what if one day "they" discover that sugar was GOOD for us...

so today . . . i despair.  again.

i try to eat in a healthy way, i really do!  well, ok, that isn't totally true.  i know how to eat in a healthy way, and sometimes i make good food choices, but lately it has been awfully difficult.  i am finding that when it comes to eating, i am an 'all or nothing' type of person.  that hasn't always been true.  several years ago when we went on the south beach diet, i found that i could eat half a peanut butter cookie from subway after my lunch and feel satisfied.  HALF.  who eats half of a cookie?!?!?! but i was trying to make good food choices and had decided that half a peanut butter cookie a day was ok, but just half...

now before you all jump all over me about dieting when i was already pretty scrawny, let me just say that it wasn't so much about losing weight as it was about giving my body healthier foods to eat.  because the truth is, i could pretty much live on junk food and be happy.  but as we age... well, you know...  i don't want to die any earlier than i have to!  and i found that after following the south beach diet, my cravings for sweet things really did go away... until i ate something sweet.  which of course i did, because i like sweet things!

yesterday on facebook one of diandra's friends posted something about a dietary supplement that she was taking that was really helping her lose her post baby fat  she said it really helped to curb her appetite, and thus, her eating.

this would not work for me...

this would not work for me, because my eating is rarely about being hungry.  it is about what tastes good!  i am hardly ever hungry-i don't give myself a chance to be hungry!

i love to eat.

i blame my constant eating on some medication i am on.  my doctor keeps saying it is going to get better, but i am starting to despair just a little bit!  my brain knows i need to make better food choices, but my car keeps taking me to burger king for cinnabons!  yes, they now have authentic cinnabon rolls at burger king!  i am doomed...

...and then yesterday i got an email that said "eight superfoods to add to your diet now!"  i've heard of these superfoods, i just can't remember what they are!  so i thought i would check it out, and here is what i found...

1--salmon.  ok, i am good with this.  i LOVE salmon!!  it is almost always my food of choice when we eat out... well, when we eat out at a real restaurant where the menu isn't posted high on the wall behind the bank of cash registers, and you have to leave a tip.  but for some reason, i rarely fix salmon at home--and not just because i rarely cook!  i think it has something to do with having to actually buy the salmon from a store.  i grew up in oregon, and in oregon our salmon came from the ocean!  my dad went out and got on a boat and caught the salmon, and then he brought it home and cooked it in any of several delicious ways--my favorite being with cheese sauce (which i know maybe sort of defeats the purpose of eating a healthy fish, but it tastes soooo yummy!)  and so, during my formative years, i am pretty sure my mom never bought salmon at the store.  she just went to the freezer and ta-da! there it was.

salmon does not magically appear in my freezer, fresh from the ocean...

but still, i do love salmon, and so even though i don't eat it as often as the 8 superfoods article said i should (2-3 times a week,) i'm putting it in my "plus" column.

2--walnuts.  chalk up another one for me!  i have always loved walnuts.  in fact, i like almost every kind of nut (just ask rollie-teeheehee,)  walnuts are a little bitter, though, so my favorite way of eating them is by the handful, mixed with chocolate chips.

i'm pretty sure chocolate chips are not one of the 8 superfoods...

i have just the opposite problem with walnuts that i have with salmon--i eat way more that the recommended amount (15 nuts a day.)  fifteen nuts a day???  who can eat just 15 nuts a day?!?!?  and since i can't have chocolate chips with my walnuts, i have to mix them with pecans, so then i am eating at least 30 nuts a day...  and i've heard that almonds and pistachios are also good for you, and don't even get me started on cashews!  i haven't heard that cashews have any specific health benefits, but they sure are tasty!  and addicting...

3--broccoli.  a few years ago, this would have been a definite "i will die before i eat this" food.  but while we were on the south beach diet, i taught myself to tolerate it.  and now, i really like it!  i can eat it steamed or raw, and i don't even have to embellish it with fattening sauces (although a little ranch dressing is always a good thing, isn't it?)  broccoli is a superfood that i love, which is a good thing, because the list of other cruciferous vegetables (cabbage, brussels sprouts, kale, bok choy, and horseradish) are definitely "i will die before i eat this" foods.  i guess i'll just have to eat a lot of broccoli.

so as i was reading this article, i was starting to think, "i am doing pretty good!  i have no problem eating the first three superfoods.  maybe i won't die young after all!"  and then, i looked at the next superfood...

4--sweet potatoes.  eew.  in my family we only ate sweet potatoes once a year-at thanksgiving.  that was not often enough to develop a taste for them--even when they had marshmallow filling. i have noticed several places are starting to serve sweet potato fries, but i am thinking that those might not really count as a superfood, although i could probably learn to like them.  i think my main problem with sweet potatoes are their texture.  maybe if i could hide them in a smoothie... a few days ago, ms. jessica gave me a little taste of her smoothie.  it was very healthy.  it had spinach in it.  "but you can't even taste it!" she said.  does she think i am five years old??  i am not that easily fooled.  it was GREEN for goodness sake.  it may have had all sorts of wonderful fruits and vegetables in it, but it was green.  there was spinach in it!  i tried it, but i can tell you that there was no way i would be able to drink a whole huge cup of it like she had.  no.  way.

now, if sweet potatoes tasted like pumpkin, there might be hope.  then again, i don't really like pumpkin either, unless it is in a pie or cookies or ice cream... and it is fall...

5--mushrooms.  ok, listen to this.  "mushrooms have long been an unsung hero in the realm of superfoods, but they are now starting to get recognized as a major player because they're the only fruit or vegetable source of vitamin D."  are you serious???? vitamin D comes from the sun.  the sun!  ten to fifteen minutes a day is all it supposedly takes to get your vitamin D fix, and i am out on the playground a whole lot longer than that every day!  even if you are not fortunate enough to live in the land of perpetual sunshine, there are always delicious, chewy dietary supplements that can be taken-i know because i take them.  i am NOT eating a mushroom.  it is a fungus, for goodness sake!!!

