indecision strikes again...

so today . . . was the big day. the day everyone was waiting for. the day... when apple was expected to announce a new ipad.

would it be the same size? would they finally add flash player? or a usb port? would it be more expensive? faster? smaller? bigger? lots of speculation was out there, but today was the day we would finally know the truth.

look at what i've become...

i knew the announcement was set for 10:00 pacific time. thank goodness i live in pacific time! i searched online until i found someone who was actually at the event and was giving real time updates about what was happening. and then i waited to see what the future was going to be...

you would think i own apple stock...

i have this love/hate relationship with apple. i've always been a pc person, but last year i started down apple's slippery slope when i became a somewhat reluctant iphone4 owner. the ipad followed a few months later. and now, i seem to live for apple updates.

but it's complicated. my apple products are sleek and cool, but they aren't perfect. and they are expensive!! and so i go back and forth about whether to stay with my istuff or start looking at the android devices. i'm sure android devices aren't perfect either. and it would be another os for me to try to figure out. but apple is just so darned arrogant! i hate that!! and yet i love my istuff...

i've been having issues with my ipad. i've been to the genius bar at the apple store 3 or 4 times in the last couple of months. (have i mentioned how much i hate the apple store?!?! oh my goodness! it is a nightmare! it is always packed with people, and i don't know how they sell stuff--there aren't any cash registers or cashiers! just a bunch of 12 year olds wandering around in blue tshirts with iphones in their pockets and ipads in their hands.) i'm beginning to wonder if it is a hardware problem. this has started me thinking about an upgrade, which is why i was so tuned in to the big announcement today!

of course, the big news was the resolution of the new screen. it is apparently amazing, which i will never know unless i brave the apple store, because the screen i am viewing the new ipad on doesn't have the gazillions of pixels that the new one has. the new ipad (yes, that is what they are calling it, at least for now,) also has a much better camera. but really, who runs around taking photographs with their ipad??? i suppose if it were ever necessary to take photos with your ipad, it would be nice to have a good camera, but that is certainly not enough of an incentive for me to consider an upgrade. it is faster. four times faster, apparently. but unless you are a gamer or do video editing stuff, i'm not sure the faster speed would make that much difference...

... and yet i keep coming back to that screen. i spend a lot of time looking at my ipad every day, and to be honest, i would love, love, love that screen. i'm sure of it. so i'm looking at the prices, and i'm contemplating what i could sell my current ipad for, and i'm thinking maybe it is doable. and i am loving apple for making that beautiful screen available...

... and then apple cuts me off at the knees. because while they haven't raised the prices on their new ipad, they have cut the price on the ipad2 by $100! great. in a matter of minutes, my ipad is worth $100 less than it was yesterday! how could they do that to me?? how could they just take $100 right out of my hands??? don't they understand my economics?

now i sort of hate apple. i decide i am not giving them one more cent of my hard-earned money. i am just going to keep the ipad i have, which is perfectly capable of frustrating me, albeit at a much slower speed than the new one. and really, what will the new one do that mine won't? really not that much...

but it would sure look pretty doing it...

stop it! i hate apple. no new devices for me!!

and then, apple offers an apology. they release a new os, ready to go today. all those people getting new ipads have to wait and wait and wait until at least next weekend for their new and improved ipad, but i can get my new os today!

ok, apple, i accept your apology, but i still don't love you. you've annoyed me one time too many. what's that? you have something else for me? a new photo program that will finally do everything i've been looking for? and it only costs $4.99? and i can get it later today?? TODAY???

ok, fine. i love you again.

the only problem is, now that i have that great photo program, i might really need that high resolution screen on which to view my photos.

well played, apple, well played.

well, it IS the 21st century...

so today . . . my dad initiated a video chat with me on facebook :)

i have the best parents. i think they can pretty much do anything. but all this new technology can be confusing! just ask me how many times i've been at the "genius bar" in the apple store during the last three months!! but as each new thing comes along, they figure it out. here's how it works...

usually, either rollie or i get a new electronic gadget. ok, usually rollie gets a new electronic gadget, then after listening to him tell me all the amazing things his new electronic gadget will do, i get one. then i convince my mom that she needs one. and my dad sees her playing with her new toy, and after a while, he decides that maybe he would like one too. this process takes a few months, but eventually, we are all playing with the same electronic gadgets.

a side effect of this progression is that since my dad is usually the last one on the train, it takes him longer to figure out how to make his new toy do all the things that we do with ours. luckily, my mom is there to help him out...

this is the way it has always worked. until today. today my dad initiated a video chat on facebook with me. my dad.

last night, while we were farming, he hit the video chat button. i don't know if he did it on purpose or accidentally. since he doesn't touch type, he sometimes inadvertently hits the wrong key, which sometimes causes him big problems. but this time it turned out to be a good thing...

so i was farming along, when i got the message that he was "calling" me. this has never happened to me on facebook before, so i wasn't quite sure what to do. so i hit the video chat button, but then i realized that i was "calling" him. all that this accomplished was to confuse everything! i got another message that i had missed his call, and he had missed mine. now i really didn't know what to do. i didn't know whether to try to call again, or wait for him, or message him, or just turn off the computer and go to bed. and then i got a second message that said he was "calling" me. and then my mom's face appeared, and suddenly we were looking at each other and talking!

isn't technology wonderful :)

so we talked for a while, and she showed my dad the results of his experimentation. but you know how it is when you accidentally do something wonderful and then can't remember how you did it? that's kind of what happened. so we disconnected and my mom showed him how to initiate the video chat if he wanted to. i figured he would never want to. when he is farming, my dad is a man of few words...

and then tonight he did it again. on purpose! and my mom was nowhere in sight!! he just wanted to tell me to move some of my trees so that he could harvest a few hidden crops. he could have typed me a message, but he didn't. he video chatted with me!! all by himself!!!

i'm so impressed. and while my farm didn't function all that well while we were chatting, it was ok, because i could see his face. and it had a big smile on it. i think maybe he was kind of impressed with himself, too! and he should be!!

my electronics confound and frustrate me quite often, but i am so glad for the technologies that we have. remember when video phone calls were so futuristic that we only saw them on the jetson's?? and now they are a reality for anyone with wi-fi and a webcam! and as our families and friends spread out (diandra lives clear across town from me now, you know,) it is nice to be able to see their faces (even if they are kind of pixelated,) and hear their voices (even if the audio is a little bit behind the video,) no matter where we are...

now if someone could just perfect that whole robot maid and instantly cooked meal thing that the jetson's had...

the siren song of the ipad...

so today . . . i was sitting at my desk, minding my own business, when ethan came over and said, "what's that?" he was pointing to my ipad. i said, "it's my computer." he looked at me and said, "that's not a computer! what is it?"

oh, apple people, somehow your world-wide domination of the tablet computer market has totally missed ONE four year old...

i've been having computer issues. i now have an old netbook (whose fan is going to go out any day now, which i am sure is going to result in it's self-destruction, a la mission impossible,) a newer laptop (which can burn dvds and has a nice big screen and is so pristine that i don't want to transfer all my messy files to it,) and an ipad. i know, its ridiculous. i would love to just use one device, but i can't seem to get everything organized and transferred. so my netbook is currently holding almost all my digital files hostage, while the newer laptop just sits there because it is too big to carry around. and then there is the ipad...

i sort of love the ipad, even though there are things it can't do. it doesn't have a memory card slot. it doesn't have a usb port. and you can't play anything that requires flash player on it. to me, those are three BIG issues. and yet, i have an ipad, and i sort of love it.

i looked at other tablets made by other companies. they had memory card slots. they had usb ports. and they would play flash player. and yet what did i get? an ipad.

i think apple is evil. really. where do worms live? in apples. what did the evil witch give to snow white? an apple. what did adam and eve eat that was the beginning of all our problems?!?!?!?! the apple.

do you see my point?

and really, if you think about apple devices, they are evil too. they are arrogant. they are flashy. they don't play nicely with others--it is either all apple or no apple. they don't just want your money, they want your soul...

