the value of imperfect photographs

so today . . . i was reading diandra's most recent photography blog. she takes beautiful photographs, and i always enjoy looking at her latest entry. but today, it was the story she told that caught my attention (although, the photos are certainly worth looking at!)

diandra is the most photogenic person i know. in all the thousands of photos we have taken of her, i'll bet there aren't 10 photos that could be called bad. unlike her mother. or grandmother. my mom and i do not photograph well. i don't know why. i think my mom is beautiful, especially when she laughs, but whenever we try to take her picture something happens to her face. it's like her face doesn't want it's picture taken.

and then there is my face--it doesn't like to be photographed either. the biggest problem is my bangs. i don't know why, but they never seem to lay properly when i am having my picture taken. in fact, it is pretty much a family joke now--"how are my bangs?" i will ask before the shutter is pressed. and whoever is with me will attempt to fluff them or arrange them, but they are never right . . . that is why a good picture of my mom and me is priceless!

but diandra always looks beautiful! except in her third grade school picture. she had shoulder length hair, which we had curled under for "picture day," but for some reason by the time the photo was snapped her hair looked longer on one side than on the other. and she had a cold sore on her lip--on picture day!! while she valiantly gave her best smile, you can see that she is not feeling it--i probably made her wear something she didn't want to wear or the photographer said something about her hair . . .

photographs are important. they capture a moment in time that we will never again experience. but we can revisit it through the pictures that are taken. i love photographs--even the imperfect ones, because they tell a story. sometimes the imperfect ones tell the story the best.

i took this picture a couple of years ago when we were visiting my parents. diandra, mom, and i spent the day at the portland zoo. we had a great time and took a ton of pictures. at one point i was trying to get a good picture of mom and diandra in front of these pretty bushes. so of course, since my mom was in the picture, i had to take several, because you never know how she is going to look when the camera actually clicks. this picture captures the moment during that series, when diandra thought she heard a snake in the bushes.
do you see the look on her face? this might be one of those 10 bad pictures of her . . .

but in the interest of fairness (and because i love my mom) here is a much better picture of her that diandra took earlier in the day--i'm pretty sure there were no snakes in the immediate vicinity . . .in her blog, diandra commented about how the horrible school picture resides on the wall right along with all the others. well, pictures document our history, and it isn't always pretty. if i only kept the vacation photos where i look good, we would have very few vacation photos.

this picture was taken in mazatlan last summer. we were walking down the street and saw these two huge shells, and rollie said, "if you sit there, those shells will look like angel wings." so i did. but look at my bangs!! and my bag sitting by the angel wing shells! i look at this picture, and my first thought is "delete!" but when i look at this imperfect image, i remember a perfect day! so i saved the photo, even though i wish i could photoshop some bangs across my bare forehead (it was a very windy day!)
here is my favorite school picture of diandra. it is her kindergarten picture, and it think it is adorable!so in defense of school pictures, i think it is pretty good if you can say that only one out of thirteen pictures is bad. but then again, when your subject is this cute, it isn't that hard . . .

why do i even make a plan?!?

so today . . . did not go according to my plan AT ALL!!!

my plan was get up early, start working on cleaning up the sewing room (soon to be a guest room--well, not soon NOW, because as i said, my plan was thwarted . . . ) harvest my facebook farm early in the afternoon so i wouldn't have to stay up until midnight, do laundry, go to old navy (sale ended today,) and a few other assorted tasks as well.

my list is always longer than i will ever possibly be able to finish, but at least it gives me some direction.

it started off badly when i woke up feeling punky. so i went back to sleep. i stayed in bed until 11:00, and even then, i only got up because i knew i had things i had to get done today. so i fought my way past dogs and down comforters and got dressed. i thought about starting the laundry, but first thought i should go check on diandra and make sure she was still breathing . . .

no, wait a minute--i didn't check on diandra until almost 2:00--oh yeah, before i checked on diandra, i did a few errands. there was no way i was going to get through this day without m&m's, and i was out of m&m's. but when i got back from doing errands, i checked to make sure diandra was still breathing. she got home about 7:00 a.m. from the teen overnighter, and of course headed straight to bed. but by 2:00, i thought i should be hearing some sounds from her room, and it was still eerily quiet. so i peeked in, and saw she was just waking up and was HUNGRY. we struck a deal where she would get up and collect the laundry, and i would go get us lunch.

you see, rollie was gone today. he got up early, as usual (the only one who did) to play basketball, and then went to a scuba show this afternoon. that is partly why my plan for the day went awry--when he is here i seem to get up and around earlier. although today it probably wouldn't have mattered even if he had been here . . .

ANYWAY, i went to chick-fil-a for lunch. i went throught the drive-thru, as usual and ordered food for diandra and a kid's meal for myself, with a diet soda. i have done this numerous times, and never thought a thing about it. but today, when i rolled up to the take out window, the woman working the window handed me my tiny, child-sized soda and said, "the child's soda is diet?!?" and i thought, "oh no! she thinks this meal is for my child and that i am giving them a diet soda!" i was horrified. so i said, "yes, but it isn't for a child, it's for me. i would never give a child a diet soda!" she handed me the rest of my food, but i'm sure she was thinking, "yeah, right! i'm going to remember that license plate number and turn that woman in for child abuse . . . " now i feel guilty. and the truth is, i did get a diet soda for my child, but she is almost 24 years old, so does that count?! and my mom would say that i am her child, so why would i not give diet soda to a small tot, but i would pour it into myself? she thinks i am slowly killing myself with the stuff . . .

maybe i should just switch to iced tea and be rid of the guilt. i've tried to do that, but the diet soda always lures me back--"just have one with your pizza. how can you eat pizza without drinking soda? it just isn't right! they go together like salt and pepper, or bacon, lettuce, and tomato." and then it's "you haven't had a soda for such a long time. just have one as a treat!" or the ever popular, "they are out of iced tea, and you have already paid for a drink, so just have the diet soda." as i write this, i am thinking "hmmm--that diet soda sounds a lot like the devil!"

again, ANYWAY, i got home with the lunch, started the laundry, and diandra and i sat down to watch a movie. did you see "watch a movie with diandra" on my list for today? i don't think so. but it seems like we have been ships passing lately, so i toss my list away and settle in to watch a movie with my girl! as luck would have it, we watch a jessica simpson movie. this, of course, turns our thoughts to hair, and we decide to go have something done with ours. we have this flyer . . .

so we go to a new salon--well actually the salon isn't new, but this particular stylist is. she is so new, that everything she uses has to be taken out of the package before she can use it. this worries me a little bit, but there we are. so she starts highlighting diandra's hair. and after an hour and a half, i begin to think that we might have to have food delivered . . . it is taking forever!!!! when she finishes, diandra is not totally happy with the result, but i don't think it is too bad--it just isn't as good as it could have been. my haircut, on the other hand, looks pretty good i think. (don't worry--it isn't drastically different--just a bit shorter.)

by the time we get home it is 8:00 p.m., and i have done nothing, i repeat NOTHING from my list yet. so first things first, i start the laundry and then turn on my computer to farm . . . because a farmer's work is never done . . .

alone on a friday night

so today . . . i am home by myself--just the way i like it. sometimes . . .

diandra is at the church for a teen overnighter. she hates those, but the kids love them (of course!) so every once in a while they schedule one, she dreads it, goes and has some fun, deals with all the drama, comes home the next day and sleeps it off, and then relaxes because she knows she won't have to go to another one for a while . . . only this time she took my crock pot for nacho cheese. i am kind of wondering what it will look like when it comes home . . . assuming it comes home . . .

rollie is at an angels' game with a friend (and it isn't me!) i love angels' baseball--especially on friday nights--because on friday nights they have a fireworks show after the game, even if they lose! but today they are going to celebrate his friend's birthday, so i guess it is good that the friend got to go . . . and yet, i know they are sitting there eating nachos and frozen lemonade and chocolate chip ice cream sandwiches . . . and i am at home eating nuts.

i have other food i could eat, but i'm sitting here on the couch like a beanie baby and don't feel like preparing anything. and when i say preparing, i really mean taking something out of a package or can and microwaving it. i could go out to eat. i don't go out to eat by myself much, and i really like to take my book and go sit in a restaurant and eat alone. but if i were to do that tonight (and i have the perfect opportunity) it would mean going out into the cold.

it was cold here today. the sun didn't shine much, and it was cloudy most of the day. it just isn't right for this time of the year! we should be able to depend on lovely sunny days and just barely cool nights--not gloomy cloudy days and chillingly freezing nights. if i wanted this kind of weather, i would live somewhere else. i mean, it was even hot in oregon today!!

