it sucks to be sick... especially on the weekend...

so today . . .  i am sick.  as a dog.  and it's easter!!

i got sick friday night.  in the night.  you know what that means...  i spent all day yesterday trying to keep the stuff inside my body that belonged there, but my body was not very cooperative.  so i spent the day laying on the couch, unsuccessfully ingesting saltines and 7-up, and trying to stay awake.  because even when i am sick, i have a plan...

i had a plan for yesterday.  my plan was to get up early, go to the nursery and buy beautiful flowers to plant, come home and plant them, take a shower, and then spend the afternoon at angels stadium (collecting my free blanket giveaway and watching them win!)  none of these things happened, because i was sick.  as a dog.

so i naturally went to plan b.  which was to lay on the couch with my computer and work on the wedding album i am designing, catch up on my emails, maybe learn how to use a few of the gazillions of apps i have downloaded onto my ipad.  because just because i was sick, was no reason to waste a perfectly good saturday, even if i didn't get to buy plants or go to the ballgame or get my free blanket...

i thought i would accomplish all of this while watching tv on the new tv we bought yesterday for the family room.  we decided if our tax return would cover it, we would get a bigger tv for the family room, so i could see it better while i am in the kitchen.  (yes, sometimes i am in the kitchen!  especially now when i can watch tv while i am in there!!)  and also because when it comes to tvs, rollie thinks bigger is always better.  in fact, i had to measure the space to be sure he didn't come home with one that was TOO BIG FOR THE WALL SPACE, because that was a real possibility...  but this morning when rollie unpacked the tv and prepared to install it on the wall, he found a big crack across the screen!  which means the tv probably has to go back, and now rollie is seriously bummed, because we got a really, really good deal on this particular tv (with the crack... could there possibly be a connection?) and there is no way we can afford an unbroken tv of the same size.  which means, we are going to have to go smaller.  but now that he has seen how a really, really big tv looks on that wall, anything smaller is not going to make him happy...

stupid crack.

i tried to do the computer stuff, but i had no energy and no brain.  it was taking everything i had to keep from being "sick."  ok, so on to plan c--catch up on all the stuff my tivo had been recording.  i settled in with the remote (only now it took two remotes to operate the tv, because the better tv that was in the family room was now in the bedroom, and the inferior tv was in the family room, instead of the guest bedroom where it was headed.  and if you are planning to someday sleep in that guest bedroom, you should know that it isn't a bad tv--it just doesn't play well with tivo.  and since there is no tivo in the guest bedroom, it will be perfect there.  but it isn't perfect in the family room...  especially when there is a 59 inch plasma tv just sitting there in a box... with a crack in it... stupid crack!)  i watched one show, but had to keep rewinding it because i kept falling asleep.  i finally gave up and just went to sleep.  but my phone kept beeping with text messages and facebook updates.  and yes, i could have just shut the phone off, but rollie was at the angels game, without me.  what if he needed me???  what if he got hit in the head with a foul ball and was unconscious??  what if he had an accident on the way home???  so i left the phone on and just dozed...

when rollie got home (safely) from the game, i was still on the couch.  he gave me the terrible news that the angels had not won, but the good news that our friend dan, (who graciously used my ticket,) had also graciously given me the free blanket from the giveaway (and by graciously, i mean with many sighs and talk of what a sacrifice it was...)  i decided i had been up long enough.  i trudged up to bed and finally slept.  and didn't throw up!  i thought that was a good sign. 

but not good enough for me to accomplish my plans for today.  since i hadn't been able to keep anything down yesterday, i figured my plan b for today was going to mostly consist of trying to eat and drink and not get sick.  no church (on easter!!)  no ballgame (which they lost... i think i might be the angels good luck charm.  they are 1-2 this season, and they won the game i was at.  so, yeah, i think they should be paying me to come to their games...)  and no orange chicken (which was my plan for easter dinner, which was going to be eaten at the ball park, in the more than warm enough sunshine.)

my weekend was pretty much a total bust.  why i couldn't have been sick on a tuesday and wednesday, or wednesday and thursday is beyond me.  in fact, i am seriously considering being sick just one more day...  after all, i accomplished NOTHING this weekend...

