the importance of a valentine...or, is this why there aren't any unicorns?

so today . . . i was late to church. again.

technically i was not late--i actually arrived 45 minutes early, but i had a meeting. and it went long, so church had already started when i was ready to go in. diandra was not late. she SAID she was saving me a seat, but by the time i got in there, she was surrounded by teens. so i sat behind her. pretty soon she turned around and handed me the bulletin. this is what i saw.

i read it and sort of chuckled. i got the humor. but my darling daughter did not. as i looked up to hand it back to her, i saw a very sad face. the lower lip was sticking out juuuust a bit. "isn't that sad?" she said.

sheesh! it's just a cartoon. unicorns aren't real!! (although, maybe they WERE real until they couldn't find anyone to be their valentine...)

but this is how diandra is. she feels things. she connects. even to things that aren't alive. if it has a face, she empathizes with it.

so when she was making the sad face about the cartoon, i wasn't all that surprised. a few minutes later she turned around with a big smile on her face, as she handed me her edited version.

it made me smile. this is my daughter's heart. she cares. she is empathetic. she is compassionate. it isn't always easy being that way, but it is who she is. she understands what it feels like to be alone, and she doesn't want anyone to feel that way--not even mythical cartoon characters.

sometimes, i look at her and think, "how did you turn out this way? i am your mom! my example to you was pretty much 'stop whining and deal with it!'" she is a perfect example that sometimes who we are isn't the result of nature OR nurture. sometimes it is the result of God in us.

thanks diandra, for reminding me of that :)

a celebration

so today . . . i fear a bug is trying to get me. i have a sore throat, a deep, scratchy voice, and now my nose is starting to run. you can thank my mom for my blog today, because i was sitting here on the couch, in a zombie-like state, thinking i should probably just go to bed, when i remembered the comment she left on yesterday's blog--she is planning to stay up tonight until my blog posts. that's how excited she is to read it.

perhaps i should not have made it sound quite so exciting...

but apparently i did, so now i guess i had better deliver.

so yesterday, after the whole camera fiasco at church, we went into the gym for our farewell dinner. i started to walk through the door, but suddenly i stopped. i thought maybe i was really asleep and was having a nightmare. because there in front of me was a sea of purple and gold. yes, purple and gold, as in laker's colors. the tables had yellow and purple tablecloths. the centerpieces were commemorative laker's water bottles with purple and yellow balloons attached.

there were bowls of purple jelly beans and yellow lemonheads on each table. my brain screamed "RUN!!" and i started thinking jack-in-the-box thoughts...

i was quickly reassured that they had set two special places, just for diandra and me. i was sort of hoping it was out on the patio, where we would be surrounded by fresh air instead of purple and gold. but as it turned out, we were right in the center of the room, in our own tiny little piece of trailblazer heaven.

and when i say tiny, i am not exaggerating. we had exactly one quarter of one table. of course, we were probably the only laker-haters in the room...

i mean, even the giant tollhouse cookie was decorated with the evil purple and gold. (they call it gold, but it looks like plain, old yellow to me!)

there were gifts. i like gifts. mine was especially nice. even the card was jeweled. and golden. with purple sparkly stones. yes, they managed to sneak those colors in yet again!

and then it was finally time for the big moment--rollie's gift. there was a lot of excitement surrounding the presentation. and when the cover was finally removed...

TA-DA!! yes, rollie is now the proud owner of a kobe bryant signed jersey from his rookie season (kobe's rookie season, not rollies.) he is ecstatic! (rollie, not kobe.) he is over the moon. he says it is the best gift EVER. he can hardly wait to hang it.

i think there is not a house big enough in the los angeles metropolitan area big enough for both of us (me and the jersey.) but i don't think today is the day to make him choose, because the way he was looking at it...

(it's a good thing he has an office.)

it is never easy to say good bye. but our church did an awesome job today of showing us how much they love and appreciate us. they are an amazing group of people, and their next pastor is going to be one very lucky guy...

...unless he happens to be a trailblazer fan.

rollie's last sunday, part 1

so today . . . was the wildest sunday we have seen for a while. it was rollie's last sunday as a pastor.

on tuesday, rollie will start his new job as district superintendant of the anaheim district church of the nazarene. this means that he will no longer be responsible for a church--he will be responsible for about 60 churches! it is going to be interesting...

but today was about saying goodbye to the church we have been a part of for the last ten years. i knew it had the potential to be an emotional day, but i was hoping it wouldn't be too bad.

it did not get off to a good start. i was late. normally this isn't a huge deal, because i go an hour and a half early for band rehearsal. but i wasn't leading worship today, so i didn't have to be there until 10:15. and so of course i was late...

i walked in to sit next to diandra, who immediately said to me, "did you get my text?"

(this is never good. anytime anyone greets me that way, i know i am in for trouble. the problem is that when i turn the ringer off on my phone, i often forget to turn it back on. which means i miss phone calls and texts. important texts.)