i know this, because i read what my friends write on facebook. and let me tell you, my oregon friends were all about the weather today. they were kind enough not to direct their sunshine comments at me directly, but they were happy campers! except my mom--and probably wendy. my mom said the weather has turned, which means watering her flowers every day now until they die--which hopefully won't be until fall. wendy says she has planted 450 zinnias!! i find this somewhat difficult to believe--not because i don't think she would do something that crazy, but because i can't imagine how you would even get 450 zinnias home! does home depot even have 450 zinnias in their store? or would you have to go to several different stores? and once you got them home, who even has room for 450 zinnias in their yard?!?! until i see actual photographs, i am thinking perhaps she was speaking metaphorically . . .

you see, i do have friends--several in fact. but most of them don't live near me. it is a good thing i have the internet, because that is how i stay connected with most of the people i love--sometimes even the ones who live with me!! there are people here that i could have called and said, "rollie's at a ball game, diandra is at an overnighter--let's go out!" but again, it's cold outside, and my beanie baby body is pretty comfy on the couch . . .

so here i am, alone at home, with the tv and my computer and the dogs for company. just the way i like it. sometimes.

if we "plant" it, they will eat it . . .

so today . . . i'm tired. i'm sorry. i really want to write something tonight that will make you laugh, but i just can't.

i've been staying up late the last several nights. i sit down in the evening and start playing with my farm, and the next thing i know, it is 10:30 and i haven't even started my blog! so i race to blogspot to write, but then i don't get into bed until after midnight. and i still have to get up in the morning and go to work, because unlike SOME people--wendy--i am not off for the summer yet . . .

but i do have one quick story. this week joshua and jonathan have been helping me "farm." they each have two plots and every day after we find someone to harvest for us, i plow up their ground and then they plant. they always put a lot of thought into what they want to grow.

today for lunch we had fish sticks, rice, corn, and then watermelon for dessert. as i was dishing up their food, we started talking about it and realized that, except for the fish sticks, this was all food they had chosen to "plant" this week. so as they ate their lunch today, they kind of felt like they were eating the food that they had grown . . . it was very cute.

when we planted new crops later today, i noticed that they planted lots of strawberries. i hope they aren't thinking we will have that for lunch tomorrow . . .

wednesday bonus blog: a friend in need has two friends indeed!

so today . . . is going to be a busy day. wednesdays always are--that's why i stopped blogging on wednesdays. and then i had the brilliant idea of the bonus blogs, so now i still have to find time to post those--which wouldn't be so bad if i didn't feel the need to "introduce" them, and then add final thoughts at the end . . .

oh well, here goes . . .

this blog was originally posted on friday, june 6, 2008.

how can you tell if a person is your friend? there are a lot of people in my life, and while i like almost every single one, i wouldn't necessarily say they are all my friends. or maybe they are, but just at different stages of friendship.

first, there are those people that you are just getting to know. you may not see them often, but when you do you have short conversations with them. the silences are awkward though. you talk to them when your paths cross, but don't spend much time together, because what if you run out of things to talk about? you are learning a bit about each other, slowly, but you are careful about what you say. after all, you don't know them well enough yet to let them see who you really are. i call these people possible friends.

next there are those people that you have talked to enough that you now know what interests and viewpoints you share. you enjoy your interactions, partly because you kind of know what to expect and partly because there will still be some surprises in your conversations. you feel comfortable enough to maybe go to a movie or concert together--those activities that don't require much conversation--and afterward you talk about what you've just seen. you may let them see a little more of who you are. then, if they don't run away screaming, they become new friends.

then there are your everyday friends. these are the people you spend your day with. they know you pretty well. they may be your co-workers, the people you go to church with, your neighbors. they pretty much know what is going on in your life, but maybe not all the gory details. you are comfortable with them and might invite them to go out to lunch or to a ball game or the mall. your conversation is easy. this is where many of the people in our lives are. and this is a good place to be--a friendship without a lot of demands or expectations.

and then there are those friends that you know you can count on. some people call them their best friends, but i prefer to call them my real friends. these are the people who really know me. they know i'm not anywhere close to perfect, although i try to look like i have my act together. they know why i don't play sports, but love words. they know i probably have skeletons in my closet (along with suitcases, too many shoes, and the perfect hangers) but they choose to like me anyway. these are the ones i know i can call in the middle of the night if rollie is gone and my bathroom is flooding or my clothes dryer burns up. they are the ones who will listen to me whine or rant or fall apart without making any judgments. these are the people i trust.
i started thinking about all of this last week when we ran into problems with our internet. rollie is usually able to handle all of our electronic issues, but this time even he was stymied. so we asked our friend james for some help. without hesitation he agreed to come over and see what he could do. well, he worked on the problem for four hours that night with no success, and then came back the next night with another friend and worked for three more hours before they finally had our internet running properly again. they gave up two evenings just because we needed help! so i just wanted to say how grateful i am for friends like that. neither james nor walter (his friend) will read this--i'm fairly sure they are not on myspace--but i was inspired by them this week. i wish i was that kind of friend, but i am afraid that maybe i am not. i'm going to try harder though, because how we make people feel is important. and this week my friend james made me feel like somebody cared . . .

i'm not very good at the friend thing--i tend to be more of an alone person. given the choice between going somewhere with people and staying home by myself, i will almost always choose being by myself. once i get home from work, i do NOT want to go out again--unless i am lured with food. i find that most of the things i enjoy doing are solitary activities. it isn't that i don't like people--i do. it isn't that i can't function in a social situation--i can. and it isn't that i'm not thoughtful of others--i am. it just that that isn't where my natural personality lives. and sometimes i just seem to be immobilized by inertia. for example, i never forget a birthday! but everyone i know probably thinks i don't have a clue, because i cannot seem to get a birthday card or gift out on time (or even close to on time) to save me!

so i am very thankful for the few real friends that i do have, because they love me anyway . . .

but is it really mocking if there is love?

so today . . . diandra and i took rollie to see the new "night at the museum" movie. we were finally celebrating his birthday, which was actually two weeks ago, but his birthday fell on mother's day. and this year his mother was here for that special day, so we chose to postpone his birthday celebration and instead focus on having his mom here.

we all have years that we have to share our birthday--well, sort of. my birthday is the day after valentine's day. always. but it isn't a problem for me, because rollie never rolls the two holidays together. we always celebrate valentine's day, and then my birthday. but still, it is close. rollie and diandra, though, have years where they actually have to share. you see, sometimes rollie's birthday falls on mother's day, and sometimes diandra's birthday falls on father's day. so in our family, we have created the tradition of not being tied to the calendar when it comes time for one of these special days.

we started doing that before either rollie or i were a dad or a mom, when it wasn't even really an issue yet, because diandra hadn't burst onto the scene. (actually she came very slowly onto the scene--but again, for your mental comfort i choose not to tell about that--at least not today.) it started with christmas. when we were first married and deciding what to do about the holidays, we decided that although we were going to our parent's houses for christmas, we wanted to have our own celebration too. so we would have christmas at our house, and then christmas with my extended family on christmas eve, and then christmas morning with my family and christmas afternoon with rollie's family. when diandra was little (and probably even now when she is big,) she loved it--four christmases every year! so for us, as long as we get to celebrate, we sometimes play a little fast and loose with the dates . . .

since we had decided to postpone rollie's birthday, we thought we would celebrate the following friday afternoon. and then we got the terrible news about my uncle jim, and i ended up spending that afternoon packing and flying up to portland.

ok, so plan b--we were going to celebrate last friday, but diandra ended up with a youth event that night, and she was going to be spending the day running all over town preparing for the evening.

ok, so plan c--we would do it on monday afternoon. it was a holiday that all of us would have off. so we all wrote in on our calendars (well, actually we all put it into the calendars on our phones--we don't use paper much anymore, except for post-its,) and started looking forward to that. the day came, diandra was home--and then my intestines decided that they wanted the day off too. so another plan was thwarted . . .

finally this afternoon we made it! all three of us were sitting in a row in the dark with our movie food. and then the movie started . . . it was very cute--all these historical creatures coming to life, the battle of good vs evil, the underlying love story, the comedy, the drama, it was all there. and then, near the end of the movie when amelia earhardt was flying a replica of the first airplane around washington d.c., rollie leans over to me and says these words--"that plane could never really fly like that!"

