NOT a top ten list

so today . . . did i tell you last week that some of my kids were blowing their noses again? yes, well, they were. and do you know what that means? yes, i think the evil germs are after me. again.

i am fighting them with every weapon i have, but tonight i am congested and soooo tired. i am actually hoping for allergies, because i have meds for that . . .

but i wanted to blog something tonight, so here are a few random things i realized today.

1. i can eat at jack-in-the-box two times in one day. yes, it is possible. as you may remember, i usually eat at chick-fil-a with my book on mondays. but we had a teacher out sick today, so staffing had to be shifted, resulting in the demise of my hour-long lunch. then, rollie had a meeting tonight, so we had to grab something quick if we were going to eat together. and no, i did not order the same thing for both meals--that would be ridiculous!!

2. a quiet voice spoken in the ear of a little boy having a melt-down can sometimes accomplish the miraculous. sometimes. i say sometimes, because it worked brilliantly the first time, and i was thinking, "yeah, i am an awesome teacher. look at me dealing with this explosive situation by just using a very quiet voice. i rock!" which may have been true. but the next time, it didn't work nearly as well. or at all. apparently there are no absolutes when you are five and your regular teacher is home sick . . .

3. the laundry isn't really done if it is still sitting in the laundry basket in the garage. even if it is clean. especially if it has been sitting there for a week and a half. it is a good thing we have lots of underwear.

4. my handbag apparently has a life that doesn't include me--and it is there right now. saturday night we went out, so i put my wallet and keys in a smaller bag to take with me. and that has been fine for the last couple of days, but today i needed my sunglasses, which are in my bigger bag. and it is gone. gone, i tell you! it is not where i left it, and it is not anywhere else in this house. either the dogs have buried it in the back yard, or it has gone to the mall to visit it's rich relatives at the coach store . . .

5. for small children, what they want trumps everything else! ok, i knew this, but it seems as though i ran up against this particular thinking more than the usual amount of times today. it's like they think that if they say, "but i WANT to!" i will say, "oh, ok. i didn't realize that you WANTED to! i guess it is ok then." and no, this has no bearing at all on #8! don't even try to connect them!! i am not five!!!

6. tights are hot--and i don't mean in the "wow, those are HOTT" way. (besides, i have been banned from using that particular phrase by my darling daughter--not that i ever would anyway.) but here is the thing that confuses me: tights=fall and winter, and leggings=spring and summer. it seems to me that leggings would feel way hotter than tights, since they are a bit thicker. and yet, look at the spring fashion--leggings are everywhere. i just don't get it. but i guess i had better get some leggings, because it is already may, so i can't continue to wear my tights much longer. and yet, my legs are not quite ready to be let out on their own.

7. when i sit in my car, i cannot see the outside of it. which is good, because my car is really dirty right now. my car had an adventure (without me--again, the darling daughter,) this weekend and hasn't had it's bath yet. so i just cleaned the windshield, and now i can pretend it is clean until it actually is!

8. i want to be in charge of the world! ok, maybe not the whole world, but my world. i am coping with a lot of stuff right now that is causing me stress. and as i was thinking about it today, i realized that i have control over very little of it. which doesn't make it any easier, because i still have to deal with it. and i thought, "if i could just sit everyone down, and tell them what is on my mind and how i think we should do things, and if they would respond positively, then we could all smile and live happily ever after!" why can't things work that way? i am sure everyone would be happier if they would just do things my way. really. i know i would . . .

9. sometimes, when leaving a tiny tot at preschool for the first time, it is harder for the dad than for the child. really.

and that is the end. nothing else comes to my mind tonight. which is kind of too bad, because if i could just think of one more thing, then i could have a top ten list . . .

darn these evil germs!!!

another saturday . . .

so today . . . was saturday.

i say "was" because it is mostly over, and i don't know what happened to it . . .

i woke up earlier than normal, but it was disorienting because rollie was still asleep. rollie never sleeps later than me. never. ever. but today he is sick, and there was no basketball at the church. (i mention this, because it took both of those events to keep him in bed past 6:00 a.m.) i hated to get up, because i was afraid i would disturb him and he really needed to sleep. but milo decided it was time for everyone to wake up. i could tell this because he tried to cuddle up to rollie's face and lick it. i saw him maneuvering for position, so i grabbed him and rolled him closer to me so he couldn't reach rollie's face. "oh!" milo thought, "you want me to lick your face!!" finally, in self defense (and in the interests of breathing,) i decided there was less risk of waking rollie if i got out of bed and took milo with me.

we headed downstairs where i spent the next 15 minutes doing all the stuff my pulmonary doctor says i have to do every morning and night in order to stay healthy. although, since i am showing signs of getting sick again, i am not so sure how much difference it is making.

then milo and i went into the family room and settled on the couch with my laptop so i could take care of my facebook games. i grumbled a bit about the new format, until i played around with it and made some changes that mollified me, at least temporarily. yes, milo was the only one there to hear me grumble, but i did it anyway. he is one of the few people who are not put off by my grumbling. in fact, it seems to compel him to try to lick my face off. i think he is trying to make me feel better, although that pretty much seems to be his response to everything . . .

once rollie was up and around, we discussed what to do. it was a beautiful day today--warm and sunny--a perfect day to get out of the house and go somewhere. but with both of us battling bugs, we decided it was not a very good day for us to be out and about. so we opened up all the windows (so that we could at least enjoy the warm air,) settled in front of our tivo, and caught up on our favorite shows. and snacked. and then napped.

well, actually rollie napped. i cleaned out my t-shirt drawer. and i was ruthless! the truth is, i don't wear a lot of long sleeved t-shirts, and yet i find myself with a whole drawerful--so most of them didn't make the cut. but then i started wondering why i hang up my short sleeved t-shirts in the closet, but fold the long sleeved ones and put them in a drawer. and why do i hang up some of my sweaters but put others in the drawer. really. apparently i have some sort of system, but i can't explain it. i know which sweaters and t-shirts go where, but if i tried to tell you how i know the difference, i couldn't do it. and now it is bothering me . . .

i did laundry. i checked out more blog designs. i kept watching island paradise on fb, because there was thieving to be done. (i used to be nice, but i got tired of my island being pillaged. so now, i am a pillager too!) i watched shopping tv (tucson gem show weekend! yay!!) and then we went to dinner.

and now the day is over, and i don't know what happened to it! i guess i should be glad i made it through the day without feeling the need to go to urgent care. but i would have much rather spent the day at the beach . . . with my tissues . . . and my cough drops . . . and my blanket . . .

sigh.

maybe not. i'm exhausted just thinking about it . . .

it's trying to get me again!!

so today . . . it is raining and i am getting sick again.

it is not a good day. well, maybe that isn't completely true--i do have a fire, and a warm puppy curled up next to me.