...well, except for collecting my free angels blanket.

 thanks dan ;)

:-(

so today . . . i am not blogging. i am too busy blowing my nose.

don't worry though, i have drugs. i'm sure i'll be better soon...

deja vue...

so today . . . i was mean teacher ms. julie.

mean teacher ms. julie doesn't show up very often, but today i did not feel good. not good at all. i probably should have stayed home, but there were things to do at school today, and i needed to be there. so i got up, got myself to school, and tried to get through the day--which would have been easier if all of my students had just stayed home!

it isn't that they were "bad." they were just active and distracted. they wouldn't stay where they were supposed to be. they kept touching and poking at each other. two little boys decided to "moon" the whole nap room. and no one seemed to listen to a word i said!

i gave directions, and they played with their pencil boxes. i reminded them it was time to do their work, and they just talked to the kids across the room. i gave directions AGAIN, and they said, "what are we supposed to do?"

i wanted to scream.

most days i take these things in stride. most days i am patient and kind. most days i talk in a quiet voice and facilitate good decision making.

today was not most days. today i just wanted them to listen to my words and then do them! today i did NOT want to repeat the same words over and over and over again--which, let's be honest here--is a large part of my job. today i wanted them to just GIVE ME A BREAK!

but they are five years old. they are egocentric and totally unaware of my wants and needs--even when my sinuses are trying to kill me. and so as the day wore on, we found ourselves at odds--more than once. it reached the boiling point at reading group time...

...when i am doing reading groups, the kids know they have to wait to ask me questions until i am between groups. they know they are not supposed to interrupt. but today, i was probably interrupted ten times--during the first reading group!! i kept reminding them that they had to wait, but then someone else would come over. i managed to stay calm and use a quiet voice, until one child was interrupting me for the third time!! and then i sort of lost it.

i didn't exactly yell, but i asked several questions in a row, without waiting for an answer. "why do you keep interrupting the reading group? are you supposed to do that? what are you supposed to do while you wait? why are you over here? AGAIN?!?!?!"

the little guy i was talking AT, just looked at me. he couldn't quite figure out what was happening. i could almost see the speech bubble above his head--"who is this, and what has she done to teacher ms. julie?"

that is when i decided i had to get some help, so i emailed my doctor. she emailed me back and said i had to get an appointment to see someone, and that i should see someone either today or tomorrow. so i called the appointment line, and found that the first available appointment was for the middle of march! now what was i supposed to do?!?! my next step was to call the nurse advice line. at least when i call that number i get to talk to a real, live person instead of a computer. eventually, after being on hold for longer than you can imagine, i got to talk to a nurse. she said she would make me an appointment to be seen at urgent care, if i could just hold for a little longer.

again, i wanted to scream.

when she eventually came back on, she said, "well, they were no help!" and then she told me they didn't have any available appointments either! so my "plan for treatment" turned out to be a trip to urgent care to take my chances among the masses. after an incredibly short wait, the doctor there agreed that i was sick and gave me a prescription (for an antibiotic, although my kids might think a mood enhancer would have been a better choice.)

and so now i am back home, with drugs in hand and a smile on my face. i am not going to school tomorrow. there are still things that need to be done there before i go out of town next week, but i like my kids too much to subject them to my sinusitis crankiness. i am just going to stay home, rest, drink plenty of fluids, and maybe even get out the sinus rinse...

i am nice! so why does my body hate me?!?!?!

so today . . . has been a difficult day. actually, it has been a difficult several days. but there's no need for you all to worry, i am just fighting with my body. and losing.