6--tomatoes.  "studies show that eating tomato products may reduce prostate cancer risk."

not my problem.

however, i know there are other benefits to eating tomatoes.  so i tried to learn to like them.  after all, i learned to like broccoli (and cauliflower, btw, which apparently is not a superfood.  i wish i had known that before i made myself eat it...) i thought i would start slowly, so whenever i ordered a sourdough jack at jack in the box, i would just say "no ketchup," but i would let them leave the sliced tomatoes on it.

baby steps, people, baby steps.

here was the problem--the hamburger was hot.  the tomato slices were cold.  and apparently the cold was stronger than the hot, because i know, i KNOW those tomato slices cooled my hamburger off to the point where it was barely edible.  so maybe tomato slices on my hamburgers was not a good idea...  and as we already know, the tiny grape tomatoes had too much of a squish factor to become a regular food.  although, i did plant a grape tomato plant, hoping that fresh ones would taste better than the ones in the store.  everyone said they would.  but what i discovered was that they just tasted more like a tomato!!!

7--blueberries.  this should be an easy one.  blueberries are a fruit, and fruit is sweet, and i like sweet things, so this one should be easy... and maybe it would be. except for the dreaded squish factor.

i can't help it.  i have texture issues.  little did i know that the blueberry muffins that you make with a jiffy mix, which i love, don't have real blueberries in them.  the first time i had a real blueberry muffin, i was horrified!  after the first blueberry exploded in my mouth, i laboriously picked out all the other blueberries so i could finish my breakfast!

my mom eats blueberries every morning on her cereal.  frozen blueberries.  she thinks they are wonderful.  but then, she also eats flax seed...

the last time i was at costco, i bought a bag of dried blueberries.  for rollie.  because i certainly don't want him to die, and if blueberries are the key to longevity, then by golly, he has got to eat them.  and he loves dried fruit, so i thought it was worth a try... yesterday i went into the man room just in time to see him throwing away the bag of dried blueberries.  "what are you doing?" i said. "those are good for you!  and you like dried fruit!!"  he made a face.  "i don't think i like dried blueberries.  they taste funny."  listen, those dried blueberries don't grow on trees!  those dried blueberries were expensive!!  i was not going to just let him throw them away.  "give them to me," i said.  "i'll try them.  maybe i will like them!"  i put one in my mouth.  "i think maybe it is ok to throw these away," i said...

8--dark chocolate!!  ok, now we are talking!  i can totally get on board with this one!  in fact, since i have started eating dark chocolate, milk chocolate just tastes too sweet for me--a novel concept, i know.  but anytime "they" say dark chocolate is good for me, i am just going to accept that at face value and do my very best to stay healthy by eating as much dark chocolate as i can get my hands on.  yep.  i will live to be 100 by eating dark chocolate...

one day i am going to come up with my own list of superfoods.  it will have absolutely nothing to do with nutrition and everything to do with satisfaction.  because the truth is, no matter how bad it is for you, sometimes you just have to have a cinnabon.

or two.

thank goodness my car is not powered by diet lemonade...

so today . . .  i decided to quit complaining about the high price of gas... at least until the high price of diet lemonade from chick fil a goes down...

i've stopped drinking soda.  really.  it has been three or four weeks since a diet coke has passed my lips.  you know it has been a goal of mine to be soda free, and yet, i never last more than a few days before the siren song of that bubbly, caffeinated, sugary deliciousness called diet coke (or pepsi one or diet lemon cokesi) lures me right back in.  i couldn't help it.  i was probably slightly addicted... slightly...

and then a few weeks ago, i had lunch with diandra at chick fil a.  i ordered my usual kid's meal with a diet coke, but diandra ordered a diet lemonade (sweetened with splenda, mom, so don't worry.)  i looked at her quizically and she explained to me that she was trying to eat more healthfully and that included eliminating soda from her diet.

ok.  fine.  whatever.  (don't you hate it when your kids make better choices than you do...) we ate lunch and i enjoyed my diet coke and didn't give it another thought...

...until the next day when i was back at chick fil a for lunch.  (i eat lunch out a lot now.  this is new for me, since my lunch break was increased from half an hour to an hour this year.  now i have time to actually get out of the building, breathe some fresh air, and eat food i didn't have to prepare.  but i am somewhat limited in my choices, because an hour isn't as long as you might think it is--especially when you have to punch a time clock.  so i have to stay pretty close to work, which means chick fil a, jack in the box, subway, or mcdonald's.  chick fil a usually wins...)  so there i was, at the counter placing my order, and i found myself ordering a diet lemonade.  diandra had given me a taste of hers the day before, and it was really good.  so there i was, choosing lemonade over soda...

i'm pretty sure the earth stood still for a minute.

i ate my lunch, refilled my lemonade and headed back to work.  and then a funny thing happened.  over the next few days, i found myself choosing iced tea or diet lemonade over coke or pepsi.  and before i realized it,  i had gone for five days without any soda!  maybe i could really do it.  maybe i didn't need to have that sweet, fizzy, caffeine fix every day.  maybe i wouldn't die without it...

but if i was going to really stay away from sodas, i was going to have to find some alternatives.  and what i learned, over the last few weeks, is that not all un-carbonated beverages are created equally.  the iced tea at subway is sweetened with honey and tastes kind of yukky.  jack in the box has unsweetened iced tea (yay!) but they only make one batch a day, so if you go there for dinner, you are probably out of luck.  subway does have bottled flavored iced tea drinks, but they cost the same as a fountain drink and you can't refill them!  their fountain does have minute maid lite lemonade though, which is ok...