this happens almost every time we watch any movie! there comes a point where the unbelievable suddenly becomes unbelievable to him! so i am sitting there thinking, "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!! THIS IS THE PART THAT YOU FIND UNBELIEVABLE?!?!?" yes, in my mind those words are in caps!

to this point in this particular movie we have watched life-size wax figurines of teddy roosevelt, general custer, sacajawea, cavemen, a t-rex skeleton, tiny little cowboys and roman soldiers all come to life when the sun hits a golden tablet (that looks suspiciously like a big cell phone pad to me.) we have seen characters ENTER into famous paintings, run around, and then jump out again. we have seen napoleon, al capone, and ivan the terrible try to get the good guy. we've seen bronze and marble statues move and speak and stone cherubs fly and sing. all this, and he finds the airplane flying over washington d.c. to be hard to believe . . .

it is always interesting to me at what point he reaches his limit of believability. because unless we are watching a true story (which we rarely do, unless it is one of those heartwarming sports stories where the little team that couldn't, suddenly does,) it is all fiction--there are elements of every story that stretch the limits of reality. and we go along with it, with those amazing coincidences that pull us into the story, because we want to be entertained. we want to escape reality for a little while, so we suspend it.

but for rollie, there always comes a point where his brain pauses, and says, "wait a minute . . . " and that's when i hear those inevitable words, "there's no way . . . "

and every single time it happens, i look at him and say, "really?!?!" i admit, i say it with a little bit of an attitude, and it is usually accompanied by an eye roll. then he looks at me, and responds in the mature way that i have come to expect--he sticks out his tongue, and then he folds his arms and smiles. he knows it has happened . . . again. it's like he gets so caught up in the story that he forgets that i am going to mock him when he reaches his believability limit. and then he says those words, "no way . . ." and the game is on . . .

a day off can be exhausting . . .

so today . . . i spent a lot of time catching up on my reality tv and farming. i'm exhausted!

as i've mentioned, our lives have been unusually busy the last few weeks, so our schedule has just gone out the window. it wouldn't be that much of an issue, except that we like some reality tv shows, and may is "finale season." i managed to keep up with the shows that i watch by myself (american idol, dancing with the stars) because i try to watch them live. but the ones that rollie and i watch together on the weekend (survivor and the amazing race) were just sitting there on the tivo, waiting for us . . . we had the final three episodes of the amazing race, and the final FIVE episodes of survivor, and if we wanted to be surprised by the winners, we needed to get them watched! i already knew the results of survivor, because someone wrote about it on facebook. let that be a lesson to me--don't read facebook until i've watched the finales!

we like these shows (survivor and the amazing race,) because it is fun to watch the interaction of the people in these situations. it is fun to see how they make decisions and then how those decisions affect their progress in the game. and it is fun to try and predict what is going to happen . . . we boo the people who are mean, and cheer for the ones who are not. we pause the tivo and talk about what we would do if we were playing the game, so it is more interactive than most of what we entertain ourselves with on tv. but it isn't nearly as much fun if you already know what is going to happen. today i had to amuse myself with trying to guess who was going to be voted out next on survivor, because i already knew who the winner was going to be!

and the winner is never going to be me. please!! i wouldn't last 3 days on survivor--no packaged food, no toilet paper, no laptop or ipod or cell phone . . . and unlimited bugs, dirt, backstabbing, and conniving (well ok, i admit, i might enjoy the conniving part . . . ) and, i'm pretty sure i would whine (which doesn't make for must-see-t-v) and yet, i mercilessly mock the whiners (that would be my non-existant spiritual gift of compassion coming out!) and you cannot survive the amazing race unless you can swim, which i cannot. besides which, i would want to stop and take pictures of everything. twice.

but i couldn't just sit here and watch tv all day--well, i probably could, but at some point i would fall asleep. so instead of taking that chance, i plopped my computer in my lap and headed to farm town. my farm is getting pretty big--in fact, i earned enough points today to enlarge my farm once again. i'm following the example of my friend sherry and think i might become a farming tycoon!

when it was time to harvest, three of my neighbors were online--my mom and two of my friends. i needed to ask someone to harvest, but who? i wanted to help them all, and i couldn't choose, so i just hired all three of them! and then i zoomed out on my farm so that i could see all of it, and it was so cool! i could see their little avatars running around, and saw my crops disappearing as they were harvested. it was a little confusing because two of them looked exactly the same, so i couldn't tell who was who (not that it mattered.) but as the harvesting progressed, i found myself getting a little anxious . . . what if someone got more than someone else? what if one of them felt like another one was infringing on their territory? what if someone got stuck and had to reload the game? i mean, i've harvested with multiple harvesters before, and i know what it is like to be working along and suddenly see the adjacent fields being harvested right out from under you! or be stuck and unable to move, and watch while the crops fall all around you . . . so i don't know if i will do that again or not. maybe if i do, i should just go hang out at the marketplace until they are done . . . because i can't watch!

when i first started farming, i looked at the long term crops and thought to myself, "i will never plant very many of those-they take too long!" i experimented with sunflowers, which take three days to grow, and it killed me! i'll bet i checked those crazy flowers 6 or 7 times a day! which is insane, because it's a computer game!! if they say it is going to take them three days to mature, then it is going to take them three days to mature. it isn't like some of them were going to surprise me and be done in two days!!! and yet, still i checked . . .

but today i discovered the reason for longer term crops. you see, i accumulated enough points today to enlarge my farm AGAIN. so, of course, i did! after my three neighbors got done with the harvesting, i started plowing. and i plowed and plowed and plowed and plowed. then i got the notice that i could enlarge, so i did, which required more plowing!!! now i realize i am not actually out in the hot field riding farm equipment around working in real soil. but can i just say, my right index finger is just a little bit sore! really!! by the time i got done plowing up all those plots, AND THEN PLANTING THEM, all of which requires my finger to tap on my mouse pad, it was tired and the tip of it was sore!! ok, i know you are laughing at me, but can you see how doing this day after day after day might cause some sort of medical problem . . .

ALSO it was time consuming. i don't know exactly how long it took, because as i said, i was also watching tv. but it took up a good chunk of my afternoon, and i realized that i cannot do this every day--i just don't have time! but i love to farm!! and that's when it hit me--plant longer term crops! MENTAL HEAD SLAP! of course! if i would just divide my farm up into sections, plant longer term crops and rotate them, then i could still harvest and plant every day, but i wouldn't have to do the WHOLE DANG FARM!! if i planted 3 day crops, then i could just work on a third of it every day. that would be much more manageable.

so that is my plan. the very next time that i enlarge my farm, i am going to plow the whole thing under and start over. and i will plant more interesting longer term crops. and maybe buy some fencing and finally pen my animals up so they aren't all over the place. and i have my eye on this very cute white farmhouse . . . and llamas! i am so envious of sherry's llamas!

i can see that i am going to have to teach my other fingers how to farm . . .

sigh . . . ? or scream . . . !!!

so today . . . i have no profound thoughts to share. or even mindless, random ones . . .

it's been a day of frustrations--nothing major, just a lot of little stuff. i hate that, because it makes me feel edgy all day. and since i tend to be non-confrontational, this means a day of just swallowing the words that crowd my mind, and trying not to compound things by telling everyone just what i think! that's why i have no thoughts to share--my brain has been so busy controlling my reactions that it hasn't had time to wander into territory that would make for interesting reading . . .

i've had several days like this lately, and it is bothering me. this is not the way i want to live my life, but it seems to be what's going on right now. maybe i am just ready for summer vacation--but that is still almost a month away! maybe i need therapy to learn how to deal with these frustrations more positively. maybe, like one of my friends, i just need pharmaceutical aid. i don't know.

all i know is, today i am glad for my dogs (who think i am the second best person on the planet,) and facebook farm town (which gives me the illusion of being in control--even though my animals are running wild!)

prom season

so today . . . we went to rubio's at the towne center for dinner. it was such a nice day that we sat outside to eat. and soon realized that somewhere tonight, there will be a prom . . .

it wasn't hard to figure out. our first clue was the gigantic hummer limo illegally parked in front of starbucks. since we are several miles from hollywood, i was pretty sure it wasn't brad pitt's ride. there was also the constant (and colorful) parade of couples going back and forth, back and forth. it was quite a site.

each high school has their prom on a different night, so we see high school kids all decked out in formal wear for five or six saturday nights in a row, both in the fall and again in the spring. i don't know where else they congregate, but apparently the towne center is one of the places to see and be seen! and it is quite a show . . .