and somehow they get it. even now, i am continually frustrated by some of the shortcomings of my ipad--i can't view everything on the internet that i want to see. i can't transfer digital files easily onto it or off of it. it won't let me manipulate my photos. i can't even sync my iphone to it!!!! realistically, i should be putting it in a garage sale and buying a xoom or a galaxy!

and yet, i sort of love it.

there is no logical reason for this. well, unless you look at the apps. the free apps. oh. my. goodness. i was a little embarrassed when i went in to the apple store to get some help, and they saw how many games i had. did you know there are four different angry birds games? that i know of?? i don't even know how to play all those games! and yet, i check the app store every few days to see what else i can download for free.

i think i might need a support group...

i didn't want to love my apple devices. it's that rebel in me--everybody else thinks they are great, so i will not! but i did. they continue to torment me with their unfamiliar (to me) operating system. they lure me away from the things i should be doing (like sleeping) with their unlimited apps. they remind me of all that they are capable of doing, if only i will purchase a data plan. they are sleek, and cool, and they make me feel tech-savvy (which is quite a trick considering that i have no clue how to make them do anything they don't want to do...)

the first day i took the ipad to school, every child in the class came to my desk at some point and said, "oh, you have an ipad!" they were impressed. would they have been equally impressed with a xoom or a galaxy? i don't think so. they kept trying to touch the screen. this is a problem. it is a problem that i never had to worry about with my laptop. my kids can't seem to keep their hands off the stuff on my desk, and my computer is no exception. but if they touched the laptop, not much would happen. with the ipad's touchscreen though, STUFF HAPPENS! which of course makes them want to touch it again! and again...

and how do they even know what an ipad is. they are tiny children! they can't even read yet!!! one little boy said, "i'm getting an ipad for christmas." now i know that could just be wishful thinking, but sadly, i don't think it is out of the realm of possibility. a five year old with an ipad.

apple wins.

and yet, ethan could not be convinced that my ipad was a computer. finally, i pulled my netbook out. i had both computers at school today, because if i need to print something, i need a computer with a usb port! which, as i may have mentioned, THE IPAD DOESN'T HAVE!!! so i pulled the netbook out, set it on my desk as ethan was saying, "yeah, yeah, yeah..." and opened it up. "now that's a computer," he said.

so maybe apple doesn't have everyone's soul. maybe just because i have fallen prey to their siren song doesn't mean everyone will. maybe others will be stronger and able to resist the sleekness, the cool factor, the illuminated apple icon...

then again, maybe not.

just ask my mom :-)

the electronics revolt!

so today . . . this may be a very short blog. it is totally up to my old laptop computer.

yesterday i connected my computer to my photo printer/scanner/copier to continue scanning negatives. i hit the "scan" button, only to get a message that said something like, "your computer is woefully inadequate for this task. it is out of room on it's hard drive. how could you not know this was coming?!?!? why do you keep trying to stuff more information on it??!?! it's full, i tell you, FULL!!! CALL JAMES RIGHT NOW!!!"

ok, it didn't exactly say that, but that's what i heard.

i knew it was going to eventually be an issue. last week i defragged the hard drive to make more room, but i knew it was a very short-term solution. however, when i defragged, i realized that for some insane reason my computer's 160gb hard drive was divided into two parts! and i could apparently only access one!!! i immediately texted james, my computer wizard. he said he could fix it for me so that i could use all the space (thank you!) but he would need my computer for a day or two.

gulp. a day or two? would that mean, like, overnight??!?! because really, i'm not sure i can do that...

i continued scanning negatives--until last night. that's when my precious laptop refused to accept any more photos.

houston, we have a problem...

i took my computer to church with me this morning to work on a music project for the band. after church i talked to james about my hard drive issue. and he said, "oh, you have your computer with you? i could just take it now. then i could get it back to you in a couple of days." what?!?! oh nonononononono! i was not ready to be computerless just yet. i needed time to adjust, time to plan. i have things to do... i found myself involuntarily moving my computer out of his reach. "do you have your power cord?" he innocently asked. yesssss! i did not have my power cord with me! "oh, no, i guess you can't take it now," i said. "i'll have to get it to you later, when i have the power cord." panic temporarily averted, but i knew i was going to have to give it up. eventually. because i needed james to work his magic, and he needed time in which to do it...

i came home, burned some cds, played on facebook for a while, checked my email, and then said good-bye to my fifth appendage for who knows how long.

and so... i am blogging on my old laptop. the reason it is my old laptop instead of my current laptop, is that the keyboard doesn't always work. sometimes some of the letters refuse to show up unless i press them 459 times--and sometimes not even then. which is why i am not sure how long this blog will be, because at any moment the keys could stop working...

in fact, i am amazed that it has let me write as much as i have, because today my electronics appear to be attempting a coup. it actually started this morning with my phone. i tried to send a very important text during church, but my phone refused!! (ok, i know i shouldn't be texting during church, but i HAD to find out if someone was going to be playing the drums with me at the end of the service. because if i didn't have a drummer, i was considering faking a sickness and going home. because really, the last song was going to be that bad without a drummer...) and then i tried to text diandra after church, and my phone still refused. and THEN someone left me a voicemail and when i tried to retrieve it, my phone acted like it didn't know me--it wanted me to give it a password and record a new message . . . AND THEN when i received a text, the sound was all wonky.

i think my phone is feeling it's age, because rollie and diandra both have new cell phones, which makes mine feel old... and it is clearly not happy about being the senior citizen of our little electronics family. but that is no reason to punish me! i love my phone--i don't know why it has turned on me...

but that is not all--oh no. while i was sitting here trying to blog on a six-year-old temperamental laptop, and keeping a wary eye on my phone (who i don't even know anymore!) the TIVO started acting weirdly. i wasn't even watching a recording! i was watching live tv and it kept pausing and stuttering, and i wasn't doing anything! i wasn't!! (i know you don't believe me, but it is true!!!)

i don't think it is a full moon. i don't think aliens have landed. but all this electronic misfiring on the same day makes me wonder, just a little bit, if perhaps something has changed in the atmosphere... or maybe the government is finally trying to take control of my electronics... or maybe i am dreaming... now where did i put my totem...

sharing? or just showing . . .

so today . . . was my last day of substituting at summer camp. i say last day, because it is the last day i have agreed to, and i do not plan to set foot over there ever again! but i've learned never to say never, so we will see what the rest of the summer brings. (although, after the last couple of days, i'm pretty sure the rest of the summer brings no more summer camp for me . . .)

in celebration of my last day of subbing, i am going to finally post the story from last friday. i think.

since it was friday, the kids were apparently allowed to bring a toy to school--you know, for "sharing time." really, if you are going to let kids bring a toy from home at least be honest enough to call it what it is--"show and tell." because that is what is going to happen. kids do not bring a toy from home to share it. they bring it to show everyone else what cool stuff they have, and no one else had better even think about touching it. other children are only allowed to look at it longingly. on rare occasions a child will agree to trade their most precious possession for temporary custody of someone else's most precious possession, but even that exchange usually ends badly . . .

i've often wondered why teachers even do this--i find that it brings nothing but problems into my classroom. i know that "sharing time" can be used to develop language and social skills, but it seems that those goals are rarely accomplished, because it takes a chunk of time out of the day to do sharing time right. here's what typically happens instead--kids bring a toy from home, kids play with their toy, kids do not want to share their toy with the other kids--they just want to taunt the other kids with what they've got, whining ensues, tattling runs rampant, teachers have to take the toys away. everyone is unhappy.

there is a good way to incorporate sharing into a learning environment, but i just don't have time to do it--especially on fridays. so in my class, they are not allowed to bring toys from home. not ever. and after we get past one or two fridays of me sending home the toys they insist on bringing, it isn't a big deal anymore. they leave their toys at home, and we have a good day at school.

call me mean if you want to--i can take it. all i know is, i have a lot less problems on fridays than anyone else . . .

but today i was subbing. that means that i wasn't really in charge. i was there to implement someone else's plan and follow someone else's rules. and those rules apparently allow kids to bring a toy to school on fridays. and for school age kids, that means they bring their nintendo ds. but not everyone brought their nintendo ds today. so the result was that the kids who had theirs played the games, while the kids who didn't have theirs watched. because if a nintendo ds is in the room, no one is going to pick up a book or put legos together--at least not on planet earth. on a normal school day this would make me crazy, but hey, it is summer. i was just glad they were quiet and occupied so that i could play on my computer . . .

