ch-ch-ch-changes, part deux

so today . . . is the last day of 2011. i thought i should probably blog...

i have been a terrible blogger this year! in fact, i am not sure i have blogged enough to even be called a blogger!! i should probably just be called "a woman with a computer and a blogspot address who thinks about blogging but never actually does it..." but that is kind of long, and i don't really like it, so next year i promise to do better!

(oh man, there i go, making new year's resolutions already! i hate new year's resolutions! they always make me feel like a big, fat failure, because i can never keep them. ever. so forget i said that... because if i make a resolution like that, it will certainly be the kiss of death for my blog!)

2011 was a year of changes. ultimately all the changes were good, but they were not without consequences. i was tired. i was busy. i was confused and overwhelmed. i was exhausted. my brain ceased to function quite frequently. there were days i couldn't keep my eyes open and nights when i didn't sleep. and so my blogging became sporadic...

...and then i got an ipad. and an iphone. which made it worse!

yes, one of the biggest changes of 2011 was learning to navigate apple's operating system--you know, the one that is so intuitive?? yes, well maybe it is intuitive if you are a child! but for a person who has been using microsoft products for the last 25 years, i find it more than a little bit challenging. and yet, i am strangely madly in love with my new electronics. you know how in the movies the good girls are always falling for the bad boys? you know those boys are going to get them into trouble, and yet the good girls fall for them every. single. time. well, my iproducts are my bad boys...

how has this affected my blogging? it's like this... i used to spend my evenings sitting on my couch, watching tv, and surfing the internet with my cute little laptop. i would "shop" a little, catch up on what all my fb friends were doing, farm a little, and then blog. but now? now i spend my evenings sitting on my couch, watching tv, and surfing the internet on my ipad. i check my email, look for new, free apps to download, and maybe "shop" a little. but what i do not do is farm (because the ipad doesn't support most fb games,) or blog. because i can't.

i can't blog from my ipad. my blogger site doesn't work with apple's operating system. i need an app for that! and there is one for the phone, but not for the ipad. i went into the apple store for help, and we managed to figure out how i could post a blog, but it isn't easy! it is time consuming and frustrating and doesn't always work. so, if i want to blog, i have to get up off the couch and trade my ipad for my laptop, and i am sorry to tell you that there are days when i just don't have the oomph to do that! and so my blogging suffered...

and then i was busy. i was out of town in february, march, august, september, october, november, and december for 5-10 days each time. i was the mother of the bride on st. patrick's day in las vegas. i looked for a house, bought a house, packed up our old house, and moved into our new house. i hired and supervised painters, gardeners, and other miscellaneous workers. i taught school. i did laundry, walked the dogs, cleaned the house, and finally started cooking again. i shopped for family room couches, a washer and dryer, and a new front door... i am still shopping for a new front door... i spoke at two retreats and a christmas brunch. i was busy.

and then our family changed. in 2011 i became a mother-in-law. i'm not so sure how i feel about that. i always say that diandra is pretty much perfect. and she is. but "pretty much" leaves a little room for those days that we all have occasionally... and somehow, miraculously, her husband, javier knows how to deal with those days and make them better. i am very glad that my darling daughter is married to a man who is the yin to her yang. i'm glad she found a man who loves her like her dad loves me, and like my dad loves my mom. but now i have a son-in-law, a cuban son-in-law, who doesn't like to smile in pictures (although he is getting better,) who hugs everyone (EVERYONE,) who eats my string cheese by BITING it (everyone knows you have to peel the strings off to eat string cheese!) and is just a bit inscrutable. and so i am not quite sure what to do with him. our family dynamic has changed, and it is a little unnerving at times... our nest is empty (well, except for our two weird pups,) and we miss having our little chick around.

2011 was defined by changes. and sometimes chaos. it was all about just getting through the next few days... or weeks... or months... it was about homecomings and leaving home. it was about crisis management and problem solving. and yet, when i look back over the last year, i am struck by how blessed we are! we live in the land of eternal sunshine. we have good, steady jobs. we have a lovely new home (even if the garage roof does have a leak!) we are mostly happy and healthy.

i am hoping that in 2012 we are going to find some balance in our lives and get back into a routine. i am hoping that we are done dealing with major changes for a while. i am hoping that life is going to get back to normal... even if normal is going to be different than it has ever been before.

so here we go... on to 2012... let the blogging resume!

lunch isn't just a meal--it's an adventure!

so today . . . rollie and diandra and i went to lunch together. we don't get to do that too often anymore, because we all work and it just seems hard for all of us to make it to the same place at the same time--unless it is church on sunday morning where we all have responsibilities, and so we HAVE to be there.

i am on summer "vacation" from school. (i put the word "vacation" in quotation marks, because i don't feel like i have been vacationing much! but since i do not have to get up and go to work every day, technically i guess i am on vacation.) this means that i can be free for lunch almost every day--which works to my advantage!

and today was diandra's day off. usually she is busy on her day off--doing what, i don't know. but usually she sleeps in, gets up and gets dressed, and then disappears . . . she always turns up before the next morning though, so i don't worry about her. too much . . . i am a mom, you know, so i have to worry a little bit!

since it was her day off, and she was still at home, i sent her a text (because i hadn't seen her beautiful face yet) asking if she wanted to go to lunch. yes, i text her even though she is just upstairs! it is much more civilized than yelling up the stairs, i think. plus, she never seems to hear me when i yell up the stairs, so then i have to walk up the stairs and go down the hall and knock on her door and wait for her to answer it, all just to get an answer to the question "do you want to go to lunch today." i would rather sit on the couch and send her a message.

she responded to my text by coming downstairs and talking to me for a little bit before heading back upstairs to get ready to go. i realized that we were not all going to fit in rollie's car, so i sent him a text. this is what it said--"why don't we just meet you there because we can't both fit in your car." at least, that is what i meant to say. the message i actually sent said this--"Hy don't e just meet u there cuz e ont both firt in your car." the W on my phone isn't working right now, and sometimes i hit the wrong key, so it takes some decoding skills to read my texts.

five minutes later, i heard the garage door open. that meant rollie was home. hmmm, i thought, that's odd--he must have already been on his way before he got my text.

about that time, diandra came out of her room with that sad look on her face that she has used since she was four, and said to me, "you mean i can't ride with you to lunch?"