i can't do anything about the rain. i guess we are just going to have some. but the sickness . . . if sick kids would just stay home! on monday i noticed that almost all my students were suddenly coughing again. i've tried to stay out of the "line of fire," and i am using hand sanitizer almost constantly. and yet i can feel it coming on . . .

i wrote an email to one of my staff of doctors to see what i should do. i should hear back from her soon, although with the weekend, it may take until monday. i guess until then i will just take the mega-strength sudafed she gave me last time and keep rinsing those sinuses . . .

and since it is raining, maybe i should just spend the weekend on the couch, in front of the fire, with my book and my blanket and my warm puppies.

if this keeps up, i might have to get a snuggie . . .

another day, another doctor visit

so today . . . i went to see the pulmonary doctor again. she just wanted to check back and see how my pneumonia was progressing . . .

my appointment was at 11:30. i thought. until i got a call from kaiser yesterday to remind me of my appointment which said, "and check in by 11:30." hmmmm--ok, apparently my appointment is NOT at 11:30, because they always like us to check in early. i guess they don't mind if i have to wait for my appointment--they just don't want to have to wait on me! but since i didn't know the exact time of my appointment, and since traffic is always unpredictable, i just decided to plan for 11:30.

that meant leaving school at 11:00, which meant i had half an hour to get my kindergarteners started on their work, start the pre-k kids on their art project (which involved black paint,) do two reading groups, and hope the pre-k kids painted fast so i could clean up the art project before i left. oh yeah, and pray i escaped without any black paint on my white sweater or taupe skirt . . .

i left at 11:00, paint-free, and hit the 91 freeway. the traffic was moving really well today, which was good. until i realized that i was not 100% exactly sure just which exit to take. i had only been to the new office twice, and both times i was really sick and rollie was driving. i thought i knew how to get there, because in my mind i could see where to go once i got off the freeway. but where to get off the freeway . . . i was pretty sure i would know it when i saw it.

and i did. and it was one of those loopy round exits which are awesomely fun to take in my zippy little car :)

i didn't have to wait long to see the doctor. i love my pulmonary doctor! she is young, asian, and new to kaiser. and today she had on brown pants with a pink pinstripe, a pink sweater, brown socks with pink flowers on them and black mary jane style doc martens. i describe her clothing here to illustrate just how young and cute she is! and she wears glasses. i just love her!! i wish she could be my primary care physician . . .

we had quite a conversation about the whole nasal rinsing thing. because as it turns out, she got sinusitis shortly after i saw her last--i'm sure she didn't catch it from me, because by the time i saw her i had pneumonia. anyway, that is my story . . .

it was very funny, because her husband is an ear, nose, and throat doctor, and she was telling me how terrible she had felt and how every day they were trying to decide what to do to make her feel better. and i thought, "yeah, now you know what i was talking about!" a book can teach you only so much about patient suffering . . .

and then she sent the nurse in with two syringes to vaccinate me against the flu AND the swine flu. i protested, but she said as sick as i had been, i needed to have them. then she left, and the nurse said, "i am going to give you one shot in each arm. that way, if you have a reaction, we will know which shot caused it."

IF I HAVE A REACTION?!?!?! ok, let's just wait one minute here . . . OW!

and then it was too late . . . i was vaccinated.

i came home with a bag full of steroid sprays and inhalers. and instructions to call if i have chills or breathing issues or pain. now i am really starting to wonder about those shots!

the good news is, the pnuemonia seems to be pretty much gone. the bad news is, i may have asthma. i can't seem to catch a break here.

but thankfully, it was a beautiful day and i could drive home with the top down. i know it is a small thing, but some days it is what puts the smile on my face . . . that, and staying ahead of that red porsche . . . :)

back on sick leave

so today . . . i am sick. again. really sick.

tuesday night i was at school, waiting to take my class into the church for their christmas program performance. i was having some digestive discomfort, but didn't know what was in store for me. until just before it was time for us to go sing, when i made a mad dash for the restroom and realized just how sick i was. i immediately felt a little better, so i took my class upstairs, led them through their song, went right home and was promptly sick again. and again. and again. all night long.

i was really brave (ok, you can stop laughing now!) and made it through the night without begging rollie to take me to urgent care. again. (they recognize us there now . . . ) we went in to see a doctor wednesday morning, and came to the conclusion that i must have had food poisoning. (if you have never had food poisoning, you cannot imagine how awful it is. if you have, then you can feel my pain.) they gave me an iv to combat the resulting dehydration, and sent me home. i thought i would just sleep a bit, eat a bit, and be fine by the next day.

i wasn't.

so my blogging has been interrupted once again. i have a couple of blogs rolling around in my head, though, for when i am feeling better and have the attention span to continue writing. one of them is urgent care vs. the doctor's office--let me just say, there is a huge difference in how sick people are cared for. neither is bad, but one is definitely preferable.

i hope i am feeling normal again soon, but maybe i would settle for just feeling better . . . until that happens, my blogging will be eratic. don't give up on me--i am sure that i will be back to my normal blogging self again . . . some day . . .

and the results are in! well, mostly.

so today . . . the saga continues . . .

my ct scan was good, but my lungs still squeak when i breathe (whatever that means!) so a "pulmonary function test" is in my future, and a new inhaler was added to my routine. oh,and i also have to continue irrigating my nasal passages . . .

ewww!

both the inhaler and sinus cleansing have to be done morning and night. and while neither one takes a huge amount of time, i sort of have to work myself up to the whole "squirting a whole bottle of solution in one nostril so that it can drain out of the other nostril" thing. plus, i have to eat enough breakfast that the antibiotics don't upset my stomach. and, other than the antibiotics, this new routine is going to continue indefinitely . . .

this is why i am staying home another day.

i can see that i am going to have to get up earlier for a while, and i am not happy about this. i am not the most alert, fast-moving person early in the morning. my engine doesn't really get going until about 10:00. so not only am i going to have to get up early enough to get all this extra stuff done, it is going to take me longer to do it at 7:00 in the morning than it does at 10:30.

when i asked the doctor how long this new routine was going to continue, she looked at me blankly. it is never a good thing when your specialist looks at you blankly. it either means she doesn't know what you are talking about, or she doesn't know what else to do. in this case, as it turns out, it meant, "what do you mean how long are you going to have to do this? you are going to have to do it until you stop squeaking. either that, or we are going to have to run a tube down into your lungs and take a look around."

i am not a big fan of having tubes stuck into me so a doctor can "take a look around . . . "

so i guess i will adjust, and hope that my uncooperative body responds well to the prescribed treatments and the squeaking goes away by next month when i see the doctor again. i am already doing the mental gymnastics that it takes to convince myself that water in my nose is no big deal.

but it is. i may have to offer myself a reward . . .

another sick day . . .