"no," i said. "what did you need?" "i forgot my camera, and this is dad's last sunday!" she said.

ok, this was going to be a problem. i was going to need pictures of everything that happened today, and we didn't have a camera. after a short discussion, i got back in the car and headed home. (it's a good thing we only live a few miles away!) diandra had told me where her camera and flash were, so i zipped home, grabbed the equipment, and flew back. i made really good time! i went back into the church, sat down next to diandra, and handed her the camera. and they were still singing, so no one probably even noticed my absence. mission accomplished.

and then diandra said, "where is my shootsac?" what? her shootsac?? she didn't tell me to bring her shootsac. "yes i did," she said. well maybe she did. i heard her say shootsac, but she was whispering (we were in church, after all,) and she was whispering into my nearly deaf ear. i thought she said that is where her camera was.

i almost brought the shootsac. i had had a discussion with myself about it when i was home ("there's the shootsac. should i take it? she didn't specifically ask for it. but what if she needs something in it. but if she doesn't need it, then it is just one more thing to keep track of...") at which point i picked it up and thought, "it just has extra lenses in it. she probably isn't going to use any of those lenses." and so i had left it at home.

when will i learn to follow my instincts...

"do you need those lenses?" i asked. "no," she said, "but all my memory cards are in there. i can't shoot without a memory card." now i am thinking, "why don't you keep a memory card in your camera!" but as she later explained to me, she had just shot an everyday session on saturday, and so all of her cards were in the shootsac waiting to be dumped to her computer.

so now we had a camera, but no memory cards. "i guess i can just take pictures with my phone," she said. and off she went to the front of the church. she came back a few minutes later and said, "those are not going to be very good pictures..."

ok, houston, we had a problem. we needed a memory card. because cell phone pictures were just not going to cut it today. another short discussion ensued--the result being another mad dash, made by me, to the target down the street. yes, during church. i careened into the target parking lot, ran in and hurried to the electronics department. my plan was to grab a sales person and ask for help and get out quick. it was a great plan--except there was no one in the electronics department. no one. i went in search of a sales clerk, and when i found one, i dragged him back to the deserted department, snagged a memory card, paid for it, and headed for the exit. on the way out, it occurred to me that i might have some trouble getting the memory card out of it's secure packaging.

i veered off to the changing rooms and asked the attendant if she had scissors. she seemed a bit reluctant to answer me. i pulled the memory card out of the bag and said, "i need to get this out of the package, fast, and i don't have any scissors in the car." "oh-kaaayyy," she said, as she held out a potential weapon to a seemingly crazy woman. "it's ok," i said, "i just bought it. do you want to see the receipt?" "no," she said, but she was looking at me like she was trying to figure out how to call security without alarming me.

sadly, this would not be the first time security had been alerted about me...

i got the memory card out of it's package and zipped back to the church. i slid into the pew next to diandra and handed her the card. she snapped it into her camera and headed to the front of the church to take some photos. i settled back just in time to hear the end of rollie's sermon. yes, the end.

but it's ok. we record all his sermons, so i can go onto the website and watch it later. and it was important to get some pictures today. and i would post some of those pictures, except they are still on that memory card, which i am pretty sure is still in diandra's camera, which is around here somewhere...

but that is not the end of the story. oh no, there is more. church was followed by a farewell dinner. and since they say a picture is worth a thousand words, i am going to wait until tomorrow to blog about that. even though it happened today. because while i am pretty good with words, i am not sure i can adequately describe to you the scene that greeted me when i walked into the gym. you need to see pictures. and the pictures are in diandra's camera. somewhere...

but let's just say, the decor was a little like my own personal nightmare...

yeah, tune in tomorrow. for pictures.

:-)

they came to serve . . .

so today . . . we had a dinner/drama at our church. i think this is the third one i have been to, but there was something different this time.

you all know that if you are part of an organization (and especially if you are female, it seems,) eventually there will be some sort of fund-raising event, and you will be expected to participate. i am not a good participant. i don't bake, i don't make centerpieces, i am somewhat wimpy when it comes to setting up tables and chairs. and decorating?!?! i mean, i know it looks nice, but teams of people seem to spend a lot of hours decorating for an event that lasts for only two. and then all those lovely decorations have to be ripped down and disposed of--so yeah, i am not a big fan of decorating. i guess i could sit at the door and collect tickets and entrance fees, but that requires repeated social interaction (possibly with people i don't know,) and for some reason churches tend to not trust the pastor's wife with the money. i don't know why that is--you would think she would be one of the most trustworthy people in the group! i am sure they are just trying to protect her from other people's suspicions, but still . . .

so usually when we have these fund raising events at our church, i manage to squiggle out of any real responsibility. but i know that there are a lot of things that have to be done to create a successful event, and i really admire the people who have the skills to make it work. and yet, i always feel a little bit bad for them too, because they don't get to enjoy the event in the same way as the rest of us. but, if it weren't for the people who set up tables and chairs, and cook the food, and serve the food, and clean everything up, there would be no events.

enter a small church from somewhere north of us . . . (now i am feeling bad, because i did not bring a program home which would have had all the important information on it--like the name of the church or where exactly they are from--that i am now trying to dig out of my brain. and somebody spent time making those programs too!) there are about 40 people in this church, and they want to impact their world in a positive way. as they talked about it, it became clear that they didn't seem to have the resources or skills to be able to make much of a difference.

and then they came up with an idea.

they decided to serve. and not as a way to make money, but just as a way to bless somebody else. today we were the lucky recipients of their service. they arrived at our church and set up the gym with tables and chairs, they cooked a tasty meal, they came dressed in their white shirts and black pants to serve us, and when it was all over, they took care of the clean up. all so we didn't have to.

and while this didn't make a huge difference to me (because as i said, i am not all that much help at these events anyway,) it allowed donna and dorothy and tom and faith and dick and mike and shari and several others to just come and enjoy the entertainment without having to spend time in the kitchen cooking for everyone. and it allowed the teens to be part of the drama or just to come and enjoy the show without having to wear their white shirts and black pants and spend two hours serving the food. and it allowed ernie and his crew not to have to spend a lot of time after it was all over cleaning up.