"of course you can," i said. but still she stood there, looking confused, with her phone in her hand. "but you said there wasn't room for me." now i was the one with the confused look on my face, until she said, "you texted me . . . " and then i realized that once again, i had sent a text to the wrong person . . . and diandra had received the message intended for rollie.

i do this all the time. i get in a hurry and i write and send a text off, and it goes to the last person i texted instead of the person i want to text. in fact, i don't keep chat strands on my phone anymore except for rollie, diandra, and my mom. then at least if i send a message off to the wrong person, it will be one of them . . .

by now my message was moot anyway, because we were all at home. but the problem still existed, because both rollie's car and my car will only hold two people, and there are three of us. so it seemed logical to take diandra's car.

diandra's car is a jeep--and not just any jeep--it is a jeep with gigantic tires and no top. well, it has a top, but she never uses it. a discussion ensued about the possibility of making it to jack-in-the-box without stopping for gas, and two out of three of us decided it was worth the risk--you can probably guess which two out of three--so we piled into the jeep. eventually. because someone had to climb into the backseat, and there is no back door and did i mention the enormous tires?!?! right now there is also no top and no windows, so diandra said, "just climb up over the tire into the back seat." uh huh . . . sometimes she forgets i am somewhat older than most of the people who ride in her jeep! rollie saved me by volunteering to ride in the back, and seemed to have no trouble climbing in.

one of the things i love about our family is that we have fun together. even if all we are doing is going to lunch, we will joke and tease and laugh and have a good time. and the fun increases exponentially, depending on how many of us there are. any two of us can have a good time, but the three of us together? it's a riot!

we headed to jack in the box, the vinyl seats searing our skin through our clothes, while diandra said we were whiny crybabies (she didn't actually use that exact term, but i know that is what she meant!) two out of three of us thought the lunch was delicious, and then two out of three of us complained about the hot seats on the way home again.

ok, that is a lie--i just liked the symmetry of it. only one out of three of us complained about the hot seats again. and you can probably guess which one it was . . .

it's my mom's birthday!

so today . . . i did it. i paid real money for virtual stuff. what could possibly convince me to do such a crazy thing? my mom's birthday!

today is my mom's birthday and as i started thinking about a birthday gift, i was stymied. my mom used to be really easy to buy for, because she collected lots of things. but in the last few years, she has started decluttering her house (not that it ever looked cluttered to me--she had some beautiful collections!) stuff takes maintenance, and i think she got tired of taking care of things that she just looked at. or maybe she got tired of looking at it--i don't know, but the result was the same--the stuff started disappearing . . .

when i was at her house recently, i was keeping my eyes and ears open for ideas but got nothing. she gets her books from the library. she has so many dvds that odds are she would already have anything i would choose. it is hard to buy clothes for her, because i don't get to see her often enough to know what she has. and handbags are subject to personal preference, which makes them a difficult gift to give. i live too far away to take her out and do something fun! so, what to do, what to do . . .

my mom does like electronics. when we were visiting last month, we signed her up with sprint and got her the coolest phone ever, but i had my doubts about how she would adapt to the rigors of cell phone ownership--especially when diandra and i kept trying to catch her with her phone off by texting her at various times throughout the day (yeah mom, it was a plot!) we caught her a couple of times the first day or two, but i have to say that now she responds fairly quickly no matter what time it is. however i am not familiar enough with her new phone to have any idea about what i could get for her that would enhance her cell phone experience. so that idea led me nowhere.

the other day we were talking to each other on the computer, and she was telling me how her poor little virtual pet had no money. this is something we all experience from time to time (except diandra who seems to be the luckiest pet owner in the game when it comes to the daily lottery!) we were commiserating about how long it takes to earn coins to spend on fun stuff, when i thought, "aha!" so for her birthday, paypal and i bought her some coins to spend on her pet.

and it was fun! i was worried that she would be horrified that i had spent actual money on the game, but she wasn't--or at least she hid it well. we "shopped" together, and when i bought something as a gift for her, it showed up in her virtual pet's house in lovely pink gift boxes with bows on top--i didn't even have to wrap them!

she didn't spend all the coins today. and still she got a princess bed and dresser, a settee and chandelier with flickering candles, a jacuzzi tub and mirror for her bathroom, and a waterfall with moving water for her yard. but then she didn't have enough rooms in her virtual house for everything. so she did the only thing she could--she created a cute little virtual pet on my DAD'S facebook account. and named her lily. and then she gave lily all of her extra stuff. lily is kind of going to be "garage sale girl" for a while, i think. here's the funny part--my dad doesn't even know lily exists! he may never know. my clever mother has figured out a way to have two virtual pets.

i love my mom. she was a good parent when i was growing up, and is not to blame for my issues--i take full responsibility for the crazy way i think about things sometimes. she tolerates my diet pepsi consumption even though she knows it is bad for me, but compensates by also feeding me broccoli. she will spend over an hour in sephora with us when we just meant to stop in for a minute. she will watch high school musical 1 or 2 or 3 or whatever as many times as diandra wants to. she will make a second trip to the grocery store to get ice cream and bar-be-que potato chips because we ate them all and still had a few days left of our visit. she lets us do some of our own christmas shopping so that everything fits--even though it means she has to pay the dreaded california sales tax! she has become quite electronically savvy so that we can keep in closer contact. she has learned to text message and surf the web from her phone. she has a facebook farm, and accepts my goofy friends (you know who you are!) as her friends so they can advance in the game.

my mom is the greatest! she must be, because when i did a search of my blogs for the words "my mom," i found that i had mentioned her in 78 of my 204 blogs!now if only she would get on an airplane . . .

letting go and hanging on . . .

so today . . . i continued working on cleaning out the extra bedroom (formerly known as the scary room and soon to be known as the office.) it is coming along really well. the rest of the house is suffering, but there is always next week to deal with that.

as you know, i have a hard time getting rid of stuff. which is why i am constantly cleaning stuff out. but each time i go through a closet or drawer, i am able to let go of one or two more things. it would be a much more efficient use of my time to just be ruthless the first time, but apparently i am incapable of doing that. so, i have to do it again and again, each time letting go of a little more . . .

when diandra was about five, we used to go out for sunday brunch after church. we typically let her choose what she wanted to eat, and one day she ordered pancakes. she liked pancakes, so it seemed like a good choice. until the pancakes came. the chef had very cleverly fashioned diandra's pancake into the shape of a teddy bear for her. she was delighted, until we tried to get her to eat it. she resisted. she said no. she cried. she did not want to eat that pancake, because it looked like a teddy bear and how could she eat a teddy bear--it's feelings would be hurt and it would cease to exist and it would be all her fault. duh!

i am kind of like that with my stuff. even if i don't use it anymore, there are memories attached. and if i get rid of it, i am afraid that the memories will be gone as well. today, one of my tasks was cleaning out the drawers of the sewing desk--a minefield of memories.

the sewing desk is staying. it was custom made for my mom by a friend and it is a great work space. it has drawers and a large work surface, so it will be perfect for the work diandra and i will be doing in this room. my mom gave me this desk many years ago, and i immediately filled up the drawers with all my sewing stuff. i was in heaven!

i used to sew a lot. in fact, before diandra was born, i made most of my own clothes, and i was pretty good at it. but when we became a family of three, i found i didn't have time for sewing anymore. the last time i started "getting rid of stuff," i finally got rid of the tiny little patterns for ruffly dresses that i bought to sew up for my new baby girl--24 years ago--which never quite got assembled. cut out of darling fabric? yes. stitched into something wearable? not quite . . .

