--on sale for a mere $7. ooooh, i thought. i wonder what else is on sale . . .

i made my way to the area set aside for work out clothes. this is not an area i frequent. in fact, the only time i have ever given it any attention was last summer when i went to purchase the shorts for my vacation. i think of this area as the place where gym rats spend their money, while i prefer to spend mine on shoes.

i was hoping to find one more pair of shorts on sale, but instead i found tops! tops made of a feathery light miracle fabric that promised to keep me cool and dry and ventilated(?!?) no matter how hard i worked out . . . and they were on sale for $7! and they had my size! and they came in fashionable colors!!

although, i have noticed that most of the gym ratty people wear black, white, and gray. i too would wear black, white, and gray--which would further my quest to remain unnoticed--except black, white, and gray were not on sale. pink, turquoise, and dark blue were on sale (probably because the gym rats beat me to the black, white, and gray!) so that's what i got.

and i'm not quite sure why i have to be ventilated. cool and dry i understand, and i am looking forward to seeing just how these tops accomplish that seemingly impossible task. but ventilated . . . ?

i guess i am going to have to work at becoming more proficient on those machines, because my new, colorful clothing might make me stand out from the crowd a bit. which means if i fall off the ellipical machine while trying to drink from my water bottle (hey--it could happen. ask diandra,) more people will notice. and snicker.

and i guess i'd better keep that appointment with a personal trainer on monday. even though i'm pretty sure the personal trainers are minions of the devil. maybe he can at least teach me to use the machinery without embarrassing myself. although, he'll probably want my soul in return . . .

how painful will it be?

so today . . . i joined a gym. i think.

diandra took the plunge a few weeks ago. she has talked about joining a gym for quite a while, and we have even talked about doing it together. but when rollie was in the hospital, she decided it was time. she texted me one afternoon while i was at the hospital to tell me she had joined, AND had signed up for four extra sessions with a personal trainer. she sounded really excited. i wasn't so sure . . . but she had an appointment to meet with the trainer, so i thought, "ok, we will see how this works out."

she came in the house from that first session very slowly. you should have seen her try to go up the stairs! it was hilarious--she could barely move!! i was so proud of her!!

i used to work out three times a week. when we lived in southern oregon, a new YMCA was built near our house. there was a lot of interest in it--i don't think there was another gym in town--and it was a lovely new facility. and i drove right by it on my way home from school. so i finally gave in to peer pressure and joined. i hated going, but i loved it once i got there. all the way home from school, i would argue with myself about whether i was going to go or not. i was tired. i had stuff to do. i could always go the next day. and yet, when i came to the entrance, most of the time my car would turn in. it was hard because i went alone. no one was waiting for me to show up, so it would have been easy not to go. but i went anyway.

then we moved from that small town, to one that was even smaller. it had a gym (kind of) but the monthly fee was ridiculous! so i convinced myself that i would just walk out in the fresh air for exercise. we were close to the beach, and i love the beach, so i thought it was a good solution. and it would have been, if i had ever done it. but it was cold. it was wet. there were lots of steep hills (which i know would have been good for me, had i ever gone . . . ) and so, it never happened.

then we moved here. people here are very health and body conscious. there are gyms on every corner, with people in them at every hour of the day and night. so i can't blame my inactivity on a lack of opportunity.

i blame it on the wardrobe.

i have come to the conclusion that i don't exercise, because i don't like having to change my clothes in the middle of the day! maybe it would help if i had cute exercise clothes, but i usually wear shorts and t-shirts that escaped the goodwill box only because i thought they would be ok to wear when i exercise. (i say "when," but i really mean "if i ever in a million years . . . ") but changing clothes to work out means hanging up and putting away the clothes i wore to work, and then repacking my gym bag after i put the workout clothes in the laundry, and then putting on another change of clothes until it is time to go to bed. i'm sorry, but that is just too much changing! and so i come home with every good intention of walking. but before i can get upstairs to put on walking clothes, i gtet distracted. and then it is time for dinner. and then it gets dark. and then it is finally too late. really. and so i go to bed, having escaped the exercise experience for another day.

but when diandra joined this gym, they had an incredible deal for other people who wanted to join with her. i wanted to join, but i didn't know how i would fit it into my schedule. and should i really pay for a gym to exercise in when i can't even get my body out the door to walk the poor puppies? and how long would i have to wait for equipment among the throngs of people who frequent these places?!?

we discussed it. and she reminded me that there was a time limit to the special offer. and i tried to figure out how i was ever going to find the time to do it. but diandra kept going, and she was moving a little easier each day.

finally i succumbed to peer pressure once again--ok, not peer pressure, but sometimes daughter pressure can be just as great! and told her i would give it a try.

and then today i got this text message: "you are a gym member, and you owe me $50."

i replied, "yay?" and she wrote back, "yay!"

so apparently i have a gym membership. and an appointment with a personal trainer--just ONE. and at least two facilities within a couple of miles of my house.

you would think that now i have no excuse for not exercising. and yet, i am sure i can think of one. or two.

i guess i'd better go pack my gym bag . . .