and they did it for free. just because they want to love and serve others. just like Jesus did.

there were tip jars on the tables, and i noticed that people were pretty generous with the tipping. and i thought, "that's nice--at least they will make a little bit of money." and then diandra said that they use the tip money to take the kids out for ice cream when they are all cleaned up and headed for home.

i think that is nice. i think it is good that they involve everyone in their ministry--even the kids. we have to teach our children to help others, and there is no better way to do that than by involving them as we help others. our world would be a much better place if we all had the attitude of serving and helping other people, like this group did tonight, instead of just looking out for ourselves.

and if you can have a little bit of ice cream every once in a while, even better!

random thoughts on a typical sunday

so today. . . is sunday. that means we go to church in the morning.

my sunday starts with band rehearsal at 9:00 a.m. i say we start at 9:00, but we never start at 9:00 . . . i have tried everything short of paying the band members to be on time, but they just can't seem to make it happen. and on those rare occasions when everyone is there on time, we inevitably have sound issues . . .

actually, we have sound issues almost every week. it is probably amazing that we don't have more problems than we do. fortunately, we have james--yes, james my computer wizard! he also does sound for me at church, and he is also amazing at that! but as amazing as he is, we can't seem to avoid having sound problems--james is just excellent at fixing them.

the sound problems aren't always his fault. one morning we spent 10 minutes trying to track down why we couldn't hear the guitar through the sound system, only to finally discover that the cable wasn't pushed all the way into the guitar! and this morning, the drummer lost my vocals in his monitor, and we discovered his cable had been kicked loose. cables and connections--the bane of my musical existence!

today, the drummer was on drugs. not the bad kind--the kind you take when you don't feel very good. and they made him a little bit loopy. it was pretty funny. he came to church wearing a bandana around his head, and with his dark hair and big eyes and the vacant stare that was a result of his cold medicine, he looked a little like a deranged ninja--and it didn't help that he kept popping up unexpectedly from behind things . . .

church starts in the main sanctuary at 10:15 a.m. promptly. church starts for us between 10:20 and 10:30ish, depending on how long it takes us to locate the whole band and get them on stage. there are only three musicians and two vocalists, but some days it is like herding cats to get everyone ready to go! we have to look outside, and in the bathrooms, and in the kitchen . . . they are all there, we just have to find them.

then after the music, diandra and i sat together on the floor in the back during the sermon, as we do every week (remember, our service is in the church gym, and it is dark . . . ) the deranged drummer sat with us this week, because his cold medicine was making it hard for him to focus and he didn't want to distract his friends--at least, that is the motive i am giving him--maybe he just got lost on his way to the bathroom . . . so the three of us were sitting there listening to rollie preach. he was preaching about loneliness today and was talking about how people try to fill the emptiness in their lives with all kinds of things, but nothing works, because as he said, "it is like there is a God-shaped hole in each of us that can only be filled by God." and i leaned over to diandra and said, "i think i also have a brownie shaped hole . . . "

this was a mistake. she started laughing--quietly, of course, and thank goodness we were in the back, but still . . . then javvy (the drummer) looked at her with his vacant eyes, so she told him what i had said and then he started laughing, and that made me laugh too . . .

it reminded me of a time when diandra was about six years old. we were sitting in church, again in the back (because that is where i like to sit,) and rollie was preaching, and she was playing with my hand. she was being quiet and just sort of absently holding my hand and tracing along the blood vessels on the back of it. i have very prominent blood vessels on the back of my hand, and at one point she kind of pushed on one. i don't know what possessed me, but when she did that, i abruptly stiffened up my hand into a "claw" position. it startled her so badly that she jumped. it was so funny! so i laughed--i couldn't help myself. and then she laughed. and neither one of us could stop. and we were trying to be quiet, and again, thank goodness we were in the back . . . but that is still one of my favorite memories of her childhood.

(lest you think we are being disrespectful when we talk in church, rollie told me today that it doesn't bother him when he sees people whisper to each other during the sermon. he says that just means that he has said something that has made them think, and they want to tell someone what they are thinking, so they whisper to the person next to them. that is usually what happens with diandra and me--although usually it is when he says something that makes us think of something funny to say. and so we do. and then we laugh. but we are still listening!)

i wore my new gray ankle boots to church today. it was the first time i had worn them out of the house. maybe sunday morning church was not the best choice for their first outing, as i am on my feet from 9:00 until the music is over at about 11:00. and standing in brand new shoes for two hours has it's drawbacks . . . so my feet were not happy by the time church was over. rollie and i went to subway for lunch, and when we pulled into the parking lot (i was following him,) i kept thinking "leave the closest parking space for ME! my feet hurt!!" of course, since we were in separate cars, he couldn't hear me. and he had sore toes from an injury yesterday. so he pulled into the close space and i drove around the parking lot. then i sat in my car for a few minutes working up my courage to hobble into the restaurant.

the rest of my afternoon consisted of a nap, followed by a meeting at the church, which was followed by dinner at rubio's! and still, rollie and i were in separate cars--we just could not get our timetables synced today! and as i was slowly and carefully walking toward rubio's, rollie said, "you are still wearing those shoes?!?!" and i said, "yes, they go with my outfit! and they are so cute!!" and he said, "but they hurt your feet!" and i said, "yes, but i planned my whole outfit around these boots today. i love them!!" he just looked at me like maybe aliens had invaded my body . . .