every time i clean stuff out, i get rid of a few more things. this time, i finally let go of the last of my patterns.i know i will never sew anything from these patterns again. but i did once. i can remember shopping for the fabrics i used. i remember how the clothes fit and which ones i liked the best. i am even still kind of attached to the one pattern that i thought would be so cute, even though i never got to use it. and so i have kept these patterns--i guess in case i ever decide to use them again . . .

but i won't, and it is just time to say good-bye.

the last time i cleaned things out, i got rid of most of my fabric. but i have this small pile of christmas fabric that i just can't part with. still. someday when i am old and retired, maybe i will make something out of it. so i tucked it away in the back of the bottom drawer, where it will lay, probably until the next time i clean out the sewing desk.

i let go of probably 50 packages of bias tape (in every color of the rainbow,) and several zippers. i got rid of odds and ends of elastic and a big bag of buttons--ok, i didn't actually get rid of the buttons. i am going to take them to school for the kids to use. but at least they aren't in the sewing desk anymore . . . i finally said goodbye to the brown and white fuzzy fabric scraps that i always thought would be good for something.

and then i opened a small box that used to hold greeting cards--a long, long time ago. before i even opened it, i knew it had belonged to my grandma peabody.grandma peabody was my dad's mother, and she was everyone's favorite grandma. when we went to visit grandma peabody, the world revolved around us. she would have our favorite food to eat. she would play games or watch tv or make stuff with us. and once in a while, we would get to go to payless to get supplies for our projects and maybe a little surprise as well. she didn't spoil us with stuff, but she certainly spoiled us with attention.

grandma peabody could make something out of anything, but her gift was sewing. when i was young, i had the best dressed barbies of anyone. my barbies had flannel nightgowns and fuzzy bathrobes as well as beaded evening gowns and slips! yes, my barbies had undergarments! my barbies wore pants, when all you could buy in the store were skirts. they had cardigan sweaters and blouses. she even made knee-high boots for them! and my skipper and skooter dolls? (barbie's little sister and cousin, in case you didn't know) they had matching wardrobes. if skipper had red and white pajamas, so did skooter--she just made two of everything.

when diandra got her first barbie, it came complete with a brand new wardrobe, custom made by grandma peabody. i still had all the clothes she had made for me, but she wanted to make clothes especially for diandra. and when diandra had cabbage patch kids, grandma made clothes for them too. she even made clothes for the american girls which were just as nice as the ones in the catalog.

today, i found the box with the barbie patterns in it. and as i dug further into the box, i found these . . .these are pattern pieces for some type of doll clothing that grandma made out of her church bulletin. and i have no doubt that when she finished cutting and sewing up these tiny garments, they fit the doll they were intended for perfectly. because grandma and her sewing machine were pretty amazing.

i know i will never make doll clothes from these patterns. i knew this even before i took them out and looked at how small they were. but i also knew that i was keeping them. because even though i will never use them, and diandra probably won't either (although grandma did teach her how to sew and we do have her sewing machine, so she may surprise me,) these tiny pieces of tissue paper connect me to her. i will never forget my grandma, but i also can't let go of this piece of her. at least not now.

the office is starting to look pretty good. the rest of the house is not. i am getting rid of a lot, but not everything. some things, even though they are not useful, are important to keep. and that is what i am figuring out . . .

and then there are these shoes.
i took them out of a box, but didn't quite know what to do with them. i kept tripping over them all day. they probably should have gone in the "getting rid of it" pile, but i kind of like them. so i put them on and they are pretty comfortable . . . maybe i will hang onto them for a little while longer . . .

so today . . . was a traveling day. it was the day we left for what is becoming our annual summer visit to my mom and dad's house.

it started early this morning--not ridiculously early, but since i didn't get to bed until WELL after midnight, it was early enough.

when i made our plane reservations a month ago, we were not able to get seat assignments for today's flight. this has never happened to me before, so i was just a tiny bit concerned. i am haunted by the picture of a family of five--dad, mom, and three small children--standing at the boarding gate at 10:30 p.m. in seattle, carry-on luggage in hand, waiting to see if they were going to be allowed to board the plane. they were apparently flying stand-by, and so they were standing by (hahaha) hoping to get to orlando. this is what i saw in our future, especially considering my recent run of bad luck concerning airplanes . . . so my plan was to get there EARLY and get a seat.

we were early all right--2 1/2 hours early. if you remember the last time i flew without rollie, you know that this is not my usual modus operandi, but i had already cleaned house and packed, and i wanted to get on that plane! i did NOT want to hear anyone say, "i'm sorry, but all the seats are full. we will have to reschedule you." for some reason, i thought that the earlier we got there, the better our chances were of making that flight . . .

diandra and i checked our bags (there was NO line--but again, it was early and we flew out of long beach--yay!) and received our boarding passes. i was so relieved that we had boarding passes! so i looked to see where we would be sitting, and saw a blank space. "excuse me," i very politely said to the guy who had just taken our bags and handed over the passes, "but we need seat assignments." he looked at me like i was speaking russian, so i said, " the seat assignment is blank." he grabbed the boarding passes and looked at them, ready to point out to me where our seat assignments were, and probably thinking, "is this what my whole day is going to be like? moronic passengers who can't even find their seat numbers on their boarding passes??" but he did a double take, realized that we did need help, and started pounding the keys on his computer. (he was kind of cranky and it was only 8:00 a.m.--i hate to think what he was going to be like by noon!) after a few minutes he handed the passes back and said, "you will have to talk to the person at your gate to get seats."

ok, now i am starting to panic just a little bit. but they have already taken our money, so surely they will get us on the plane! surely i didn't vacuum for nothing!!

we breezed through security (again, long beach, YAY!) because there was no line. we found our gate (not hard in long beach--there are only three,) and settled down to wait for someone to show up who could get us on that plane!

two hours later, we got seat assignments in row 18. pretty good, i thought. until we got on the plane and realized that row 18 was the last row in the plane. really, the very last row. there was nothing behind those seats but the tail of the airplane. oh yes, and the one bathroom for the whole plane was conveniently located right across the aisle from us. did i mention that it was a small plane? only two seats on each side of the aisle?? for people who don't fly a lot and who have some claustrophobia issues, this was not ideal. i had my head between my knees trying to cram my carry-on bag under the seat in front of me, when an angel dressed in flight attendant clothes said, "would you two like to move up to the exit row?" "YES!!" i nearly screamed. "i mean, yes, thank you. that would be wonderful," i said in a more normal tone. she helped us move our things up 5 rows, and suddenly our legs could unfold, we could reach our bags under the seats in front of us without banging our heads on the seat backs, and we didn't have to endure people constantly watching us while they waited for the bathroom.