the girls are the ones to watch. the guys are all wearing either black or white formal wear with a colored shirt, vest, or tie--to match their date's dress. those boys, i'll bet they have no say in what they are going to wear. can you imagine a guy saying to his date, "well, i want to wear a green shirt, so you need to find a green dress . . . " oh no, i don't think that is how it works at all! those girls have probably spent weeks looking for just the right dress (and shoes, and handbag, and hair ornaments . . . )

so let's talk about the shoes. i am highly entertained by watching these girls try to walk in their fancy shoes! it is hysterical!! i remember when diandra was graduating from high school. she had a lovely black floaty tea length dress to wear. and so, she got some cute black shoes with about a two inch spiky heel--well, as spiky as a two inch heel can be. she was graduating at the crystal cathedral, and all the floors there are marble (and slippery!!) as i watched her try to walk in those shoes on our tile floors, i thought to myself, "she is going to fall. there is no way she is going to be able to walk on those marble floors without slipping and falling." you see, diandra was a flipflop girl--i don't think she had ever walked in any kind of heel before! and she moved very gingerly and somewhat flat-footedly in those fancy shoes. let's just say as lovely as she was, her movements were more tentative than graceful.

and i am reminded of that every year when i see these girls trying to walk in their new shoes! first of all, many times the shoes are either too big or too small--which of course makes walking difficult. i don't know why they don't get shoes that fit . . . and most of them buy shoes with impossibly high spiky heels--their feet have to be killing them! anyone who has ever walked in a high spiky heel knows that there is some skill involved in being able to walk in them without looking awkward--and most of these girls don't have it yet. the boys are ambling along, often in their canvas shoes, looking just too cool. but their dates are hobbling around praying they remain upright . . .

then there are the dresses. we always see such a variety, and to this point we have not seen two girls in the same dress (which of course would be the ultimate horror!) it is always interesting to see the styles that have been chosen. there are long dresses, tea length dresses, short dresses, and dresses that just barely qualify--apparently there isn't much of a dress code for these events! there are dresses in every shade and tint of color. today rollie said that when a whole group comes by together, it looks like a flower garden. the colors are beautiful--but some of the dresses are not! really!! i feel bad for some of those girls who obviously got terrible advice about what would look good on them. sometimes i wonder if the person who said, "oh yes, get THAT dress!" was either a desperate sales person or an enemy masquerading as a friend . . .

and lastly are the accessories--the jewelry, the handbag, the hair ornaments. they sparkle!! because really, why bother with accessories if they aren't going to sparkle! that is what accessories are all about. i have known this for the last 20 years, but i am gratified to see that the rest of the world is finally catching up with me on this. i wear sparkle every day, but these girls do not. unless it is in their cosmetics, they are not all comfortable with everyday sparkle. but on this night, for their prom, they sparkle every time they move.

this isn't real life--real life is jeans and flipflops. this is the ball! and for this night, each girl is cinderella. so when i see them, they just look like little girls to me--little girls playing dress up, wearing their mom's shoes and carrying her special handbag, pretending to be grown up. they aren't grown up yet, but it won't be long now . . . and as i watch the girls, one thing is clear--each one thinks they look beautiful. and so, they do . . .

and as for diandra and the heels and the marble floors at the crystal cathedral? she managed to walk in with her graduating class, walk up and receive her diploma and return to her seat, and walk out again--all without falling. she rocked those shoes!

and so the weekend begins . . .

so today . . . we had pizza for dinner. and not the healthy kind.

rollie and i both tend to be homebodies. we like to go out, but really we are happy just staying at home. the last few weeks have been somewhat demanding on two people who just want to hibernate. we have been very busy and often going in different directions.

even today was busy. we have a routine for friday afternoons. rollie picks me up from school at noon, we race to the cheap theater (where you can see a movie for $1.50 and get a really delicious hot dog for only $1!) then, if we haven't eaten too many hot dogs, we go to lunch. that is the beginning of our weekend . . .

but today we didn't do that. instead, we went to a funeral. this was the second funeral in less than a week for me, and it was just too much! it seemed to kind of cap off a hectic couple of weeks for us. when we got home at about 6:00 p.m. we finally hit the wall!! we looked at each other, and rollie said, "well, what do you want to do now?"

"i want to change my clothes, eat food that i shouldn't eat, and veg out in front of the tv!"

"that sounds good to me!" he said. so all that was left to discuss was what kind of forbidden food we were going to eat. i was thinking bar-be-que potato chips, but when rollie suggested pizza, i was immediately on board! we hadn't ordered from pizza hut in so long, i couldn't remember what the menu looked like or if they even still had the thin and crispy crust (which is what rollie was craving.) so i did the only logical thing--i came downstairs and logged onto the internet.

i found the pizza hut site and saw that i could order online! wow, i thought, can they make it any easier to get a pizza? well, apparently they can, because after wrestling with their site for about 20 minutes, i logged off and picked up the phone . . .

the pizza came--well, actually rollie went and got it, but he brought it home, so really--the pizza came!! it was sooooo delicious! we had ordered a large for just the two of us, because it was thin crust which is not nearly as filling as the thicker crust ones. i said it would be great, because we could eat half today and half tomorrow. it was a good plan, and i stuck to it--but rollie did not. he ate ALL of his pizza tonight. (he will be regretting this tomorrow when i am eating my leftovers . . . )

and so our long weekend begins. we will have church on sunday, but other than that, i am hoping for the kind of weekend that includes lots of sleeping, eating, sunshine, and maybe a little tv. oh, yeah, and of course some facebook farming . . .

is it an addiction? or just a vice . . .

so today . . . i realized i am addicted to farm town on facebook.

i'm sure i have mentioned this before, and if you are not on facebook, you will not completely understand this blog. but i can't help it--it's time to confess . . .

farm town is an app where you create your own farm. you plow up the ground, choose crops and plant them, harvest them, and then go to market to sell the products of all that work! and then you start over again . . .

i love it! i love every part of it!!

i started really playing a couple of weeks ago. i was going to do it with joshua and jonathan at school in the afternoon. i thought it would be something different that they would enjoy and also would go along with our science curriculum. so they helped me. for a week. and then i went up to portland . . .

my plan was to just earn as much money as i could while i was gone, so that when i got back, the boys could run the farm, and i wouldn't have to worry about running out of money. this was a good plan, except for one thing--while i was gone, i became addicted.

seriously addicted. i now check my farm first thing in the morning, and then several times during the day and evening. i run around to my friends' farms--watering, raking, and weeding to make a little extra cash. i do the math on all the crops--how much does it cost to plow and plant, and how long does it take to mature--so i know which are the most profitable seeds to plant. i plow up more land and buy more seeds. i have planted and harvested so many potatoes that i am sick of looking at them. and yet, my brain says, "plant potatoes," because it is the most profitable crop available to me right now, and it matures in just one day. which is great, because it means that i get to plow and plant and harvest and sell EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! and i've found that i do not have the patience right now to wait for crops if they take more than one day to grow. i followed the lead of one of my farmer friends yesterday, and planted sunflowers--which i'm sure will be beautiful, but they take 3 days to mature! i can't stand it!!! i keep watching them, but they are so slow . . .

it is funny how i thought that when i had earned 10,000 coins (the "legal tender" used in farm town,) i could relax and plant crops that were a little more "fun." but then i reached 10,000 and actually went to about 14,000. ok, i thought, maybe i should get to 25,000 before i branched out. i passed that mark, and now i am thinking i should get to at least 50,000 coins before i get too creative. (i did splurge and spend 200 coins for a scarecrow . . . ) but now that i am becoming somewhat successful, i am thinking of enlarging my farm, and that is expensive. i have a feeling that i am going to find that 50,000 coins isn't nearly as much as i thought . . .

today my addiction reached a new level. i started hanging out in the marketplace, waiting for some farmer to come hire me to harvest on their farm. there are dozens of avatars hanging around, waiting to be hired. some beg for work, some move around a lot to draw attention to themselves, but my strategy is to just stand in a clear spot as close to the middle as i can, and wait. usually this is just a waste of time, but a few times it has worked for me.

i've had two funny experiences. the first happened yesterday. i got hired to go work on a really big farm! it had corrals for it's animals and even a house! it was planted with the dreaded potatoes, but also some strawberries. so i went running around harvesting, watching my bank account swell. when i got done, i thanked the farmer for letting me help harvest, and he said, "np, want to harvest the fruit trees?" well, i didn't know who np was! i knew it wasn't me, and i couldn't find any trees. so after trying to find np on the farm, and failing, i went on home . . . feeling kind of rejected that i hadn't been chosen to harvest the fruit . . .

