straight from delivery to recycling

so today . . . i realized that the plastic bag our new telephone directory was delivered in was more valuable than the telephone directory itself. i am not kidding.

there are sooooo many things wrong with this picture!

first of all, who even uses a telephone directory anymore? you have to KNOW how alphabetical order works in order to find anything. and even if you know your abc's (as anyone over the age of five should,) where does the name mcdonald's fit? does it go after the words that begin with mb and before the words that begin with md? (hey, we live in l.a.--trust me, it could happen!) or does it go at the very beginning of the m's? or would i find it right after the mac's? and if i'm using the yellow pages, would it be under restaurants? or fast food? or hamburgers? or shortcuts to a heart attack?? and if you are looking for psychiatrists, remember that the word starts with a silent p--don't go looking for it in the s's. unless you are looking for surgeons. but wouldn't they be listed with the doctors? you see??

and it is time-consuming. a lot of page flipping goes on to find what you are looking for. do you want doctors or physicians? cars or automobiles? dentists or masters of torture? lakers or devil's spawn--no wait, that was a different blog . . . and then, if you don't know exactly how to spell what you are looking for, there is even more page turning--is the correct spelling jewelery or jewelry? because if you are using the phone book, you had better know! it will not ask you did you mean jewelry? like google does.

we all have the technology in our pockets to find whatever we are looking for, and either order it to be delivered right to our house or find a map that tells us how to get to it. even elementary school kids have cell phones with internet access and are probably much more adept at using the apps than i am. all of this makes our need for an actual telephone directory kind of obsolete--unless you just want to show how strong you are by ripping it in half (which, according the the myth busters i just watched, is not all that hard. although, i haven't tried it yet.)

but what i really want to know is this--why is our telephone directory delivered in a plastic bag? when was the last time it rained here? ok, the ground was damp in the morning a couple of weeks ago, but that was the result of night time rain. when was the last time it rained during the day? hmmm?? and since the phone books are delivered during the daylight hours, the plastic bags seem a bit unnecessary--unless they are worried about fading or dust. it just seems to me that if the plastic bags are the environmental evil they are purported to be, putting one on every telephone book delivered to every household in the l.a. metropolitan area might not be the best idea.

especially since they are now illegal in the state of california . . .

insanity? or persistance . . .

so today . . . the twitter saga continues . . .

rollie is winning. he tweets more often than i do, he is funnier than i am, AND after less than 24 hours, he has more followers than i do. i do not like this.

i had a rough morning at school and could hardly wait until lunch. i had chick-fil-a leftovers, but i needed soda. aaaaand just maybe a brownie. so you know where i had to go. on my way out to my car, i checked my messages and there was a text from rollie--"eating lunch at my favorite restaurant--rubio's. they have a killer quesadilla."

and i was headed to 7-11.

i could just picture him at rubios with his kindle and his soda and his quesadilla, having a lovely lunch under the palm trees . . .

. . . while i was driving to 7-11 and then eating at my desk.

you see, this is the problem with only having half an hour for lunch. that isn't enough time to go anywhere to relax and eat. which got me to thinking . . .

some days i wish for a corporate job. i wish for a job with a cubby and a computer. but today i was wishing for a job with an office and a computer. because i kind of think an office and a computer might also come with extended lunch hours and an expense account. which i kind of think i might enjoy.

and then i thought i needed to tweet that, because rollie tweeted about his lunch, and i thought mine might be more amusing. AND if i added a picture of the 7-11 sign, i would win! because he didn't tweet a picture.

hehehe . . .

so i pulled up to 7-11, wrote the tweet, and got out of my car to take the picture. and the screen on my phone was black--nothing. that was weird. so i closed that program and just opened the camera program. still, the screen was black. uh oh . . . i went in and got my soda (and 3 brownies--hey, the weekend is coming,) came back out and tried it again. still black. i tried two more times, pointed it up and down and at my face, and still got nothing.

