happy endings

so today . . . we watched a movie. i was pretty excited about it, because it looked like a good story. it started off well. it was an interesting idea. the middle did a good job of developing the idea. then we headed into the ending, and that's where the trouble began . . .

i like stories--books, blogs, movies, my dad talking--but it is disappointing when the end doesn't live up to the promise of the beginning. i hate it when the end just kind of fizzles out, like the storyteller just ran out of ideas and decided to say, "the end." i also hate it when they take the easy way out.

that was the case today. the story was good--it was intriguing and had me sitting on the edge of my seat. my mind was filled with possibilities of the places it might go. the suspense built as the characters raced around trying to find a solution to a seemingly impossible situation. i was riveted. emotionally involved. i was feeling the main characters. i was thinking, "this is a great movie. i'll have to tell my friends about it."

and then they sent in aliens to save the day . . .

are you kidding me?!?! i mean, i like a good alien movie as much as the next person. one of my favorite movies is independence day (WHAP! "welcome to earth!") but this was just taking the easy way out. this was not a story about aliens! it was a story about unexplained phenomena. i guess you could make a case for aliens being the cause of it, but it just smacked of deus ex machina, a plot device used in greek tragedies, where someone appears "out of the blue" to help a character overcome a seemingly insolvable difficulty. if the greeks wrote themselves into a corner, they would just lower one of their gods down into the situation to save the day! and that is exactly what happened in the movie. it was almost as though they couldn't think of a way out, so hey! let's blame it on aliens!

they lost me. i sat back in my seat and crossed my arms and emotionally disengaged. where they wanted me to cry, i scoffed. where they wanted me to feel a parent's anguish, i felt like laughing in derision. when they turned the aliens into angels, i thought, "do not even go there!" when the music swelled with passion, i just wanted it to be over. the words "the end" could not come soon enough to satisfy me.

i was so disappointed. so many questions that had been raised remained unanswered. i kept saying, "what about the rocks? why didn't they let the little boy finish his writing? why were there so many alien ships? why didn't they let the teacher's character provide some of the answers?" and the big question, why did they even go with the "aliens saving mankind" ending? it was just so hokey!

as rollie and i talked about it later, it got me to thinking about how a good ending is so important. a weak ending can take a story from incredible to forgetable. it can make you feel like you have wasted your time--that there were other more worthwhile things you could have been engaged in. whether it is a story, or an event, or an interaction with someone, the ending is what will be remembered.

i'm not going to live forever. neither are you. but the ending is important. who we are and how we treat people is important. it isn't a good thing to reach a point in life where you feel like you've lived your life, you've "served your time," and now you're done. i'm all for relaxing, but as long as you are alive, don't forget that your influence is affecting those around you. and that influence can be cranky, difficult, and demeaning or it can be kind, encouraging, and helpful.

i hope that as i continue to get older, i will choose to be positive. i hope i won't fall into the trap of being critical of those around me. i hope i will remember that each day i have is a gift, and i should enjoy it. i hope i will continue to look for the good in people, and overlook the things that annoy me. i hope that i will be like my grandma peabody, who everybody loved, and not like archie bunker, who everybody loved to hate. i want a happy ending!

because i've told both rollie and diandra, if i get old and cranky just put me in a "home" and leave me there. rollie says he could never do that, but i'm not so sure about diandra . . . :)

"that's not how i remember it . . . "

so today . . . i listened to lots of people telling stories. and refuting the stories that were being told about them. it was kind of interesting . . .

our memory is a funny thing. you know how they say if seven people see an accident, there will be seven completely different accounts of the incident? i now know it is true. i heard stories about my uncle during his memorial service today that i am sure were recounted accurately by the pastor--he told them the way they had been told to him. but then, after the service i heard slightly different versions of the story. and i am sure that each person's version is exactly the way they remember it happening. but there are slight differences, so they cannot all be totally true. yet in each person's mind, their version is what really happened, and everyone else's memory is faulty.

then later in the day i heard my mom telling a story about something diandra used to do when we would come to visit. i'm sure it is true, because her memory is really good, but i don't remember it happening. at all. either i have completely forgotten, or i wasn't there when it was happening. i don't know, but it is funny, because my first reaction was, "no, that's not what happened." why is that? why do i immediately assume that just because her recollection is different than mine, that mine is right and hers is wrong. the truth is, her memory is much better than mine. but my brain still wants to be right.

i have heard grown people arguing over their different memories of the same incident. and arguing and arguing. it makes me want to scream! first of all, do you really think that you are going to be able to convince someone else that their memory is wrong and yours is right? it will never happen. the best you can hope for is that the other person will finally admit, "well, maybe you COULD be right," while thinking, "what is the matter with you?!?! how can you not remember what happened?!?! you are so very, very wrong." and second, does it really matter? really? the things that people argue over are generally not vital one way or the other. and yet it seems to be so important to us that our version is accepted as the right one, that we will fight to the death over the details of an incident.

it doesn't matter. let it go, people. don't waste your time and energy over fighting over the details of distant memories. we all remember things through the filters of our past experiences, our feelings about the incident, and what is important to us. so just enjoy your memories and let others enjoy theirs. be the bigger person--let them think they are right. after all, YOU are the one who knows what REALLY happened . . .

a celebration of family (and sunshine!)

so today . . . the sun shone in portland, oregon . . .

i was not expecting this--it is, after all, oregon. and now that i live in the land of perpetual sunshine, i fear i am becoming a bit of a weather snob. i hate to admit it, but come on--you already knew this about me, didn't you . . .