maybe they have. but if they have, they certainly have good taste in footwear!

i'm late, i'm late . . .

so today . . . my alarm did not go off.

this was a problem, because i go to church on sunday. not only that, but i have to rehearse the band before church, so i need to be there by 9:00. this morning when i turned over and blearily opened my eyes to squint at my clock, it said 8:39! did you see that i am supposed to be at church by 9:00?!?!?!

the good news is that it wasn't really 8:39--it was really 8:19. my clock is always set to the wrong time. on purpose. i am not a morning person. i am one of those people who hits my snooze alarm 4 or 5 times before i am actually able to drag myself into an upright position. i have found that if my clock is set ahead a few minutes, it helps me to be on time. but it has to be set ahead by a prime number of minutes--usually i choose 13. this is because my brain knows that my clock is set ahead, but in the blurriness of my mornings, it cannot calculate the actual time if it is set ahead 7 or 13 or 19 minutes. and that is ok, because i'm trying to fool myself into getting up earlier since i think it is later than it really is. even though i know it really isn't. are you following me here?

this drives my poor husband crazy! it is compounded by the fact that my clock projects it's time onto the ceiling. once i go to sleep, i am pretty much out for the night. he is not. and when he wakes up he sees the time on the ceiling. of course, he knows it is not the real time, but he is never quite sure how far ahead it is. plus, my clock tends to pick up a minute here and a minute there, so usually even i am not sure of the exact discrepancy. so he lays there, doing the math in his head (why is it harder to subtract prime numbers?) which engages his mind, and then he has a harder time going back to sleep. i have suggested he just turn over and look at his own clock, which has the exact right time on it. but he says he can't ignore the gigantic blue numbers from my clock, announcing to anyone who cares to look, the wrong time . . .

he has, however, finally resigned himself to the fact that i have to smack the snooze alarm several times before i get up. he doesn't understand it at all, but he has accepted that the alarm has to go off repeatedly before i can wake up. usually this is not a problem for him, because he is up and out the door before my eyes even begin struggling to focus . . .

i married a morning person. he is always up and finished exercising (yes, he gets up and lifts weights in the morning--at least he SAYS that is what he does. i am always asleep, so who knows if he really does that . . . although he is in pretty good shape, and he doesn't lie, so it is probably true . . . ) and out of the shower and dressed, before i actually stumble out of bed. this is probably one of the reasons we have been married so long--our paths do not cross in the morning until i have showered and dressed and am headed out the door.

but this morning, none of that helped me. and actually, my alarm did go off. it's just that it was the alarm on my phone, and last night i had turned the volume off. i turned the volume off, because rollie was already asleep, and when i plug my phone in it makes a beep beep sound. so my plan was to turn it off, plug it in, and then turn it back on. it was a good plan, but clearly lacking in execution. so it tried to wake me up, but it couldn't make any noise. when i saw the time "8:39" on my clock, i leaped out of bed and raced toward the bathroom and soap and water.

while i was washing my face, i was wondering why diandra hadn't come in to see why i wasn't up. we had discussed riding together this morning. surely she had been aware of the silence from my room--no hair dryer, no music blasting from the ipod, no "good morning" from her mom. and then i noticed she looked like she was just getting up too. diandra also has to be at the church by 9:00. her alarm did not go off either. it was also set on her phone, but it had failed for a different reason than mine. so there we were . . .

i don't think we have ever gotten ready for church faster than we did this morning! i was out the door before my brain was even really in gear. i didn't even look at myself in the mirror before i left the house.

we were late, but only by a few minutes. i started band rehearsal. and can i just say right here that my blog yesterday was proven over and over and over again this morning during rehearsal. i cannot tell you how often those boys said something totally unrelated to what we were doing. and it made me laugh, because it just proved the truth of what i had written yesterday. but i was the only one who could enjoy it, because no one else had read my blog yet. and i kept laughing, and the boys kept saying, "what? what?" it was hysterical . . .

what was not so hysterical was what happened later. we are celebrating our anniversary later this month, so our church decided to acknowlege that today by giving us a gift. this required me to go up and stand on the platform next to rollie for a few minutes to accept it.

nonononononono, my brain said. no. the problem was a--i got up late, b--i had thrown on my skinny jeans and a top and had no idea what i looked like, c--my hair was in a ponytail, and d--i am never in the main service, and this was probably not the best way for people to realize that the person married to their pastor had come to church looking like a teenager today!!! it was not my finest hour.

but thankfully, time does move on--even if you are not really sure what time it is . . .

a little help here!!!

so today . . . i was afraid there would be no blog. again. but the best way i know to kill a blog is to stop writing. so the pressure was on to find something to write about.

and it was hard! rollie is not feeling good today, and diandra had plans that did not include going anywhere with her mom. and i didn't really want to leave rollie alone anyway, so i spent the day at home. my prospects for blogging material were not good, not good at all . . .

