what evil lurks in the closet...

so today . . . my fake ugg boots are toast. they are done. they will no longer get to clothe my feet.

they tried to kill me.

i should have seen it coming. i don't think it was their first attempt. they have sort of been testing the waters of my limits for some time now, but today they gave it their last, best shot. damage was done, but sadly for them, i am still alive. and able to have the last word.

it all started a few years ago. i wanted ugg boots. they looked so cozy and warm, and even in california, my feet get cold. i went online to check it out, and decided ugg boots from australia were not going to be in my future. so i did the next best thing--i looked for something similar. i bought a pair of "bear paws." i put them on. they were so comfy and soft. and warm. i immediately loved them, and wore them often.

but as time went by, they got a little too comfortable with my feet. the furry lining squished flatter. the suede stretched. and soon i didn't so much walk in my boots, as schlump around in them. you know what i mean--i would pick up my feet to take a step, but since my foot was loose in the boot, the boot would sort of drag along. it drove me a little crazy, but the warm coziness still called to me, and i continued to wear them...

last winter i noticed that they were pretty loose. in fact, a few times the rubber sole caught on the carpet and tripped me--not enough that i fell, but just enough to make me stumble. i should have realized right then that they were starting to think about doing me in. i should have known it was only a matter of time until they made their move...

summer came, and i put the boots away until cooler weather returned. as the weeks progressed, two new pair of boots (compliments of diandra) joined the old ones. i think that is when they decided it was time. they must have been worried that they might no longer be my "go to" boots. i think they spent the rest of the summer plotting and planning and waiting for the perfect opportunity...

...which came today. this is the fourth or fifth cold, cloudy, "rainy," day we have had. i find myself slowing down a bit more with each non-sunny day. today i didn't even wear my regular school clothes--i threw on skinny jeans, my "bear paws" boots, and a sweater, and slouched off to work... i daydreamed my way through the morning until it was finally time for my break. i made a cup of peppermint tea (i know, that doesn't sound very invigorating--i probably should have had an extra-strength coffee drink!) and headed back to the play area. i walked down the hall, conscious of my boots dragging their heels with every step. i turned the corner and started up the stairs. i made it successfully up the first flight... and then the boots made their move.

on the second flight of steps, the rubberized toe of my boot grabbed onto a step which sent me flying forward. i felt it happening and tried desperately to stay upright. i had my travel cup of tea in my left hand, and my right hand? where was it?? well i can tell you where it was not! it was not holding onto the safety handrail like it should have been!

(every single day i tell my students "hold onto the hand railing! be safe! if you trip, you need to be holding onto the hand railing so you won't fall!" every day i say that. but do i practice what i preach? apparently not. at least not today.)

my body was somehow falling UP the stairs. i thought i was going to be ok. i tried to get my feet under me. i grabbed for the railing or the stairs, or anything that would steady me and keep me from hitting the ground. i thought i had made it. my brain said, "ok, you are going to be ok. you are going to regain your balance and not fall. you will be fine." but my brain spoke before my body was really under control. my brain is sometimes the most optimistic part of my body--although not always the most realistic part. because just about the time i thought i was going to land on my feet, one of my traitorous boots caught the edge of the top step and sent me flying once again. through the air. straight toward the glass doors leading outside...

i knew i was going to hit the glass door. i knew it. there was no way to avoid it. my body was traveling waaay faster than my feet (yes, the feet encased in the evil boots.) i knew i was going to hit that door and do a face plant onto the concrete outside.

and that is probably what would have happened, except for one thing. somehow, i managed to stop trying to use my hands to break my fall, and instead grabbed for the crash bar on the glass door. fortunately the door opened. unfortunately my body still ended up smacking the ground. my face hit the door, sending my glasses skittering across the pavement. my travel cup went flying, spreading streams of peppermint tea everywhere...

i lay there, half in the building, and half outside on the damp pavement, momentarily stunned. i was alone. i needed help, but i didn't know how to get it. there was a guy working outside who had apparently seen me come flying out the door. "are you ok?" he asked.

really?!?! he had to ask???? did i LOOK ok?? i was pretty sure i did not! but i said i was fine, because i was still conscious, and he moved on. i sat up. i didn't quite know what to do. no one had seen me, but i was pretty sure i must be bleeding somewhere! thankfully in the next few minutes help arrived...

the director had heard the crash from her office and came to see what was going on. my elbow was severely scraped up and my knee is going to have an awesome bruise on it. miraculously my face didn't smack into anything abrasive, it seems to have just sort of bounced off the glass door. my jeans and sweater were ok--no rips or tears (yes, i was worried about that--i was wearing my favorite jeans!) but i think my glasses are history...(i loved those glasses...)

most importantly--i didn't cry.

so the evil boots are no longer a part of my wardrobe. i treated them like family, and they tried to kill me. i am not going to give them another chance. they are dead to me. my feet may never be so warm and cozy again...