we made it to portland. and so did our bags. my mom and dad picked us up, listened to our tale of woe, and took us home. we ate lunch (which always tastes better when you are at your mom's house!) and started our vacation . . .

we are going to have a great week!

of fireworks and memories

so today . . . is the fourth of july. all the blogs i have read today are about how great it is to be an american, and what it cost others for us to be able to live the way we live today. they have been well written and inspiring. diandra's was especially good! so go read hers . . .

because for me, the fourth of july is all about the fireworks!

i remember as a kid, sometimes we would go park on marine drive out by the airport to watch the fireworks. it was magical to me! i love to feel the BOOM in my chest when they are ignited, and then the POP when they explode into colors. and i love the surprise of never knowing what each one is going to look like . . .

the summer rollie and i got engaged, it happened on the fourth of july. he was gone for the summer doing a pastor-interning sort of job, but he had come home for a week for his sister's wedding. and so, on the fourth of july, we drove out to the airport and watched the fireworks on marine drive. we had already talked about getting married, so this wasn't one of those surprise proposals, but we wanted it to be "official." so on the fourth of july, he asked me and i said yes. and let me just say, not only was it one of the best decisions i have ever made, but engagement rings sure do sparkle when illuminated by fireworks!

several years later, we had a tiny baby girl by july fourth. she was just about two weeks old. she was a very good baby, but there was one thing about being a new mom that was giving me problems. i loved that little girl, but i was starting to get discouraged. so rollie and i went to watch the fireworks--without her. my mom and dad and grandma were visiting and were delighted to have a little time of their own with our new baby girl. so once again, we found a good place to park our car, and we watched the fireworks. i cried. rollie told me it was going to be ok. and then we headed back home. and it was ok. that very brief time we spent watching fireworks and talking helped me get back on my feet as a new mom. which was really important, because MY mom was getting ready to go home and leave me all alone with this brand new tiny little human being . . .

when diandra was about 2, we decided she should do sparklers. i remembered loving sparklers when i was a kid--they were beautiful and sparkly, and they would kind of leave a trail in the air when you moved them really fast. you could "draw" or even write your name in the dark! i wanted her to have that experience too . . . and she was so cute! she was wearing her pink and white striped bathrobe and slippers, she had put pink plastic curlers in her hair (one of her favorite things to do,) and was holding joylene (her cabbage patch baby) in one hand with the sparkler in the other. we lit the sparkler and prepared for the magic to happen . . . her face lit up! i snapped pictures. and then, she almost caught herself on fire! the wind was blowing a little bit, and she was waving the sparkler around (per her mother's instructions) but she didn't seem to understand that it was sort of like fire, and she got it awfully close to her hair. thankfully i am not a total moron, and so her dad was standing nearby NOT looking at her through a camera lens. disaster was averted, and we decided that perhaps we should put the sparklers away for a year or two . . .

a few years later, we moved to southern oregon. we lived in a lovely little town and had the fun (and sometimes frustration) of being responsible for building both a new house and a new church. the property was on the edge of town, so when the sun went down, it was very dark. and every year, the people from our church would gather in the parking lot to watch the fireworks. it was the perfect spot! we would tune the radio station to the one playing patriotic music and blare it out! one year our worship band played a concert in the parking lot before the fireworks. it was so cool! i had never done anything like that before. we had all our equipment set up on a big trailer platform, people came to listen and sing along, and it was fun, fun, fun! (and loud, but that's the way i like it . . . ) and then we all ate popcorn and ice cream and watched the fireworks.

the first summer we were in southern california, our church manned a fireworks booth as a fundraiser to help kids go to camp. this was a new concept to me, but i signed up for a couple of shifts. it was an interesting experience. i had no idea how much money people would spend on fireworks! some of them probably should have been paying their rent or car payment instead. i mean, they would spend hundreds of dollars on stuff that they were just going to burn up--hopefully without anything exploding in their faces . . . and we had to have a guy onsite at all times who was armed in case someone tried to rob us! this was also the year i was introduced to snappers. i love snappers. the only fireworks i had used up close and personal were sparklers, but snappers instantly became one of my favorites! there is just something so satisfying about that POP when it hits the ground--and it has the added advantage that fire is not involved, although they are still illegal within the city limits, so it is kind of hard to really enjoy them . . .

last year on the fourth, my friend wendy was visiting. she came for a week. i was a little nervous about it, because although i really like wendy, we hadn't spent much time together outside of work. but we had been talking online quite a lot and decided it would be fun for her to visit. we went to disneyland and california adventure. we ate at rubios. we spent a day in hollywood. and on the fourth of july, we drove to the di-ho market on the edge of little india and sat in my car with the top down to watch the fireworks. it was fun to have someone ooo and aahhh with me . . .

the truth is, it doesn't have to be the fourth of july for me to get excited about lights exploding in the night sky. if i am going to an angels baseball game, i want to go on friday night, when they have fireworks after the game. if i go to disneyland, i want to stay until after 10:00 so i can see the fireworks. even if i go to sea world (which is an hour and a half away) i want to stay late for the fireworks show--and thankfully i can, because rollie will drive home while i sleep . . .

i guess i am a fireworks junkie. tonight as i was sitting in my car watching 2 different city fireworks shows, plus 3 different neighborhood shows--all from the di-ho market parking lot--i got to thinking about how lucky i am to live where i do (i love southern california!) not just because i can find a fireworks show within 15 minutes of my house on any night of the year, but also because i live in a country with unprecedented freedoms. i am thankful that i was born here, and didn't have to overcome the almost impossible obstacles that face those wanting to immigrate. i am thankful that there are still men and women today who are willing to give their lives, if necessary, so that i can continue to enjoy the freedom that i do. i am thankful that i really do live in "the land of the free and the home of the brave."

this year the fireworks exploding in the night sky reminded me of that.

happy father's day

so today . . . is father's day. i am fortunate to have two great dads in my life--the one who raised me, and the one who helped raise my precious daughter.

my dad is great! when i was in junior high school, he taught at the same school where i attended. he had the reputation of being a tough teacher, and i guess he was. but to me, he was just my dad. i can remember once when a friend came home from school with me, and i was surprised to learn that she was afraid of him. i couldn't understand how anyone could be afraid of my dad! i thought he was nice! on weekends, we would go to the mountains to go skiing during the winter. dad and i spent lots of hours together standing in line and riding the chair lift together--my brother was always off with his racing team, and my mom wasn't quite as brave as we were (sorry mom, but it's true!) i enjoyed that time of having my dad to myself and of seeing who could spray the most snow on the other one whenever we would stop. and he was always willing to take a break and go inside the lodge for donuts and hot chocolate . . .

my dad was an excellent father. i always knew he loved me and would take care of me. i learned so much from him and feel very fortunate that i got him for a dad!