so today . . . was a bust for blogging material.

the sun shone.

i'm getting good at irrigating my sinuses (sadly.)

my ct scan was uneventful. i didn't have to wait. i didn't have to get undressed. i didn't fall off the machine. i didn't pass out from holding my breath (although one time i thought i might.) i didn't get claustrophobic (i just closed my eyes and pretended i was laying on the beach . . . the mind is a powerful thing!)

i did wear a christmas tree pin that i liberated from my mom's jewelry chest last summer :)

and someone did steal the poinsettia plant from radiology. so a radiologist stole a poinsettia plant from someone else . . . while i was standing right there!!

i did not go to school.

i did not go to band rehearsal.

i did not go to old navy and get $15 boots or to starbucks for their special "12 days of christmas" deal which was a red travel cup for $6.99.

i did get a get well card from one of my little munchkins, via his mom's blackberry :)and i did wear my sheepskin boots all day to keep my feet warm, because it only got up to about 60 degrees today--even though the sun was shining.

pneumonia--day 10

my brain is not cooperating!

so today . . . i really want to blog, but my mind is empty.

i know this is hard for some of you to believe (wendy) but it is. i've been home from work for a week now, and have only gone out of the house for doctor appointments. my only connection with the outside world is when rollie and diandra come home and talk to me, or when i chat on facebook. there is not a lot happening for me to comment on. i did start a different blog tonight, but it wasn't funny at all--i think my brain knows i am sick and refuses to giggle. but don't give up on me--i promise i will be funny again. in fact, tomorrow i am going to have a ct scan. i have high hopes that it will be an adventure!

never going to happen . . .

so today . . . i am crossing one more thing off of my "things i did that i vowed i would never do" list. this is the companion to the "things i will never, ever do, no matter what" list.

my list of "things i will never ever do, no matter what" is not a written list. i keep it in my head--that way it is easy to adjust it. because i am finding that as my life progresses, more and more things are moving from that list to the list of "things i did that i vowed i would never do."

like saying, "because i'm the mom, that's why!"

honestly, i don't remember my mom ever saying that--maybe she did (although if she did, i am sure it was not addressed to me--i was the perfect child!) but for some reason, i just decided it was something i would never, ever stoop to saying. if my child asked me a question, i would answer her. because of course, i would always have a reason for everything i did . . .

and then diandra started talking.

i don't know if it was because she was an only child or because of genetics or because we read to her all the time, but she had an analytical mind and an amazing vocabulary to go along with it. this resulted in conversations with lots of "but why" questions, which i always tried to answer completely until i would finally run out of answers. at which point i would hear myself saying, "because i'm the mom, that's why!"

or eating broccoli.

i used to be somewhat famous for my aversion to most vegetables. but for some reason i had a special dislike for broccoli. i'm not sure why. i don't remember ever eating it and thinking it tasted awful. it may have had something to do the with dreadful smell when broccoli is cooking, i don't know. but my friends knew that if anything green was passing between my lips, it was sure to be an m&m. and then came the day when we realized we were not getting any younger and should probably start thinking about trying to live longer instead of just assuming we would. so i learned to like broccoli, and now i eat it several times a week. i even order it instead of mashed potatoes when we eat at sizzler.

but today, i did something that i knew for certain i would never, ever do--not for any reason, not for any amount of money--i would die first! and yet, today it crossed over to the "i did it" list.

i rinsed my sinuses.

i've heard about the neti pots. i know there are people who swear by them. but not me. there was no way i was ever going to be running water up one nostril and down the other one. no. way.

but i've been sick. and the pulmonary doctor i saw yesterday thinks that maybe my pneumonia started out as sinusitis, which can be very difficult to get rid of. so she thinks this is a good idea. she thinks it will help. and as she is telling me about what she wants me to do, all i can think is "there is no way on earth that i am going to be able to do that!! even if i wanted to, which, by the way, i don't! water up my nose??? and then filling up my sinuses and coming back out?!?!? uh uh, no way!!!" i don't even like to put my head under the water--i'm pretty sure that is why i can't swim. i didn't even take showers until i went to college--it was baths for me. you don't get water in your nose when you take a bath!

i'm pretty sure if i try this, i will drown. seriously. in fact, rollie and i had a discussion about it when the doctor left the room. i kept saying, "but if i block the back of my throat so the water doesn't get into my mouth, then i can't breathe!" and he kept saying, "of course you can." and i kept saying, "no, i can't! watch." and then i would pinch my nose shut, block my throat with my tongue and try to breathe. which of course i couldn't. he just rolled his eyes, but i knew this was going to kill me.

rollie picked up the kit from the pharmacy, along with the newer, stronger antibiotics. (which btw, are ENORMOUS! i have to cut them in half and they are still hard to swallow!) i read the directions to the sinus rinsing stuff on the way home, and acted like i was going to do it, but i wasn't. when we got home, i put it on the kitchen counter (which is beginning to look like a drug store,) and decided i should wait a while before i tried it--knowing i was not going to do it, but pretending i was . . .

time passed. rollie went to bed. i got tired. i wanted to go to sleep, but i couldn't until i rinsed my sinuses. so i just stayed up. finally i knew i had to do it. but i didn't want to. i knew at the very least i was going to gag and snort and cough and be miserable. and at the very worst, i might drown. but what would i say when the doctor asked me about it? i thought about lying, but she is a doctor. she would know.

so i prepared the solution. i got a box of tissues. i headed to the bathroom sink, hearing a funeral dirge playing in my head. and then i did it.

and it wasn't fun. water went in one side and out the other. it felt like it does when i breathe in when my head is underwater (which never happens anymore, because i have pretty much given up on swimming. but the memories are strong!!) and yet, i didn't gag or choke or drown. so i guess i am going to live.

there's still a lot of stuff on my "things i will never, ever do, no matter what" list. but after this experience, i'm kind of afraid to think about what might move to the "things i did that i vowed i would never do" list next.

i sure hope it isn't bungee jumping . . .

a day of enforced rest

so today . . . i rested.

shortly after waking up, i logged onto facebook to take care of my games. i harvested, plowed, planted, baked, visited, picked up gifts, sent gifts--i have a very busy virtual life.

i spent 40 minutes on subversive activities.

about 1:00 rollie brought me jack in the box for lunch, and we watched a movie on tv.

i sat on the couch and did report cards for my class, so they could go home tomorrow (just in case i am able to go to school next week and do parent conferences.)

i watched some shopping tv, but didn't buy anything--because i am resting.

i went back onto facebook and repeated my morning's activities.

i ate leftovers for dinner, and printed out the report cards, so rollie can drop them off at school tomorrow.

i skulked about the internet.

i drank more tea and read a little bit.

and that is all.

no wait--i also started the dishwasher.