but the best beverage by far (if one is not going to drink diet lemon cokesi) is the diet lemonade at chick fil a!  i give it all the credit for helping me to stay soda-free.  it is what started me on the road to recovery, and it is what keeps me there.  the problem is, chick fil a is a little farther from my house than 7-11 (which, btw is probably going bankrupt now that i am not stopping there every morning for a giant diet lemon cokesi.)  and so today i had a brilliant idea!  i was going to see if it was possible to buy chick fil a's diet lemonade by the gallon!

i tossed this idea out to ms. jessica while we were on the playground.  ms. jessica loves chick fil a nearly as much as i do.  "so," i said to her, "do you think it is possible to buy the diet lemonade at chick fil a by the gallon?"  "yes," she said, "i know you can buy their sweetened tea by the gallon.  i think it is about $5."

ok.  five dollars for a gallon of lemonade.  that's not bad.  it would probably last me for four or five days, and it would keep me from drinking soda, and did  mention how delicious it is???  i was glad i could buy it by the gallon and have it at home and at school and in my car... i was pretty excited about it and already figuring out how much i was going to need every week...

and then i looked at my gas gauge.  i didn't immediately need gas (thank goodness) but it did make me think about how much i pay for gas.  a couple of weeks ago when i filled my tank, gas was about $4.29 a gallon!  four dollars and twenty nine cents a gallon!!!  it's crazy! and yet every couple of weeks i put ten gallons of the stuff in my car.  and complain about it (to myself, because it seems as though i am almost always by myself in my car, so there is never anyone there to listen to me rant and rave about the ridiculous price of gas!) 

and then suddenly it hit me.  i didn't mind paying $5 a gallon for lemonade (which i was just going to drink, and then, you know...) in fact, i was excited about it!  but i continued to complain about the price of gas, (which powers my car and takes me wherever i need to go!)  the gas is useful and necessary.  the lemonade is neither.  and yet i couldn't wait to get to chick fil a and buy myself a gallon of lemonade...

i'll admit i am not the most practical or consistant person on the planet.

but let's not lose sight of the good news!  the good news is, i've stopped drinking soda!!  and so, if it costs me $5 a gallon for lemonade, that's ok.  it is a good trade.  i'll just make a sandwich one day a week to offset the cost of it.  it will be worth it...

... or at least, it would have been worth it at $5 a gallon.  but when i got up to the counter at chick fil a to place my order, i discovered that the diet lemonade was not $5 a gallon.  it was $10.73 a gallon.

yeah, the price of gas is looking better and better...

is this what rock bottom feels like??

so today . . . i bought meat. from shopping tv.

yes, i have apparently turned into one of THOSE people...

shopping tv is a slippery slope. i started watching it several years ago. i was turning 40 and decided that i was now a grown up and would no longer wear fashion jewelry. i was going for the real stuff or nothing at all. i blame my birthday. and rollie. and our friend ron, who is a jeweler...

i've always loved jewelry. my great-grandpa was a rock hound, and that love for turning an ugly old rock into something beautiful was also a part of my dad's genetic material. he taught earth science to 8th graders, and the kids in his classes were the luckiest ones at highland park junior high school, because if you were in my dad's science class, you got to cut and polish rocks! it was awesome!!

then after we were married for a few years, rollie started buying me nice jewelry for special occasions like my birthday. this was made possible, because we had a friend in our church who was a jeweler--not the kind who owned a jewelry store, but the kind who made and repaired the jewelry for the jewelry stores--he had connections!! and so i got kind of spoiled, because when ron and rollie would put their heads together, the result was always something amazing!

but then we moved. and while ron was still accessible, he was also far away, which complicated the logistics of adding to my collection. and we had moved to a small town, which meant very limited options for jewelry buying.

that's when i discovered shopping tv.

i started out by just watching, you know, just because i enjoy looking at beautiful things. eventually i made a small purchase, and then occasionally after that i would buy something else. it was great! everything looked so sparkly and shiny, and the choices seemed endless!

and then we moved to california where ron was even further away, and i didn't have cable tv. but guess what? i could still get one shopping channel! and since there weren't a lot of other choices, i started watching more shopping tv, just because i like to look at beautiful things!

and then one day, when i was sitting in the family room with my computer, looking for something to watch, i tuned into a show that was selling skin care products. it seemed kind of interesting, and so i watched it. this increased my options, because now i could watch jewelry shows and skin care shows. and it worked out pretty good. i found some skin care products that were reasonably priced, and i bought a pair of earrings or two along the way...

and then i started watching electronics shows, because really, there was quite a lot of good information about electronics in those shows. and you know, sometimes we need electronics, so i figured that the more i learned, the better. and i took that information and used it when it was time to buy a computer or a camera or a tv.

until the day when i actually bought a tv from them...

and then one day, they had a show on with clothes made out of some kind of fabric that they promised wouldn't wrinkle OR attract dog hair! does this sound like some sort of miracle to you?!?! well, it did to me, and so i continued to watch... i didn't buy anything, but i continued to watch, just in case... which led to shoe shows... and handbag shows...

i told you it was a slippery slope...

by now it may be hard for you to believe, but there were some shows that i refused to watch. they just held no interest for me at all! like the cooking shows. what a waste of time, i thought, to sit there and watch people cook when i couldn't eat or even smell the food, AND when i didn't like to cook anyway? and why would you buy cookware from shopping tv when you could get perfectly good pans at target?!? or tj maxx???

and then the inventor who invented the hangers that now fill my closets (oh yes, i guess i forgot to mention when i started watching the closet organizing shows...) invented this new non-stick cookware that is guaranteed up to 850 degrees! and i figured even when i burn something, it probably doesn't exceed 850 degrees! and we were moving into our new house, with our new kitchen, and it just screamed for new pans, and these pans had RED, SPARKLY, non-stick exteriors. and so we bought them...