the other dad in my life is my husband, rollie. he loves being a dad! he never "babysat" diandra--he took care of her because she was his daughter. he played with her, read to her, took her on errands with him. he enjoyed being with her. i have so many pictures of them together, because they like being with each other, but this is one of my favorites . . . they are listening to music--well, actually diandra is listening to music (can you see the enormous headphones she is wearing?) and her daddy is taking a little nap . . . and look at their feet!even today, he spends more time with diandra than i do--because they work together. he is a caring, loving dad who is always has her back. she can depend on him to be there for her, always.

i am so thankful to have these two wonderful men in my life. they have both had an effect on the person i am, and i am grateful that out of all the men He created, God gave me the two of them!

dad and rollie--i love you both! you are the very best dads ever!!!

a rainy day at the oc swap meet

so today . . . we celebrated diandra's birthday with her. i know, i know, yesterday was her birthday. but there were complications to spending time together then, so we had agreed that we would pretend her birthday was today.

we planned to go to the orange county swap meet. it has rows and rows of stuff that we don't even know we need until we see it. it is a lot of fun!

we left around 8:40 this morning--the plan was 'rears in the rodeo' by 8:30. this is an idea rollie picked up from an episode of "everybody loves raymond," the idea being that if your rear is not in the rodeo (our vehicle of choice today,) you get left. diandra was there! rollie was there!but one of us didn't quite make it. thankfully rollie also learned from that episode, that while you might actually leave your kids or your best friend if they didn't meet the deadline, it was a very unwise idea to leave your wife . . . so they gave me an extra five minutes. and then, after my "rear was in the rodeo," i remembered that we should have sunscreen. after all, even though the sky was overcast at that moment, i was pretty sure it would clear up! so they had to wait while i retrieved the requisite tube from the emergency kit in the back. (yes, we have an emergency kit in the back--we were in rollie's car--remember? boy scout? always prepared? and yes, there is sunscreen in that kit--we live in california!!) so a bit more waiting ensued . . .
we finally hit the road and made the necessary stop at mcdonald's for sausage egg mcmuffins, (a swap meet tradition,) which had to be ordered by number--you know, "i'll have the number 11"--because rollie refuses to say silly food names like "mcmuffins." we got back into the rodeo and hit the 605 south. all was good, until we noticed it was beginning to rain. it was california rain, but it still looked like it might be a little bit damp. we were hoping that it would stop by the time we arrived, but our hopes were flattened when we saw the wet pavement at the fairgrounds. discussion ensued about the merits of waiting in the car for the rain (it was actually more of a light mist, but still, we were all wearing shorts and sandals! ok, rollie didn't have sandals on, but still . . . ) when it appeared as though it was not going to get any better, we got out of the car, leaving the unused sunscreen behind . . .

our first stop was the bathrooms--well, not actually our first stop, because on the way to the bathrooms we did stop at a booth with handbags. but right after that we hit the bathrooms--remember the mcdonald's tradition? that had also included large sodas which had worked their way through our systems . . .

i took this picture of diandra in the bathroom, because the doors were so short that when you stood up, everyone could see your whole head! it was pretty funny to see heads popping up in adjacent stalls. and since no one really noticed those short doors while they were actually using the bathrooms, the reactions when they noticed it was pretty funny. i admit some of the reaction may have been due to my picture taking . . .

the rain kept up and was soon joined by wind. it was cold. it was wet. we were in shorts. rollie thought we should head for the sweatshirt booth, but diandra and i both said no way! we had sweatshirts at home and were not going to spend our limited funds on warm clothes that we were pretty sure we wouldn't need in another hour anyway. so even though we were shivering, we walked on . . .we had to be careful where we walked, because all the booths were covered with tarps, and some were leaking. but the really dangerous ones were the ones that were NOT leaky. the water would surreptitiously build up on those, and then if some innocent, unsuspecting person happened to be walking under one at just the wrong moment . . . that water would suddenly burst out over the top and onto the person. we were spared that fate, but just barely, a couple of times. however, some pretty big drips of water did find their way onto my face under my glasses--such good aim!

one of the things diandra was considering buying today were license plate frames for her new jeep. this booth had lots of choices, and we spent some time reading them and laughing. diandra was pointing one out to rollie that said, "blondes have more fun . . . naturally!" but he noticed the one below it. i'm not going to print what it said, but it was NOT one that she was considering . . .
rollie's goal for the day was to find a bag to pack his suits in for our trip to orlando next week. we are going to attend our church's general convention, and he is a delegate, so suits will probably be the accepted form of dress. since he rarely wears suits anymore, packing was going to be a problem.

rollie is a "hunt it, shoot it, put it in the freezer" kind of shopper. he knows what he wants, he looks until he finds one, he buys it, and then he goes home--he doesn't continue to look to see if he finds something he likes better--he is done. but that process is a little more complicated at the swap meet, because you cannot return something you have purchased. and you can't just stop looking after buying something and go home, because other people may not be finished shopping . . . so after spending much time waiting for us outside of booths with handbags and hair accessories and jewelry and sunglasses and hats, he finally found a suit bag.to his credit, he did not buy the first one he saw, which btw was at the very first booth where diandra and i were looking at handbags. no, he held off until the third booth. i think that shows progress . . .he made another trip back to the car to leave his new bag, and then we had lunch. lunch is rollie's favorite part of the day. he likes the looking and the shopping, but he really enjoys the sitting down and being together and talking about the morning. and yet, it seems that no good deed ever goes unpunished, so while we were deciding what to have, he had to endure diandra and me seat-dancing. this was his reaction . .no, he is not praying for us . . . at least i don't think he is. you would think he would be used to this behavior by now. the head-bobbing, shoulder shimmying always happens whenever good music is playing. and if both diandra and i are there, it is going to be worse . . . one day he won't be able to help himself, and he will join us. but that day was not today . . .

finally he couldn't take it anymore, so he left us and got some lunch, which he said was delicious!and there's the birthday girl, eating a hot dog for lunch--sheesh--you'd think her parents would spring for something a little more special . . .as always, we had a great time--even in the rain. the sun never did come out, but we warmed up a bit as we moved around. and of course, there was a lot more hanging onto each other today. people probably thought we were a very affectionate family--really we were just sucking the body heat out of one another . . .

i've grown accustomed to her "voice"

so today . . . i miss my mom. she is at the beach with my dad, sister-in-law, and nephew for a few days.

she lives 1000 miles away from me, so you wouldn't think it would matter if she is at home or if she is an hour away at the beach. but it does matter, because there is no internet access at the beach . . .

my mom embraces electronics and what they can do to enhance our lives. she was one of the first people i knew to get a palm pda, and she still says that if she could only have one electronic device, that is the one she would keep. her whole life is in that thing! she has a powerful desktop computer and two laptops (one for her and one for my dad.) she has an ipod and a speaker system for it. she has a digital camera and video camera. she has a cell phone, (although we are still working on the whole texting thing . . .) she is working on digitizing her slides and photos. in her defense, in case she needs one, many of her purchases have come after she has seen what we do with our electronics . . . so i take some of the credit. or blame, depending on how you look at it.