joshua did not bring his nintendo ds, so he came over to see what i was doing. i tried to load my facebook farm to show him, because i thought he would be interested to see how it had progressed since he was in my class. but the internet connection was giving me grief and wouldn't load the whole farm. while he was standing there, he said, "i have a nintendo ds, but i didn't bring it today." i made non-commital interested sounds, because while i was listening to him, i was really trying to get my farm to load! he continued, "yeah, and i have a wii and a playstation too." (he might have meant playstation 2, i'm not really sure . . . )
"wow," i said, "that is a lot of electronic games."
"what do you have?" he asked.
"i don't have any of those things." i paused and then said, "maybe you should give me one of yours."
"i can't," he said. "i need them all."
"but you can only play one at a time!" i reasoned.
"yes but i need my nintendo ds for when i go places," he said.
"ok, well what about the wii? i don't have one of those."
"no," he replied, "i need the wii for exercise." yes, because who would ever think to go outside and run around!
"then how about the playstation. you don't really need both a wii and a playstation," i reasoned.
"yes i do," he said.

apparently that one needed no explanation.

one of the older girls overheard this conversation and then she said, "you don't have a wii? what do you have?"
"well," i said, "i have a phone that has games--that's kind of like a nintendo. and i have my teeny tiny computer . . . "
she was not impressed. "then what do you do when you get home from school?"

oh, just let me tell you . . . "some days i go to the grocery store and some days i do laundry and sometimes i have vacuuming and dusting and picking up to do and errands to run and i have two dogs who need to be walked and sometimes i do computer stuff or read or listen to my ipod or watch tv."

i think i was sort of expecting her to be impressed by all the things an adult woman has to do--kind of like "enjoy your youth. someday you will be all grown up and have no time to play!"

but all she said was, "oh, you have an ipod . . . "

so i guess i am not hopeless. after all, i have an ipod.

when i finally got to come home, i felt sort of cranky. it had been a long morning of whiny, restless kids.

and then the doorbell rang . . .

rollie had been expecting a package, and as luck would have it, today was the day it arrived. normally this would have made me feel even more cranky--i like the packages that come to the house to be for me. but as it turns out, this one was!

"here," he said, "i got you something to enjoy this summer."

i thought i recognized the box. it was from amazon. it looked suspiciously like the box that came for rollie at christmas. but i have been fooled by boxes before. so before getting too excited, i opened it up.

and there, in all it's electronic glory, was a kindle. for me.

so today i took it to school with me. because i am the teacher-- i can take my toys to school on any day i want to.

and i don't have to share either :)

but where do i find the update for my brain?

so today . . . i think i am a little bit afraid of my new phone.

i got a new phone for christmas--a palm pre. it is an awesome phone! i think. i'm not completely sure, because i haven't mastered much yet--except text messaging . . .

when we first moved to southern california eight years ago, we had cell phones--regular ordinary cell phones. we used them to make phone calls--mostly to keep track of where we all were! and then doug (the worship pastor at our new church) introduced rollie to the world of "personal digital assistants" made by palm. initially rollie couldn't see the need for an electronic device that he thought was basically a calendar. and then doug uttered those fateful words, "why don't you use mine for a few days . . . " thus opening pandora's box . . .

it wasn't long before rollie had a palm pda. then i got one. then rollie got a newer one and diandra got his old one. then my mom got one. and then my dad (of course, he only plays solitaire on his!) and that was good. until sprint introduced the palm treo smart phone.

the treo was a brilliant idea--instead of carrying two devices, everything was contained into one handy package. rollie got one, then he got a new one and i got his old one, and soon one trickled down to diandra. and then i decided rollie's newest phone was just too cool and i couldn't wait for the hand me down, so i got a new one for my birthday. and then diandra's stopped working and she got a new one because of her insurance. so then we all had brand new treos. and that was good.

the treo was an almost perfect phone. i loved it! i had added several programs and games--some that i thought i couldn't live without. and then last spring palm introduced the pre. it was so sleek! and it had apps. and by fall, everyone in my family had one--except me.

you should have heard the conversations that happened in my head. every time i would see rollie or diandra doing something cool with their phones, i would remind myself how much i loved my treo and how i loved all the games i had and how i had my grocery list in it . . . and then i would see diandra listening to pandora or rollie checking his email, and i would have to raise the volume on that voice in my head . . .

and then it was christmas, and when i opened my christmas present, and there it was in all it's sleek and shiny glory--a pre for me! now we all had a palm pre. and again, that was good! it didn't take me too long to get my contacts and calendar and memos transferred. then the text messages started flying. i was so excited!

but then the phone rang. and rang and rang and rang. because no one had shown me how to answer a phone call.

actually, i don't get that many phone calls. mostly i text and play games on my phone. but if the phone does ring, it is probably a good idea to know how to answer it.

i've had my new phone for a couple of weeks now. and i love it--maybe even more than my treo. it is slim enough to fit in the back pocket of my jeans. it has a big, clear screen and a 3 megapixel camera with a flash! i can text like crazy, check my email, access facebook, read diandra's blog, play yahtzee, and take pictures. i have downloaded several apps--most of which i have no idea how to use. which is what worries me. my brain had finally caught up with all the stuff my treo could do, but now i am starting all over again. i love new technology, but i hate when it is smarter than i am. i wish there was a way to sync my brain with my new phone, so that i would immediately understand it all.

but at least now i know what to do when it rings . . .

i did choose just one husband . . .

so today . . . we went to rubio's for lunch. again.

rubio's is rollie's current favorite place to eat. he would eat there twice a day, every day if he could. we eat there a lot, because when we are getting ready to go out, he will say to me, "so, where do you want to go to eat?" and i will say, "i have no preference--you choose," or "i'll be happy anywhere i can get a huge soda," or the ever popular, "it doesn't make any difference to me as long as i don't have to make the decision." and so we go to rubio's.

decision-making is not my strong suit . . .

we eat out a lot, and menus pose a problem for me--they are full of choices. but at the places we eat more frequently, i usually know what i am going to have before we even get there. at jack-in-the-box i have a sourdough jack. at subway i have tuna on whole wheat with lots of lettuce. at mcdonald's i have cinnamon melts (we only go there for breakfast.) at red lobster and olive garden i have the salmon. at sizzler i have steak and malibu chicken. and at black angus i have the teriyaki steak. (ok, we don't eat at black angus often, but on the few occasions we do eat there, i know i am going to have the teriyaki steak!) i don't even need to look at the menus. but if we go someplace unfamiliar, i am always the last one to decide what i want to eat . .

i hate to make decisions. sometimes my email inbox is 5 or 6 pages long--not because i haven't been keeping up with my reading, but because i can't decide what to do with it. should i forward it? who should i forward it to? should i save it? delete it--no wait, i can't delete it, i might need it someday . . . maybe i should go to that website and buy the advertised item, but i don't have time right now,so let's just save it for later . . . that looks interesting, but is it true? i should ask someone about it or check it out on snopes, but again, i don't have time right now . . . this is what goes through my head when i read my email each day.

when i got my new computer, i didn't bookmark any sites for several days. the bookmarking feature is dangerous for me. on my old computer i had hundreds of sites bookmarked. i bookmark anything i think looks interesting, or that i don't have time to read immediately, or that i can't afford to purchase right away. if i am researching a new purchase (usually something electronic) i will bookmark every review i read, every place i find it for sale (because of course i want the best price,) and every comparison chart. and once it is on my bookmark list, it is pretty much there for life, because i can't decide what to keep and what to delete--you never know when i might need to refer to something . . .

this is a large part of why it is taking me so long to finish up cleaning out the scary room. i am swamped with decisions--what to keep? what to throw away? what to give to charity? what to box up and save? what to sell on ebay? what will diandra want? (she saved the yearbooks . . . ) it would be so much easier if i could just choose what i wanted to keep and throw the rest of it out! but i can't do that--i can't throw away perfectly good stuff just because i don't want it anymore . . .

maybe it would help if i would quit shopping in multiples. because when i am shopping, if i find something i really like, i will often buy the same thing in different colors. i have read that it can sometimes be a good idea to do that--buy one in black and one in a color. i do it because i can't make up my mind about what color to buy. i don't really have a favorite color--i like them all. recently i found a dress in my favorite store on clearance. and then i had a coupon to use. and by the time all the discounts had been taken, it cost me $7.50 instead of the original $30! i should have said, "woohoo," picked a color, and saved myself $22.50! instead i bought three dresses in different colors. because i couldn't choose--well, i guess i did choose, because i didn't buy it in all 7 colors (that would have just been too much!) but i couldn't pick just one.

recently we went to the new yogurtland store. this is a wonderful and awful place. they probably have at least 20 different kinds of frozen yogurt and probably that many toppings as well. it is both heaven and hell for me! there are so many choices . . . and yet, since i fill my own bowl i can have all 20 flavors if i like, so i really don't have to make a decision. but i do, because i have to pay by the weight of my delicious frozen treat . . . and then eat it all!