i later realized that np was short for "no problem," and that i had unchecked the "show trees" box on my computer, so all the trees were hidden! i felt so dumb! especially because this was a big farm, and i had been hoping i would be asked back. now i am thinking my chances of that are pretty slim . . .

and then today i was hanging out in the marketplace--i admit i lurk--and was invited to a farm to harvest. when i got there, again, it was totally planted with potatoes (they really are a good money making crop!) but the crops were only 99% ready! well, you can't harvest until they are 100%. so i waited and waited. i figured it was better than going back to the marketplace--at least this was a job. finally the crops were ready. i started racing about harvesting, when i realized i was not alone! there were two other people harvesting at the same time as i was!! well, this kind of changed things--it became a race. and not just a race, but also a competition to try to outsmart the others so they couldn't get in front of me. it was just a tiny bit stressful . . .

i asked one of my friends today, "do you think we will get tired of playing this game?" he said, "probably eventually. but for now, i just keep thinking about levelling up and enlarging my farm!" another farmer friend said she woke up this morning thinking about how she wanted to arrange her farm. sometimes i find myself on my farm just waiting for something to happen--even though i know nothing is going to happen for a few more hours . . . i am just drawn to it.

so yes, i admit it. my name is julie, and i am a facebook farm townaholic . . .

wednesday bonus blog: "i thought we were pretending!?!?!"

so today . . . i am going to repost the blog that gave me my first experience with negative comments.

generally, i don't like negative comments. what is the point? when someone blogs, they are just sharing their thoughts and opinions. if you don't like those thoughts and opinions, then stop reading the blog! there are probably millions of blogs out there--enough that certainly everyone should be able to find several that they enjoy reading. and that is what the blogger wants to hear--what do you like? what did it make you think about? what made you laugh? negative comments just start a war in the comment area, and everyone ends up feeling irritated.

when i wrote the following blog, i thought it was a funny story, so the comments surprised me. i thought, "no wait--they have missed the point of the story." but read the original blog first, and then we will go to the comments. i originally posted this on sunday, october 19, 2008.

preschoolers--their minds just don't work the same as ours! so one morning last week before school really started, i was watching the kids play. i was sitting at a table watching 3 and 4 year olds trying to master scissors. (you would be amazed at how many ways there are to hold a pair of scissors!) one little girl came clear across the room from the "kitchen" area to bring me a cup of "coffee." now i am guessing that the adults around her would be delighted with a cup of coffee, but since i do not like coffee, my response probably perplexed her a bit. "yuck," i said. "i don't like coffee. can you bring me something else to drink?" she looked at me blankly, and then went back to the kitchen. a few minutes later she returned with a cup of "milk." "yum," i said. "but you know what would be really good? if you took this cup of milk back to the kitchen and heated it up and added some chocolate and sugar. then you know what we would have? we would have hot chocolate!" now i am feeling pretty proud of myself and how i have turned this simple little interaction into a learning opportunity, until she looks at me and replies, "we don't have any chocolate or sugar in our kitchen!"

when i wrote this blog, i thought it was a funny story. i thought people would read it and laugh. but here are the comments i got . . .

--"ok. you're just being demanding. i'm surprised your little girl didn't take your order into the kitchen and "spit" in your hot chocolate..."
--"That's what you get for not liking coffee! How could anyone not like coffee? And in the end who got the education? I agree, I would have spit in your milk! Ahahaha!"
--"UH, teacher, I was just pretending....can't you PRETEND to like coffee."
--"I understand how you don't like coffee :) And I understand how you would want to make her think outside the box a little... granted, I work with teenagers. So maybe I don't count."

i have to say, i was somewhat surprised by these comments. now these were all made by people i know and like, so i am pretty sure that they were just giving me a hard time . . . but still, it kind of made me feel annoyed. (probably i was feeling cranky already when i read the comments, which didn't help!) so the next day i posted this:

ok, judging by your hostile comments, i think that some of you MISSED THE POINT of my last blog. yes, i could have just said "thank you for the coffee" and moved on, but i was trying to get her to do something different than what she usually does when she plays in the kitchen--because that's what teachers do--we help to expand a child's mind. but judging by some of your harsh remarks, i guess next time i will just say thanks and move on . . . sheesh! i have two more funny stories, but now i'm not so sure you will enjoy them. i guess you will just have to wait and see . . .

and then i spent a few days recovering my usually pleasant disposition before writing again . . .

here's the thing--i want my blog to be a fun and safe place. so keep that in mind when you comment. i do have a couple of friends who like to torment and mock me, because it's just how we show love :) but they always put their names on so i know it is them. i will probably start being a little more selective with anonymous comments if they edge into unkind areas. i want to "share the love" not the snarkiness. but keep the comments coming . . . just like you look forward to reading my blog everyday, i look forward to reading your comments!

and maybe next week i will post the other two stories--my five year olds are really funny!!

there's no place like home . . .

so today . . . it is after 10:00 p.m. and i am just starting my blog. this is not good, not good at all . . .

i've been playing with my farm and my farmer friends on facebook. my farmer friends seem to be on later in the evening, so to connect with them i have to be on kind of late. i think i am going to have to start blogging earlier . . .

i flew home today. it was a pretty good flight--the plane was only about half full. i got a window seat, and the two seats next to me were empty! pretty nice . . .

but it didn't start out quite that nice. i went to bed, and woke up to rain. it rained hard!! and my mom had to drive, because dad's eyes were dilated from his visit to the eye doctor this morning. my mom is a good driver, but she prefers not to drive across town--especially in the rain! she did it though, and we didn't have any problems--well, except for the limited visibility caused by the rain . . .

it is different flying by myself than when i fly with rollie. my darling husband is a boy scout--he is always prepared! and when we fly, that means being at the airport AT LEAST two hours early--and he really prefers to be three hours early. he likes to get there, get his ticket and go immediately through security (which cuts down on the opportunity to shop at the airport shops . . . hmmm, maybe that is his evil plan . . . ) and get to the gate and lay claim to a chair. then he sits there until we board the plane. once we get settled at the gate, he will babysit the luggage so i can wander about (you see, he is not totally unreasonable!) when i fly with rollie, i never have to worry about missing a flight--because i know he will get us there!!

when i go alone, i think being at the airport an hour and a half early is enough. i get my ticket, check my bag, and head to the shops. i know that the stuff in airport shops tends to be overpriced, but sometimes you can find a good deal. and the merchandise is different from what you find at the mall. so i like to look, and occasionally take a treasure home. today my flight left at 2:00. we got to the airport about 12:45. i had my ticket in hand and my bag checked by 1:00. my mom and i visited a couple of shops and then i said goodbye and headed for security about 1:30. i was pretty relaxed--i still had half an hour before we were scheduled to leave. i stopped to check out the map to see where i was going to buy food before i boarded, because you know they don't feed you on the plane anymore. but when i got to the gate for my flight, it was deserted. uh-oh, i thought, maybe it is a good thing that rollie got me flight insurance. maybe this is WHY rollie gets me flight insurance. but i noticed that the door to the plane was still open and manned. so as it turned out, i even had time to go to the restroom--but i did not press my luck by buying a hot dog and soda.

it was a great flight--no one next to me, a good book, my computer--well, there was that kid behind me who kept kicking my seat . . . but i just chose to think of it as a back massage . . . and be glad i wasn't going to be spending the next two days with him at disneyland!

i took lots of pictures out of the plane window, because i knew i was going to blog my trip today. see, i was thinking of all of you . . . and you get to see just about every kind of terrain and community on this trip--from the lush green of portland, to the snow in the mountains of northern california, to the farmland in central california (this is what our facebook farms should look like, people!) to the swimming pools in every back yard in long beach--well, almost every back yard.

we went out over the ocean, and then back in to land. i stepped off the plane, and of course rollie was there waiting for me--because, you know, he is a boy scout. he had probably been there waiting for me for a while. we snagged my bag and headed for the parking lot. we stowed my luggage in the trunk, rollie handed me my car keys, and off we went--with the top down, the sun shining, the wind messing up our hair (ok, my hair) and the palm trees zipping by. i'm telling you people, there's no place like home . . . especially if your home is in the land of perpetual sunshine!

an alternative to surgery?!?

so today . . . i had an adventure--and before 11:00 a.m.

i have hearing issues. about 14 years ago i had lost enough hearing in my left ear that i had to have surgery. the surgery helped--for a while. but a few years ago, i noticed that i was losing the hearing in that ear again. so last summer i went back to the doctor to see about another surgery, and he said it couldn't be done again--"get a hearing aid," he said.