one day i was on facebook, and my aunt kaye im'd me. aunt kaye is my mom's sister, and after talking for a few minutes, she said, "i am on the phone with your mom, telling her that we are talking on facebook!" this just cracked me up!! i could just see my aunt, cell phone in one hand, eyes on the computer, talking to both of us. and then she said, "we have to get your mom on facebook!" i did not think this was ever going to happen, but my aunt kaye is very persistent--and cheerful, which is a deadly combination :) it is hard to tell her no, and so it wasn't very long before my mom was on facebook.

she was a ghost person for a while--you know, no profile picture. i was going to help her with that, but she figured it out all by herself. she added a few friends, and superpoke pets. her pet is a cute little white rabbit named snowflake. as i may have mentioned before, this app is like playing with colorforms--you choose a background, and then decorate it with things that you can "buy" with points that you earn by participating and getting your friends to play as well. it's fun, but it is very low maintenance.

and then, we discovered farm town.

farm town is definitely NOT low maintenance. farm town requires almost daily attention or your crops will die, and you will lose money. well, "money." what has evolved is this little group of farm town friends--my mom, two friends i used to teach with that live in different parts of oregon, and a friend who lives here that i rarely see. we are all on and off facebook all day now, checking on our farms. and we are almost always online in the evenings, harvesting, plowing, planting, and most importantly, talking.

this has been going on for a few weeks, and i have become accustomed to being able to talk to my mom several times a day online. but as i mentioned, she is at the beach now and has no internet access. being the responsible farmer she is, she planted long term crops before she left, so that she wouldn't come home to a dead farm. but that doesn't help me!

it isn't that i really have anything i need to tell her. that's the beauty of chatting online--you don't have to have anything important to say. you just start out with, "hi! what are you up to?" and then go from there. but i've found that i like hearing her "voice" every day, and now i miss it when she isn't there.

i think she is either going to have to stop going places without internet access, or she is going to have to add texting to her cell phone plan . . . i can live with either option :)

unexpected treasure . . .

so today . . . i got a gift from one of my students. this is not an unusual occurrence at the end of the year. many times parents take this opportunity to show their appreciation for all the hard work a teacher has invested in their child over the last year. and invest, we do . . .

both of my parents are teachers. i don't really remember either of them bringing home "end of the year" teacher gifts. my dad taught jr. high earth science, and by the time kids are in jr. high their parents have kind of left the teacher gift idea behind. i guess if your child has 6 or 7 teachers instead of just one, gifts for everyone can be quite an expense. although, if you think about it, no one deserves an appreciation gift more than a jr. high teacher!!

my mom mostly taught second grade--she should have received gifts, but i don't remember very many . . . what i do remember is going to school with her on the last teacher workday of the year.

i always loved being at school with my mom. usually i would be the only non-adult in the school on that last workday. i would help take down bulletin boards, put stuff away, clean tables, whatever a 10 or 12 year old could do to help "batten down the hatches" for the summer. i loved the books and the papers and the smell of the room--it was kind of a mixture of chalk dust, text books, and crayons. when we got done, her room would be like a blank slate, just waiting for her to start all over again in the fall.

but my absolute favorite part of the day was that magic moment when i would open the top desk drawer in her big teacher desk . . . that is where she kept the confiscated toys that had accumulated over the past year. toys from home were not allowed at school, and if you brought one into my mom's classroom and she saw you playing with it, it no longer belonged to you--it belonged to her! there were ways of getting the toy back, but most required a parent's intervention, and who wants to tell their mom or dad that they broke the rules and now the teacher has their toy and they can't have it back unless you come and get it?!?

so by the end of the year, there could be quite an assortment of contraband in that desk drawer . . .

i remember most of the toys as being "boy" stuff--matchbox cars, marbles, small balls, army men. i guess boys were more inclined to try to bring something in their pockets than the girls were. of course, the boys had pockets--little girl clothing didn't really include that feature very often, which made it tricky to hide something from your mom or dad and get it to school undetected (especially since backpacks hadn't been invented yet. :) ) then again, maybe the little girls were just more devious when it came to hiding their treasures from the teacher . . .

i didn't care that it was mostly boy stuff. to me it was as good as a gift--opening that drawer was like ripping the wrapping paper off a box, and i knew i wanted whatever was in there before i even knew what it was. i usually got to claim those treasures as my own, although sometimes sharing with my little brother was a necessary evil. it didn't matter that these were not things i would choose for myself as toys. it didn't matter that they had belonged to someone else for a while. it didn't even matter that i would probably never play with them. the important thing was, they were an unexpected bonus--a surprise that i got to enjoy simply because my mom was the teacher.

i still remember that flutter of excitement, that promise of possibilities that i experienced on the day after the last day of school when i opened that top drawer in my mom's big desk. it's the same feeling i got today when jonathan handed me that little green gift bag . . .

as i said, i love presents. and i have a funny blog i wrote last year about an end of the year gift, which i was going to re-post today. but then i started writing the introduction for it, and look what happened . . .

so, i will re-post that blog tomorrow. right now, i have to go open the box that came for me in the mail today. it isn't a gift--it is something i ordered. but it still needs to be opened. and i've never seen it in person before, so it will kind of be a surprise. and who knows? maybe it will be even better than i expect it to be. it's all about the promise of possibilities . . .

but is it really mocking if there is love?

so today . . . diandra and i took rollie to see the new "night at the museum" movie. we were finally celebrating his birthday, which was actually two weeks ago, but his birthday fell on mother's day. and this year his mother was here for that special day, so we chose to postpone his birthday celebration and instead focus on having his mom here.

we all have years that we have to share our birthday--well, sort of. my birthday is the day after valentine's day. always. but it isn't a problem for me, because rollie never rolls the two holidays together. we always celebrate valentine's day, and then my birthday. but still, it is close. rollie and diandra, though, have years where they actually have to share. you see, sometimes rollie's birthday falls on mother's day, and sometimes diandra's birthday falls on father's day. so in our family, we have created the tradition of not being tied to the calendar when it comes time for one of these special days.

we started doing that before either rollie or i were a dad or a mom, when it wasn't even really an issue yet, because diandra hadn't burst onto the scene. (actually she came very slowly onto the scene--but again, for your mental comfort i choose not to tell about that--at least not today.) it started with christmas. when we were first married and deciding what to do about the holidays, we decided that although we were going to our parent's houses for christmas, we wanted to have our own celebration too. so we would have christmas at our house, and then christmas with my extended family on christmas eve, and then christmas morning with my family and christmas afternoon with rollie's family. when diandra was little (and probably even now when she is big,) she loved it--four christmases every year! so for us, as long as we get to celebrate, we sometimes play a little fast and loose with the dates . . .