. . . so we ended up at rubio's for lunch once again. and that is ok with me, because they do have big sodas there and i don't have to look at the menu--i know what i want--all american taco on a whole wheat tortilla with no fresca. that is my current favorite. although, today they told me they will only have that on the menu for a few more days, which means that the next time we go to rubio's, i will have to choose something different to eat.

maybe we could just start going to jack-in-the-box . . .

no sleep for the already tired . . .

so today . . . i am so tired, my ears are ringing. that is what happens to me when i am about to hit the wall.

the last few weeks have been very busy, and i have been staying up later than i usually do. but the last several days have been especially hectic. and i am getting ready to go out of town, so there is a lot to do . . .

i don't know why, but i always feel like my house has to be cleaned and orderly before i can leave town. it always looks best just before i am ready to leave for a week or two, but this is never accomplished without staying up most of the night before i leave.

here is what happens--about a week before i know i am going to be gone, i make a list of all the things i "need" to do before i leave. it is quite an extensive list, including everything from doing the laundry to cleaning out the garage. when i make this list, some part of my brain knows that there is no way i will be able to complete the whole list. and yet, apparently a part of my brain thinks that i will, because i write it all down . . . and then i think about the list and plan how to complete the list for the next 3 or 4 days. notice that nothing has actually been done yet, but mentally, i am working on it . . .

about four days before we go, i start talking about all the things i have to do. then i start moving things around a bit, looking for the suitcases, maybe even making a small stack of things i want to be sure to remember to take.

and then, the day before we leave, all you-know-what breaks loose. i start the laundry, i go do the errands, i start cleaning, but then decide i should really pack first. so i pull things out of the closet, but don't really know what i will need, so i add some more stuff. i clean a little bit more, maybe go eat something, and then come back to the packing. i try to identify all the power cords that keep my electronics running, because where i go, so go my electronics. and without those power cords, they are all just hunks of black and silver plastic. i decide i probably don't need 12 pairs of shoes for a 1 week trip, so i put one pair back. i scrub the shower. i think about vacuuming, but then decide that since the dogs will just be walking on the floors while we are gone anyway, maybe that task could wait until we get back. i go to target to get m&m's. target is closed by now, so i come home and pack some leftover chocolate eggs i found when cleaning out the kitchen cabinets--which needed to be done before i could leave town--because, you know, they don't really feed you on airplanes anymore . . .

(perhaps i should mention that by this point, rollie is packed and ready to go, and in bed asleep.)

i start putting things in the suitcase, and realize that i have way too much stuff to take. but what to leave, what to take, decisions, decisions. this is when my brain explodes . . . then i just throw it all in the suitcase, pray the zipper doesn't break, throw my list away, and sleep for 2 or 3 hours in the recliner in the living room. (i do this is so that i can sleep in my clothes and makeup--it buys me another half hour of sleep in the morning.)

tonight, i am nearing the point where my brain explodes. rollie is nestled all snug in his bed, while visions of being first in the security line at lax dance in his head. my clothes have been thrown into the suitcase. i have every confidence that it will either weigh too much, or i will have forgotten something vitally important to my well-being.

did i mention we are going to orlando for 10 days? and while i am expecting lovely warm days in which to lay by the pool with my book while rollie attends business meetings, the forecast is actually predicting 90+ degree temperatures and thunder and lightening storms for the next 7 days. so my actual experience has the potential to be very different from what i am picturing . . . and what in the heck do you wear in weather like that? all my shoes are either sandals or suede. if it rains, i will have to wear my new boots. with my dresses. in california that is acceptable attire--in fact, it is "cool," but in the rest of the world . . . ? i am not so sure . . .

(shhh--don't tell diandra i used this picture. she hasn't edited it yet, but i wanted you to see my new boots. and they are already packed, so i can't take a picture. besides, when she blogs the pics of our "photo shoot" this picture will look much cooler--if she uses it.)

it is now well after midnight. i have dishes waiting to be washed, laundry to be folded, and bathroom stuff and electronics left to be packed. and here i am, blogging. that is how much i love you guys . . . i plan to blog while i am gone, if i have internet access. but just in case the lightening storms take out the power, right after i emit the "scream heard 'round the world" i will pick up a pencil and paper and start making notes. because i know that you will be anxiously waiting for my next blog . . .

i've grown accustomed to her "voice"

so today . . . i miss my mom. she is at the beach with my dad, sister-in-law, and nephew for a few days.

she lives 1000 miles away from me, so you wouldn't think it would matter if she is at home or if she is an hour away at the beach. but it does matter, because there is no internet access at the beach . . .

my mom embraces electronics and what they can do to enhance our lives. she was one of the first people i knew to get a palm pda, and she still says that if she could only have one electronic device, that is the one she would keep. her whole life is in that thing! she has a powerful desktop computer and two laptops (one for her and one for my dad.) she has an ipod and a speaker system for it. she has a digital camera and video camera. she has a cell phone, (although we are still working on the whole texting thing . . .) she is working on digitizing her slides and photos. in her defense, in case she needs one, many of her purchases have come after she has seen what we do with our electronics . . . so i take some of the credit. or blame, depending on how you look at it.

one day i was on facebook, and my aunt kaye im'd me. aunt kaye is my mom's sister, and after talking for a few minutes, she said, "i am on the phone with your mom, telling her that we are talking on facebook!" this just cracked me up!! i could just see my aunt, cell phone in one hand, eyes on the computer, talking to both of us. and then she said, "we have to get your mom on facebook!" i did not think this was ever going to happen, but my aunt kaye is very persistent--and cheerful, which is a deadly combination :) it is hard to tell her no, and so it wasn't very long before my mom was on facebook.

she was a ghost person for a while--you know, no profile picture. i was going to help her with that, but she figured it out all by herself. she added a few friends, and superpoke pets. her pet is a cute little white rabbit named snowflake. as i may have mentioned before, this app is like playing with colorforms--you choose a background, and then decorate it with things that you can "buy" with points that you earn by participating and getting your friends to play as well. it's fun, but it is very low maintenance.

and then, we discovered farm town.

farm town is definitely NOT low maintenance. farm town requires almost daily attention or your crops will die, and you will lose money. well, "money." what has evolved is this little group of farm town friends--my mom, two friends i used to teach with that live in different parts of oregon, and a friend who lives here that i rarely see. we are all on and off facebook all day now, checking on our farms. and we are almost always online in the evenings, harvesting, plowing, planting, and most importantly, talking.

this has been going on for a few weeks, and i have become accustomed to being able to talk to my mom several times a day online. but as i mentioned, she is at the beach now and has no internet access. being the responsible farmer she is, she planted long term crops before she left, so that she wouldn't come home to a dead farm. but that doesn't help me!

it isn't that i really have anything i need to tell her. that's the beauty of chatting online--you don't have to have anything important to say. you just start out with, "hi! what are you up to?" and then go from there. but i've found that i like hearing her "voice" every day, and now i miss it when she isn't there.