but still i had standards! although, as you can see, my standards were gradually falling...

i still refused to watch cleaning shows (oh wait, maybe not totally, because i did buy a spin mop...) and christmas in july shows, and coin collecting shows (ok, i did occasionally watch coin collecting shows--especially when they were talking about the state quarters, but i've never purchased any coins!) and toy shows, and underwear shows (yes, they actually sell underwear on tv!) and food shows.

food shows are the worst. first of all, i find most of the food to be ridiculously priced. if i want chocolate chip cookies, i will just go to del taco and get a dozen for $5! i don't need to spend $39.95 and get a cookie jar too! and buffalo burgers?!?! i don't care how healthy they are, i am not buying them from shopping tv and having them shipped to my house! meat in the mail??? that is just wrong!

or so i thought. because last night i was watching shopping tv while cleaning the kitchen (this is a bonus of having the kitchen and family room open to each other,) and they started selling steaks? why didn't i just turn it off? well, my hands were in the soapy water in the sink, and i was almost done anyway, so i just let it run...

they started talking about how these were the only steaks that had been approved with the "heart healthy" label... and then they talked about how lean they were... and then they talked about how many ways you could prepare them... and THEN they gave the price! and you are not going to believe this, but one of those steaks cost less than the sourdough jack cheeseburger i had eaten for lunch! they are petite steaks, but it was still a pretty good price. especially since i NEVER buy steak at the grocery store. if i am going to eat a steak, i am going to eat it in a restaurant where it has been prepared by someone who knows what they are doing! at home we mostly eat hamburger and chicken. so, i thought, this would be a good way to add some variety to my sad and pathetic repertoire of dinners that i can cook...

so i bought the steaks. it took a chunk of my grocery money, but i did the math, and we can eat two of those steaks with some broccoli and salad and have a pretty nice meal for less than it costs us to eat at rubio's! (i know! it's hard to believe!!) we won't be eating them every day, but it will be a nice change of pace from meatballs and chicken quesadillas. i hope...

...because, you see, i do tend to leave things in my freezer, just for the security of knowing that i have food in there. and i am going to have to remember to take them out of the freezer in time so that they can thaw before i need to cook them. and i'm not really sure how to cook them.

but we have meat coming. in the mail.

i think maybe i had better clean out the freezer, and tell rollie that we might need a barbecue after all...

adventures in cooking #1

so today . . . i cooked. it wasn't pretty.

i have this brand new lovely kitchen. it has new cherry cabinets. it has wood laminate flooring. it has stainless steel appliances and granite countertops. it has big windows and is open to the family room. it is beautiful! i love to be in it, so i've decided i should start cooking again.

i actually decided this about five or six weeks ago. it was one of those nights after rollie was staying at the new house, but i was still packing up the old house. all alone. which was ok--i didn't really want rollie to help me pack, because i knew at that point his idea of packing was going to be to throw everything into the dumpster! so i was all alone in a big, not empty enough, very quiet house, but nothing was getting packed. i just kept walking from room to room, picking things up, moving them around, but making no progress. i needed noise.

i cannot explain it, but my brain seems to need noise to function properly. which was a problem, because all the tvs that could get hd programming were gone. all i had left was the small, old tv that i used in the scary room, and it was not hd ready! it only got one channel. but luckily the channel it got was shopping tv! so i flipped it on, and started packing boxes...

i was packing boxes with half my brain, but the other half was watching shopping tv. nine o'clock rolled around, which is midnight in florida. this meant it was time for a new "today's special!" so i stopped for a minute to watch. and guess what? the new "today's special" was a set of cookware. and it came in red...

i have cookware. i got most of it as wedding gifts, so it is kind of old. but it is still in pretty good condition, because, you know, i don't use it all that often. but this new cookware had clear glass lids (the better to see what you are cooking, my dear!) a new type of ceramic non-stick interior surface (good for temperatures up to 850 degrees!!) and did i mention it was red? and sparkly? clearly this cookware was made for me.

i texted rollie--"i think if i am going to start cooking in our beautiful new kitchen, i need new pans. red ones." he replied, "ok."

ok?!?! what kind of a response is that?? i needed clarification.

"what do you mean, ok? do you mean it's ok with you if i buy them? or do you mean ok YOU will buy them? or do you mean ok, yeah, i'll believe it when i see it?!?"

and his response? "yes." (there was also a goofy smiley icon with weird eyes and the tongue sticking out. sadly for you, i can't figure out how to get that into my blog.)

"ok, then i'll take that as a yes! thank you!!"

this was a bluff. because here's how the finances work in our household--rollie keeps track of the money and pays the bills, and i don't worry about it. (although there are written instructions in case something happens to him-like he gets lost in the bermuda triangle, which could happen-and then i would have to keep track of the money and pay the bills.) i used to keep track of the money and pay the bills, but mostly i would spend it. so this way works out much better. which is why i was checking with him before purchasing a new set of cookware.

"well," he texted, "you are working and have some money to spend... or how about this? how about if i buy them after the third home-cooked meal in the new house."

he is so funny...