i was not happy with that diagnosis.

so for now, i just deal with the reduced hearing in that ear. but there are times when i really have trouble with my ears, like when i am flying. they seem to adjust to the change in pressure fairly well going up, but coming down is very, very painful. and this time i forgot to bring any gum or candy to suck on, so it was especially bad. when i landed on friday, i couldn't hear out of my right ear at all. and so i was complaining about it a bit . . .

and then i learned about "ear candles."

my dad, who has had hearing issues for a long, long time told me about them. he said it made a difference for him, and maybe i should try it. i am thinking, "ear candles?!?!? i don't think so!" all i can think of is an open flame near my ear AND MY HAIR. this cannot be a good thing. but he explains it to me--"no," he says, "you put the candle in your ear and light the other end. the heat transfers through the candle and pulls the ear wax out of your ear, and you will be able to hear better."

i am still thinking no. but i say, "oh, that sounds interesting," because i love my dad and don't want to say to him "are you nuts?!?!?" i still can't picture it. so he shows me an ear candle. it is a tube about 12 inches long that comes to a rounded point at one end. it seems to be made from some kind of treated cloth. he tells me that you stick the pointed end gently into your ear and then LIGHT THE OTHER END ON FIRE! i am still thinking "hair, hair, burning hair," but in a moment of weakness i agree to give it a try.

we gather the necessary tools--a pillow for my head, the ear candles, a LIGHTER, and a paper towel. as i rest my head on the pillow, i see my dad poke a hole in the paper towel and insert the ear candle. "dad," i say, "what is the paper towel for?" (i am feeling a little bit like isaac on the altar saying, "dad, where is the ram for the sacrifice?") he says, "it is to protect you from anything dripping or falling." i am thinking that maybe a paper towel is not the best choice to protect me from anything involving fire . . . but no matter how outlandish the plan sounds, my dad usually knows what he is doing, and i trust him, so we proceed. he sticks the candle in my ear, lights the top of it, and we wait. after about five minutes he says, "oh, here comes the white smoke!" white smoke?!?!?!? "that means the wax is starting to vaporize." vaporize?!?!? i am hearing things now that he neglected to tell me earlier, but it seems a little late to back out now. ok, just lay still and wait for it to be over . . .after about 10 minutes, he thinks we are done. it has burned down from 12 inches to about 2 inches. i am thinking we are done too--that flame is getting rather close to the paper towel which is kind of close to my head and my hair! dad takes the candle, dunks it into a bowl of water to put it out, and then says, "now let's see how much wax we got out!" i'm kind of curious about this as well. did anything happen? did it work? will it make a difference? dad slowly unwraps the rest of the candle and there it is--not what you would think of as earwax. it is dry and powdery, not waxy. i guess that is where the vaporizing came in. i have a picture of it, and i found it somewhat interesting, but maybe it is a little too personal (and possibly gross) to include here.

count your blessings that i am showing some restraint . . .

"that's not how i remember it . . . "

so today . . . i listened to lots of people telling stories. and refuting the stories that were being told about them. it was kind of interesting . . .

our memory is a funny thing. you know how they say if seven people see an accident, there will be seven completely different accounts of the incident? i now know it is true. i heard stories about my uncle during his memorial service today that i am sure were recounted accurately by the pastor--he told them the way they had been told to him. but then, after the service i heard slightly different versions of the story. and i am sure that each person's version is exactly the way they remember it happening. but there are slight differences, so they cannot all be totally true. yet in each person's mind, their version is what really happened, and everyone else's memory is faulty.

then later in the day i heard my mom telling a story about something diandra used to do when we would come to visit. i'm sure it is true, because her memory is really good, but i don't remember it happening. at all. either i have completely forgotten, or i wasn't there when it was happening. i don't know, but it is funny, because my first reaction was, "no, that's not what happened." why is that? why do i immediately assume that just because her recollection is different than mine, that mine is right and hers is wrong. the truth is, her memory is much better than mine. but my brain still wants to be right.

i have heard grown people arguing over their different memories of the same incident. and arguing and arguing. it makes me want to scream! first of all, do you really think that you are going to be able to convince someone else that their memory is wrong and yours is right? it will never happen. the best you can hope for is that the other person will finally admit, "well, maybe you COULD be right," while thinking, "what is the matter with you?!?! how can you not remember what happened?!?! you are so very, very wrong." and second, does it really matter? really? the things that people argue over are generally not vital one way or the other. and yet it seems to be so important to us that our version is accepted as the right one, that we will fight to the death over the details of an incident.

it doesn't matter. let it go, people. don't waste your time and energy over fighting over the details of distant memories. we all remember things through the filters of our past experiences, our feelings about the incident, and what is important to us. so just enjoy your memories and let others enjoy theirs. be the bigger person--let them think they are right. after all, YOU are the one who knows what REALLY happened . . .

a celebration of family (and sunshine!)

so today . . . the sun shone in portland, oregon . . .

i was not expecting this--it is, after all, oregon. and now that i live in the land of perpetual sunshine, i fear i am becoming a bit of a weather snob. i hate to admit it, but come on--you already knew this about me, didn't you . . .

anyway, the sun shone. and yet i still spent the day wearing my jeans jacket, because i expected it to be cold. my dad said that the wind was kind of chilly. unfortunately, while my mom and i were out doing errands, we did not cross paths with the wind--just the lovely sunshine. so after a while i gave up and took the jacket off. much better. until we got home and went into the house.

i think my mom's house thinks it is still winter, because it is cool inside. yes, she has heat and it could be turned on, but it is the middle of may!! one should not need heat in the middle of may! and what if it gets hot later? then we will want it to be cool in the house. anyway, i put my jeans jacket back on. and it was much better.

this evening we went to my aunt's house for a bar-be-que. a lot of family is in town for my uncle's memorial service tomorrow, which means a lot of mouths to feed, and so a bar-be-que seemed like a good solution--there would be lots of food, we could spread out into the backyard (at least today we could, because THE SUN IS SHINING) and it was a chance to see those branches of the family tree who have migrated to distant lands (i know, that is a terrible mixing of metaphors--but it's late!)

when we were little, my extended family got together several times a year--always for thanksgiving, christmas, and easter, and then at other random times as well. i don't remember much about thanksgiving, but i do remember the evolution of the gift exchange at christmas, from "gifts for everyone from everyone" to choosing names to "gifts for everyone from grandma" to "let's just eat." and then at easter there was always the chocolate lamb cake with the coconut frosting . . . i hate shredded coconut, but i loved to look at that cake! it was so beautiful . . . and then it seemed like at some point during the summer we would end up at someone's house, running around in the grass . . .

we were a family--a big one. my cousins were kind of like brothers and sisters that didn't live in my house. there were the big boys (4 of them,) the girls (2 of us,) the little boys (2 of them,) and the baby (that's you, nancy!) but, as usually happens, we all grew up and many of us moved out of the area--at first, not too far away, but as time went on the distances became greater. and it was more difficult for all of us to get together, even just at christmas time. our kids grew up and moved out on their own, spreading the family tree out even further. we saw each other less, talked less, probably had less in common. so when we were able to be together, i always felt a little bit at a loss--what would i talk about? who would i talk to? what if they thought, "she is really getting weird!" the truth is, sometimes i just felt kind of disconnected, like my life was so different that i would not be able to find common ground with anyone any more. and so, even though i love my family, i was a little uneasy about spending time with them tonight.

as it turns out, i didn't need to be worried about any of that. everyone was relaxed and easy to talk to. the food was excellently prepared by the people who know how to cook (so you know it wasn't me!!) i was able to sit outside and enjoy the scent of the big lilac tree in the backyard--the best non-food smell God created. i had real conversations with people, instead of the usual, "so, what have you been doing since i saw you last christmas?" and underneath it all, was the understanding that uncle jim would have loved this--his whole family together, enjoying each other's company.

we are scattered. our lives are very different. we have all experienced some unexpected twists and turns. but we are a family. we share a history and a heritage that will always be a part of who we are. we can embrace it, or we can fight it, but we can't ignore it. sometimes it takes a crisis to show what we are made of, and this week we have had a crisis. but it the midst of it, i am thankful for the legacy of caring and understanding that is evident in the people i call my family.

so sleepy . . . ZZZ Z Z zzzz zz z . . .

so today . . . has been a very long day. i was up late last night preparing for my trip today, and then i got up an hour and a half earlier than usual to finish up some stuff before leaving town. i worked at school until noon, ate lunch with rollie, went home and finished packing, and then headed to the airport.