...however, i just turned on the tv, and in an amazing coincidence, shopping tv is selling similar boots today. and they are sparkly!!! i think the perfect revenge would be to replace the malicious boots with a brand, new, sequined pair.

if only i didn't have to buy new glasses...

stupid, evil boots.

caution! girly, shoe shopping blog ahead!!

so today . . . i was once again ambushed by sparkly things.

i can't seem to help myself. this evening i went to burlington coat factory, a nice practical store. i went all by myself, because my usual shopping compadre (diandra) is a bad influence on me when i am shoe shopping--or really any shopping at all, and i had a mission: buy black or gray boots--flat ones.

without going into all the reasons why i need them (you can thank me later,) i was hopeful i would find something at burlington coat factory. usually when i go there, i find my arms full of wonderful things that i must then narrow down to what i really "need." but tonight my mission was not to be completed.

i was saboutaged. by sparkly things.

here's the problem--i need the flat boots, but i want fancy dress-up ones with impossibly high heels. and when i go to look for the practical, comfortable boots i need, i have to go into the section of the store that they share with the fancy, girly, high-heeled boots. this is further complicated by the fact that i cannot find the type of boots i am looking for, so i am forced, forced i say, to try on the "yeah, i am just that cool" boots.

burlington coat factory was not the first store i tried. last week i went to ross. i looked through the terribly messy shoe section for flat boots, but had no luck. well, depending on how you define luck. i did find a pair of shoes, and a pair of those fancy, girly, high-heeled boots i mentioned before--neither of which i needed. but they were so cute! and they were so affordable! and the boots even have this little metal detail on the bottom!! i was in love . . .

i confess. i bought them.
i put the boots on as soon as i got home, and suddenly realized there was a tiny little problem. while they were surprisingly comfortable, i couldn't really walk in them. well, i could, but it was with that awkward gait that i mock in all the prom girls. the heels were so high that it was hard to pick my feet up enough to set them down smoothly, so i walked with these little mincing, flat-footed steps. i took them off and decided they had to go back. but i kept thinking about how cute they were . . . and about the silver bow on the sole of the boot (which, btw, is an actual silver metal bow that is attached to the sole--not just stamped on!). . . and thought, maybe i could learn to walk in them . . .

but i still needed flat gray or black boots--and so, the trip to burlington coat factory.

as soon as i walked in the door, i knew i was in t.r.o.u.b.l.e. there was a display of shiny, sparkly, beaded evening bags right inside the door. there were the usual black, silver, and gold bags, but mixed in were a red one and a brown one and a steel blue one and several white ones--and they all sparkled!!

i don't need a sparkly evening bag. or perhaps i should say, i don't need another sparkly evening bag. the truth is, i have several. i even have one my mom gave me that is completely constructed out of sparkles!! and yet those bags called to me . . . i stood there for 20 minutes admiring them, holding them, opening them, and comparing them as if i was going to buy one. but i wasn't--at least i didn't think i was going to . . .

flat boots. flat boots. flat boots. put down the sparkly bags and go the the shoe department.

to get to the shoe department, i had to walk past the handbags and the racks and racks of women's clothes. i guess i could have gone the long way around, through the men's department, but i didn't. by then the mantra was strong in my head--flat boots. flat boots. flat boots.

i got to the shoe department only to discover that the boots were all gone, replaced by lovely spring shoes :) ooooohh, yippee!!

NOOOO!!! flat boots. flat boots. flat boots.

i went to the clearance rack, thinking that must be where all the boot remants from "winter" had gone. once again i was disappointed. the only flat boots i found were a lovely shade of purple--which i loved, but that was not why i was there!! flat black boots. flat gray boots. and then i saw these . . .again, not why i was there. "but look how cute they are! and they are black AND brown--ok, gold-- which means i can wear them with anything. and they open and close with a zipper, so no buckles or ties to deal with. and i could wear them with dresses or pants or skinny jeans . . . " and so it goes, in my head. i decided to try them on. "they're not really my size, so they probably won't fit," i thought. but they did. and they were comfortable.

and had those really high heels and a not so affordable price.

you will be pleased to know that i showed some self control and left the store empty handed. although not without playing with the sparkly evening bags one more time. the brown one almost wrestled me to the floor and demanded to come home with me. after all, i don't have a brown evening bag . . .

but really, where would i even use an evening bag? it isn't like i am getting an invitation to walk the red carpet. i'm not even standing in line outside the studio to get into a dr. phil taping! i have absolutely no use for a sparkly evening bag! and if the occasion does arise, i already own four!

but i dream of dressing up in sparkly shoes and a sparkly dress and carrying a sparkling evening bag and going . . . i have no idea where.

this is my problem. i teach kindergarten during the week. on the weekends i do laundry and go to the movies and clean out my closet. on sundays i go to church in our alternative service where jeans are the clothing of choice. i would never spend the kind of money for dinner that one would have to spend to wear party clothes, and would be horrified if rollie did it (don't do it rollie--i'm serious!! i would be totally uncomfortable!) and yet i confess that i do own a few party dresses, and more than one pair of sparkly shoes, and those evening bags.