(well, i needed to accomplish something today--which is hard to do if you are supposed to be resting.)

i can hardly wait for tomorrow . . .

at last, an answer. i hope.

so today . . . i am sitting in front of the fire (because there is finally a chill in the air,) playing on my computer, and eating a chocolate cake lollipop from sweet and saucy shop (yes, diandra finally brought me some, and now that i have tasted one they are zooming to the top of my list of "things that i would kill for!" i cannot describe to you how delicious these little cake balls are!!) if only that was the whole story . . .

. . . i am sitting here in front of the fire, playing on my computer, eating a cake lollipop because i have pneumonia. that cough that i have been whining about for the last two and a half months? yeah, it is now pneumonia.

i was pretty sick over the weekend, so sunday i emailed my doctor and said, "what should i do?" i hadn't actually seen MY doctor since the middle of october--i'd just been going to urgent care. but i thought maybe now i needed to see someone who knew me and could look at all the information from the last couple of months and figure out why i was still coughing.

and then i got up monday morning and went to work.

it was an economic decision. i do not have any benefits at my job, because i do not work 40 hours a week--i work "only" 32 hours. that means no paid vacation days or sick days, and holidays are only paid if you work the day before AND the day after. i had dragged myself in last week, and i was not ready to lose 3 days of pay just because i didn't feel good on monday.

i got to work without incident, and everything was ok. for a while. but then things started going downhill. by 10:00 i was trying to figure out how i was going to get my head off my desk long enough to take my little darlings across the hall to the bathroom. i was afraid i was not going to be able to drive the one mile it would take me to get home, let alone navigate multiple lanes of freeway traffic. i called rollie and said, "can you take me to urgent care after lunch?" he said, "you don't sound good. maybe we should go right now!" but i said, "no, we could be there a while--you had better eat first." which turned out to be prophetic, because we were there all afternoon . . .

we got to urgent care about 1:30, and while the waiting room wasn't packed, there were a couple of wheelchairs challenging my path to door which protected the medical staff from the sickly hoards. the guy who checked me in said the wait was probably going to be about 2 hours. i figured those wheelchairs were going to beat me in. but i didn't even care--i was just relieved to be in close proximity to medical assistance.

they called my name 10 minutes later! (it's a good thing i hadn't decided to go across the street to jack in the box, because the thought did cross my mind.) i learned that the magic words when going to urgent care are "chest pain." the triage nurse took my vital signs, and looked at her machine like it was broken when she saw how high my pulse was. and then she took it again. and then again. apparently it was pretty high. i thought it was good that my heart was strong enough to pump so fast--she did not! they hustled me into a room where they took my blood pressure laying down, sitting up, and standing. and they used the kid cuff! if i had felt better, i would have been mortified! i was already wearing a hospital gown--you would think that would be enough humiliation . . . and then came the ekg--i guess "chest pain" and a high pulse are cause for concern to urgent care personnel. the ekg was normal, so the nurse said, "wait here."

are you kidding me?? i was in the inner sanctum. and it had only taken me 10 minutes to get in! i wasn't going anywhere until i had some answers. i sat on the soft, cushy "bed" for a while, and then finally gave it up and laid down to nap . . .

and then, my phone rang. it was my doctor's office. "we think you should see a pulmonary specialist. can you go thursday afternoon?" there i was, laying on a bed in urgent care, wearing two hospital gowns (yes, there is a story there,) waiting for permission to stroll down the hall to have a chest xray. in my two hospital gowns. "sure," i said. "what time?" i figured it might be a good idea to keep my options open. because if they somehow managed to get past rollie and send me home with a bag of cough medicine, i could always go see the specialist . . .

the ekg was normal, so once they were convinced i was not going to have a heart attack and die right there in urgent care, they sent me down the hall for a chest xray. in my two hospital gowns. and let me tell you, my insurance dollars are NOT being used to pay for heat in that building! it was COLD!!

after the xray, i had to wait again for my turn to get a room. i was so tired, i fell asleep. in a chair. in the waiting room. in my two hospital gowns. when they called my name, i went cautiously through the doors, wondering what was next . . .

it turned out to be a warmed blanket! i was in the middle of thinking, "it has all been worth it! i have a warmed blanket!!" when the nurse wheeled in the iv stuff. "uh oh. this can't be good . . . " apparently i was dehydrated, which meant they were going to sloosh saline solution into my body through an iv--and fyi, room temperature liquid feels cold when going into a body temperature body! now i understood the need for the warmed blanket . . . then, when the iv was empty, they repeated the whole 3 position blood pressure dance again.

the doctor came in, looked at the xrays and declared "pneumonia!" she talked to me about it for a while, ordered some medication and a breathing treatment, (yes rollie took a picture--the poor man had been sitting with me for hours with nothing to do, so i humored him . . . for some reason, he thought this was hilarious!)and said i should stay home from work for a week or two. WHAT?!?!?! oh nonononono! clearly she didn't understand the whole "i don't get sick days" thing. she obviously didn't know that my little dumplings had to be ready to perform in the christmas program in two weeks. or that parent conferences are scheduled for next week. or that CHRISTMAS IS COMING!!! she must have read the horror on my face, because she finally said i had to stay home at least this week, and then we could see how i was feeling.

i can tell you right now how i will be feeling on monday--well enough to go back to work!

but before i can do that, i have to rest. all week. at home. and drink lots of water. and see the pulmonary specialist. and get past rollie . . .

i think i need a nap.

another sick day . . .

so today . . . there will be no blog. i am pretty sick. in addition to the cough that never ends, i have also had a temperature and headache all day. most of my day was spent on the couch or in the recliner. i suspect tomorrow will be more of the same, so i am fairly sure there will be no blog on sunday either. because when you spend your day on the couch or in the recliner, not much happens to write about. maybe monday . . .

and before you all leave comments saying things like "well, if you had spent yesterday sleeping and taking care of yourself instead of running around shopping, you would probably feel fine today!" just know that i have already heard it. but i felt much better yesterday, which is why i was able to run around shopping.

don't worry about me--i am just sick. i will get better. at least now i have a few new symptoms which might help the doctor come to a correct diagnosis and know how to help me get better.

until then, i will just lay here in the house with two dogs sucked up against me (or on me) drinking water and resting . . .

sick leave

so today . . . i am on sick leave. i've actually been on sick leave since friday. you may not have noticed, especially if you are one of those people who are not on your computer much over the weekend. i did blog on friday, because my dogs made me laugh. but it wasn't as good as it could have been, because i didn't post any pictures. i took a couple of cute pictures that i could have used, but i took them with my phone. and to use them, i would have had to sync my phone with my computer, and then search through all the phone picture files to find the one i wanted in order to post it. i know this doesn't sound that hard, but you don't know how many pictures i have in my phone and how unorganized they are. and remember, i am sick. and by the time i posted that blog (well after midnight, when i should have already been fast asleep,) it just took too much effort . . .