there are times when i hate my physical structure--not for the obvious reasons that might leap into your mind, but because sometimes my body just rebels against me! and for no good reason, i might add! i try to take care of it. i feed it, i clean it, i clothe it.--well, ok, i don't exercise it much, but you would think it would be grateful that i don't tire it out and make it all sore and achy! it seems to me that the least it could do in return is to function properly. but right now it chooses not to. sometimes it tricks me by beginning to act normally. so then i act normally. and then it zaps me!! mean, mean, mean!!!

i keep thinking it will finally get tired of tormenting me and settle down and behave... so i try to just wait it out. i'm a bit stubborn. i think i can win this stare-down! but now i am getting tired of fighting it--especially since i seem to be losing. so, i guess i am going to have to go see a doctor...

i'm not a fan of going to see the doctor. i just want to go in, tell them quickly what is wrong, get some pills to fix me right up, and leave. but that is never what happens! they always ask me a bunch of questions--questions that i have no answers for. they want me to have tests--tests i have no time for. i know it is all a necessary evil, and i am glad that i have wonderful insurance that pays for it all. it is just so inconvenient... and time consuming... and energy sapping...

but i think perhaps i have put it off as long as i can. christmas is coming, and i am going north to visit my family. my mother will be able to tell if i am not well (of course, it would be harder for her to tell if i didn't blog about it! hi mom!) so in a week, when we get back from las vegas, i will make a doctor appointment. and go. and see if my doctor can smack my body back into line...

...because clearly it isn't paying any attention to what i think.

allergies? i sort of hope so...

so today . . . i am a bit loopy.

i know, some of you think i am always a bit loopy, but i am serious! i have been so busy that i didn't recognize the signs of my allergies sneaking up on me. last night they finally jumped from behind the bushes they had been hiding in and ruthlessly attacked me.

i do NOT want to be sick again. i've been ok all summer, but have been a little apprehensive about what was going to happen once i exposed myself to all the germs a classroom full of four- and five-year olds bring. so i choose to believe that i am NOT getting sick--i am just dealing with allergies...

and so, last night when my allergies finally showed their evil side, i fought back. i rinsed my sinuses--yes, we are back to that again. as much as i hate doing it, i think it helps. i took an allergy pill--although my doctor says it takes a few days for those to really kick in, and i don't have a few days! i would sort of like to be able to breathe through the clogged sinuses and see from the watery eyes RIGHT NOW!! so i also took a sudafed... and not just any sudafed, but the super, duper, guaranteed to make you feel better one. i still couldn't breathe, so i raided the medicine cabinet and found some afrin. i am not a fan of nose sprays, but i was desperate. i snorted the maximum dosage up a nose too congested to breathe, and hoped for the best while not really expecting much.

after 10 minutes, i suddenly realized i was not having to use my mouth to get air into my body--my nose was actually doing it's job, unimpeded by mucous. (mucous--could there be a more descriptive word for the gunk that tries to take over one's sinuses? onomatopoeia at it's finest! which, in itself, is a pretty fun word to say...)

i was starting to feel goooood. i knew i was going to hit the sheets and have a wonderful night of drugged sleep! but i didn't. i laid there for two hours trying to sleep! there was no reason for me to not sleep!! i was tired, i was drugged, i was breathing just fine... but it just wasn't happening.

and then my alarm went off. i still felt drugged, but at least i was still able to breathe clearly. i thought this was a good sign. i was even thinking that i wouldn't have to take any sudafed today. i would be upright--i would just blow my nose and everything would be fine! this cheery thought lasted until i got out of bed and stood up and helplessly felt my blasted sinuses begin to clog up once again.

ok, sudafed was going to be necessary. i took one, tucked another one in my pocket, and rushed off to work--because, you know, that is what i do! i blew my nose a few times and reached an uneasy truce with my sinuses. i tried not to think about it, and instead started my day at work...