maybe rollie should run for president. i could be the first lady and wear pearls all the time and go to fancy dress-up balls. i could blind heads of state all over the world with my sparkly attire. my agenda could be "make everything shine!"

i think i might need that brown evening bag after all!

random thoughts on a typical sunday

so today. . . is sunday. that means we go to church in the morning.

my sunday starts with band rehearsal at 9:00 a.m. i say we start at 9:00, but we never start at 9:00 . . . i have tried everything short of paying the band members to be on time, but they just can't seem to make it happen. and on those rare occasions when everyone is there on time, we inevitably have sound issues . . .

actually, we have sound issues almost every week. it is probably amazing that we don't have more problems than we do. fortunately, we have james--yes, james my computer wizard! he also does sound for me at church, and he is also amazing at that! but as amazing as he is, we can't seem to avoid having sound problems--james is just excellent at fixing them.

the sound problems aren't always his fault. one morning we spent 10 minutes trying to track down why we couldn't hear the guitar through the sound system, only to finally discover that the cable wasn't pushed all the way into the guitar! and this morning, the drummer lost my vocals in his monitor, and we discovered his cable had been kicked loose. cables and connections--the bane of my musical existence!

today, the drummer was on drugs. not the bad kind--the kind you take when you don't feel very good. and they made him a little bit loopy. it was pretty funny. he came to church wearing a bandana around his head, and with his dark hair and big eyes and the vacant stare that was a result of his cold medicine, he looked a little like a deranged ninja--and it didn't help that he kept popping up unexpectedly from behind things . . .

church starts in the main sanctuary at 10:15 a.m. promptly. church starts for us between 10:20 and 10:30ish, depending on how long it takes us to locate the whole band and get them on stage. there are only three musicians and two vocalists, but some days it is like herding cats to get everyone ready to go! we have to look outside, and in the bathrooms, and in the kitchen . . . they are all there, we just have to find them.

then after the music, diandra and i sat together on the floor in the back during the sermon, as we do every week (remember, our service is in the church gym, and it is dark . . . ) the deranged drummer sat with us this week, because his cold medicine was making it hard for him to focus and he didn't want to distract his friends--at least, that is the motive i am giving him--maybe he just got lost on his way to the bathroom . . . so the three of us were sitting there listening to rollie preach. he was preaching about loneliness today and was talking about how people try to fill the emptiness in their lives with all kinds of things, but nothing works, because as he said, "it is like there is a God-shaped hole in each of us that can only be filled by God." and i leaned over to diandra and said, "i think i also have a brownie shaped hole . . . "

this was a mistake. she started laughing--quietly, of course, and thank goodness we were in the back, but still . . . then javvy (the drummer) looked at her with his vacant eyes, so she told him what i had said and then he started laughing, and that made me laugh too . . .

it reminded me of a time when diandra was about six years old. we were sitting in church, again in the back (because that is where i like to sit,) and rollie was preaching, and she was playing with my hand. she was being quiet and just sort of absently holding my hand and tracing along the blood vessels on the back of it. i have very prominent blood vessels on the back of my hand, and at one point she kind of pushed on one. i don't know what possessed me, but when she did that, i abruptly stiffened up my hand into a "claw" position. it startled her so badly that she jumped. it was so funny! so i laughed--i couldn't help myself. and then she laughed. and neither one of us could stop. and we were trying to be quiet, and again, thank goodness we were in the back . . . but that is still one of my favorite memories of her childhood.

(lest you think we are being disrespectful when we talk in church, rollie told me today that it doesn't bother him when he sees people whisper to each other during the sermon. he says that just means that he has said something that has made them think, and they want to tell someone what they are thinking, so they whisper to the person next to them. that is usually what happens with diandra and me--although usually it is when he says something that makes us think of something funny to say. and so we do. and then we laugh. but we are still listening!)

i wore my new gray ankle boots to church today. it was the first time i had worn them out of the house. maybe sunday morning church was not the best choice for their first outing, as i am on my feet from 9:00 until the music is over at about 11:00. and standing in brand new shoes for two hours has it's drawbacks . . . so my feet were not happy by the time church was over. rollie and i went to subway for lunch, and when we pulled into the parking lot (i was following him,) i kept thinking "leave the closest parking space for ME! my feet hurt!!" of course, since we were in separate cars, he couldn't hear me. and he had sore toes from an injury yesterday. so he pulled into the close space and i drove around the parking lot. then i sat in my car for a few minutes working up my courage to hobble into the restaurant.

the rest of my afternoon consisted of a nap, followed by a meeting at the church, which was followed by dinner at rubio's! and still, rollie and i were in separate cars--we just could not get our timetables synced today! and as i was slowly and carefully walking toward rubio's, rollie said, "you are still wearing those shoes?!?!" and i said, "yes, they go with my outfit! and they are so cute!!" and he said, "but they hurt your feet!" and i said, "yes, but i planned my whole outfit around these boots today. i love them!!" he just looked at me like maybe aliens had invaded my body . . .

maybe they have. but if they have, they certainly have good taste in footwear!