being on sick leave doesn't really expose me to much to blog about. i pretty much stay on the couch with my computer and the tivo remote. and you know how my brain usually clicks along and never stops thinking? well, when i am on sick leave my brain goes silent. thinking about things other than "is it time to take my medicine?" or "where are the tissues?" takes too much effort.

effort?? to think?!?!? puh-lease, you are probably saying. but it is true. do you think all these amusing thoughts just pop into my head? well, sometimes they do, but many times i have to think about what i want to say, find just the right words, maybe take a picture or two . . . it can be exhausting. especially when all one's mental energy is focused on breathing in such a way so as not to irritate one's throat into a coughing fit.

rollie thinks i should extend my sick leave into next week. it is a short week at school, because of the thanksgiving holiday. he thinks i should take advantage of that and stay home and rest. he thinks i am pushing myself and that is not helping me get better. he may be right. but i think it is a short week, so i should just go to work. i think when my paycheck comes, we will be glad i did. unless, as he says, i get sicker and miss more work.

it is a dilemma.

i will probably go to work tomorrow and see how it goes. rollie thinks i never listen to him. he thinks why should he even bother to tell me what he thinks, because i am just going to do what i want to do anyway. he is wrong. and sometimes also right. because i do listen to him. always. i just don't always agree with him. he is always trying to help me. but sometimes, even though i have listened to him, i don't take his advice. i probably should, because i have found that he is usually right. which can be so annoying . . .

so tomorrow i will go to work, and hope that i get better--or at least that i don't get any worse.

because, if i do, i may have to stay home.

and black friday is coming . . .

sleeping in~

so today . . . i planned to sleep in. i woke up at 6:42. a.m.

i've been kind of sick since the middle of september. i've been to see three different doctors. i've taken five different kinds of medications. i've kept warm. and still i cough. the one thing i haven't done is rest. so that was my plan for the weekend, and rollie decided i should start doing it today. he called me in sick last night, and then said, "tomorrow you are going to sleep."

so i did--at least, i tried.

at 6:42 this morning my brain started humming. i laid there thinking, "go back to sleep, go back to sleep, i wonder what time it is, no, wait, go back to sleep . . . " finally, just to shut my brain up, i looked at the clock.

let me just say that on a normal school day i set my alarm for 7:00 and am not able to pry my eyes open until usually 7:20 at which time i drag myself to the shower, throw myself under the water for 10 minutes, and then race around trying to dry my hair, dress myself, dust my face with makeup, grab something that can be eaten with one hand for breakfast, and fly out the door, hoping against hope that i will beat the time clock. and all the while this is going on, my brain is saying, "just a little bit more sleep . . . "

but today, when i could have slept until noon, my brain woke me up at 6:42 a.m.

determined to take advantage of this sick day, i snapped my eyes shut after their brief glance at the clock. i thought restful thoughts. i counted backwards from 100. i started to go to my happy place, and then i felt a dog start slowly creeping up toward my head. i knew what that meant--it meant that any moment milo was going to start licking my face. still trying to stay in the sleep zone, i decided that my best defense was a good offense, so i grabbed milo with the intent to pull him up next to me and nestle him in beside me, facing away from me but with all four feet in the air, allowing me to mindlessly pet his stomach, which i knew would put him right back to sleep. i'm sure this would have worked.

except it wasn't milo--it was mia. all 35 pounds of her.

it was impossible to nestle her medium sized body next to me in the recliner, and besides, mia wouldn't be caught dead laying on her back with all four feet in the air. however, she would apparently not mind climbing onto my prone body, putting one front paw on each side of my head, and licking me until i woke up. which is what she did when i briefly opened my eyes to see why i couldn't move milo . . .

just keep your eyes closed. she will stop in a minute, and you can go back to sleep. don't open your eyes. don't open your eyes. she's a dog. she can't tell you aren't really asleep . . .

without the encouragement of my open eyes, mia soon decided i was a lost cause and figured out her own way to snuggle in next to me. this sounds cute, but i knew that her real agenda was claiming me as her territory before milo showed his fat little face.

we settled in, and i started drifting off, and then mia woofed. it was a soft woof, but i knew something was about to happen. and sure enough, it wasn't long before milo was in my face. i kept my eyes closed, thinking that maybe he would wiggle in to a spot and we could all go back to sleep. which he did. so i started thinking sleepy thoughts once again and was headed toward unconsciousness . . .

and then one of the neighbors started revving the engine on their car. over and over and over again. mia, ever on alert, jumped up and started barking. so milo jumped up and started barking. and then they started barking at each other. and then the "fight" was on to determine who really owned mommy and the chair and the fuzzy blanket . . .

i got up and headed for the kitchen and some hot water for peppermint tea.

some days the odds are just against me . . .

medical wisdom from bonanza reruns?

so today . . . it was back to urgent care for me.

are you getting tired of hearing about me being sick yet?!? i am sure getting tired of blogging about it. the problem is, when i am sick nothing else matters. really. i am the man in the family when it comes to being sick--i whine, i lay around, i want food brought to me, i want sympathy, i want everyone to know how miserable i feel so don't expect anything from me--just like most men.

thankfully, i am not married to a man like that. as i have mentioned before, when rollie is sick, he just stays in bed or his recliner with the tv remote and is happy if i open the door and throw food in a couple of times a day.

but i have been coughing for almost eight weeks! i went to the doctor's office about a month ago and to urgent care a couple of weeks ago. i don't think they are taking me very seriously. i have a cough.

today was different. i went to urgent care, expecting to spend the day there, but they called my name before i could even open my book. when the doctor came in, i noticed he was asian. (i only mention that he was asian, because when you read his words, you are going to get a picture in your head, and i want it to be accurate.) so i filled him in on what had been done before. he stopped me and said, "ok, but this is the most important question--have you been sleeping with a fan or an open window or air conditioning?"

no! i've been sleeping in the recliner, so i don't spend the night coughing! it is true that it is still close to 80 degrees most days even though it is the middle of november, but i am wondering about the relevance here.

"because," he continued, "that will make you cough. why is it suddenly making you cough when it never has before? i don't know. am i God? can i control the weather? no."

what? now i am beginning to wonder about kaiser's hiring policies.

"you don't believe me? just turn your air conditioning on in your car when you go home and point it at your face and see what happens. you will cough."

ok, um, can we possibly talk about medical reasons that i might be coughing?

"let me listen to you breathe."

finally. i know when he listens to me breathe, he will hear my wheeze and maybe i will even cough for him so he can hear for himself how awful it is. he listens, and then goes back to the computer.

"ok, i don't know what it sounded like before, because i was not the doctor you saw before, but now it does not sound good. i think maybe you waited too long to come in."