albert einstein has said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. call me crazy, but i kept thinking, "surely this time it will work . . . " of course, it didn't.

i finally gave it up and went back to school. i ate my leftovers and finished out the afternoon.

then tonight rollie was teaching his class, and i was sitting here doing stuff on my computer and eating the frosting off of my leftover chocolate cake. i decided to tweet that, and as i looked at the remains of the cake i thought, "that would make an interesting picture to go along with my tweet." so i pulled up my camera again, but guess what? it still didn't work.

now i am thinking that i am really, really glad i have insurance on my phone, because i foresee a trip to the sprint store tomorrow for a replacement. i really, really need a phone camera that works--especially now that i am tweeting :) when rollie came home, i was telling him my tale of woe, and he said, "let me look at it."

(you know what this means, don't you--he was going to do exactly the same thing i had done, but the camera was going to suddenly, magically work.)

i handed him the phone, and a few minutes later he handed it back. and sure enough, now the camera worked. i don't know why, but i was stunned. i shouldn't be, because this happens. all. the. time.

"what did you do?" i ask.

"i just turned it off and then turned it on again," he said.

could it really be that simple? and why didn't i think of doing that? and now i have missed two photo-taking opportunities!! and what if it happens again?

i think it is admirable that rollie helped me. he could have just left me camera-less, but he is a nice guy. he knows i am electronically challenged, so he helps me out when he can. he probably should have just left my phone camera alone though, because you know, with my picture taking abilities i am probably going to win the twitter war. eventually.

unless he starts posting pictures too . . .

brilliance--it's a curse . . .

so today . . . i did the most clueless thing i have ever done. ever.

i blame my sickness. i am convinced that my mind and body are working so hard to get well (i hope,) that they don't have enough resources left for the mundane things i have to do. like thinking . . .

you may remember the fight that my brain and my body have been having over if i can be mildly productive while being sick. well today i felt a little bit better, so i thought i could side with my brain and tackle some minor computer tasks. i had this pile of little pieces of paper with notes scribbled on them that required computer attention.

this never used to happen to me. i used to be much more efficient at this sort of thing, but for the last several months my internet access at school has been out of commission. so now, when i remember a small task that i need to do or a fact i need to check, i can't take care of it during the day. and by the time i get home, i do not remember what it was i needed to do. so i scribble short notes on whatever paper is at hand all day long, and then occasionally i sit down with my computer and take care of them all.

today i decided to do that.

so there i was, sitting on the couch in the family room, computer in my lap, surrounded by my little slips of paper. i was settled in front of the fire, watching the rain occasionally fall (see, aren't you glad i didn't write a whiny california rain blog today? because i could have . . . ) and i started working my way through the stack. some tasks required the internet, some required my phone, and some just required my computer and more time than i had to give them during a regular school day.

i was also waiting for rollie to call me. he was at church this morning teaching a class, and i knew that he would probably finish up around lunch time. which meant my chances for eating lunch somewhere other than my kitchen were very, very good, but only if he could reach me. so every time i had to leave my little work nest, i put my phone in my pocket, just in case he called. and when i came back i would put it on the arm of the couch, nice and handy, just in case he called.

and then it happened--my moment of panic. i happened to look at the arm of the couch and noticed that my phone was not there. i checked my pocket--not there either. where could it be? i just had it a minute ago . . . it was just here . . . i reached toward the end table to rustle through all my little notes, and there it was . . . IN MY HAND!!!! i am not kidding you.

i could not believe it. sheesh! i mean i was looking right at it, entering some information when i first missed it. how could i miss it?!?!? i was holding it!!!! i was using it!!! I WAS LOOKING RIGHT AT IT!!!!

maybe i need new glasses.

my only defense is that i hadn't been using it like a phone all morning--i was using it like a computer! i had been accessing the internet, storing information, checking email--all the things you do on your computer--and i guess i had subconsciously stopped thinking of it as a telephone . . .