"it will be too late by then! they will be sold out! but you are right. i chose to buy shoes and jewelry instead... and it isn't like i don't have pans... or like i actually use them..."

i know you can't technically hear 'tone of voice' in a text, but i am pretty sure he detected my not so cleverly hidden whining and sighing. ever mindful of my feelings, he texted back. "oh, it's a sale. ok, how about if you buy them tonight, and i will reimburse you after the third meal you cook in them?"

i was beginning to think he didn't believe me when i said i was going to start cooking more. and clearly he had forgotten that it was summer, which meant i wasn't working OR getting a paycheck. i mean, i had money, but i might need it for something... like, like, well you know, SOMETHING...

i finally ordered the cookware, and it came while we were on vacation. but after we got home from vacation, i was busy still unpacking boxes, and then we had to leave on a business trip, and then my mom and dad came... so not a lot of cooking was been going on...

which brings us to tonight. we had planned to take my mom and dad to eat at ruby's in seal beach. it sits on the end of the pier, and the food is really good, and i thought it would be fun to be at the beach and drink a milkshake! but it was cloudy all day today. all day!! not a great day to go eat at the beach. and rollie was feeling a little under the weather. and my dad had his nose in a book. and my mom and i were learning how to use our new electronic devices. so we decided to eat at home.

we have eaten at home some since they got here--mostly bologna sandwiches. WHICH WE LIKE!! but this was dinner, so i thought it should be hot. and yet, we were all kind of busy... so, toasted cheese sandwiches it was!

i got out the bread and the cheese and the butter. i unlocked the cooktop and turned it on. i got out my new frying pan :-) and proceeded to make toasted cheese sandwiches for my dad and rollie, because yes, this frying pan was big enough to make two toasted cheese sandwiches at once!

here is how i make toasted cheese sandwiches--i butter one piece of bread and plop it in the pan. then i slice the cheese and put it on top. and then i butter the other piece of bread and put it on top of the cheese. then i flip it. typically this works. but tonight was not typical...

because you see, not only had i never before used this particular frying pan, i had also never before used this particular burner on my cooktop, which meant i wasn't quite sure how hot was hot enough. apparently "7" was too hot. because no sooner had i finished constructing the second sandwich for my dad, than i thought there was an awful lot of smoke coming from the first sandwich.

"quick," i said to my mom, who happened to be standing in front of the utensil drawer (because how would she know that was the utensil drawer--we hadn't used any utensils!) "move! i need to get the spatula!" (i never know if spatula is the right word for that flat thing you use to turn stuff over with. i've always called it a pancake turner, but it seems kind of odd to call it a pancake turner when using it to flip an egg or a hamburger or a toasted cheese sandwich.) i opened the utensil drawer only to find... wooden spoons. no spatulas. or pancake turners. and then i remembered...

when diandra moved back in with us three years ago, some of her kitchen utensils were much better than mine (obviously, since i had been "using" mine for over 25 years!) so i had just tossed my old ones out and replaced them with her new ones. but now that she was planning to move out again, i had packed her newish utensils with her stuff. which meant that i had no spatula. or pancake turner. what i did have was a smoking pile of bread, butter, and cheese and nothing to flip it with.

i grabbed the only thing i could find. the cheese slicer. it was small, but at least it was flat. it was not however, a spatula. or a pancake turner. i tried to flip the sandwich only to have everything slide off to one side...

oh nonononono! i cannot have a misaligned toasted cheese sandwich! it might be burned, but those bread edges were going to line up properly and that cheese was going to stay inside! i flicked the now burned piece of bread repeatedly until everything was square, and then repeated the process with my dad's sandwich, which was also threatening to burn.

"you might want to turn the heat down a little," said my mom.

she is obviously the cook in the family.

it hadn't even occurred to me to turn down the heat. i was just trying to keep the sandwiches moving so that at least the second side wouldn't be burned. after her suggestion, i turned the burner down to "5"...

i've been cooking on a gas stove top for the last 20 years. on a gas stove top when you turn the flame down, it is immediately cooler. this is not true of an electric burner. electric burners take a while to cool down--especially if you have already heated them up to "7."

my dad's sandwich wasn't too bad. i can't say the same for rollie's. my mom (bless her little pink heart,) said, "why don't i eat that one, and you can make rollie another one." ok i thought, i've got the hang of this now. surely if i make a third sandwich, it will be perfect...

so i turned the burner down, buttered another piece of bread, and proceeded to make another toasted cheese sandwich, thinking "third time's a charm..."

sadly, it wasn't. not even close.but the good news is, i've now cooked in my new pans three times--i made toasted cheese sandwiches tonight, and i've boiled eggs. twice.

the bad news is, i appear to have forgotten how to cook!

i'm pretty sure that even though i have new, red, sparkly pans in my cupboard, they are not going to forget our names at rubio's...

snack attack!

so today . . . i am in big trouble. today i discovered that one doesn't need ice cream in order to eat the toppings.

you know i try to eat healthy most of the time. you know this, because i go on and on and on about it... but lately i am having a hard time staying on the straight and narrow. lately i just want to live on crunchy cheetos and brownies and ice cream, with an occasional banana thrown in, you know, just so i can pretend that i still have some sort of moral compass.

to aid me in my quest for nutritious food choices, i do not buy unhealthy snack food at the grocery store. or costco. especially costco, because at costco you cannot buy just one small bag of some terrible snack food--you have to buy a huge bag. or two bags forever joined by shrink-wrapped cellophane. in fact, when we finished off our last 12 pack of pepsi one, i decided i would no longer buy it. if i didn't have it in the house, i figured, i wouldn't have any soda to drink, which would force me to drink something more healthful--like water. this seemed like a good idea. it was a good idea. except that i still have car keys and a vehicle with gas in the tank (although it cost me $42 to fill my teeny tiny tank today!) and a 7-11 just about a mile away... i think i have been at 7-11 almost every day since i decided not to buy any more pepsi one.

clearly my plan is not working...

it is really not working, because when i go to 7-11 for a diet lemon cokesi, i almost always buy a brownie. or two. or three. and a bag of crunchy cheetos. or two. it is becoming a problem. friday, when i made my daily run for a soda, i also put a brownie on the counter. "only one today?" said the lady manning the cash register. yeah, that store clerk has my number. i might, in fact, be slightly addicted to soda and brownies.

or maybe it is just the sugar. sometimes i just want something sweet. but since, as i said, i don't really keep sweet snacks in the house, this can be a problem.