. . . and then i got javvy's text message--"mighty to save and that other fast one. let's do like 6 fast songs!"

javvy is the drummer in my worship band. he is 16 years old.

sixteen year old boys are a mystery to me. i have a brother, but i am three years older than he is. so when he was 16, i was away at college. diandra was 16 once, but she is a girl--which is a whole different thing. since i lead worship in our alternative service at church, and half my band is 16 year old boys, you would think i would have a clue. but i don't . . .

don't misunderstand me--the boys in our youth group are funny and entertaining and endearing, and i like them. but their thought processes can seem so random, especially the boys in the band. they seem to have the attention span of a . . . well, i don't even know what to compare it to. let's just say that i think they have usually stopped thinking about what i am saying to them before i get to the end of my first sentence. i can tell this is happening, because they stop looking at me, and then when i get done talking (or even before i am done talking,) they will say something totally unrelated. it can be confusing at times, or frustrating. but i have to admit, sometimes it can be really funny.

today i needed to get a music set written for church tomorrow, and i just didn't feel like doing it. i do this every week--write a set--and it usually isn't a big deal. but today it just wasn't happening . . . i tried to get diandra to help me. "hey, do you want to pick your favorite songs to sing tomrrow?" i texted her. who wouldn't want to do that?!? apparently diandra--she declined. so javvy was next on my list. he always has an opinion. the problem is, he is a drummer.

drummers apparently don't hear lyrics--they hear beats, rhythms, and tempos--which resulted in his lack of being able to come up with the song title for what he was hearing in his head.

so i texted back to javvy--"that other fast one?!?! i think i need more info than that!"

he replied, "i think it's like 3 words long and one starts with an f. i think."

i had to laugh. come on! our band knows a lot of songs and that description was supposed to point me to the ONE song he was thinking of?!?

this was not helping me. not at all. but it did make me laugh. i don't think he was trying to make me laugh. i think he really thought he was helping--that i would get that message and think, "oh that one . . . " but that is not what happened.

i did try to track down his mystery song. i found songs with three word titles. i found songs with words that started with the letter f. but no songs that fit both criteria, not to mention being fast . . .

so i wrote the set myself and emailed it to the tech people. then i went on with my day. we gave the dogs showers and had panda express for lunch. i did laundry, played on pet society, did some more laundry . . . and then several hours later i got another text from javvy.

"trading my sorrows!!"

do YOU see the letter 'f ' anywhere in that song title?!?!

sixteen year old boys. drummers. God help me . . .

i think the moms should get the credit . . .

so today . . . this is my third attempt to write this blog. i don't know why i am having such a hard time finding the words to say what i want to say! i have come to the conclusion that maybe i am trying to say too much, so i am going to attempt to simplify. but you know how i am . . .

diandra has a friend. her name is bianca. diandra and bianca are fairly new friends, but they have some unique things in common. both of them have dads who are pastors. both of them have grown up to work on staff at their dad's churches (which means their dad is their boss!) both of them are women in ministry--not always an easy thing. both of them love teenagers. both of them blog. both of them have amazing, smart, funny moms :) and both of them are incredible speakers.

i get the opportunity to hear diandra speak almost whenever i want to, because she is our youth pastor, and part of that job means that she teaches the teens at our church. she also speaks at teen camp. she has been the chapel speaker at the high school she attended. she even occasionally preaches to our whole congregation. i ALWAYS enjoy hearing her, because she is interesting to listen to, she is funny, and she does an excellent job of challenging her audience--whoever they are. of course i am her mom, so i am also always incredibly proud--not only of what she does, but of who she is!

but tonight was my first opportunity to hear her friend bianca speak.

i have heard that bianca is a good speaker. she teaches different groups at her church, but she also travels around the country speaking, mostly to women and teens. i was anxious to hear her, because i have been reading her blog regularly since she started it a few months ago, and it always inspires me. tonight i was not disappointed. not only was she articulate and confident in her delivery, but her material showed a lot of preparation, knowledge, wisdom, and insight. she was funny and real, and i found myself responding and taking notes.

(of course, i had to take notes on my phone, because i can never find a pen. or paper. so i am sure everyone thought i was playing a game or texting someone--which i would never do, because that would set a bad example for the teens. and it would be incredibly rude! but i didn't want to forget some of the things she said, so i had to use my phone to write things down. even though the light came on. really, i was taking notes. they are right there in my phone if you don't believe me . . . )

i probably won't get to hear bianca speak very often. but it is ok, because i can read her blog. i love to read her blog. it is funny and smart and insightful, just like she is. sometimes it challenges me to think in different ways. sometimes it reminds me of things i know, but have somehow chosen to ignore. sometimes it gives me a picture that helps me remember something important. sometimes it just makes me laugh. but it always makes me think. always.

there are times when i think i am an island. but i'm not. friends are important. as bianca said tonight, the first thing God said was bad, was that man was alone. we need our friends to help us have fun, to encourage us when things get tough, to give us perspective when we have tunnel vision, to help us "hang in there" when we feel like we have had enough, to say, "dude, don't do something stupid"--yeah, that's how we talk here in socal--when we are about to dive over the edge. we all need people in our lives who share our world view and can not only encourage us but can also challenge us and make us think.

diandra is blessed to have found that kind of a friend in bianca. and consequently, i am blessed to have found her blog!

timing is everything . . .

so today . . . i am horrified!

yesterday, just as i was about to start leading worship--i mean really ready to start, we were on the stage, the boys were ready to play and i had just opened my mouth to begin--when diandra came running up to tell me something. she was trying to be discreet and was helped by the fact that it was dark except for the stage lighting. but the problem was, she was talking quietly. and you know my hearing. i said "what?" twice, before i heard her say, "the alarm is going off at the house and i have to go check it out."

ok.

of all the times for our security alarm to go off, sunday morning is the absolute worst time. all three of us are busy at church, which makes it hard for the alarm company to contact us, because we have our phones on silent, if they are even within reach. and it isn't like we can just drop what we are doing and leave! but it is also the very best time for someone to burgle our house, because if they have been "casing the joint," they know that there is no one in the house from about 8:45 a.m. until we get home from lunch at about 1:00 every single sunday.