i think she is either going to have to stop going places without internet access, or she is going to have to add texting to her cell phone plan . . . i can live with either option :)

the cat club

so today . . . i had an adventure. i went to hollywood. after dark. to a club on sunset blvd. did i mention it was dark?

i have a friend who sings. her dream is to be a rock star, but as time passes, her dream seems to get further and further away. until today. today, she got to sing in a club in front of people who had paid to get in. it was kind of cool.

this was clearly not going to be rollie's thing. i did not even ask him if he wanted to go, because i knew this would be one step outside of hell for him. so my friend wanda went with me. we met at my house at about 7:30. we didn't need to be at the club until 8:45, so i thought we had plenty of time. i grabbed my gps and we headed down the road.

well, actually before we headed down the road, we got in my car and sat there while i attempted to enter the address of the club into my gps. i don't use my gps too often, because i usually know where i am going. so, of course, the battery was dead. no problem--i have a car charger! i thought i would just plug it in, power it up, and we would be off. so i plugged it in, but it wouldn't power up. hmmmm. ok, it must be SO dead that it is going to take a little while to charge up enough to turn on. i said to wanda, "don't worry. we will stop and get gas, and by then it should be charged up enough." but after filling the gas tank, it still wouldn't come on. so i said to wanda, "don't worry. if it won't come on, we will just head north on the 5 (freeway) and follow the signs to hollywood. then we will just cruise sunset blvd until we find the club." can you say naive?

i could not figure out why the stupid piece of black plastic junk would not turn on! and i was starting to get a bit annoyed by it. then i realized what the problem was. it also has an fm transmitter for traffic reports, and instead of the power plug, i had connected the fm transmitter. oops. when i connected the power cord, it started right up. so we entered the address of the club and headed down the road.

it's a good thing we got the gps working, because as it turns out, you don't get to hollywood from the 5 freeway--you have to go on the 5 and then onto the 101. i missed that, and probably would have ended up in sacramento, except i heard the gps fainly saying "recalculating route." recalculating route? why was she recalculating our route? and then i realized that i had been so busy talking. i had missed the turn. thank goodness that thing knows where i am and how to get me to where i want to be! the gps did not take me the way i thought we should go, but one thing i have learned is that you need to trust it. other wise it takes a long time to get where you where you are going. you will eventually get there, (if you don't smash the gps because it won't stop saying, "recalculating route,") but it will take much longer than if you just go where it tells you to.

half an hour later, we made it to the club. well, actually we made it to where the gps said the club should be, but we couldn't find it. we drove up the street. we turned around and drove back. we turned around again and drove by a third time. finally we stopped, rolled down the window, and asked someone if they knew where the club was. this was all wanda's idea. my idea was to leave her in the car and go to the subway sandwich shop and ask if they knew where it was. but wanda thought asking some stranger on the sidewalk was a better idea. maybe she just didn't want to be left in the car . . . alone . . . on sunset blvd . . . after dark . . .

it turned out to be our lucky day, because the guy she asked knew right where it was, and we were almost there. so we drove up, GOT A PARKING PLACE RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOOR, and didn't even have to put coins in the parking meter because it was sunday. i should mention here that my only hesitation in driving was knowing that at some point i was going to have to parallel park. i flunked my first driver's test during the parallel parking portion (please! who really needs to be able to back along a curb for 30 yards anyway!) so when we got close, i just prayed for a parking place that i could drive straight into--requiring no backing up along a curb! and as wanda sighted the club (her job) i spied a parking place (my job.) not only was in right in front of the door, but it was on the end, so i could just pull right in. my guardian angels rock!

now, this club was small. it was probably only about 25 feet across, but it was deep. and dark. it was not easy to find, except of course that we were parked right in front of it. we got out and headed for the door, where we stopped to pay a cover charge--another new experience for me. it cost $10 just to walk through the door! the guys ahead of us had their driver's licenses out, and i thought, "oh, he will need to see my driver's license." talk about positive thinking! of course he didn't card us! i mean, i am old enough that it is obvious i won't be breaking any laws by going in. still, it would have been nice to be asked . . .

inside, the door was right next to the stage. that meant when we walked in, everyone there was looking at us. it felt a bit awkward, but we went on in and found a place to sit. it wasn't m'chel's turn to perform yet, so we listened to another woman sing for a few minutes. almost all of the crowd was there to see m'chel and danny, but the singer seemed to be enjoying having an audience and was not anxious to relinquish the stage.

while we waited, i decided we should have something to drink. now i have never been in a club before, so i wasn't sure what to expect. i walked toward the bar and began to wonder if they served anything you didn't have to be 21 to drink. i was thinking along the lines of a diet soda, but thought i might have to settle for a glass of ice and then just wait for it to melt. there were lots of choices, but i didn't see any diet coke cans. so i asked, and the bartender didn't look at me like i was totally out of my element (which i was.) he just filled two glasses with ice and sprayed diet coke in--from a fountain hose. he even added a lemon and a lime!

finally it was m'chel's turn to take the stage. i am fortunate enough to get to sing with m'chel every week when we lead worship. she has a beautiful velvety, rich voice! her guitar player, danny, also played with our band for about 5 years, and it has been so much fun to watch him become an amazing musician. i didn't know any of the songs that they performed, but they sounded great, and i was so proud to be there for their debut.m'chel wants to tell the people who haunt the clubs on the strip about Jesus. she doesn't sing worship songs--she sings songs that the people in those clubs will relate to. she hopes that will give her an opening to talk to them and listen to them, and move them a bit closer to God. and if anyone can do it, i think m'chel and danny can.

we left shortly after they were done. there were other acts to come, but tonight we were there for m'chel and danny. our sodas were gone, the weekend was over, and it was time to go home . . .

i don't hang out in clubs--it just isn't who i am. but tonight i did. and i will probably go back to see them again. it was a little awkward at times, it was definitely outside my usual realm of existence, but it was also fun! i guess that is kind of the way it is when you have an adventure!

the electronic connections

so today . . . i realized how much i depend on my electronics.

i know i have blogged about how much i love my electronics and can't live without them, but today i realized that it is about more than just my entertainment--it is what is keeping me connected with people. without my smartphone, my laptop, and an internet connection, i would be a man without a country . . . well, maybe a woman without a country . . . let's just say solitary . . .

my phone plan has unlimited everything for only one "small" fee. i guess it is small compared to my car payment or my grocery bill, but it is still a chunk of change. i think our very first cell phone plan was for 60 minutes of talk time a month--can you imagine?!? we guarded those minutes like gold! and we had ways of circumventing the actual use of the cell phone ("i'll call your cell phone, and when you see my number on the caller id, don't answer it. just go call me from the nearest regular phone at work.") if we left diandra at home alone, we would tell her, "don't call us unless the house is on fire or you are bleeding and a bandaid won't fix it." when text messaging came on the scene, we didn't see the need for it, and so we only had 100 text messages per month on our plan. but once we started communicating by text, we very quickly realized that 100 was not going to be adequate. and don't even get me started on the joy of being able to access the internet from my phone anytime, anywhere. yes, we now have the "talk all you want, text all you want, surf the net all you want" plan. and it is a good thing.

yesterday i texted diandra because i needed someone to come harvest the crops my kindergarten boys had planted. their crops have to be dealt with in a timely manner if i want them to be able to be involved, because it all has to happen during the school day. so when it was time to harvest, and none of my farmer friends were online, i texted diandra. she got on her computer, harvested for us, and then went back to whatever she had been doing. was i going to call someone and ask them to do that? no, that would just be ridiculous! but there is something casual about a text message . . . it didn't seem ridiculous at all to text her.

this afternoon i was at costco, and i got a text from a friend of mine who had seen me driving there. she just wanted to know if that was where i was headed. (we have a brand new costco near us--thus, the excitement!) i texted back, "yes." and then we proceeded to text each other back and forth for the next 45 minutes or so. we could have called--we both had our cell phones. and had we called, the conversation probably would have only taken 10 minutes. but text messages are much less intrusive. i could shop at costco, and read her message any time after it came in, and respond while i was just wandering the aisles.

pictures add another whole level to the communication. i rarely go shopping without diandra, but when i do, picture mail is a necessary part of it. i send her a photo and say, "what do you think?" and quite frequently i will get a picture from her while she is at the mall, asking my opinion of a coat or shoes or top she is looking at. we can help each other shop without even being at the mall together!