i might have been fine if i worked in a cubicle. but when you teach four and five year olds, you kind of have to be on your game or they will take over! i tried to focus. i tried to write lesson plans. i tried to stay awake. all i wanted to do was take a nap! i finally told ms. claudia, my assistant, that if she found me staring off into space, she should jostle me to make sure i was alive. fortunately things didn't progress that far, but i did have to deal with that loopy, spacey, out-of-body feeling all day that sometimes comes with certain medications...

i'm pretty sure it is the sudafed that is causing this reaction. and now i am also pretty sure that maybe this loopy feeling one gets is why i have to fill out all that paperwork to purchase it.

i think maybe it is a good thing that tomorrow is friday...

not the expected response . . .

so today . . . i had a terrible headache.

i used to get headaches quite often, but now i only get them occasionally. this one was a doozy! i was going to try to go home early, but there were staffing issues, so i decided to stay and tough it out.

i was seriously, truly, dreading recess. we are still confined to the gym, because of the construction on the new building, and when you let those kids loose after a morning of sitting and listening and working, they really know how to release all that pent-up energy! generally there is a lot of running, chasing, bike riding, and laughing, but it is LOUD running, chasing, bike riding, and laughing. and it isn't out of the ordinary to also hear some screaming (sometimes accompanied by smiles and sometimes not,) and crying. i did not know how my headache and i were going to cope . . .

i stationed myself by the sunny window, and prepared to manage my pain. all i wanted was for calm to reign, which of course was not going to happen. but i would have settled for just being left alone--no fights to break up, no arguments to referee, no bandaids to apply--just peaceful playing. and as luck would have it, things seemed to be progressing fairly smoothly . . .

. . . and then, a small body with two long brown braids came running across the room toward me. usually when this particular little body comes running toward me, it is to tattle on someone or complain about something. usually. but today, susannah* just sort of stood next to me and played with my chain belt.

i love the difficult kids. i can't explain it. they make my job harder, but i love them. i spend more one on one time with them, because i have to. we can have several days filled with turmoil and conflict (which can make me think one or the other of us needs drugs!) and then have a day where they are calm and kind and loving and helpful. of course that never lasts, but it is so sweet, because it is so rare. and yet those days happen often enough to remind me that beneath their difficult behavior is someone's precious, darling child.

susannah* is one of those kids. she likes to push the boundaries. she likes to ignore her teachers. she likes to do what she wants, when she wants, in the way she wants. but she also likes to straighten things up, and help her teachers, and wishes desperately that the other kids liked to play with her. today as she was standing next to me playing with my chain belt while i was trying to keep my head from popping off my body, i said to her, "i am really going to miss you when you go to another school next year." i was feeling all warm and fuzzy--headaches do that to me sometimes. i was kind of expecting a hug and an "i'll miss you too." but what she said was, "yeah, i'll really miss this belt."

what?!?

"and," she continued, "the chain watch." (the chain watch is a watch locket that a student gave me. i've worn it the last couple of days, and she is fascinated by the way it opens and closes.) "won't you miss me?" i asked. (i know it is kind of pathetic, but as i said, i was feeling all warm and fuzzy.) "no," she said, "just this belt."

ok, well, maybe my love for difficult kids is unrequited. maybe they just love my accessories. i guess my impact isn't nearly as important as i thought it was.

because apparently i am expendable, but my chain belt? apparently it is unforgettable!
*i changed the name. i don't always do that, but just in case a parent happens to stumble across this blog . . . although, the truth is, any parent who reads this is going to know exactly who i am talking about. but still . . .

if it doesn't kill you . . .

so today . . . i learned more about pink eye than i ever wanted to know, took a three hour nap, and watched some tv. riveting, i know.

i really thought this pink eye thing would be over in a day or two, especially since i went to the doctor and got magic eye drops. but apparently the magic drops are ineffective for the type of pink eye that i am experiencing. and i am really experiencing it!