i flew out of long beach for the first time, and i loved it! it is so much more relaxed than flying from lax--not nearly as many people, shorter lines, pleasant employees (at least today.) i had a window seat, which was interesting. you see, i don't fly much. we are used to driving whenever we travel. and because of that, i am always a little uneasy in the air, even though there are things about airplane trips that i really like.

but you are not going to hear about them today, because it is 11:59 p.m. and i am exhausted! i need sleep!!! so, i will blog about my flying issues another day--maybe tuesday, since i will be flying home that day.

and as a side note, i wanted to say thanks to you guys who check and read my blog every day. i try not to disappoint you by at least writing something each day, but i know that some days you may think, "i stayed up late to read that?!?!" (you know who you are . . . ) so i wanted to warn you that i might not write much for the next few days--i may be busy with family stuff. or i may not. i just don't know yet . . . so check in. you may not find a new posting, or you may find something really fun to read--we will just have to wait and see how the next few days play out . . .

for everything there is a season . . .

so today . . . i had a great blog rolling around in my head. i even had pictures . . .

that was earlier today. but it's going to have to wait until another day, because i have spent a good portion of my afternoon and evening making decisions about travel plans, doing laundry, packing, and trying to help the people around me make decisions about these same things. you see, yesterday my uncle passed away.

he was almost 80 years old. in fact, his family had been planning a big 80th birthday bash for him this summer. they had rented houses at the beach and were going to spend some time just enjoying him, and each other, and honoring his life. he had some health issues that made his life challenging some days, but he seemed to be managing fairly well with the help of modern medicine and his very patient wife.

he loved to fish and golf. and go to garage sales--that is where i remember him most vividly. whenever we would visit my parents in the summer, i knew that we were going to get up ridiculously early friday and saturday mornings so we could get in the car and race around the area looking at other people's stuff and hoping to find a treasure. which we did, more often than not. of course, everyone's definition of a treasure is different, and uncle jim was always on the lookout for something really great and terribly underpriced that he could turn into a profit. my dad was always looking for fishing gear or camping stuff or anything that someone had mentioned to him to "keep an eye out for." rollie's idea of treasure for a while was clamp-on shop lights. i know he looked for other stuff too, but it seemed like we always came home with clamp on shop lights. i looked for toys i could use at school, and my mom had a keen eye for glassware, puzzles, jewelry, and books. oh, and mcdonald's toys (remember the dalmatians?) and we never knew just what was going to catch diandra's eye . . .

so we would all pile in the car in the practically pre-dawn hours--my dad would drive, and my mom and uncle would be in the front seat, with rollie, diandra, and i in the back. and that is where the fun would begin. because uncle jim would juggle the newspaper that had the addresses for the sales with the thomas guide of maps and tell my dad where to go. but we didn't always end up where we thought we would, and words would be exchanged. sometimes my dad would end up with the steering wheel AND the newspaper AND the thomas guide--just briefly. they would sometimes "have words" but i don't remember them ever really being mad at each other.

what i do remember is lots of laughing. when i picture my uncle, i always see him smiling. his life wasn't always easy, especially in the last several years. i realize that i had a very limited view of him, because after we moved to california, i didn't get to see him much. but in the ways that matter, i think he would say he was blessed. he had a family who loved him--both the family he grew up in and the family that he raised. he loved God, and he was a good guy. when his time was up, he went the way most of us hope that we will--without any warning or suffering or extreme pain, just living life one day and then transitioning into the arms of his Lord as he slept--and leaving a legacy of faith that will live on in the lives of his children and grandchildren, and also in their children.

so i am headed up north tomorrow, because i want to be there to help honor his life. i want to hear what others remember about him, so that i will have a more complete picture. i want to be a part of the mixture of laughter and tears that always take place when we say goodbye. and i want his family to know that i loved him and will miss him . . . especially on those early friday and saturday mornings when we need someone besides THE DRIVER to read the thomas guide . . .

wednesday bonus blog: who reads these things?

so today . . . i was thinking about how knowing who reads my blogs affects what i write.

as i've said, i write mostly because it is fun. and as i'm writing, i think about how my mom will react, or if it will make wendy comment or sherry laugh. if i mention real people, i am conscious of how they might feel about what i have written. i never want anyone to feel hurt or belittled, or like i have just used them for a laugh. so as i'm writing, i think about all these things.

and so, i haven't really told the people who are part of my everyday life about my blog--except for my family. it's just too many people to think about as i write each day, because no matter how careful i am, you just never know how someone will react. i mainly write for those of you who know me but live far away, or those of you who only know me through what you read here. i guess it is because my blogs show who i really am, and sometimes in my real life i have to pull my punches just a bit.

the following blog was written the first time i thought maybe someone might be offended by things i had written. i decided to share my blogs with a new acquaintance whose life had intersected with mine several times, but not to the extent that we really knew each other. and when reading a blog, if you don't understand the perspective from which it was written, it can be misunderstood. so i was starting to have second thoughts . . .

this blog was originally written on Friday, May 9, 2008.

ok, so this morning the dad of one of our school kids asked me how to find my myspace page. so i told him. i mean, i think my page does a pretty good job of revealing who i am, and i try to make it "interesting" by adding stuff (although i know i need to update my pictures more often.) so i was glad to tell him how to find me. but then i got to thinking about my blogs . . . i love to write blogs--it is so much fun, and i try to make them entertaining. sometimes when i write i am thinking about diandra reading it, so i kind of write towards her. sometimes when i write i think about wendy reading it, so i write in a way that i think will make her laugh. and so on . . . well i went back and read all my blogs, and it was a lot of fun--some of it reminded me of stuff i had kind of forgotten about. but you know i do occasionally write about things that happen at school, and usually it is funny stuff. however there are days when i feel frustrated, just like most of you have days when you are frustrated with your jobs. and that was revealed in a couple of my blogs--like i said, my page reveals who i am, on good days and also on not so good days. so albert, when you read those blogs i hope you will understand that i do love my job and i do love my students, but there are days when i would just like to go to jamaica!

so in the future, if something i write offends you, i am just going to apologize right now. that is never my intent. and i hope that after reading this post, you will understand that . . .and keep reading.

at least it isn't a rerun . . .

so today . . . was just an average, normal, uneventful day.

this makes it hard to blog. what do i write about . . .

i had half a whole wheat bagel for breakfast. as usual, i was in a rush to get out the door this morning, and that is what they were serving for breakfast at school, so i helped myself--half a whole wheat bagel WITH cream cheese. i decided to toast it, which i rarely do, but today i just felt like a warm and toasty bagel. so i sliced it in half and dropped it in the toaster. when it was done, it popped up. well, sort of. i heard it pop up, but only half of my half came up high enough that i could grab it. so i did, and then just stood there staring at the other half that was still resting low in the toaster. had i been at home, i would have grabbed my trusty 'pampered chef' bamboo toast grabber and had that bagel out of there in seconds. but i was at school--with no trusty pampered chef bamboo toast grabber. i am kind of a wimp and did not want to suffer burned fingers. so i did the only thing i could--i picked up a knife and thought about sticking it in the toaster.

don't worry! clearly i am still alive. and since i'm not writing this from my hospital bed, i did not electrocute myself. but all i had was that knife. it was a really sharp knife. so i very, very carefully stuck the tip of the knife into the bagel--NOT into the toaster. i stabbed that bagel and pulled it out without even coming close to electrocution. (ok mom, you can start breathing again!)

and then i spent the school day listening to joshua chatter. jonathan is on vacation this week, so during instructional time, it is just joshua and me. so he is talking A LOT! yesterday i thought it would make a great blog to just keep track of all the funny comments joshua made throughout the day. by noon i had given up! i just couldn't keep up, and he is so random sometimes that seeing what he said written down just didn't communicate what he had said. it is true that there are times when you just had to be there . . .

we did spend some time working on our facebook farm. as with everything, i am somewhat ocd when it comes to my farm. joshua is not. i have actually "paid" to clear a previously plowed field, so that i could move it just a bit one way or the other in order for all my plowed plots to be aligned properly (and i still have a few to correct.) i plant the same crops in adjacent plots. i line my trees up neatly. i carefully do the math to see which crops will make the most money for me. joshua cares nothing for all my careful planning. i don't know, maybe there is a plan in his little head, but i cannot figure it out. so today we planted tomatoes, strawberries, grapes, corn, and rice all over the place. at least it will be interesting to look at . . .