anyway, the sun shone. and yet i still spent the day wearing my jeans jacket, because i expected it to be cold. my dad said that the wind was kind of chilly. unfortunately, while my mom and i were out doing errands, we did not cross paths with the wind--just the lovely sunshine. so after a while i gave up and took the jacket off. much better. until we got home and went into the house.

i think my mom's house thinks it is still winter, because it is cool inside. yes, she has heat and it could be turned on, but it is the middle of may!! one should not need heat in the middle of may! and what if it gets hot later? then we will want it to be cool in the house. anyway, i put my jeans jacket back on. and it was much better.

this evening we went to my aunt's house for a bar-be-que. a lot of family is in town for my uncle's memorial service tomorrow, which means a lot of mouths to feed, and so a bar-be-que seemed like a good solution--there would be lots of food, we could spread out into the backyard (at least today we could, because THE SUN IS SHINING) and it was a chance to see those branches of the family tree who have migrated to distant lands (i know, that is a terrible mixing of metaphors--but it's late!)

when we were little, my extended family got together several times a year--always for thanksgiving, christmas, and easter, and then at other random times as well. i don't remember much about thanksgiving, but i do remember the evolution of the gift exchange at christmas, from "gifts for everyone from everyone" to choosing names to "gifts for everyone from grandma" to "let's just eat." and then at easter there was always the chocolate lamb cake with the coconut frosting . . . i hate shredded coconut, but i loved to look at that cake! it was so beautiful . . . and then it seemed like at some point during the summer we would end up at someone's house, running around in the grass . . .

we were a family--a big one. my cousins were kind of like brothers and sisters that didn't live in my house. there were the big boys (4 of them,) the girls (2 of us,) the little boys (2 of them,) and the baby (that's you, nancy!) but, as usually happens, we all grew up and many of us moved out of the area--at first, not too far away, but as time went on the distances became greater. and it was more difficult for all of us to get together, even just at christmas time. our kids grew up and moved out on their own, spreading the family tree out even further. we saw each other less, talked less, probably had less in common. so when we were able to be together, i always felt a little bit at a loss--what would i talk about? who would i talk to? what if they thought, "she is really getting weird!" the truth is, sometimes i just felt kind of disconnected, like my life was so different that i would not be able to find common ground with anyone any more. and so, even though i love my family, i was a little uneasy about spending time with them tonight.

as it turns out, i didn't need to be worried about any of that. everyone was relaxed and easy to talk to. the food was excellently prepared by the people who know how to cook (so you know it wasn't me!!) i was able to sit outside and enjoy the scent of the big lilac tree in the backyard--the best non-food smell God created. i had real conversations with people, instead of the usual, "so, what have you been doing since i saw you last christmas?" and underneath it all, was the understanding that uncle jim would have loved this--his whole family together, enjoying each other's company.

we are scattered. our lives are very different. we have all experienced some unexpected twists and turns. but we are a family. we share a history and a heritage that will always be a part of who we are. we can embrace it, or we can fight it, but we can't ignore it. sometimes it takes a crisis to show what we are made of, and this week we have had a crisis. but it the midst of it, i am thankful for the legacy of caring and understanding that is evident in the people i call my family.

wednesday bonus blog: who reads these things?

so today . . . i was thinking about how knowing who reads my blogs affects what i write.

as i've said, i write mostly because it is fun. and as i'm writing, i think about how my mom will react, or if it will make wendy comment or sherry laugh. if i mention real people, i am conscious of how they might feel about what i have written. i never want anyone to feel hurt or belittled, or like i have just used them for a laugh. so as i'm writing, i think about all these things.

and so, i haven't really told the people who are part of my everyday life about my blog--except for my family. it's just too many people to think about as i write each day, because no matter how careful i am, you just never know how someone will react. i mainly write for those of you who know me but live far away, or those of you who only know me through what you read here. i guess it is because my blogs show who i really am, and sometimes in my real life i have to pull my punches just a bit.

the following blog was written the first time i thought maybe someone might be offended by things i had written. i decided to share my blogs with a new acquaintance whose life had intersected with mine several times, but not to the extent that we really knew each other. and when reading a blog, if you don't understand the perspective from which it was written, it can be misunderstood. so i was starting to have second thoughts . . .

this blog was originally written on Friday, May 9, 2008.

ok, so this morning the dad of one of our school kids asked me how to find my myspace page. so i told him. i mean, i think my page does a pretty good job of revealing who i am, and i try to make it "interesting" by adding stuff (although i know i need to update my pictures more often.) so i was glad to tell him how to find me. but then i got to thinking about my blogs . . . i love to write blogs--it is so much fun, and i try to make them entertaining. sometimes when i write i am thinking about diandra reading it, so i kind of write towards her. sometimes when i write i think about wendy reading it, so i write in a way that i think will make her laugh. and so on . . . well i went back and read all my blogs, and it was a lot of fun--some of it reminded me of stuff i had kind of forgotten about. but you know i do occasionally write about things that happen at school, and usually it is funny stuff. however there are days when i feel frustrated, just like most of you have days when you are frustrated with your jobs. and that was revealed in a couple of my blogs--like i said, my page reveals who i am, on good days and also on not so good days. so albert, when you read those blogs i hope you will understand that i do love my job and i do love my students, but there are days when i would just like to go to jamaica!

so in the future, if something i write offends you, i am just going to apologize right now. that is never my intent. and i hope that after reading this post, you will understand that . . .and keep reading.