before we moved in several years ago, this house was robbed two or three times. we live in a really nice neighborhood in probably the safest part of the los angeles metropolitan area. we don't have gangs. we don't have graffiti. we don't have homeless people. we DO have lots and lots of police officers. so it really isn't the smartest place for a burglar to strike. (maybe they think in such a nice part of town, there will be lots of good stuff to take . . . ) however, since we have moved in, no one has tried to break in--at least that we know of. i think it is the presence of our two vicious dogs--they are pretty loud, and mia can look like she will eat you if you cross her.

anyway, the alarm company finally reached someone on the church staff who came and got diandra--because she was the only one of us not on stage at that particular moment (rollie was playing his bass with the band in the sanctuary.) that is when she came and told me she was leaving, so that i could cover for her. she had the sense to take ernie (the guy who got the message) with her, and off they went.

when they got here, they were met by several police officers. diandra came in and turned off the alarm, and they discovered that one of the sensors had fallen off one of the doors . . .

yeah.

we had been dealing with that dumb sensor all weekend. rollie had tried hot glue--that didn't hold. i tried tacky--it still fell off. so saturday, rollie stuck it on with that double-sided foam tape. we thought for sure that would stay put. i mean, have you ever tried to get that off of a surface?!? it is impossible! and really, if i had thought about it, i would not have set the alarm that morning until we were sure that it would hold. but i didn't think about it, so i had set the alarm and gone off to church . . .

and that is all i knew. until today.

today it was hot again, so when rollie got home from work this afternoon, we just sort of collapsed in front of the fan (because the only guy who can work the magic that is needed on our a/c is out of town!) we were just hanging out, and the dogs were fighting over us, and rollie started talking to milo who was trying to lick rollie's nose off his face. "yes," he said, "you are so vicious." ( i soon found out that this was sarcasm.) "when those police officers came in the house, you just went right over and sat on their feet."

wait a minute. what? the police officers came into the house? WHAT????

so rollie said, well, yes they had to come in first and clear the house. WHAT?!?!?! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT POLICE OFFICERS CAME INTO THE HOUSE? AND WENT INTO EVERY ROOM?? AND CHECKED THE CLOSETS AND THE SHOWER??????

now i am horrified.

remember when your mom used to tell you to wear clean underwear in case you were ever in an accident and had to go to the hospital? maybe she should have saved her breath and instead said don't go to church while you are in the process of cleaning out the scary room.

yes, remember what i am doing?

the only room in the house that currently looks neat and clean is--you guessed it--the man room. every other room in the house is somehow involved in the scary room project. so now the whole house is scary. this is a temporary state--there is a charity coming to pick stuff up next tuesday--but still, those police officers didn't know that.

they looked around and asked diandra if she could tell if anything was missing. and she (my darling precious daughter) looked around and said, no, she couldn't tell.

just kill me now.

my mom talks about how she hates it when my dad is working in the garage, because he leaves the garage door up and all the neighbors can see inside (remember i get my pack-ratiness from my dad--his garage is full of stuff.) she says she thinks they might think the whole house looks like that. i always say to her, "oh no. everybody's garage has stuff in it. it is not a reflection of the rest of your house. don't worry about it." but now i know how she feels. my house does not always look like this, but those police officers don't know that. every time they drive by (and they drive by often enough) they are going to see the inside of my house as it was yesterday.

i'm thinking of staging another alarm malfunction in a couple of weeks when everything is cleaned up. maybe even on a sunday morning. what are the odds that those same police officers would respond . . . ?

a dress on stage is not a good idea~

so today . . . i was just standing there, minding my own business during church, when my daughter looks me up and down and says, "you're not going to wear THAT tonight, are you?"

there she was, standing there in her pretty white dress with her coral shoes, her hair curled and a flower in her hair, looking all beautiful. i was wearing my skinny jeans, brown t-shirt, and my black & brown checked vans. actually, i kind of looked like a teenage boy.

here's the thing--diandra is the youth pastor. she can wear just about anything, even on sunday mornings, but usually she wears her nice clothes. i am the worship leader. this means that i stand up on the stage playing the keyboard and singing, fighting the glare of the spotlights. i usually wear my jeans--or sometimes in summer, my long shorts . . .

i admit that this morning, i was dressed down even more than usual. it's been a busy weekend, and i've spent most of it in a dress. i haven't been able to schlupp around at all! but when your child looks at you and says, "you're not going to wear THAT tonight, are you?" even when you know you are going to change before your evening event, it's a little unnerving.

i am not ruled by what other people think--at least, not most of the time. many times i am dressed just the opposite of everyone else, but i think it is just a way that my rebellious streak gets out and has a little fun. i do care about what my family thinks--i don't want to embarass them. so generally, diandra is my yardstick. i definitely do NOT want to go out looking like i think i am 16. or 25.

sometimes when we are shopping, we will see something cute, but i will say, "no, i think it is too young for me." diandra doesn't always agree--sometimes she says, "mom! stop saying that!" but then we will be walking down the mall, and see a perfect example of what i fear--a grandma wearing short shorts and high heels. or a bare midriff. or leggings. (shudder!!!)

today i just needed to be comfortable. and it was ok, because our service is designed for teenagers and young adults--it's dark, it's loud, and everyone (except beautiful diandra) wears their jeans. after church we ate lunch at sizzler--me in my jeans and everyone else in their nice clothes (they all attend "grown-up church.") and then i went home and changed into more appropriate attire for our evening event.

