let's just go with "i'm color blind..."

so today . . . my clothes don't match.  that's why i'm blogging.

i started to write a status update on facebook about the terrible mistake i made this morning, but it was too long.  i could have shortened it, but really... if i can't say it the way i want to say it, then why say it at all!

i was sitting in ms. martha's class while the kids were having music time.  i was sitting instead of leading music, because in a moment of weakness, ms. martha and ms. michelle agreed that if i would do chapel every tuesday, they would cover the music time for the rest of the week!  that's right, people, i only have to do music one day every week!!  ...and tell the bible story, but still, it is a good deal for me!

so, i was sitting there, in a teeny tiny chair, when i happened to look down.  and that's when i saw it.  my top did not match my pants.  at all.  before i could stop myself, i said out loud, "my clothes don't match!"

(perhaps this would be a good place to remind you that i have certain ocd tendencies...  i need things to look a certain way!  i can't even explain my "rules" of how things have to go together.  i just know what is right and what is not..  and if i have to walk out of the house and something isn't right?  it will bother me all day long--translation: i will feel cranky and annoyed. all. day. long.)

ms. martha just looked at me.  "my clothes don't match," i repeated.  "i thought these jeans were red, but they are not.  they are orange!  and there isn't any orange in this top, just some red.  and pink and ivory and brown and, and, red!  and the red is dark!  it isn't even a sort of orangy red that could maybe go with these apparently orange jeans!  it doesn't match!!"

and then, ms. martha, my dear friend and co-worker, said, "well, it doesn't look (insert big pause here) ba-ad."  and yes, when she said the word 'bad' it had two syllables.

anytime it takes a person two syllables to say the word 'bad,' it is not a good thing!

"oh thank you!" i said, "because that's just what i was going for when i got dressed this morning.  i really wanted to come to school looking 'not ba-ad!'"

ms. leigh anne walked in about that time.  ms. leigh anne is new.  she is still getting used to me, so she did not offer an opinion on my choice of wardrobe.  she probably couldn't figure out what the big deal was.  as i said, she is still getting used to me...

but ms. martha knows.  in an attempt to salvage the day, she fell on her sword and offered up her own outfit as an example of something that didn't match.  (yes, she really is my friend.)  to be honest, she was right.  her outfit didn't match.  but it didn't help, because she had a perfectly good reason as to why her clothes didn't match... which i would tell you if this blog was about ms. martha, but it isn't.  it's about me :)

the ironic this is, i spend my days surrounded by tiny children who don't even know if my clothes match or not.  they aren't oblivious.  they constantly comment on what i am wearing, but it mostly sounds like this-"ms. julie, i like your bracelet,"  or  "ms julie, i like your dress," or "ms. julie, i like your sparkly shoes."  which doesn't necessarily help, because really, can you trust the judgement of someone who can't even tie their own shoes or who wear their shirts backwards?!?

so now i have a problem.  i do not have red jeans.  i have orange jeans.  what exactly does one wear with orange jeans???  i can't wear black, because orange and black are halloween colors.  clearly i can't wear red--i tried that today and it didn't work out that well.  brown?  i guess that would be ok, but that feels like fall to me. i thought about a white top and a yellow sweater, but that would make me look like a piece of candy corn...

i guess i'm going to have to give color blocking a try.

but color blocking is dangerous territory for someone like me.  not every orange looks great with every purple... or green... or pink???  especially when i think the orange is red... and it sort of is under some lights...  i mean, i could spend hours in my closet trying to come up with the right combinations.  i would never be on time to work... or anyplace else!

and i know that right now some of you are saying to yourselves, "what is the big deal? just throw on some clothes and go out the door!" and while you may be right, i can't seem to do that.  i can't!  well, i can, but only when i am wearing my pre-arranged, pre-approved "throw it on and go out the door clothes."  which, i'm not kidding, i have...

and perhaps you are wondering why this is a problem at all?  why on earth would someone buy a pair of orange jeans??  this is a very good question, because i would never buy orange jeans.  but again, i thought they were red!  i tried to convince myself that it was just the lights at school that was turning them orange, but when i went outside at lunch time (yes, i ventured out in my mismatched duds--when i'm hungry nothing gets between me and jack in the box!) i'm sad to say that they were still orange...