WHAT?!?!? did he not hear the part where i said i had already been in twice???

"my part is to give you medicine that will help. your part is to stay warm. from your waist up, stay warm. eat warm, drink warm, dress warm. from the waist down, i don't care. you can be naked. i don't care."

honestly? oh boy. i think this doctor has had way too much coffee today. is he even thinking about what he is saying?

"if you want to keep coughing, just go home and eat ice cream. you will see. you will cough."

this is a pretty safe prediction, since i have ALREADY BEEN COUGHING FOR 8 WEEKS!!!

then he continues. "i see you are already making a mistake."

how can i be making a mistake? i'm just sitting here, listening to him tell me to STAY WARM!! but my curiosity gets the better of me and i say, "what?"

and he replies, "your chest is exposed."

i can tell you without hesitation that my chest is not exposed!!! i look down and realize that i am wearing a scoop neck top. that must be what he is talking about. thankfully i am wearing a long scarf, so i wrap it around my neck a few more times and arrange it so that it covers me up. sheesh!

"ok," he says, "i have sent your prescriptions directly to the pharmacy. that is my part."

yes, i know.

"your part is to stay warm from the waist up. eat warm, drink warm, dress warm. stay out of the cool air. take hot showers."

ok, i think i've got it. stay warm.

i went to the pharmacy and left with a bagful of medicine. so for all his crazy talk, at least he seems to have given me adequate drugs. if this doesn't work, i don't know what will.

and it had better work, because if i have to go back and hear about his father watching bonanza reruns in which all the sick people were bundled up ("they knew--stay warm,") or the benefits of having a temperature ("warmth kills the germs--so stay warm,") i may just risk being sick a bit longer . . .

cough syrup strikes again!

so today . . . i am sitting here staring at my blank computer screen wondering what to write.

the truth is, i was kind of spacey today. i took some cough medicine last night and suffered the effects of it today.

for some reason, over-the-counter medications seem to stay in my system a looooong time. i try to remember to take only half a dose, and to take the final one no later than 12 hours before i have to get up the next day. but last night, i forgot and took a full dose.

i slept really, really well.

but this morning, waking up was hard to do. i smacked the snooze several times--enough times that i apparently lost track. and then i just gave up. finally rollie dragged me up and headed me toward the bathroom. after washing my face and brushing my teeth, i was conscious enough to throw on clothes and race to work.

it is a good thing i only live a mile away from my school.

the first hour wasn't too bad. the second hour was ok. but by the third hour of the day, i just wanted a nap--really, really badly. i found myself sitting at my desk, staring out into space. i couldn't focus or concentrate on anything. i drank a soda, hoping that the caffeine would help. it didn't. i explained the difference between a sentence and a collection of words to my kindergarteners. we wrote words that start with the letter "v" on the board. we started learning about telling time. and all i wanted was for the clock to say 3:30 so i could go home.

and then it was lunch time. i was only half done with my work day, and i still needed a nap. really, really badly.

my kindergarteners, however, apparently did not need a nap. when i went to pick them up from rest time, they were all awake. wide awake. that has never happened before--usually some of them sleep. but not today.

i don't understand it. you should see nap time at school. i would kill for a nap, but those kids fight it like it is brussel sprouts! the kids have been busy all morning. many of them had to get up really early so their parents would have time to drop them off before they had to go to work. they have to be tired. they each get a cot to sleep on, with a pillow and soft, usually fuzzy blanket to snuggle up with. the teacher turns the lights off so the room is dim, and usually soft music is playing (although i have occasionally heard some rather loud, energetic music drifting down the hallway.) and yet they fight it like they will never wake up if they allow their little eyes to close. you cannot believe how many things a child can come up with to do while laying on a cot with just a blanket and a pillow--it is incredible. and no amount of talking will convince them to sleep. "the time will go by faster if you sleep." they have no concept of time! this is meaningless to them!! "you will feel so much better after you sleep." they think they will feel so much better if you just let them get up and play instead of wasting all this time laying around! "just close your eyes and lay really still and you will fall asleep . . . " this may be true, but it is never going to happen.

and then there is the mean teacher tactic "you are staying on that cot until you sleep, so you might as well go to sleep right now!!!" this is a lie. we all know it. when the clock hits 3:00, they are all going to get up whether they have slept or not. but for some reason some teachers seem compelled to give this one a try.

you cannot force a child to sleep. or coerce them. or convince them. or even bribe them. believe me, i know. i've tried . . . children seem genetically programmed to resist sleep.

i've heard cough syrup helps, although i do not think it is a good idea to give a perfectly healthy child a dose of cough syrup just to get them to sleep. but after today, i am pretty sure it would work. it certainly made me sleepy. and i am an adult!

some people think a child is an adult when they turn 18, or maybe 21. some people think it happens when they move out of their parent's home and start supporting themselves financially. some people don't think it really happens until they have children of their own. but i think they are all wrong.

i think the point at which a child turns into an adult is when they WANT to take a nap--without the benefit of cough syrup!

as if being sick wasn't bad enough!

so today . . . i am trying to take a new medication for my cough--but it isn't easy . . .

i have issues with swallowing pills. when i was younger and had to take a pill, it was quite an ordeal. it took two teaspoons, the medication, water, and sugar. for some reason i just could not swallow a pill. so i had to crush each tablet in a teaspoon, then add sugar (to disguise the taste) and water (so it would flow down my throat) and it was still a problem. and no matter how much sugar i added, i could taste the bitterness of the pill. it was disgusting.

i couldn't figure out why pills would not go down my throat. my younger brother could swallow multiple pills at once. when i was a teenager, i decided that this was unacceptable. so i found the tiniest pill i could find--it was a decongestant and was a tablet about a quarter inch in diameter. i practiced until i could swallow those things. i would put the tiny pill in my mouth, fill my mouth with water, tilt my head back and shake it from side to side (which i apparently thought would move the pill to the back of my mouth,) and then swallow it all in one big gulp. nine times out of ten, after all that, the pill would still be in my mouth. dissolving. so i would spit it out and try again. (see, you were worried about all those pills i was swallowing, weren't you. the truth is, i wasn't actually swallowing very many . . . )

when i was in my early thirties, i discovered why this was such a difficult task for me. i was at the dentist one day and they were taking xrays and i was complaining about the pain. they shove those little cardboard squares into a person's mouth, and then say, "now bite down and don't move!" this always caused major discomfort in the roof of my mouth as the corner would press in. i would do my very best to "bite down," but it was nearly impossible because of the pain. then one day, my dentist heard me. he came in and said, "it shouldn't hurt to have xrays," and looked in my mouth. "oh," he said. "that explains it."