i don't have any sugar in my kitchen. we exorcised our kitchen from the evils of sugar a few years ago. but there are days when i still go looking for it. there were no cookies in the cookie jar, no chocolate kisses in the candy dish, no cans of frosting in the cupboard, no chocolate chips in the freezer. and no ice cream.

i knew we didn't have any cookies or candy or frosting or chocolate or ice cream, and yet i went looking anyway. i needed some sugar and i didn't want to have to drive to get it, because i was already wearing my flannel pants (the ones that are about 10 sizes too big for me,) and it was dark outside. i was in for the night!

and then i found some butterscotch ice cream topping...

i knew we didn't have any ice cream. i knew, because i had already checked the freezer for any hidden deliciousness and found that there wasn't any. but that jar of butterscotch topping lured me in. i was standing there thinking about dipping a spoon in it, when i saw the nut container.

now we were getting somewhere...

i put some chopped nuts in a small bowl and drizzled the butterscotch topping over it. (ok, here's the truth. there was no drizzling happening. i added butterscotch topping by the spoonful! and then i added even more. those nuts were almost swimming in a pool of butterscotch!) and then i sort of mixed it all together. and it tasted pretty good! even without the ice cream.

i guess desperation is the mother of invention. i guess it isn't safe to keep butterscotch topping in the refrigerator anymore. i guess maybe i should go to bed earlier, before the munchies attack me.

i guess it isn't enough to expunge the sugar from the kitchen. i guess i am also going to have to exercise a bit of self-control.

sigh. i am doomed.

my shortest blog. ever.

so today . . . i waited too long to blog. and now it is nearly midnight.

i'm not sure i have ever written a blog and posted it in less than 45 minutes--most take longer than that. but i just started blogging again, so i didn't want to miss today altogether. and yet, i have to think about how i am going to function tomorrow if i don't get to bed in the next few minutes...

besides, it was just sort of an ordinary day today. the sun shone, i went to work, i ate the rest of my red velvet cheesecake from the cheesecake factory, and then i ran a marathon.

ok, i didn't run a marathon. but after eating that cheesecake, i should have! i tried to convince myself that if i just ate one or two bites several times a day it wouldn't be so bad. but then i finally gave up and just ate it all. and it was delicious!! it may be my new favorite dessert.

it is probably a good thing that there isn't a cheesecake factory in my neighborhood...

too much information...

so today . . . i've decided that someone in our state legislature has waaaay too much time on their hands.

we ate dinner at olive garden tonight. that is a rare treat for us, as we normally rotate between rubio's, jack in the box, subway, and occasionally el pollo loco (which translates to "the crazy chicken" for those of you who don't speak spanish--i ate there several times before i realized that. now i always wonder if the chicken i am eating is the crazy one, or if they are all crazy, or if we are just crazy for eating there...)

normally i really, really enjoy olive garden. i always eat the salmon, because their salmon is the best! rollie always eats chicken alfredo. always. but here in california, we have this new law that is threatening to destroy our dining experience, no matter where we eat.

it is now legally mandated for any type of establishment serving prepared food to list the calorie count on their menus right along with the description and price of each item. it is now impossible to convince yourself that a few fries can't possibly make that much difference to your waistline. it is now impossible to tell yourself that a bacon double cheeseburger is a healthy choice just because it has lettuce and tomato on it. it is now impossible to trick yourself into thinking that dessert is a good idea, just because you "saved room" for it.

thank you, california state legislators, for ruining my fun.

i am not a calorie counter, but i do try to make healthy food choices. well, except for brownies--they are my exception. but this 'calories on the menu' thing is killing me! seeing the calorie count right there in black and white is taking the joy out of eating out! in fact, it may force me to go back to cooking at home where i can trick myself into thinking that macaroni and cheese is a healthy food choice as long as i add a little broccoli to it.

our first encounter with this new law was, of course, at rubio's. we were standing at the cash register, ordering our usual food, when i noticed it. i quickly looked at the numbers for the chicken quesadilla, which is rollie's meal of choice, and was shocked to see that it contained 1200 calories! 1200!!!!!! and that isn't even including the sour cream and guacamole that he adds to it. i pointed out these shocking numbers to my husband (who is able to 'just say no' to subway cookies, if you can believe it) but to my surprise, he just shrugged his shoulders and ate his quesadilla...

(in his defense, he usually eats just half and saves the other half for another meal. so i guess when he does that, it isn't too bad. but still...)

and you can't get away from it. i mean, if they have to add the calorie count to the menus, at least they could put it in tiny microscopic print, or list it all on the back page, instead of printing it right after the description of how delicious each dish is. that way you could look if you want that information, but if you want to eat in ignorant bliss, you could!

tonight the calorie count worked in rollie's favor. i ordered my usual salmon and broccoli (520 calories, thank you very much!) rollie was all prepared to order his usual chicken alfredo, but then he made the mistake of looking at the menu. and that is when he realized that the beef with tortellini (which he loves, but thinks is too rich to eat very often,) was less calories than the chicken alfredo!! so he ordered it.

he was feeling pretty good about his dinner choice. and then the waiter asked if he wanted grated cheese on top, to which he replied, "of course! and don't stop until you can't see the food underneath it anymore." when the waiter left, being the thoughtful wife that i am, i said, "you realize that all that cheese on top adds to your calorie count, don't you." to which he lovingly replied, "shut up."

"shut up" is our code for "i know you are right, but i don't want to think about it right now. leave me alone in my ignorance. i am happy."

and he was. he enjoyed every bite of his beef with tortellini...