and then i remembered a professor rollie had when he was in seminary. this professor was a brilliant, brilliant scholar, but he was a bit forgetful. he would routinely push his eyeglasses up on his head, and then forget they were there. he would put his tie on in the morning, and then when he went to brush his teeth, he would flip it to the back to keep from splashing toothpaste on it. then, on his way out the door he would notice he didn't have a tie on and go put another one on. really. rollie said he showed up at school more than once with two ties on--one in the front and one in the back.

but the funniest and most horrifying thing he ever did, was the night he stopped by a friend's house for a few minutes to drop something off. when the friend asked if he wanted to stay and play a game of chess, he eagerly agreed. forty five minutes later the friend's wife looked out the window of their house and said, "um, i think there is someone in your car!" and there was. it was his wife. he had completely forgotten she was out there!

so maybe it isn't because i am sick, and my brain is preoccupied with trying to get well. or because my short term memory occasionally takes a vacation without me. maybe, just maybe it is because i am brilliant! so brilliant that i forget the mundane things, because my mind is so busy with, you know, other stuff.

yeah, let's go with that . . .

but where do i find the update for my brain?

so today . . . i think i am a little bit afraid of my new phone.

i got a new phone for christmas--a palm pre. it is an awesome phone! i think. i'm not completely sure, because i haven't mastered much yet--except text messaging . . .

when we first moved to southern california eight years ago, we had cell phones--regular ordinary cell phones. we used them to make phone calls--mostly to keep track of where we all were! and then doug (the worship pastor at our new church) introduced rollie to the world of "personal digital assistants" made by palm. initially rollie couldn't see the need for an electronic device that he thought was basically a calendar. and then doug uttered those fateful words, "why don't you use mine for a few days . . . " thus opening pandora's box . . .

it wasn't long before rollie had a palm pda. then i got one. then rollie got a newer one and diandra got his old one. then my mom got one. and then my dad (of course, he only plays solitaire on his!) and that was good. until sprint introduced the palm treo smart phone.

the treo was a brilliant idea--instead of carrying two devices, everything was contained into one handy package. rollie got one, then he got a new one and i got his old one, and soon one trickled down to diandra. and then i decided rollie's newest phone was just too cool and i couldn't wait for the hand me down, so i got a new one for my birthday. and then diandra's stopped working and she got a new one because of her insurance. so then we all had brand new treos. and that was good.

the treo was an almost perfect phone. i loved it! i had added several programs and games--some that i thought i couldn't live without. and then last spring palm introduced the pre. it was so sleek! and it had apps. and by fall, everyone in my family had one--except me.

you should have heard the conversations that happened in my head. every time i would see rollie or diandra doing something cool with their phones, i would remind myself how much i loved my treo and how i loved all the games i had and how i had my grocery list in it . . . and then i would see diandra listening to pandora or rollie checking his email, and i would have to raise the volume on that voice in my head . . .

and then it was christmas, and when i opened my christmas present, and there it was in all it's sleek and shiny glory--a pre for me! now we all had a palm pre. and again, that was good! it didn't take me too long to get my contacts and calendar and memos transferred. then the text messages started flying. i was so excited!

but then the phone rang. and rang and rang and rang. because no one had shown me how to answer a phone call.

actually, i don't get that many phone calls. mostly i text and play games on my phone. but if the phone does ring, it is probably a good idea to know how to answer it.

i've had my new phone for a couple of weeks now. and i love it--maybe even more than my treo. it is slim enough to fit in the back pocket of my jeans. it has a big, clear screen and a 3 megapixel camera with a flash! i can text like crazy, check my email, access facebook, read diandra's blog, play yahtzee, and take pictures. i have downloaded several apps--most of which i have no idea how to use. which is what worries me. my brain had finally caught up with all the stuff my treo could do, but now i am starting all over again. i love new technology, but i hate when it is smarter than i am. i wish there was a way to sync my brain with my new phone, so that i would immediately understand it all.

but at least now i know what to do when it rings . . .