the other day i was sending a text and mentioned to rollie that i needed an angry face smiley for my message, but my phone didn't have one. after he and diandra got done laughing about the incongruity of that, he sent me this picture:
and now, when i am texting and need an angry smiley, i just insert his picture. (and since that is such a scary picture of a really nice guy, i'm also posting this picture for balance--but since i don't know how to crop pics yet, it is of all of us.)i've blogged about how facebook has allowed me to reconnect with old friends who live far away. but it isn't just about sending email--we can message each other in real time and have conversations.

tonight when i settled down with my computer to farm, it wouldn't load onto my computer. i tried several times, but kept getting an error message. oh no, i thought, what was i going to do with my evening? working on my farm was my plan for tonight. so i watched, and as soon as i saw my mom come online, i messaged her and found out she couldn't get on either. then wendy popped up, and i asked her too and got the same response--no farm town for anyone. so we just talked to each other on the computer for a while. but soon wendy messaged me, "i'm on farm town." my heart leaped--i messaged my mom, "wendy is on farm town. i'm going to give it a try." my mom messaged me, "i'm on my way too," or something like that. and soon we were all happily plowing, planting, harvesting, and plotting about what we were going to do on our farms. because you see, farm town isn't just about the farm. if it was, we would probably tire of it fairly quickly. it is about the people and the communication with them that happens while we farm. that is what keeps us going back night after night. it isn't really about the white farmhouse, it's about meeting our friends every night and catching up on what's been going on in our real lives.

i get to talk to my mom and wendy and sherry and albert almost every night, and that wouldn't happen without farm town. rollie and diandra are never further than a text message away--they cannot always answer their phones when i call, but they can almost always read a text. my facebook interactions sometimes move people i only know superficially into the friend column. my life is enriched because of my electronic connections with people.

but, if anyone ever hits los angeles with one of those smart bombs that doesn't destroy anything except the electrical systems, i am toast.

the incredible, amazing, magical transporting cell phone

so today . . . i lost my phone.

first of all, this is not the first time this has happened, but at least this time, i was pretty sure it was somewhere in the house. i knew i had brought it home with me. i remembered taking it upstairs when i went to fold the laundry. but when i settled down on the couch to go to facebook and, well, farm, i couldn't find it.

i wish i could say it was no big deal, but it WAS! without my electronics i shrivel up into a blob on the floor. it is insured, but i am hoping that nothing happens to it until the day the new palm phone comes out--then i will be HOPING i lose it, and HOPING sprint will replace it with one of the new models :) but that day is not today . . .

today, rollie is gone. on tuesday nights he goes and plays basketball with guys who know what they are doing. diandra is out too, as she usually is. and i can't find my phone.

that's why it is a problem. what if one of them needs to tell me something? what if there is an accident? what if i have an emergency? I NEED MY PHONE!!!

i have looked everywhere. i've been all over the bedroom, in the laundry that i didn't fold, the kitchen, even the bathroom. i've checked under the couch cushions, in my pockets, under the dog blanket. and then i looked everywhere again. and just in case i missed it, i looked one more time. they say that is the definition of insanity--doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result . . . i'm not arguing, but it HAD to be somewhere!

i thought about calling it so that i could locate it by listening to the ringer, but i didn't have my phone. i was going to text diandra so she could call me, but again, no phone . . . i was just about to plug in the house phone and use that, when my eyes fell to my handbag.

it couldn't be in my bag. i remembered taking the phone upstairs with me when i went to fold laundry. it couldn't be in my bag. it couldn't! i knew it wasn't there. but i had just spent quite a while looking in places where i knew it wasn't (after i'd looked there the first time) so before i plugged in the house phone to call, i thought, "just look in the handbag." so i did.

and, of course, that's where it was . . .

i still can't explain how it got there. as i said, i KNOW took it upstairs with me . . .

my phone hates me . . .

so today . . . i picked up my phone to check out what the weather was going to be like before i got dressed.

i don't know why i do that. i know what it is going to say at this time of the year--a.m. clouds clearing to blue skies, high of 78-82. i know this, and yet every morning i check. it's like i can't make a clothing decision until i see if it is going to rain (?!?--meaning i must wear my ugg boots) or be cold (that means 68-72--which requires tights and a coat) or just hot (88-92--where are my sandals and tank tops?) it's like i think i need to make choices, when really i don't--because it is going to be sunny, warm, and moderate, and so pretty much anything will be fine.

but this morning when i picked up my phone to check the weather, it said i had two text messages. i knew one was the weather, but what was the other one? i hit the button to see who the message was from, and my phone shut itself off. ok, that happens sometimes. it isn't a big deal. it will turn itself back on, and then i will check my messages. i wait. and i really don't have time to wait, because you know what good friends i am with my snooze alarm. so if i don't want to be late, i need to get moving. but i can't get dressed until i check the weather, and i can't check the weather until i read my messages (because the weather IS one of my messages,) and i can't read my messages until my phone comes back on. so i wait.

finally the light comes on. yessss!! and the screen is blank. hmmm. this is a new development. i wait another minute or two, and then decide nothing is going to happen. so i do what i always do when my electronics refuse to do what i want them to--i take out the battery! usually this works for me. i don't know why, and everyone i know who knows about electronics tells me to stop doing it, but it is the only tool i have in my tool box to deal with electronic malfunctions. unfortunately this time it does not work, and i still have a blank screen staring me in the face.

my phone has been misbehaving for a few months now--not often enough or consistently enough to be able to take it in and have it fixed, but just enough to annoy me. it randomly shuts itself off, so it's hard to take it in for repair, because i can't say, "it shuts itself off when i . . . " because i never know when it is going to happen. and usually it comes right back on, so it is not incapacitating, it's just a little inconvenient.

but this time i cannot get it to come back on. well, technically i guess it comes back on, but since the screen is blank it is pretty much useless. i finally decide i had better just guess about the weather and get dressed and out the door. i dump my defective communication device with rollie and say, "help me!" and head for my closet.

rollie had to do a hard reset to get it working again. what this means is that all the information i had stored in my phone was gone. GONE. ok, again, not such a big deal. i will just sync it with my computer which will restore most of my info--EXCEPT FOR ANYTHING I HAVE DONE IN THE LAST TWO WEEKS!!! but i don't have a lot of options here. if he doesn't do it, i don't have anything. so i say go ahead and do it, i grab the syncing cable and dash out to the car and off to work.

when i get to work, i sync my irritable phone with my computer. it took a long time, because it wasn't just updating--it was loading all the information back in from nothing. finally it was done. finally. great, i thought, now i can see what that other message was that came in last night. so i punched the button to read my text messages and found . . . two week old text messages.

yep! the new messages were gone, gone, gone. so now i will never know who that message was from or what it said.

or what the weather was like today . . .

the secret of contentment

so today . . . i helped my mother in law buy a new camera.

rollie's parents are here visiting us, and while i wish i could say it has been unending fun, it has not. they arrived on thursday afternoon at the end of my two day liquid diet, finding me looking a bit wilted (as i hadn't eaten in two days,) rollie gone (out doing last minute errands,) and our two unruly beasts patrolling the castle. thank goodness for cell phones, as i was able to call rollie and have him come home and get things under control. he took his dad out to lunch, while his mom was able to rest, brought her home some food, and then we all just sort of hung out for the rest of the day. they stayed to offer me encouragement as i finished up the last of the dreaded, vile "drink of death," and then headed off to their clean, quiet, dogless motel room.

end of day one.

day two began with rollie taking me to the doctor's office and his parents finding a closer motel. i really thought i would be up and around by noon, so the plan was for rollie to take his dad to an angels game and for his mom and i to have dinner at the rain forest cafe--which i had been looking forward to, because rollie kind of hates to eat there and i just think it is so much fun! instead, they were all treated to a day of me mostly sleeping, getting up for a bit, and then heading back to bed . . . so while rollie and his dad got to go to the game, his mom ended up back at their cleaner, quiet, dogless motel room at 5:00 in the evening! and i slept, blogged, and slept some more. (does this sound like they are having fun yet?!?)