because while everyone at our church is used to seeing me in my jeans on sundays, the rest of the world is not.

not a typical saturday

so today . . . was not my typical saturday.

usually on saturdays, i sleep until i wake up on my own. then i lay in bed for a while cuddling and playing with the dogs. eventually i get up, put on my comfortable clothes and head for mcdonald's with my book. i order breakfast and sit outside and read for a while. then i come back home, and spend the rest of the day doing what needs to be done. sometimes that means laundry, dusting, and the dreaded vacuuming, and sometimes that means a day watching movies and playing with my computer or reading my book.

today it meant something completely different.

today saturday was not part of my weekend--it was a work day.

i had to set my alarm (which is just wrong on saturday unless you are going to go to garage sales,) put on a dress, and be in my classroom by 9:00 pushing tables back into place and arranging curriculum materials for our open house--which was today. the weather was cool and cloudy, which was not a good sign, but i showed up on time with a smile (sort of) on my face, ready to talk parents into paying tuition for another year so their tiny children could come to my class for kindergarten. and i would continue to have a job . . .

i'm actually pretty good at this (unless your child's name is something like tyler--you know who you are!!!) and today was no exception. i talked three parents into enrolling for next year who had already pretty much decided not to. it was only three, because that is all that came to talk to me! as i said, it was cool and cloudy today. and being in southern california, that translates into, "oh no! it might rain!! we'd better just stay home," so we did not have nearly as many visitors as we had planned for. i spent a large portion of the day alone in my classroom . . . waiting for the opportunity to talk to someone, anyone, about kindergarten . . .

open house was over by 1:30, so i grabbed my cold hot dog lunch and headed for the church.

oh yeah, i forgot to tell you about lunch--our church is having it's annual convention this weekend, and since it was being held in our building, we got invited to go to lunch with the important people from headquarters. they were eating at wood ranch bar-b-q which serves the best tri-tip steak i have ever eaten--and their salmon is really good too. but the time had to fit into the schedule of the convention, so they ate from 12:45 to about 2:00. rollie asked if i wanted to come (and of course i did!) but since i had to be at work until 1:30 (and didn't actually leave until 1:45) i missed it. so instead of a delicious steak meal, i had a preschool open house hot dog--and it was cold!

i got to the church only to find that they needed me in the tech booth to run the power point slides for some presentations. i kind of like doing this, as i get to sit in the "clubhouse" with the tech boys instead of down on the main level with everyone else. and i have a job to do, which is kind of fun. so that kept me occupied for the rest of the afternoon . . .

. . . and into the evening! things were supposed to come to a close by 4:00, but that didn't happen. lots of people talking meant the schedule got behind, and we didn't actually leave the church until 6:30 and by then it was time for dinner, which meant a trip to rubios. we got home around 8:00, which isn't really very late, but it felt like midnight. i guess it is because i was gone almost 12 hours today.

and i'm not done yet . . . i have to talk to someone about how we are going to do what we do in church tomorrow without a computer, since ours apparently crashed this week and i didn't know about it until today . . . i have to rewrite the music set, because our band just couldn't quite get our act together during rehearsal this week . . . i have to finish this brownine i started eating . . . and pick up a few things around the family room. and i am really tired.

so my friends, you are left with a somewhat bland blog for today. and tomorrow isn't going to be much better. hopefully i will at least get home earlier in the evening so i can blog before my brain cells have called it a day. and at least you can be comforted by the fact that today you only had to read about my life--not be the one living it!

i already have an idea for tomorrow's blog, but i guess we will just have to wait and see what the day brings . . .

easter--it isn't just for rabbits

so today . . . is Easter.

Easter is always one of the most special days at our church, because we totally focus on and celebrate Jesus' resurrection. and today part of that celebration included baptisms.

in our church, we don't believe that anything magical happens when a person is baptized, but it serves as an outward sign of something that has happened inside a person--a person who has asked Jesus to forgive them for their sins. it is a very visual way to show someone's friends and family that they are going to be following Jesus, and that will probably mean some things will be different in how they live--at least, that is what it should mean.

today, most of the people being baptized were teens. our youth group is an amazing bunch of kids. here are a few of them~ they have problems. they have pressures. many of them come from families that have issues. but they love God, and they are growing spiritually and figuring out how to make their sometimes difficult lives work. they are not perfect and they make mistakes--sometimes big ones! but they are learning how to recover from those mistakes and move on, because they know that God loves them even when they have blown it big time! and they know this, because the pastors and leaders at our church show them God's love while helping them figure out how to take responsibility for their bad choices, deal with the consequences of those choices and how to make better choices next time.

i'm really proud of the people at my church. they aren't perfect, but they are serious about being who God created them to be. and we are all part of the process. sometimes i am the one who has made a mistake and needs help to get back on track, and sometimes i am the one who can help someone else in the wake of their bad choices. we deal with stuff, we don't hide it. we help each other and we work together to make our church a safe place. and hopefully that spills over into making our world a better place--or at least our little part of it.

in a time when a lot of churches are dying, ours is not. and it is partly because of what is happening in our youth group. so i wanted to share some pictures of the baptism service today. you will see a lot of diandra and javier, because they are the youth pastors, so they did most of the baptisms today. rollie is there too, because he is the pastor. (the lighting wasn't good, so the pictures are a little dark.)
this is diandra and rollie right before they stepped into the water. i always enjoy seeing them together, but watching them work together is really cool . . .
and then diandra was able to join us for lunch. we went to subway--no crowds! (there's the food reference for those of you who think i can't blog if i don't mention food!) it was just nice to get to spend a little time with her today. i don't get to see her very often. it's hard to believe i can miss someone who lives in my own house, but our paths rarely cross anymore--she is busy. so i enjoyed seeing her face and hearing her laugh and catching up with her just a little bit.