since we had decided to postpone rollie's birthday, we thought we would celebrate the following friday afternoon. and then we got the terrible news about my uncle jim, and i ended up spending that afternoon packing and flying up to portland.

ok, so plan b--we were going to celebrate last friday, but diandra ended up with a youth event that night, and she was going to be spending the day running all over town preparing for the evening.

ok, so plan c--we would do it on monday afternoon. it was a holiday that all of us would have off. so we all wrote in on our calendars (well, actually we all put it into the calendars on our phones--we don't use paper much anymore, except for post-its,) and started looking forward to that. the day came, diandra was home--and then my intestines decided that they wanted the day off too. so another plan was thwarted . . .

finally this afternoon we made it! all three of us were sitting in a row in the dark with our movie food. and then the movie started . . . it was very cute--all these historical creatures coming to life, the battle of good vs evil, the underlying love story, the comedy, the drama, it was all there. and then, near the end of the movie when amelia earhardt was flying a replica of the first airplane around washington d.c., rollie leans over to me and says these words--"that plane could never really fly like that!"

this happens almost every time we watch any movie! there comes a point where the unbelievable suddenly becomes unbelievable to him! so i am sitting there thinking, "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!! THIS IS THE PART THAT YOU FIND UNBELIEVABLE?!?!?" yes, in my mind those words are in caps!

to this point in this particular movie we have watched life-size wax figurines of teddy roosevelt, general custer, sacajawea, cavemen, a t-rex skeleton, tiny little cowboys and roman soldiers all come to life when the sun hits a golden tablet (that looks suspiciously like a big cell phone pad to me.) we have seen characters ENTER into famous paintings, run around, and then jump out again. we have seen napoleon, al capone, and ivan the terrible try to get the good guy. we've seen bronze and marble statues move and speak and stone cherubs fly and sing. all this, and he finds the airplane flying over washington d.c. to be hard to believe . . .

it is always interesting to me at what point he reaches his limit of believability. because unless we are watching a true story (which we rarely do, unless it is one of those heartwarming sports stories where the little team that couldn't, suddenly does,) it is all fiction--there are elements of every story that stretch the limits of reality. and we go along with it, with those amazing coincidences that pull us into the story, because we want to be entertained. we want to escape reality for a little while, so we suspend it.

but for rollie, there always comes a point where his brain pauses, and says, "wait a minute . . . " and that's when i hear those inevitable words, "there's no way . . . "

and every single time it happens, i look at him and say, "really?!?!" i admit, i say it with a little bit of an attitude, and it is usually accompanied by an eye roll. then he looks at me, and responds in the mature way that i have come to expect--he sticks out his tongue, and then he folds his arms and smiles. he knows it has happened . . . again. it's like he gets so caught up in the story that he forgets that i am going to mock him when he reaches his believability limit. and then he says those words, "no way . . ." and the game is on . . .

and so the weekend begins . . .

so today . . . we had pizza for dinner. and not the healthy kind.

rollie and i both tend to be homebodies. we like to go out, but really we are happy just staying at home. the last few weeks have been somewhat demanding on two people who just want to hibernate. we have been very busy and often going in different directions.

even today was busy. we have a routine for friday afternoons. rollie picks me up from school at noon, we race to the cheap theater (where you can see a movie for $1.50 and get a really delicious hot dog for only $1!) then, if we haven't eaten too many hot dogs, we go to lunch. that is the beginning of our weekend . . .

but today we didn't do that. instead, we went to a funeral. this was the second funeral in less than a week for me, and it was just too much! it seemed to kind of cap off a hectic couple of weeks for us. when we got home at about 6:00 p.m. we finally hit the wall!! we looked at each other, and rollie said, "well, what do you want to do now?"

"i want to change my clothes, eat food that i shouldn't eat, and veg out in front of the tv!"

"that sounds good to me!" he said. so all that was left to discuss was what kind of forbidden food we were going to eat. i was thinking bar-be-que potato chips, but when rollie suggested pizza, i was immediately on board! we hadn't ordered from pizza hut in so long, i couldn't remember what the menu looked like or if they even still had the thin and crispy crust (which is what rollie was craving.) so i did the only logical thing--i came downstairs and logged onto the internet.

i found the pizza hut site and saw that i could order online! wow, i thought, can they make it any easier to get a pizza? well, apparently they can, because after wrestling with their site for about 20 minutes, i logged off and picked up the phone . . .

the pizza came--well, actually rollie went and got it, but he brought it home, so really--the pizza came!! it was sooooo delicious! we had ordered a large for just the two of us, because it was thin crust which is not nearly as filling as the thicker crust ones. i said it would be great, because we could eat half today and half tomorrow. it was a good plan, and i stuck to it--but rollie did not. he ate ALL of his pizza tonight. (he will be regretting this tomorrow when i am eating my leftovers . . . )

and so our long weekend begins. we will have church on sunday, but other than that, i am hoping for the kind of weekend that includes lots of sleeping, eating, sunshine, and maybe a little tv. oh, yeah, and of course some facebook farming . . .

there's no place like home . . .

so today . . . it is after 10:00 p.m. and i am just starting my blog. this is not good, not good at all . . .

i've been playing with my farm and my farmer friends on facebook. my farmer friends seem to be on later in the evening, so to connect with them i have to be on kind of late. i think i am going to have to start blogging earlier . . .

i flew home today. it was a pretty good flight--the plane was only about half full. i got a window seat, and the two seats next to me were empty! pretty nice . . .

but it didn't start out quite that nice. i went to bed, and woke up to rain. it rained hard!! and my mom had to drive, because dad's eyes were dilated from his visit to the eye doctor this morning. my mom is a good driver, but she prefers not to drive across town--especially in the rain! she did it though, and we didn't have any problems--well, except for the limited visibility caused by the rain . . .

it is different flying by myself than when i fly with rollie. my darling husband is a boy scout--he is always prepared! and when we fly, that means being at the airport AT LEAST two hours early--and he really prefers to be three hours early. he likes to get there, get his ticket and go immediately through security (which cuts down on the opportunity to shop at the airport shops . . . hmmm, maybe that is his evil plan . . . ) and get to the gate and lay claim to a chair. then he sits there until we board the plane. once we get settled at the gate, he will babysit the luggage so i can wander about (you see, he is not totally unreasonable!) when i fly with rollie, i never have to worry about missing a flight--because i know he will get us there!!