day three. today, i thought would be the fun day! no medical stuff to slow me down, beautiful weather, a whole day without work or an agenda--it was going to be perfect! except that i woke up with allergy symptoms in full swing again. "i absolutely cannot spend today in bed! i don't care how i feel, i cannot! this is the last full day i will have to spend with them while they are here, and i cannot spend it sleeping! i must get up and get going!!" so i swallowed some more allergy medicine, got dressed and prepared to have fun. we checked out the rummage sale the teens were having to raise money for summer camp, ate lunch at hometown buffet, and then started the search for a camera for carroll (rollie's mom.)

carroll seems to think that i know a lot about cameras--i don't really, but apparently i know more than she does, which fools her into thinking i am smart about such things. so i started asking her questions about features she wanted or did not want on her new camera. and she kept saying, "it doesn't matter," or "i don't know," or "i don't care . . . " so i quickly decided she was not the picky sort when it came to her electronics. we looked around online a bit, but she didn't want to order a camera--she wanted one she could use while they were here. we decided to just go to target and see what they had. after spending 15-20 minutes comparing all the different features on all the cameras, she reached a decision. we told the sales clerk we were ready, and waited for him to help us. we watched as he helped another person who asked for a camera that was on display only to be told they didn't have any. so she asked for a different camera and was told they were out of that one as well. she finally chose a camera that they did have in stock, purchased it, and left. our turn was next. we told him what we wanted, and guess what? it was out of stock too.

now here is my question. why are they putting cameras on display if they don't have any of them for you to buy?!?!? i mean really--you stand there comparing features and brands and prices and COLORS and finally make a decision, only to be told that they don't have any?!?!? i could understand it if they had just run out, or if the camera was a special price that week, but this camera that carroll chose was neither of those things. it was NOT on sale and the sales clerk said they had been out of that model for quite some time. THEN TAKE IT OFF THE DISPLAY! SHEESH!! we spent a long time making a decision, and had we known that the camera was not available, we might have decided on a camera that WAS in stock and a sale would have been completed. instead he sent us off to another target store about 5 miles away, with the promise that they had one--he had checked the computer. ok, it is the camera we have chosen, and it is a good one at a good price, so it is worth the drive.

we hit the freeway. and there was traffic--a lot of traffic. and while i am a pretty careful driver, i thought i was going to lose carroll a few times . . . let's just say merging on and off our busy freeways was not her idea of fun . . . it was her idea of having a heart attack!!

we got to the second target. we found the electronics department. we saw her chosen camera on display. we did not see a sales clerk. i looked far and wide, but no sales clerks were to be found. i finally captured one in the sports department and dragged him back with me, only to be told, guess what? they didn't have her camera in stock!! i tried explaining to him that the other store said they had it, and the computer said they had it, so where was it?!?!?! he had no answer for me except that they didn't have it. "ok," i said to carroll, "let's try best buy. they have lots of cameras there." but she decided we would just find one that was in stock here that met her criteria. (i think she wanted to minimize our freeway time, but maybe i'm just being paranoid . . . ) we found a camera, paid for it, and headed home.

all the way home, i am telling carroll that if she doesn't like the camera we can take it back. we can go to best buy. they had the newer version of the camera she liked. and really, it is no problem. we can take it back.

you see, this is why rollie has to buy my electronics. i always think there might be something better, sleeker, faster, cooler out there if i just keep looking.

i am still comparing, even as we are plugging in the battery to charge and attaching the wrist strap and taking the plastic off the lcd screen. i keep saying, "how does it feel in your hand? it is comfortable to hold and use?" and she keeps saying, "well, yes, i guess so . . . "

we finally come to the conclusion that since she doesn't have anything to compare it with (she has been without a camera for quite some time,) what's not to like? she will just get used to this one as she uses it, and it will become comfortable and familiar for her, regardless if there is something better or sleeker or faster or cooler out there. she chooses to like the one she has.

i have a picture on the wall in my family room that says, "contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, but the realization of how much you already have." today i realized that i am not naturally a content person. i am never satisfied with the way things are. i am constantly thinking about reorganizing, upgrading, doing things better . . . and that isn't all bad, but maybe if i would just start choosing to like things the way they are, i would be happier and more content . . . then again, maybe i would just never get anything done!!

vanity, vanity, all is vanity . . .

so today . . . i came to the realization that i may be just a tiny bit vain--at least, i hope just a tiny bit~

i think i am like most people, in that i try to look as good as i can. i take showers. i straighten or curl my hair, depending on the occasion. i use skin care products with antioxidants, plant polyphenols, vitamins a, b, c, and only jennifer flavin stallone knows what else. and if that isn't enough, i buy cute shoes! i am not under the impression that i am traffic-stoppingly beautiful, but i do my best to maximize the ordinary looks God gave me.

and i try not to leave the house looking dorky.

this is much easier when diandra lives in my house. i don't always agree with her opinion of my outfit, but i find that she is usually right. which is always a little surprising for me, because from the time she was 11 or 12 until she was almost 16, all she would wear were jeans and white t-shirts, with an occasional black one thrown in for variety. i tried to get her interested in something with a little more style or color, but she was having none of it! i seriously thought that i was going to have to wait and hope for a granddaughter to share my love of all things sparkly.

i'm not sure just exactly when it happened, but now the girl has more dresses than i do, borrows my jewelry, and always looks beautiful--even when she isn't trying. and she has an amazing sense of style.thank goodness she wasn't home when i got ready to walk the dogs! i changed out of my cute work clothes into my nice jeans and a top, put on my walking shoes, harnessed mia up, and put my ipod in my pocket. today was the day i was going to try using the new $3 headphones that i bought at big lots over the weekend. you may remember the problem i have with ear buds, so i thought i would try a regular (and cheap) set of headphones. i plugged them into the ipod, put them on, and immediately realized the sound was not even in the same ballpark as the bose ones my mom gave me. which, of course, was no surprise--$3 no-name headphones up against bose?!?! but at least, i thought, they would stay in place as i walked the dogs.

as i headed toward the door (and the dog jumping up and dancing about waiting to feel the snap of the leash,) i happened to see myself in the hall mirror. and i came to an abrupt halt. i had apparently purchased a very dorky-looking set of headphones. nonononono, i thought. i am not going out of the house in these!

typically when i walk the dogs, i don't see anyone--certainly not anyone i know! but at that moment in the hallway, it didn't matter, i just knew i wasn't going anywhere in those headphones. so i looked for the temporary ones i've been using that hook over my ears, and headed out the door. as i was trying to adjust them so that the huge earbuds would dangle close enough to my ears that i could hear the music if i turned the volume WAY up, it occurred to me that i had left a perfectly good pair of headphones lying on my kitchen table. and why? because i thought they looked dorky.

"i am vain," i thought. why does it matter if the headphones look dorky if they work for me? why do i care? wouldn't it be better to wear the headphones and be able to actually hear the music? i mean, it isn't like the rest of me is looking all that cool--i am, after all, walking the dogs!

so now i must deal with this newly discovered flaw--as if there aren't already enough! maybe i am more vain than i think . . . remember the sunglasses? maybe i should post a photo of the offending headgear to start me down the path of dealing with my issues. maybe i could overcome my mild vanity and be ok with them after all. i thought it was worth a try . . .

so i retrieved the headphones from the table where they had been flung, put them on, and grabbed the camera. and then i passed the mirror . . .

nope. not happening.

maybe i can rig up some sort of over-the-ear hooks out of pipe cleaners or paper clips to hold those bose earbuds in place . . . i think it is worth a try . . .

reading is FUNdamental

so today . . . i've spent the afternoon reading blogs.

i love to read! i always have. both of my parents are teachers and avid readers. my dad would rather read a book than watch tv, and my mom would rather read than do almost anything else (except maybe eat gummy bears!) we grew up surrounded by books. one of my favorite memories as a child was going to the library every week in the summer and bringing home stacks of books to read and then lying in the hammock in the backyard reading them. i started reading mysteries when i was in second or third grade. remember the encyclopedia brown stories? i could never guess "who dunnit?" but i loved to try.