we also have a cow, a horse, and a pig wandering about the place. but yesterday, we got enough points to "unlock" a puppy. this does not mean that we can get a puppy--it only means that we can give puppies as gifts to our other farmer friends. joshua doesn't quite get this. (actually, neither do i!) but i said, "don't worry, maybe sherry will give us a puppy." sherry has gifted all my animals to me, and all my fruit trees too, so i thought there was a good chance she would send us a puppy. but today, there was no puppy. so we decided to be more direct. we went to visit sherry's farm, and looked for all her animals (she has lots of trees, so the unpenned animals can be hard to find.) and then we wrote to her and asked her for a puppy. so we will see what happens tomorrow.

i came home and spent a little time helping rollie's mom figure out how to email photos. it can be very confusing if you have never done it before. i tried to make it as simple as possible, and she did a great job following my directions. she is probably going to turn into a picture-taking-email-sending maniac! that's what happens when you get a new camera, you know.

and now i am sitting here, wearing flannel, watching american idol and dancing with the stars, fighting off milo (who apparently hasn't licked my face enough in the last few days,) eating dark chocolate m&m's and thinking "will they even bother to check my blog tomorrow?!?" i've got to get out more . . .

my phone hates me . . .

so today . . . i picked up my phone to check out what the weather was going to be like before i got dressed.

i don't know why i do that. i know what it is going to say at this time of the year--a.m. clouds clearing to blue skies, high of 78-82. i know this, and yet every morning i check. it's like i can't make a clothing decision until i see if it is going to rain (?!?--meaning i must wear my ugg boots) or be cold (that means 68-72--which requires tights and a coat) or just hot (88-92--where are my sandals and tank tops?) it's like i think i need to make choices, when really i don't--because it is going to be sunny, warm, and moderate, and so pretty much anything will be fine.

but this morning when i picked up my phone to check the weather, it said i had two text messages. i knew one was the weather, but what was the other one? i hit the button to see who the message was from, and my phone shut itself off. ok, that happens sometimes. it isn't a big deal. it will turn itself back on, and then i will check my messages. i wait. and i really don't have time to wait, because you know what good friends i am with my snooze alarm. so if i don't want to be late, i need to get moving. but i can't get dressed until i check the weather, and i can't check the weather until i read my messages (because the weather IS one of my messages,) and i can't read my messages until my phone comes back on. so i wait.

finally the light comes on. yessss!! and the screen is blank. hmmm. this is a new development. i wait another minute or two, and then decide nothing is going to happen. so i do what i always do when my electronics refuse to do what i want them to--i take out the battery! usually this works for me. i don't know why, and everyone i know who knows about electronics tells me to stop doing it, but it is the only tool i have in my tool box to deal with electronic malfunctions. unfortunately this time it does not work, and i still have a blank screen staring me in the face.

my phone has been misbehaving for a few months now--not often enough or consistently enough to be able to take it in and have it fixed, but just enough to annoy me. it randomly shuts itself off, so it's hard to take it in for repair, because i can't say, "it shuts itself off when i . . . " because i never know when it is going to happen. and usually it comes right back on, so it is not incapacitating, it's just a little inconvenient.

but this time i cannot get it to come back on. well, technically i guess it comes back on, but since the screen is blank it is pretty much useless. i finally decide i had better just guess about the weather and get dressed and out the door. i dump my defective communication device with rollie and say, "help me!" and head for my closet.

rollie had to do a hard reset to get it working again. what this means is that all the information i had stored in my phone was gone. GONE. ok, again, not such a big deal. i will just sync it with my computer which will restore most of my info--EXCEPT FOR ANYTHING I HAVE DONE IN THE LAST TWO WEEKS!!! but i don't have a lot of options here. if he doesn't do it, i don't have anything. so i say go ahead and do it, i grab the syncing cable and dash out to the car and off to work.

when i get to work, i sync my irritable phone with my computer. it took a long time, because it wasn't just updating--it was loading all the information back in from nothing. finally it was done. finally. great, i thought, now i can see what that other message was that came in last night. so i punched the button to read my text messages and found . . . two week old text messages.

yep! the new messages were gone, gone, gone. so now i will never know who that message was from or what it said.

or what the weather was like today . . .

happy mother's day!

so today . . . is mother's day. i'm going to take the day off and repost the blog i wrote last year on myspace for this special day. i am doing this for two reasons: 1-i think it would be odd for you to read this on some random wednesday this summer. i mean, it was written for mother's day and should be read on mother's day, and 2-i think it is a great post, and i'm not sure i could improve on it this year. although, i am going to add something new at the end . . .

so here it is. this was originally posted on sunday, may 11, 2008.

mother's day--an interesting "holiday." actually, i'm not sure you can call it a holiday if you don't get a day off work, but maybe i am nitpicking. now don't get me wrong--i think moms should have a day (or a whole week!) when they feel appreciated for all they do for their families (including dads!) and the sacrifices they make to take care of their children. moms are amazing and should be recognized as such. and if we need to designate the second sunday in may as the time to show our moms how great we think they are, then i guess that's what we should to do. so here's how mother's day works--when your children are small, it is up to the dad in the family to be sure that something great happens on mother's day. and as moms, we all recognize that, and we enjoy the lovely gifts that the dads choose and then give to us "from junior." then the children grow big enough to either make mom something "special" or choose their own gift, which could just as easily be gummy worms as godiva chocolates. and we enjoy that, because we know they are learning to give from their little hearts. then they grow into teenagers, and it becomes a 50/50 chance whether the day is made special by dad or the kids, but hopefully someone will remember . . . and then the day arrives--your first mother's day when all the kids are grown and out of the house. what happens then? i mean, you are still technically the mom, but there are no children at home to take care of any more. so should you still celebrate mother's day? i mean, you're not actively mothering anyone, and it seems they don't need you any more. they have hopefully grown into competent, responsible adults (finally) and so dad is probably not going to remind them that "sunday is mother's day." so where does that leave you? this is the year that i felt that way. maybe we wouldn't be doing much celebrating on mother's day. i mean, how much mothering had i really done this last year. my darling daughter HAS grown into a competent, responsible adult. and i am in her head, so she really doesn't need me anymore. and it was also rollie's birthday. (do birthdays trump other holidays like mother's day? we really need the answer to this, since all of our birthdays fall within a day or two of nationally recognized holidays . . .) i am one of the lucky moms who has a daughter that is good at showing how much she loves and appreciates me--all the time. she calls me, she texts me, she writes me notes on myspace. so of course she wasn't going to let this day go by unnoticed. we went to lunch after church (for rollie's birthday) and then she and i went to the mall where she introduced me to a wonderful store where we spent the afternoon shopping--and she bought me an outfit! since i am usually the one buying her an outfit, this was a lovely surprise! we had a great time, as we always do when we are together. my daughter is awesome! when i got home i called MY mom. she is one of those great moms who made the transition from mothering to mentoring to friendship easily--at least it seemed to me like she did it easily. i am sure there were times when she would have made different choices for me than i did, but she supported the choices i made anyway. she has let me live my life my way, but has always been there when i needed her. we live 1000 miles apart now, and so i only get to see her a couple of times a year, and i miss her, especially on my birthday. but thanks to sprint, i can call and talk to her for free on weekends, so i do that every few weeks. and today we talked for an hour and a half. my mom is awesome too! i feel so fortunate to be stuck in the middle of these two incredible women! i should thank God every day for them, and some days i do! they both enhance my existence in such different and wonderful ways. in some ways i am like my mom, and in some ways i am like my daughter. and in some ways i am very different from both of them. they are both smart and beautiful and fun to be around. and i am so glad, that although one calls me mom and one calls me daughter, they both call me friend.

i just wanted to add that in the last year, i have learned something from each of these amazing women. from my daughter, i have learned courage in the face of seemingly devastating circumstances and seen that it is possible to overcome situations that threaten to overtake us. she has had a very tough year, but has emerged from it whole and strong and optimistic about her future.from my mom, i have learned that friendship means being there, regardless of the circumstances, being supportive by listening endlessly, and sometimes letting go of your own plan to be there for your friend. my mom does not give up on a friend easily--she will hang in there with them whether the circumstances are fun or difficult. she is the kind of friend we all wish we had . . .(this would be a much better picture if i knew how to crop!!! and btw, this photo was taken by my 5 year old nephew with diandra's expensive camera--not too bad, considering my mom HATES to have her picture taken and will usually avoid it at all costs . . . )

so happy mother's day to both my mom, and my daughter (who made me into a mom!) i love you both very much!!