i can't go back to school yet, even though the doctor said i wasn't contagious, because our director wants to be SURE i am not contagious. and it is probably a good thing, because i am not sure i can see well enough to drive safely to work. i'll spare you the gory details, but i can't really see well enough to do much of anything . . .

i am thinking someone should be doing some research about how to deal with all of this non-bacterial stuff, because when i am sick, the words i dread hearing the most are, "i think it's viral . . . " that's doctor code for "i know you are sick, but there is pretty much nothing i can do to help you." this is not what i want to hear from my doctor. i want my doctor to say, "yes! i have the perfect treatment for you. you will feel much better in 10 minutes." but that never happens.

i've heard it said that anything that doesn't kill you makes you stronger. that is a nice thought, but i am not convinced it is universally true. the sinus infections haven't killed me. the pneumonia didn't kill me. this pink eye isn't going to kill me. but i'm sure not feeling any stronger . . .

killer germs strike again!

so today . . . you are not going to believe this . . .

i have conjunctivitis--more commonly known as pink eye. yep. i told you my school kids are trying to kill me with germs. and they are proving to be quite successful at it.

this is the first time i have experienced pink eye for myself--and i hope it is the last time! i am miserable.

it started last night. my left eye was a little scratchy and pinkish, but i thought maybe it had just been irritated by something and would be fine by morning. and yet, the specter of pink eye was in the back of my mind, because we have been battling it at school--although not in my classroom. so i called ms. martha--she is the pink eye expert. (i'm not really sure why she is the expert, but maybe it is because most of the affected kids are in her class.)

ms. martha told me what to look for, and in return i told her that she might have to get through today at school without me because i might have pink eye. and then went to bed, hoping against hope that my eyes would be fine when i woke up.

they weren't. and yet, i still wasn't sure--maybe i was just in denial. so i took a picture of my eye--a really close-up picture--and sent it to martha. "does this look like pink eye to you?" i texted. she didn't immediately respond, so i called. because i had to decide what to do, and the clock was ticking . . . she said that yes, it did look like pink eye to her.

(i could post the picture here, because we took it with my phone so it would be easy to post. but it looked kind of scary. and i don't want you to have nightmares about the "monster eye" . . . )

i hung up and called in sick. then i called to make a doctor appointment. then i went back to bed.

i tried to sleep, but my eyes were so uncomfortable. and yes, i said eyes, because now my other eye was starting to itch too. i finally gave up and got up. and waited to go to the doctor. but i couldn't read, which meant no books, no texting, no computer. the time moved very slowly . . .

my doctor confirmed that i did have conjunctivitis, wrote me a prescription for eye drops and sent my on my way. the eye drops are supposed to clear the pink eye up, but they are not making my eyes feel any better yet--i am still miserable and will have to stay home from school for at least one more day.

i am just a little bit afraid to see what germs attack me next . . .

remember, don't judge a book . . .

so today . . . an innocent trip to the pharmacy almost went bad.

all i wanted was the really strong sudafed. in case everyone has forgotten, it is an over the counter medicine. and my sinuses are once again trying to keep me from breathing.

i woke up feeling congested and with a voice like a troll. i quickly called in sick and went back to bed. when i woke up later, i still felt awful and couldn't breathe. i needed sudafed. the good stuff! and of course i didn't have any. i had been carrying the empty box around in my car for the last few weeks, because my sinuses hate me and i knew we were going to need it again. but i just hadn't found my way to the pharmacy yet . . .

i threw on clothes, put my hair in a ponytail, filled my pockets with tissues and headed for the pharmacy. and it was quite a trip! when you drive a car with a manual transmission, all you can do is drive, because it takes both hands. so in order to drive AND blow one's nose requires both concentration and dexterity--or two additional hands, none of which i had! but i made it to the pharmacy safely and went in, prepared to wait for at least 45 minutes. our pharmacy is the busiest place on earth!