when diandra was born, i couldn't help but have hopes and dreams for her future. and of all the things i wanted for her, near the top of the list was that she would love to read. we started reading to her long before she could talk. i knew "goodnight, moon" by heart. and she learned to read early--not because her preschool teacher mom taught her to, but because she looked at books and listened to them so much that she started learning the words by sight. i was so relieved! yes, i thought, i have raised a reader!

and then she entered the fifth grade . . .

fifth grade, by all accounts, was a terrible year for her. school issues, social issues, independence issues all collided to make it "the year we would all like to forget." but it was also the year she stopped reading for fun. she would still read for school, but if it wasn't assigned by her teacher, she wasn't reading it. this was devastating to her reader mom! i just couldn't imagine that my child didn't want to go to the library with me in the summer and check out armloads of books and then sit in the swing in the backyard and read them. and while many of her issues from that year resolved themselves in the years to come, this one did not.

i have to say, i still do not like it one little bit that she won't go to the library and get a book to read. i don't think she even has a library card! and yet, i envision her reading while she has lunch (like i do,)reading to relax (like i do,) reading before she goes to sleep (like i used to, until i got a laptop--because now instead of reading a book at night, i write my blog and read my email and read the blogs that i stalk and read messages from my friends on facebook, and read . . . )

and there it is!

you see, she does read--she just doesn't read books from the library. she reads magazines, she reads lots of blogs, she reads facebook, she reads THOUSANDS of text messages, she reads her Bible. and she writes two blogs. when i think about it, she reads a lot--she just doesn't read books from the library.

i guess as times and technologies change, so does the way we interact with our world. one of the teachers at school uploads books and reads them on her iphone. the assistant pastor at our church has something called a kindle, which is apparently like a pocket-sized computer screen onto which he can upload books and read them. there are a seemingly unlimited number of different magazines from which to choose. and if it's research you need, everything is just a click away on google.

i still read books when i am eating lunch. and during my summer vacation, sometimes i will read a whole book in one day (instead of all the other stuff i should be doing.) but i find that i spend a lot of time on the internet now, stalking blogs or researching the latest techno gadget that my mom is looking at or bookmarking stuff that i will never buy. and i guess that i have to recognize that as reading time even though no books are involved.

i love my computer and the internet and technology. but for me, nothing will ever replace that feeling i get when i go to the library, check out a stack of books, and head for the backyard . . . it's probably similar to the one diandra gets when she sees her favorite blogger has posted another entry or a new magazine has hit the newsstand . . .

my ocd kicks into overdrive

so today . . . i spent most of the day sitting behind my computer working on my music files. i have LOTS of music files--kid's music that i use at school, worship music that i use for church, and then just the popular stuff that i like. i mean, i had close to 10 gigabytes of music on my last computer and used three different programs to play and store it! the problem was, each program wanted each song in it's own special format. and somehow i ended up with several copies of lots of different songs, and still without a playable file on my ipod! it was a mess.

enter my new computer. instead of just copying the whole mess onto the new machine (even though it has a 160 gb hard drive) i decided to very carefully add music and keep it organized. this, of course, immobilized me for several weeks. i just had to keep listening to the same 12 songs on my ipod, over and over and over again. but the day came when i needed to add some new music (that i needed to learn) to my ipod. and so the task of organizing and transferring began.

well, i say began, but i still haven't actually added any songs to itunes yet. the problem is that i am starting with the worship music, because that is what i need to get on my ipod right away. most of what i have are music files that have been given to me by people and they have no info on them. so before i can add a song to itunes, i have to listen to it, figure out what the title might be and who i think is singing it. then i have to go online and try to confirm what i thought, and also discover the album titles, because i need the artist name, album name, track number, and song title in order to keep it all neatly organized. and that is how i have spent most of my day, because it takes a lot of time and concentration--and also a lot of listening and guessing.

everyone i talk to thinks i am insane. "just put it in itunes and don't worry about how it is stored in your computer! itunes will figure it out."

but i would know.

i would know that the information wasn't complete. i would know that there would be a lot of "unknown artist" or "unknown album" entries and it would bother me. and then later when i would try to go back and add in more complete information, itunes wouldn't be able to find it. ( itunes hates me, but it is the only program that will interface with my ipod. stupid apple . . . !)

you see, this is why nothing ever gets done!! i get hung up in little details and the big picture gets lost. i don't cook much because i haven't written out a month's worth of menus and made a shopping list so that i will only have to go to the store once and can prepare all the vegetables ahead of time and freeze the meat in meal sized packages and pre-cook everything. i don't vacuum as often as i should because i want to go through the stack of magazines and papers that sits by my chair in the family room first and besides the vacuum is upstairs so that i don't have to see it all the time, but before i can bring it down, i should really vacuum upstairs, but that would mean bringing the bathroom rugs down to shake them and maybe i should just wash them since they are going to be downstairs, but i have other laundry going so i guess i will just have to wait.

my friend wendy says i think too much--that i should just do stuff without all the thinking. she is probably right. the thinking is what immobilizes me. but when i am not thinking, i am asleep. and i find that i am not all that productive when i am sleeping.

i am determined to get some music on this ipod before the weekend is over! it is mostly out of desperation--there are some new songs i need to learn in the next couple of weeks and the best way to do that is to get them on my ipod so i can listen and learn while walking the dogs. of course, getting the music on the ipod is only part of the solution. i also have to find some headphones that will stay in my tiny little ears while i am walking but that means going to the store, and deciding which store to try first and should i try full headphones? because the earbuds won't stay in and then there are over the head ones and behind the head ones and different colors and . . .

random ramblings . . .

so today . . . i got up, went to school, turned on my computer, and here is the message that greeted me when i checked my facebook wall: diandra ann watching a bird fly around my parent's bedroom... it is not our pet... YIKES!! a bird was loose in my room?!?! how did that happen?!? i guess diandra had heard milo barking and barking. but when she would go in to our room see what the problem was, she couldn't find anything wrong. apparently the bird kept going behind the drapes, trying to get out--until the time it flew right at her face!! (i'm guessing there was screaming at that point . . . ) so she called rollie (our hero!) who came home from work, took out a window screen, and shooed the bird out with a tennis racket.

yes, we have a tennis racket--it is a chris evert tennis racket that i had when i was a teenager. and even though i don't play tennis, i can't seem to get rid of the racket. and thank goodness i didn't--otherwise there might still be a wild bird in our house! (unless he used the racquet ball racquet that i just HAD to have, which is also in the garage, because i don't play racquet ball anymore. no one will play with me without any rules or score keeping, which is how i like to play.)

after finding out that the bird situation was under control, i went back to working. i was sitting at the table monitoring kids, when i noticed joshua looking at me, intensely. sometimes he does that right before he says something "profound." so i looked right back at him. and then he said, "i'm going to change my name."
"oh?" i said, "to what?"
"flapjack!"
flapjack?!?!?
and then he said to me, "is that a real word?"
sometimes i am just speechless . . .

after school it was time to walk the dogs. my first thought this morning was, "i'm too tired to walk the dogs today--i am going to come home and take a nap." and i kept thinking that thought all day long. but when i got home, i just put on my walking shoes and headed out . . .

usually we don't see anyone else when we walk, but today when we turned a corner there was a guy walking ahead of us. as we got closer, i realized he was talking on his bluetooth. he was walking and just chattering away. and i thought, "wow! now through the wonders of technology you can go on a walk with your friend, even if your friend is in siberia--as long as they have cell service!"

speaking of technology, i didn't take my ipod today, because my earbuds keep falling out. you see, i have discovered that the hole in my left ear is abnormally small, and when i am walking the left earbud keeps falling out. which is sad, because my mom gave me bose earbuds for christmas, and the sound is awesome! (don't worry, mom. i can still wear them when i am sitting still, just not when i am walking.) today i just didn't want to deal with it, so i walked the old fashioned way--without music blasting in my ears. i thought it would make the walk seem really long and tedious, but my brain just kind of went into snooze mode and before i knew it, i was done.

then i came home, fell on the couch, and took a nap.

which is why, once again, i am up late blogging . . .