it was a good day.

milo goes to church

so today . . . milo went to church. he got to be a real, live sermon illustration. i suggested to rollie that he just use a photo of milo--i've taken plenty, and some are really cute. and if they put it up on power point, he would be HUGE and wouldn't that be good enough? rollie said no.
so i went off to church at 8:30 (which was really 7:30 because of daylight savings time) for band rehearsal and to kind of oversee our alternative service this morning, because diandra wouldn't be there. she was bringing milo to church. she got to sleep later. she didn't have to be there until 10:30. ( i admit, i was a little bit jealous.)

if we were smart, we would have snuck milo's leash into her car last night while both dogs were blissfully inhabiting slumberland. but we didn't. so this morning when diandra got ready to go, mia was not a happy camper. milo was leaving and so was his leash and she was not, which to her could only mean one thing--milo was getting to go for a walk, AND SHE WAS NOT!

we don't take our dogs out much, because we have to take them both. neither one of them wants to be left behind and it is hard to control both of them at once. one time i decided that it would be more efficient if i could walk them both at the same time. i have two leashes, so why not? i'll tell you why not--it is impossible! they are incapable of walking nicely when they are together, and the leashes get tangled up and they want to go different directions . . . i didn't even make it past the neighbor's house before i had to turn around and leave one at home.

so the usual walking routine is this:
1. wait until there is another human at home to be with the dog who doesn't get to go first.
2. take mia first--she is biggest and fastest, so it is best to walk her before i get tired. plus, milo will settle down in someone's lap and wait for his turn, whereas mia paces and barks at EVERYTHING if milo goes first.
3. switch dogs. mia will now be happy to slurp water and lay down and pant while milo has his walk.
4. walk milo--he is slower. but make sure to take a plastic bag, because somewhere along the way he WILL poop. he saves it up for just such an occasion.
5. come home and watch mia jump around hoping for another turn--she wants to be first AND last.

as soon as milo was done helping rollie with his sermon, i took him home. i worried about what was happening there while milo was on his little field trip to church. mia is not usually destructive (unless you are a stuffed toy or an empty toilet paper roll,) but i couldn't recall ever leaving her at home by herself once milo joined our family. and she is somewhat high-strung, so i really didn't know what to expect. milo was only gone an hour, but when we went into the house, i could see that mia had tried to escape. as i walked around, she stayed with me like she was my shadow. i think she thought it was now her turn to go for a walk, and she couldn't understand why i wasn't hooking the leash to HER collar.

tomorrow is the first day of daylight savings time--well if you don't count today--and that means it will stay light later in the evening. so i am going to start walking the dogs again. it has been a while since we have done that with any regularity and it will be good exercise for all of us. maybe i will give that "two dogs at once" thing another try . . .

and the band played on . . .

so today . . . is sunday. that means church day for me! my day starts early, because i lead worship in our youth alternative service and we meet to rehearse at 8:30--although it is usually closer to 9:00 before everything is set up and ready for us to begin. but i have to be there at 8:30, because i am the leader . . . whether anyone is there to lead or not!

today there were issues and glitches, and it was almost 9:30 before we got started! that only gave us about half an hour to run through all seven of our songs. this particular band has only been playing together for about three months, and we are still learning how to play nicely together so we NEED to rehearse! finally we got started, and things went really well--the set was good, the vocals were good, and the instruments seemed to be working well together. when we got done, i thought how great it was that we were starting to mesh as a band. i was really excited for church to start.

we took a little break before the service began, and then met at the cross to pray. this always helps us to focus and kind of mentally get ready for what we are about to do. we were excited! it felt like it was going to be an awesome day.

and then it happened . . . during the very first song one of the strings broke on the guitar. i could tell something was wrong, and i looked over at isaac, who plays the guitar, and there was the string bouncing about, loose. this is not a good thing! i was trying to figure out where we would have a long enough break for him to replace the string, but isaac just kept playing. and playing and playing and playing. we completed the whole set with just five strings on the guitar. there were a few times when it was distracting to me, and i'm sure it was distracting to isaac, but he just kept going. i was so proud of him! he didn't let that broken string stop him from worshipping this morning, even though things weren't going perfectly.

our church is so cool! and the service that i attend is the best! at least i think so. it is dark, it is loud, stuff happens, but we just keep going. it isn't about who is dressed the best, or who has the best voice, or who plays perfectly. it is about God--and that is all. teenagers and young adults (and some not so young adults) sing and clap and move around and praise God during worship time. they get up out of their seats and go to the cross to pray whenever they feel like it. and they don't care who sees them go or what anybody else thinks about it, because they know that for us, church isn't about that. it is about God--and that is all.

i feel very blessed today for the role i get to play in that service. we have awesome teens and young adults in our church, and i am so glad that every week i get to see them and talk to them and watch them become the people they were created to be. they are goofy and funny, wild and weird (and i mean that in the nicest possible way, because i love them!) but they love God and are serious about their faith. i don't know how long i will get to lead worship in there, but it doesn't matter--i will still be there, in the gym, worshipping God along with the kids. because it isn't about me or how old i am or about what other people think. it is about God--and that is all.