when i go alone, i think being at the airport an hour and a half early is enough. i get my ticket, check my bag, and head to the shops. i know that the stuff in airport shops tends to be overpriced, but sometimes you can find a good deal. and the merchandise is different from what you find at the mall. so i like to look, and occasionally take a treasure home. today my flight left at 2:00. we got to the airport about 12:45. i had my ticket in hand and my bag checked by 1:00. my mom and i visited a couple of shops and then i said goodbye and headed for security about 1:30. i was pretty relaxed--i still had half an hour before we were scheduled to leave. i stopped to check out the map to see where i was going to buy food before i boarded, because you know they don't feed you on the plane anymore. but when i got to the gate for my flight, it was deserted. uh-oh, i thought, maybe it is a good thing that rollie got me flight insurance. maybe this is WHY rollie gets me flight insurance. but i noticed that the door to the plane was still open and manned. so as it turned out, i even had time to go to the restroom--but i did not press my luck by buying a hot dog and soda.

it was a great flight--no one next to me, a good book, my computer--well, there was that kid behind me who kept kicking my seat . . . but i just chose to think of it as a back massage . . . and be glad i wasn't going to be spending the next two days with him at disneyland!

i took lots of pictures out of the plane window, because i knew i was going to blog my trip today. see, i was thinking of all of you . . . and you get to see just about every kind of terrain and community on this trip--from the lush green of portland, to the snow in the mountains of northern california, to the farmland in central california (this is what our facebook farms should look like, people!) to the swimming pools in every back yard in long beach--well, almost every back yard.

we went out over the ocean, and then back in to land. i stepped off the plane, and of course rollie was there waiting for me--because, you know, he is a boy scout. he had probably been there waiting for me for a while. we snagged my bag and headed for the parking lot. we stowed my luggage in the trunk, rollie handed me my car keys, and off we went--with the top down, the sun shining, the wind messing up our hair (ok, my hair) and the palm trees zipping by. i'm telling you people, there's no place like home . . . especially if your home is in the land of perpetual sunshine!

an alternative to surgery?!?

so today . . . i had an adventure--and before 11:00 a.m.

i have hearing issues. about 14 years ago i had lost enough hearing in my left ear that i had to have surgery. the surgery helped--for a while. but a few years ago, i noticed that i was losing the hearing in that ear again. so last summer i went back to the doctor to see about another surgery, and he said it couldn't be done again--"get a hearing aid," he said.

i was not happy with that diagnosis.

so for now, i just deal with the reduced hearing in that ear. but there are times when i really have trouble with my ears, like when i am flying. they seem to adjust to the change in pressure fairly well going up, but coming down is very, very painful. and this time i forgot to bring any gum or candy to suck on, so it was especially bad. when i landed on friday, i couldn't hear out of my right ear at all. and so i was complaining about it a bit . . .

and then i learned about "ear candles."

my dad, who has had hearing issues for a long, long time told me about them. he said it made a difference for him, and maybe i should try it. i am thinking, "ear candles?!?!? i don't think so!" all i can think of is an open flame near my ear AND MY HAIR. this cannot be a good thing. but he explains it to me--"no," he says, "you put the candle in your ear and light the other end. the heat transfers through the candle and pulls the ear wax out of your ear, and you will be able to hear better."

i am still thinking no. but i say, "oh, that sounds interesting," because i love my dad and don't want to say to him "are you nuts?!?!?" i still can't picture it. so he shows me an ear candle. it is a tube about 12 inches long that comes to a rounded point at one end. it seems to be made from some kind of treated cloth. he tells me that you stick the pointed end gently into your ear and then LIGHT THE OTHER END ON FIRE! i am still thinking "hair, hair, burning hair," but in a moment of weakness i agree to give it a try.

we gather the necessary tools--a pillow for my head, the ear candles, a LIGHTER, and a paper towel. as i rest my head on the pillow, i see my dad poke a hole in the paper towel and insert the ear candle. "dad," i say, "what is the paper towel for?" (i am feeling a little bit like isaac on the altar saying, "dad, where is the ram for the sacrifice?") he says, "it is to protect you from anything dripping or falling." i am thinking that maybe a paper towel is not the best choice to protect me from anything involving fire . . . but no matter how outlandish the plan sounds, my dad usually knows what he is doing, and i trust him, so we proceed. he sticks the candle in my ear, lights the top of it, and we wait. after about five minutes he says, "oh, here comes the white smoke!" white smoke?!?!?!? "that means the wax is starting to vaporize." vaporize?!?!? i am hearing things now that he neglected to tell me earlier, but it seems a little late to back out now. ok, just lay still and wait for it to be over . . .after about 10 minutes, he thinks we are done. it has burned down from 12 inches to about 2 inches. i am thinking we are done too--that flame is getting rather close to the paper towel which is kind of close to my head and my hair! dad takes the candle, dunks it into a bowl of water to put it out, and then says, "now let's see how much wax we got out!" i'm kind of curious about this as well. did anything happen? did it work? will it make a difference? dad slowly unwraps the rest of the candle and there it is--not what you would think of as earwax. it is dry and powdery, not waxy. i guess that is where the vaporizing came in. i have a picture of it, and i found it somewhat interesting, but maybe it is a little too personal (and possibly gross) to include here.

count your blessings that i am showing some restraint . . .

"that's not how i remember it . . . "

so today . . . i listened to lots of people telling stories. and refuting the stories that were being told about them. it was kind of interesting . . .

our memory is a funny thing. you know how they say if seven people see an accident, there will be seven completely different accounts of the incident? i now know it is true. i heard stories about my uncle during his memorial service today that i am sure were recounted accurately by the pastor--he told them the way they had been told to him. but then, after the service i heard slightly different versions of the story. and i am sure that each person's version is exactly the way they remember it happening. but there are slight differences, so they cannot all be totally true. yet in each person's mind, their version is what really happened, and everyone else's memory is faulty.

then later in the day i heard my mom telling a story about something diandra used to do when we would come to visit. i'm sure it is true, because her memory is really good, but i don't remember it happening. at all. either i have completely forgotten, or i wasn't there when it was happening. i don't know, but it is funny, because my first reaction was, "no, that's not what happened." why is that? why do i immediately assume that just because her recollection is different than mine, that mine is right and hers is wrong. the truth is, her memory is much better than mine. but my brain still wants to be right.

i have heard grown people arguing over their different memories of the same incident. and arguing and arguing. it makes me want to scream! first of all, do you really think that you are going to be able to convince someone else that their memory is wrong and yours is right? it will never happen. the best you can hope for is that the other person will finally admit, "well, maybe you COULD be right," while thinking, "what is the matter with you?!?! how can you not remember what happened?!?! you are so very, very wrong." and second, does it really matter? really? the things that people argue over are generally not vital one way or the other. and yet it seems to be so important to us that our version is accepted as the right one, that we will fight to the death over the details of an incident.

it doesn't matter. let it go, people. don't waste your time and energy over fighting over the details of distant memories. we all remember things through the filters of our past experiences, our feelings about the incident, and what is important to us. so just enjoy your memories and let others enjoy theirs. be the bigger person--let them think they are right. after all, YOU are the one who knows what REALLY happened . . .