so i guess i am going to have to go shopping for something that will look right with orange jeans.  because after wearing them all day, i've decided that i kind of like them.  they are different.  everyone has red jeans, but who has orange jeans?!?!  (no one in their right mind, you say...  i know, i hear you...)  and i'm thinking i should probably wear the jeans when i go shopping, so i can be sure that whatever i choose will actually look ok with the actual color of the jeans, and not just the color i think they are in my head!

of course, this means that i am going to have to find something in my closet that i can wear with them when i go shopping... now where did i put that top i wore today...?

;-)

government intervention strikes again!

so today . . . i was a fashion faux pas. i blame the u.s. government...

i don't know whose brilliant idea it was to move daylight savings time to the second weekend of march, but they should be forced to live in the dark until the end of april. i'm serious. i know the idea is to shift time so that people will use less energy, but if you have to get up for work before 8:00 a.m. (which is true of almost everyone with a job!) you are going to have to use your lights in the morning anyway, so i don't see how that is saving any electricity!!!

clearly i am a bit frustrated by the government's intrusion into my mornings...

i don't like to get up in the morning. ever! well, except for christmas morning, but other than that, mornings are not my happy time. i especially hate getting up IN THE DARK! the dark was made for sleeping, not for getting up. my eyes do not want to open unless the sun is fully visible. the best thing about our new house? the dimmer switch in our bathroom! it allows me to see without the light screaming at my eyeballs. so it should go without saying that if there is any ambient light at all in my room in the morning, i am not going to be turning on any lights. especially since i shouldn't have to! because it should be light enough at 7:30 in the morning not to require the use of any electricity!!!

which there was. last week. before daylight savings time.

last week, when i was cleaning out my closet and organizing things into my new dresser, i sorted my tights and belts by color--black, brown, gray--and put each color in it's own drawer... in alphabetical order, from the left. because how else would you do it?!?! so this morning, since i was wearing a navy dress with brown shoes and a brown sweater, i decided brown tights would be the right choice. i went to the second drawer from the left (the brown drawer,) and picked out a pair of tights, and got dressed. i looked in the mirror before i left my room, and everything seemed to be ok, so off i went to work...

... and everything was fine until my break. because during my break i went to use the bathroom. and that's when i realized that my tights weren't brown. they were black.

yes, i was wearing black tights with a navy dress and brown shoes. black tights. it was so, so wrong...

how could this have happened, i wondered. i got the tights out of the brown drawer, didn't i? maybe i didn't. maybe i had accidentally (since my eyes were only half open,) accessed the black drawer. but still, wouldn't i have noticed the color difference when i looked in the mirror? yes, i would have, if there had been enough light for me to actually SEE the colors i was wearing! and why wasn't there enough light for me to see??? stupid daylight savings time, that's why!

i read fashion magazines. i watch tv. i live in l.a., for pete's sake, so i either have to have a clue about what looks good or die! i know that "color blocking" is the trend this spring, but i am pretty sure that color blocking does not mean a navy dress, brown shoes, and black tights! i am not adverse to mixing colors in unusual ways--like navy and brown, or turquoise and yellow, or lime green and orange. i even like black and brown together. but black, brown and navy? i don't think so...

remember the chipped pink nail polish? yeah, well, this was way worse. waaaay worse, because i could sort of hide the chipped pink nail polish. there was no way to hide my legs. one of my facebook friends asked if i had taken the tights off when i noticed. no. no, i did not. it was cold today, so i was stuck. apparently being the "what not to wear" model for the week is better than freezing to death...

which would not have been an issue if there had been adequate light in my bedroom at 7:30 this morning. which there would have been if someone, somewhere hadn't decided that they could play fast and loose with the beginning of daylight savings time. which clearly isn't saving any electricity anyway!

i'll show them. tomorrow morning i am going to turn on the lights! from the time i get up at 7:30 until i leave the house at 7:50! i'll use all the electricity i can!! daylight savings time will not save any electricity in my house...

... and maybe i'll double check the color of my tights... just to be safe.