... although i am afraid he may never see chicken alfredo in quite the same way, ever again.

why can't it be christmas every day???

so today . . . starbucks has played another evil holiday trick on me.

i have this love/hate relationship with starbucks--i love their peppermint white chocolate mocha drink. i hate that it is loaded with sugar and fat (because, of course, i also have to have whipped cream on top!) i hate that they call a small drink "tall" and charge more than a mcdonald's happy meal for it. but most of all, i hate that they only serve it at christmas time.

starbucks is not the only one who is guilty of this seasonal torment. just ask my mom. she has become somewhat addicted to dark chocolate peppermint jojo's--trader joe's entry into the "let's torture america with delicious goodies they can only have for one month out of the year" club. last year before we made the trip north, she called me to see if our trader joe's had any more in stock--because her trader joe's was completely out, and christmas was only two weeks away! (i kind of think her trader joe's was out, because she had already bought so many!) being the good daughter that i am, i sent rollie to trader joe's for dark chocolate peppermint jojo's, and enabled her addiction :)

and we can't have a discussion about limited holiday treats without including walmart and their peppermint sticks...

but today, i was inadvertently suckered into another seasonal food, thanks to one of my students.

it is not uncommon for at least one of my students to bring me a starbucks gift--either a gift card or a cup or a specially packaged treat--and this year was no exception. i opened a gift bag to find six biscotti sticks and a bag of christmas blend coffee from starbucks. "hmmm," i thought, "here is a gift that i will be sharing with someone, since i don't drink coffee and i don't eat biscotti." but as the days wore on, there came a day when i needed a snack. and all i could find was that gift box. i realized i was just desperate enough to give the biscotti a try...

... yes, a try! because i have never eaten biscotti before. it was not a food that even remotely appealed to me. it looks hard and dry and tasteless, like if i tried to eat it i would find myself covered in biscotti crumbs and craving a sip of coffee. which i don't drink. but apparently when i have the munchies, i will try anything.

each biscotti was individually wrapped. i took one out, opened it up, and took a bite, expecting the flavor of sawdust. instead, my tastebuds said, "what is this and why haven't we tasted it before?!?!?" it was delicious! it was crunchy, but also light and airy. did i mention how delicious it was?!? i looked at the packaging and saw that i was eating gingerbread macadamia nut biscotti. i wanted to eat another one, but i only had six and i was sure they were at least 500 calories each--yes, they were that good--so i was going to wait...

...and then i made a big mistake. i actually looked at the calorie count and found that one biscotti was only 100 calories! so i ate two more. i figured those were sort of "free," since i thought the first one was 500 calories.

and now, i have no more.
i know it is january and the red cups are gone, but i may have to cross over into enemy starbucks territory soon just to see if there are any gingerbread macadamia nut biscotti left in their big glass jar. because i didn't know how much i liked them until now, which means i didn't get a chance to stockpile any. you know, for a rainy day... and so now it is all i can think about... gingerbread macadamia nut biscotti... manna from heaven... how long until christmas????

curses, evil marketing people! you win again!!

a forgotton blog...

so today . . . i wanted to blog. i really did. but it was a very average monday. my school kids were wild. i was tired. (why am i always more tired on monday after my weekend, than on friday after my work week?) so i looked in my "blogs i started, but for some reason never finished" file to see if there was anything in there worth salvaging. and there was. in fact, i found a complete blog that i had never posted.

that is unusual. there are times when i start a blog, and then it just doesn't work out. so i start over. or i give it up and go to bed, blogless. in fact, my "blogs i started, but for some reason never finished" file has 53 unfinished blogs in it...

...and one totally, completely finished one.

why didn't i post it? because it happened on august 2, 2010, which is also my mom's birthday, and i wanted to write a birthday blog about my mom. and then i wrote about how the cosmos hates me. and somehow, as i wrote blog after blog, i sort of forgot about this one. so here it is--a brand new old blog...

so today . . . i had a lunch meeting. with my daughter.

i love lunch meetings, mostly because it means i get to go out to lunch. diandra is the youth pastor at our church, and since i lead worship in the alternative service (which is her responsibility) we occasionally need to get together and work stuff out.

we met at chick-fil-a. i love chick-fil-a. you know why . . . we ate, we discussed important issues, and then . . .

"i need to go to target before i go home," i said. diandra perked right up. she loves target! "want me to come with you?" she graciously offered. that had kind of been my evil plan--i've never known her to turn down a trip to target. "yes," i said. "we can take my car and then come back for yours." chick-fil-a is conveniently located between our house and target.

so off we went. my mission? scissors and folders on sale at back-to-school prices. diandra's mission? keep me company--at least that was her obvious mission. you and i both know that the odds of her leaving target without any money leaving her wallet were slim.

we waded into enemy territory and were immediately met with temptation. why oh why do they put the cute dresses right inside the front door?!?! we looked, but we didn't touch. for at least a minute and a half. diandra kept saying, "why are we here?" oh yeah . . . school supplies. then we would head in that direction, until we got sidetracked once again. by the time we found the scissors and folders, diandra was holding two cute tops. to which i added 12 pairs of school scissors, because i couldn't hold the scissors and pick through the folders with only two hands. and we didn't have a cart, in order to discourage unplanned purchases (which was clearly not working all that well.) i was finding that the cheap 10 cent folders were not in great shape. i wanted unbent ones in a variety of colors, so it took some sorting. diandra kept saying, "why don't you just buy the packages of 10?" it was pure economics--the folders in the package were 15 cents each instead of 10 cents! she stood there trying to keep 12 pairs of scissors from falling out of her arms while i looked for perfect 10 cent folders. but there weren't a lot of color choices, so after several minutes of searching, i just grabbed two packages of the slightly more expensive (but also more colorful) folders and moved on. i ignored the daughterly eye roll . . .