to my surprise, it was deserted. i have never been in the pharmacy when it wasn't packed with people! i went right up to the counter, put my empty sudafed box on the counter and said, "i need some more of these! can i get them here??" the pharmacist said, "yes, i can get those for you--you'll need to fill out this form." i had to do that the last time too. i guess they are keeping track of anyone who feels the need for sudafed. right now, that is me.

as the pharmacist disappeared into the racks and racks of drugs, i impulsively said, "can i just get two?"

this seemed like a reasonable request. i know i am going to need more. i will get sick, or rollie will get sick, and we will need more. it is inevitable. and i just figured why make another trip? i'm here now, just give me two!

the pharmacist immediately stopped, backed up, and peered at me from behind the rack. "no," she said, "i can only give you one."

i know she was memorizing my face in case she was ever asked to identify me in a police line-up.

(did i mention that sudafed is not a prescription drug?)

i now knew that she considered me to be a possible illegal drug manufacturer. but i'm not! and it was suddenly very important for me to show her how really normal i was, and how i just needed all that sudafed because the devil lives in my sinuses and uses them to torment me. so i started prattling on and on (because that is the only word that adequately describes it,) about how i've been sick since last fall and how my doctor is the one who said i should use the sudafed and how i work with small children so you know, i will get sick again and i just thought for convenience if i could get two . . .

and all the time, she is surreptitiously looking at me and memorizing my face.

finally our transaction was complete. i grabbed my little white bag and headed for the elevators--the elevators that have a mirror finish on the doors. and that's when i saw myself--wearing my faded "just to wear at home" jeans, my black leather boots, and my motorcycle jacket. and my hair?? let's just say it wasn't having a good day. of course i was also without the help of make-up, had a low grade fever, AND I WAS SICK! wild-eyed and unstable doesn't even come close to describing my overall "look."

of course, i immediately felt the need to go back into the pharmacy and explain again that i was sick and had stayed home from work today and that i just wanted to go back to bed but i needed the sudafed in order to breathe, and THAT'S why i looked like a crazed drug addict. really.

i'm not sure she would have believed me. and since there was a security guard by the door, i thought it might be best to just take my drugs and go.

i think the next time i need sudafed, i might try a different pharmacy . . .

or send rollie, the boy scout. maybe they would give him two . . .

the drama of daytime tv

so today . . . i was home sick. yes, again. it came on suddenly last night, and i still had a temperature this morning, so there was no way i could go to school. i woke up long enough to realize that, and call my school's director to tell her that i was not going to make it to school because i was sick. yes, again.

i've been sick a lot this year, as you all know. and you also know that i blame my students who come to school sick. even today, apparently one of my little dumplings came to school and told the substitute he had already thrown up four times! "then why are you at school?" she reasonably asked. "because my mom has to go to work," was his answer.

see, i am not kidding you--this is why i keep getting sick.

but this time was different. this time i spent the day in bed. i did not get up and eat breakfast (i could not even imagine ingesting food!) i did not get up and plop myself on the couch with my puppies and my computer (although my loyal pooch did keep me company--the chubby one chose to ignore us . . . ) i stayed in bed and tried not to move for fear of irritating my upset stomach or my aching head. i slept as much as i could, but there came a point where i couldn't sleep, i couldn't get up, i couldn't read, so my only other option was--duh, duh, duuuhhhh--daytime tv.

yes, daytime tv.

i don't watch daytime tv much anymore. usually i am at work during the day, but even in the summer i find that if i have free time, i either watch shopping tv or stuff i have tivoed or i read a book. and today i realized why.

daytime tv is a desert.

i haven't watched soap operas since i was in college--i have plenty of drama in my own life without getting involved in the fictional drama of fictional people who inhabit a fictional town. and who, btw, ALWAYS make the wrong choice. always. every decision they make makes their lives more complicated. maybe if they had to go to the grocery store or the post office or balance a checkbook or do laundry or punch a time clock or put a toddler to bed, they wouldn't have so many problems. of course, then no one would probably watch . . .