it seems that i have some sort of cartilage growth near the back of my throat. i knew it was there--i just didn't know it was unusual. but the dentist said that only a small percentage of the population has this big bump on the roof of their mouth. so i started looking in people's mouths whenever i got the chance. and it was true! i have only seen one other person who has this unusual condition! maybe i am just not looking in the right mouths, but clearly i am special.

i think this is why i have such a hard time swallowing pills. instead of the pill sliding along the roof of my mouth and down my throat, it slides along until it hits the bump, and then it falls onto my tongue which then presses up against the roof of my mouth when i swallow, trapping the pill. that explains how i can swallow all the water, but leave the pill in my mouth.

while it is comforting to know that there is a reason for my handicap, it doesn't help me when i have medication to take. i have developed a technique that works about 80% of the time, if the pill isn't too large. the trick is to get it to slide along just above my tongue and down my throat. but if it is too big and heavy, it won't get off my tongue, and i inadvertently trap it against the roof of my mouth when i swallow. yes, it is a curse.

so yesterday, there i was at target, looking for mucinex (which sounds so disgusting!! you would think they could have come up with a more appealing name . . . ) the doctor seems to think it will help my cough. but there were about twenty different formulations--expectorant with cough suppressant and nasal decongestant, expectorant with cough suppressant alone, or just expectorant. extra strength and regular strength (seriously?!?!? are you really going to choose regular strength when there is an extra strength available????) store brand and name brand. four hour or twelve hour (again, who is going to take a pill six times a day when they could take one only twice?!?) after perusing all the choices, i decided on expectorant with cough suppressant in the twelve hour formula--less pills to swallow. i paid and left the store.

when i got home and opened the package, there were 14 of the biggest pills i have ever seen. ever. and i have taken a lot of pills since i learned to swallow them. i just stared at those pills and thought, "there is no way those will go down my throat. i'm just going to die with this cough." and i popped two more delicious cough drops into my mouth.

i have been popping cough drops a couple of times a day for the last several weeks. they help temporarily, but nothing is curing whatever is causing my cough. i didn't see that i had a lot of options though, so i had another cough drop.

by 8:00 last night, i decided i needed to at least try to get one of the gigantic mucinex pills down. i wrestled one out of the security packaging (which is something a sick person should not have to do!) and got some water. i looked at the enormous thing and tried to psych myself up to swallow it. "come on," i said to myself, "you can do this! you have given birth--28 hours of labor--you can do anything!!!" i mentally went through the procedure, envisioning a successful ending. and rainbows and unicorns . . .

and then it was time--i couldn't put it off any longer. i popped that pill into my mouth, took a medium sized swig of water, relaxed my tongue and tipped my head back just a bit--and it went down! ha! i thought--those icky mucous monsters were about to be evicted from the comfortable home they had made in my lungs. i did it!

of course, it wasn't over. i have to get one down every 12 hours until . . . well, i'm not sure exactly how long i am supposed to take them. i just hope they work . . .

. . . because i am pretty sure if i have to swallow anything bigger, i will probably die.

**whiny blog alert**

so today . . . i cannot blog. i keep trying, but nothing is funny.

here's the thing. i've been going nearly non-stop for the last two weeks. my brain has been full of everything that needed to happen before our big event at church last week. there were lists to make, emails to send, sessions to write (i spoke four times during the weekend,) and a voice to protect, as i was also leading the music. usually i am not responsible for so much, but this time there were circumstances.

then, i missed two days of work so i could attend pastors retreat with rollie. that sounds restful, doesn't it? but it really isn't, although i did sneak in a nap one day. i returned to work on wednesday, only to find that the substitute on tuesday didn't do any of the work i left for the kids to complete--which might not have been such a big deal, but i spent a lot of time preparing those materials and this is a short week anyway because of our "harvest festival" on friday. so that made me feel lethal. really lethal. i was "mean" teacher miss julie on wednesday. not to mention, i am still coughing which is affecting my ability to get a good night's sleep, so i am tired too.

all of which results in my lack of a blog today. nothing is funny. i feel tired and a little congested and did i mention I'M STILL COUGHING--even though i have been on medication for a week.

but i am no longer lethal, or even really cranky--mostly just tired. today i was back to my usual "mostly nice, but you'd still better follow the rules" teacher miss julie. i spent more time talking to kids, but we just had normal interactions, nothing funny. or maybe there were funny things and i just missed them . . . either way, it was a much better day. just not funny.

i wasn't going to blog--i hate it when my blog is whiny! but today it was a whiny blog or no blog, and since i haven't posted in a week, i needed to get something up! so whiny it is . . .

and now my nyquil is kicking in. my mom told me to take it. she said it would help me sleep. i'm sure that is true, because i can barely keep my eyes open--i only hope i can wake up in the morning . . .

anyway, don't hold your breath for blogs throughout the weekend. i think i am going to spend some serious time in bed or bundled up on the couch, trying to get well. but that won't expose me to much blogging material, so it may be a quiet weekend. hopefully by monday, i'll be back up and running again, random thoughts flowing from my brain and out my fingertips . . .

"but aren't you glad you went??"

so today . . . i went to the doctor. i did not get a high five.

i've been coughing for about a month. not a hacking, debillitating cough, just an annoying, intermittant cough. it wasn't keeping me awake at night. it wasn't keeping me from going to the gym. it wasn't even keeping me from singing on sundays (although maybe it was trying to, and i just didn't get the memo . . . ) so i did what i always do--i ignored it. for almost a month. and then, i don't know what happened, but sunday night rollie INSISTED that i call the doctor THE VERY NEXT DAY and go in and see what was going on with all the coughing.

i'm thinking maybe i was coughing more at night than i realized.

rollie and i have a love/hate relationship when it comes to going to the doctor. we both love that we have kaiser insurance and can go whenever we want to for the low, low price of only $5. but we both hate to go. we both love to tell each other when we think it is time for the other one to make an appointment. but we both hate to go. we both resist the nagging of the other one until those fateful words are uttered, "FINE! DON'T LISTEN TO WHAT I AM SAYING! JUST DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO! YOU'RE A GROWN UP!! BUT IF YOU END UP IN THE HOSPITAL . . . " or something to that effect. this pronouncement has different endings, depending on who is saying it. i threaten to leave him at the hospital and spend all his money while he is there. he just looks at me. but he could threaten to tell everyone where i am so they would all come visit me--that would make me RUN to the doctor . . .

so i got online and made an appointment. i haven't been to the doctor in a while and when i got to the office, i noticed a few changes. first of all, they were changing all the artwork on the walls. who even thinks about what is on the walls?!?!? usually when i am there, i am just trying to keep from either throwing up or passing out, and i don't care what i am looking at when either of those things happen! they have also installed these check-in "kiosks" that are kind of like an atm. i thought it was a cool idea and gave it a try. it didn't work for me. and they have gone paperless, which means that you can't see when they mysteriously slurp your paperwork through the slot into the back--my previous indicator that it was almost my turn. now i just have to wait until they call my name, with no warning . . .

so i sat in the waiting room and returned a phone call. as soon as it was answered (of course,) hector (my doctor's nurse) came for me. i love hector. at first i was a little afraid of him, but now i think he is great. he didn't care that i was on my phone, but my blood pressure did! we had to take it three times to get a reading that didn't cause widespread panic--and by widespread i mean hector, me, and my doctor.

when the doctor came in to the exam room, she started scrolling through my records on the computer. "i think you should have a flu shot," she said. "i would love to have a flu shot, but at the front desk they said you are out of them." "oh," she said, and continued scrolling. "what about pneumonia? you should probably have a pneumonia shot." "ok," i said, "i'll be glad to have one if you think i should. i had one several years ago, but it is probably time for another one." "no," she said. "if you already had one, you don't need another one until you are 65."