so my choices were daytime talk shows (more drama and bad choices,) news (real life drama and unsolved mysteries,) or court shows (real people and ridiculous problems.) i chose news and judges. i decided it didn't make that much difference since i wasn't really watching anyway--i planned to doze. the tv was just on for white noise to distract the pooches so that they wouldn't bark everytime they heard a noise outside. so i chose a channel, turned the volume low, and settled in to sleep.

but i didn't sleep--not much anyway. i kept getting sucked in. to the commercials. i heard the same commercials over and over and over again. there were commercials for technical and trade schools, commercials for debt relief, commercials for weight loss systems, commercials for personal injury lawyers, and commercials for depression studies. over and over and over again. apparently advertisers think that if you are home watching tv during the day you must be unemployed, in debt, over weight, and depressed. and if i was home watching this programming every day, i don't know about the rest of it, but i would certainly be depressed!

so i guess even though i HATE getting up in the mornings, and my students are trying to slowly kill me with germs, and i never seem to have enough time to do everything i need to do, i am glad that i have a job. because daytime tv would turn me into a jelly donut.

if i ever lose my job, i will have to get cable . . .

brilliance--it's a curse . . .

so today . . . i did the most clueless thing i have ever done. ever.

i blame my sickness. i am convinced that my mind and body are working so hard to get well (i hope,) that they don't have enough resources left for the mundane things i have to do. like thinking . . .

you may remember the fight that my brain and my body have been having over if i can be mildly productive while being sick. well today i felt a little bit better, so i thought i could side with my brain and tackle some minor computer tasks. i had this pile of little pieces of paper with notes scribbled on them that required computer attention.

this never used to happen to me. i used to be much more efficient at this sort of thing, but for the last several months my internet access at school has been out of commission. so now, when i remember a small task that i need to do or a fact i need to check, i can't take care of it during the day. and by the time i get home, i do not remember what it was i needed to do. so i scribble short notes on whatever paper is at hand all day long, and then occasionally i sit down with my computer and take care of them all.

today i decided to do that.

so there i was, sitting on the couch in the family room, computer in my lap, surrounded by my little slips of paper. i was settled in front of the fire, watching the rain occasionally fall (see, aren't you glad i didn't write a whiny california rain blog today? because i could have . . . ) and i started working my way through the stack. some tasks required the internet, some required my phone, and some just required my computer and more time than i had to give them during a regular school day.

i was also waiting for rollie to call me. he was at church this morning teaching a class, and i knew that he would probably finish up around lunch time. which meant my chances for eating lunch somewhere other than my kitchen were very, very good, but only if he could reach me. so every time i had to leave my little work nest, i put my phone in my pocket, just in case he called. and when i came back i would put it on the arm of the couch, nice and handy, just in case he called.

and then it happened--my moment of panic. i happened to look at the arm of the couch and noticed that my phone was not there. i checked my pocket--not there either. where could it be? i just had it a minute ago . . . it was just here . . . i reached toward the end table to rustle through all my little notes, and there it was . . . IN MY HAND!!!! i am not kidding you.

i could not believe it. sheesh! i mean i was looking right at it, entering some information when i first missed it. how could i miss it?!?!? i was holding it!!!! i was using it!!! I WAS LOOKING RIGHT AT IT!!!!

maybe i need new glasses.

my only defense is that i hadn't been using it like a phone all morning--i was using it like a computer! i had been accessing the internet, storing information, checking email--all the things you do on your computer--and i guess i had subconsciously stopped thinking of it as a telephone . . .

and then i remembered a professor rollie had when he was in seminary. this professor was a brilliant, brilliant scholar, but he was a bit forgetful. he would routinely push his eyeglasses up on his head, and then forget they were there. he would put his tie on in the morning, and then when he went to brush his teeth, he would flip it to the back to keep from splashing toothpaste on it. then, on his way out the door he would notice he didn't have a tie on and go put another one on. really. rollie said he showed up at school more than once with two ties on--one in the front and one in the back.