(ok, here is my question--does this mean that for some people the shot is good for 10 years and for some it is good for 20 years??? because i didn't tell her when i had had it. what if it was 15 years ago?? that shot would be good for 30 years????? i don't know, but anyway she decided i didn't need one today.)

"how about a tetanus shot? when did you last have a tetanus shot?" i was starting to wonder about her almost obsessive need to give me a shot. how long was this going to go on? were we going to continue down this road until i agreed to let hector puncture my arm and then slap a bandaid on it?

tetanus sounded good to me. "oh, i can't remember when i last had a tetanus shot," i said. "i think i should probably have one of those."

she finally peeled her eyes away from the computer screen, smiled, and said, "i'll send hector in when we are done here." good. if my doctor is happy, i am happy. now maybe she will see what she can do about this persistent cough. she listened to me breathe, and not breathe. she looked in my ears and up my nose (which is why she gets the big bucks.)

"everything seems normal," she said. "but i'm coughing!!!" i said. so she laid out my options--drugs or no drugs. i chose drugs--duh! steroids or tessalon pearls. hmmmm. this one was trickier . . .

i have a history with steroids. they help me, but i hate them. well actually, my body seems to love them--so much so, that it becomes dependent rather quickly and rebels when i try to stop taking them. and so i try to avoid them when i can. and yet, i am going to the gym . . . maybe it would jump start that whole muscle development thing . . . but no, i resist. besides, how can you not love a medicine called tessalon pearls?!? just say it out loud--it's fun! and pearls--come on--how could i resist? in fact, if you're not careful, you will be wishing you had a cough with no apparent cause so you too could have some.

my doctor clicked a few more keys on the computer and said my prescription would be waiting for me at the pharmacy when i was done--meaning after hector stabbed my arm. and then she left. and i am sure my blood pressure started climbing again, thinking about the impending injection.

hector came in and said, "which arm do you write with?" i obediently raised my right arm. "ok, we will put this in your other arm." not a good sign. not at all. but hector found the least scrawny part of my arm and artfully gave me my shot. and not a tear came to my eye. he is that good. i told you i loved him . . .

i proceeded on to the pharmacy, where i was told there would be a 25 minute wait. what happened to "it will be ready for you when you get to the pharmacy?" fortunately it was only about 10 minutes until my prescription was ready, but there were 17 people in line ahead of me to pay. seventeen!! the sick people were swarming . . .

when i got home, rollie said, "so, what did you find out at the doctor's office today."

"i have a cough."

i thought i could sweat all the germs out--apparently i cannot

so today . . . i went to the gym by myself. it is not as much fun to go alone as it is when diandra is there, but she was busy today. so i went on my own.

i am gratified by the fact that i have been there enough in the last six weeks that most of the staff knows me by name. of course, they all call me ms. miller--probably because they are all young enough to be my children! i am not used to being referred to that way--everyone i know just calls me julie. even my school kids call me ms. julie or teacher or teacher ms. julie. but when the gym employees call me that, it makes me feel like i should pat them on the head and give them a cookie . . . probably not a good idea to bring cookies to the gym though. there are those who would burn me at the stake for even thinking about bringing such yummy sweetness to within 500 yards of them, and then there are those who would knock me down and take the treats forcibly from my fingers. and i am not sure you can tell who would fall into which category just by looking at them . . .

i climbed up onto the elliptical machine and realized i had forgotten to bring water with me! not a good beginning. oh well, i did have my ipod all charged up and ready to go, so off i went. after that i did the stair stepper, and then went to the stationary bikes. although, by then i was starting to feel a little bit like i should just go lay down . . .

i've had something trying to get me for the last few weeks--sore throat, persistent cough--but i've been fighting it off. yesterday i thought it had me in it's evil clutches, as sinus congestion reared it's ugly head. but today was better, so i thought a trip to the gym would be a good thing.

once again, i am wrong.

i am wrong so often, i think i should just start doing the opposite of what i am inclined to do. i think i might have better results that way. but i didn't realize that the gym was a bad idea until i had already parked, changed my clothes, used the elliptical and stair master and was headed for the bikes. maybe a drink would help, so i detoured to the drinking fountain. but you know, it is really hard to slurp up an adequate amount of water from the drinking fountain. it goes down your chin and up your nose and onto the floor . . . i'm guessing only a fraction of the water that flows from a drinking fountain actually makes it into your mouth. and how wasteful is that? it isn't like they are recycling all that water that is going down the drain. i hope.

anyway, the drink didn't help a lot, but i went to the bikes anyway. i like the bikes. you get to sit down while you use them. i started pedaling and put in all the important information--age, weight, program. and that is when i ran into trouble. my heart rate is naturally really fast. so by the time i exercise, it can get kind of high. but the machines don't know that. and so when i get on and it takes my heart rate, it goes ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! THIS WOMAN IS GOING TO DIE!! ANY MINUTE!!! and it adjusts accordingly, making the resistance really easy. you might think this is a good thing, and it kind of is on the elliptical machine. but not on the bike. on the bike what happens is that suddenly there is no resistance at all on the pedals, so they go flying around faster than my feet can go! it is really embarrassing . . .

by the time i got off the bike, i was really feeling bad--hot, headachy, a little congested. but did i go home? nooooo. i know that is just my body trying to take it easy. so i pushed on to the weight room . . .

but it didn't last long. i just couldn't do the weights. i tried, but it just was not happening today. sometimes you have to know when to give up and call it a day.

i went to the locker room, got my gym bag and headed to the car. when i got home, i went straight to the shower, and then curled up on the couch for a nap. no actual sleeping occurred, because you may remember that i live with two dogs who had been alone all day, but my eyeballs did get a little rest.

and now i am headed for bed. because rollie insisted that i make a doctor appointment, which i did, but it isn't until wednesday afternoon. so for now, sleep will have to be my 'drug of choice,' at least until wednesday when i can see an actual health care professional.

if i live that long . . .