but the funniest and most horrifying thing he ever did, was the night he stopped by a friend's house for a few minutes to drop something off. when the friend asked if he wanted to stay and play a game of chess, he eagerly agreed. forty five minutes later the friend's wife looked out the window of their house and said, "um, i think there is someone in your car!" and there was. it was his wife. he had completely forgotten she was out there!

so maybe it isn't because i am sick, and my brain is preoccupied with trying to get well. or because my short term memory occasionally takes a vacation without me. maybe, just maybe it is because i am brilliant! so brilliant that i forget the mundane things, because my mind is so busy with, you know, other stuff.

yeah, let's go with that . . .

ah, technology . . .

so today . . . i am home sick.

i hate being home sick. every morning when my alarm goes off, i think to myself, "i wish i didn't have to go to school today." but i never think, "i wish i was sick so i didn't have to go to school today." because being home sick creates conflict between my body and my brain.

not that this is unfamiliar territory. my body and my brain disagree all the time. my brain says eat vegetables. they are good for you! my body says ice cream, brownies, croissants! my brain says get out there and exercise! my body says but i'm already sitting here with the computer in my lap! and when i am home from school, sick, my brain says yippee! a whole unexpected day at home! think of all the things we can get done!! but my body says, sleep, crash on the couch, sleep some more . . .

it makes for a stressful day. because although i know my body is making the right choice, my brain won't leave me alone. ok, it says, i know you don't think you have the energy to do anything, but maybe you could just . . . and it's list of small things i could be doing is never ending! so while my body usually wins, and i do spend my day on the couch, it has to spend what little energy it has fighting off my brain to stay there.

the compromise they reached today was that i would sit on the couch and read some magazines. i have a stack of magazines that i haven't had time to read. and they just keep coming and coming and coming. i could just throw them away. i didn't order any of them--well, not specifically. i got them as bonuses when i ordered certain items from shopping tv. i meant to return the cards that would cancel the subscriptions and kick back a few bucks to me. but did i get it done in the allotted time? of course not! so all these magazines come to my house every month, and i feel obligated to read them. because you just never know . . . if i were to throw them out unread, i am certain that the information i might need someday to save my life would be in one of them. so yes, i read them out of fear . . .

but in all the reading i did, i discovered something very interesting. at the end of some of the articles there would be these little telephone icons. and it appeared to me that if you took a picture of that icon (which are called "tags") with your cell phone, then it would connect to a web page that would give you more information--more recipes, more health tips, etc. cool, i thought. so i tried it. i took a picture of the tag. i looked at the screen on my phone for a few minutes, but nothing happened. ok, i must have done something wrong, so i tried it again. still nothing. so i flipped through the magazine trying to find directions as to how to make this wonderful new technology work, but there was no explanation. finally i read the fine print and saw that you had to go to a web page and download a tag reader first. ooooh. ok. so i turned on my computer and went to the web page. but it said it couldn't identify my phone, which meant it didn't know which tag reader to download. after another ten minutes of clicking around the site, i realized that i needed to go to the web page from my phone. ooooh. ok. so i connected to the web page from my phone, only to find out that the operating system used on my phone is too new to have it's own tag reader. so i downloaded the generic "it will work with most phones" tag reader, went back to the magazine, took another picture, and it still didn't work. i was starting to get frustrated. apparently i cannot access this new technology with my new technology just yet.

but i love the idea of it! with so many people using their cell phones to access web content, this is perfect! instead of having to remember urls (not to mention typing them in accurately on a phone's teeny tiny keyboard,) you just point your phone at one of these tags, click a button, and it takes you right to a website. i am pretty sure there must be a way diandra can use this in her business--i just haven't figured it out yet. and according to the website, anyone can make tags of their own. maybe i can even make one for my blog. oh, the possibilities! i am a fan already . . .

. . . even though it won't work on my phone. yet.