we moved on to the shoe department--not because we were going to actually buy shoes, but because we were in target and you just never know... diandra was moving purposefully toward a pair of boots. i was preparing my motherly speech about how many pairs of boots does one girl really need, when i saw someone with a handbag exactly like mine in the next row! i found this somewhat surprising, in light of the provenance of my bag. i stepped back to get a better look . . . and realized i was looking into a mirror. (ok, in my defense we were in the shoe department and the mirror was short, so my face wasn't visible.)

we escaped from the shoe department and moved on to plastics. can i tell you how much i love plastic containers?!?!?! i have a very specific storage problem i am trying to solve, and i thought ice cube trays and plastic drawers might just do the trick temporarily. i found the plastic drawers, but didn't know if ice cube trays would fit inside. so we went in search of ice cube trays.

target does not appear to stock ice cube trays.

i find this odd. i think it is a little arrogant to assume that everyone has an automatic ice cube maker in their refrigerator. not everyone does, you know. and besides, ice cube trays can be used for many things, not the least of which is making flavored ice cubes!

i decided to take my chances and get the plastic drawers anyway. i already have ice cube trays at home, and if they don't fit, i am sure i can find another use for the drawers.

before checking out, we made a quick trip through the $1 section--or at least, what used to be the $1 section. now it is apparently the $2.50 section, which was somewhat disappointing. especially when you consider that $1 would be a much better price for most of the stuff found there.

we paid for our purchases and drove home. we both had projects we were anxious to begin. i pulled my car into the driveway, and thought, "oh, diandra isn't home . . . " except she was. she was sitting right next to me in my car. which was odd, because her jeep was no where to be seen . . .

. . . because it was still sitting in the chick-fil-a parking lot.

how much is enough? part 2

so today... i have ten minutes to blog. TEN MINUTES!!!

i have never written a blog in ten minutes before. i think my quickest time to date is about 40 minutes. usually it takes me much longer. of course, that is because i write a bit, play facebook games, edit, check my email, write some more... you get the idea.

but i am determined to be headed to bed by 11:00 tonight, and it is already 10:48...

(ok, technically i know that is twelve minutes, but i have a picture to upload, and that will take a couple of extra minutes...)

so here it is--my ten minute blog. this isn't going to leave me much time for editing and careful word selection...

anyway, i am starting to think perhaps i have a problem. i tend to buy things in multiples. if i find a top or a sweater i like at a good price, i will buy it in black or white or gray, and then also in at least one color--sometimes two. i was going to say that the only thing i don't buy in multiples is shoes, but then i looked in my closet--two pair of "ugg" like boots, six pairs of sketchers, two pairs of identical high-heeled boots, two pairs of tone-up sandals... i could go on, but you see the problem.

this is true for food too. i like to have meat in my freezer and food in my pantry. do i cook any of it? no. but i like knowing it is there. and even when i am grocery shopping, i look at the shelf of canned chili and think, "how many should i buy?" one or two doesn't seem like enough, but what is enough? four? six? ten? they are small after all, and i can eat chili by itself, or over fritos corn chips, or in a chili dog... so how many should i get??

and whatever i decide, once i get home, it never seems like enough. i am constantly saying, "maybe i should have bought more..."

so today i was at walmart, buying toilet paper and tissues, and i decided to take a little detour through the discounted christmas stuff. because you just never know what kind of treasures you might find on the clearance racks. i looked at almost a whole aisle full of empty goody containers. they were such a buy! twelve containers for $1! i wanted to fill my cart with them! except, since i don't really bake much, i grabbed myself by the throat and quickly dragged myself to the next aisle... which was filled with bags of bows. this did not tempt me at all, and i was almost ready to head toward the cash registers, when i saw this:
these are the most delicious peppermint candies ever! diandra introduced them to me before christmas. they only cost 88 cents a box, and each stick only has 45 calories! of course, it is 45 calories of pure sugar, but still... so before christmas, we bought several boxes. and now they were on clearance!

i grabbed one box and went in search of a price scanner. when the red laser lights stopped dancing over the upc code on the box, it told me that each box only cost 22 cents!

haaaaalelujah!

i went back and bought them all.

i thought about only buying half. i thought about only buying $5 worth. i finally thought i should just take them all! and so i did.
when i got them home, rollie couldn't quite figure out why i bought so many peppermint sticks. of course, he hasn't tasted them--he doesn't know how delicious they are! and he is not going to taste them! because if he liked them, then we would have to share. and by my calculations, if diandra and i each eat only one peppermint stick every day, they should almost last us until walmart again puts them on the shelves for christmas 2011.

you notice i said "almost" last us. maybe tomorrow i should go to another walmart..

***(and in the interest of full disclosure, this did not turn out to be a ten minute blog after all. i am not sure that i am even capable of writing a ten minute blog. maybe someday...)

but broccoli and cauliflower don't squish!

so today . . . i ate two tiny tomatoes.

i hate tomatoes! i think it might be a texture thing, but it is also a taste thing. which is weird, because i like tomato sauce and salsa. although i don't eat the chunks of tomato in the salsa--i just dip my chip into the juice. that gives my chip a nice zesty flavor without any of the icky tomatoes making their way into my mouth. so maybe it is just the texture. although that doesn't explain why i don't like ketchup. but i might just hate ketchup because i am never really sure if i should call it ketchup or catsup--i've seen it spelled both ways. i just can't bring myself to call it catsup. i'll bet you can guess why...

anyway, today i ate two tiny tomatoes. i have fallen so far off the healthy food wagon, that i have to go back to my own personal food boot camp to get myself back on the straight and narrow. that means eggs for breakfast, salad for lunch, meat and veggies for dinner, and nuts and cheese and sugar-free orange jello for snacking. (i have to keep it simple or i start sneaking contraband foods in--a little cracker with my cheese here, a french fry or two there...) when my lunch time rolled around today, i really wanted to go somewhere with a salad bar for lunch. i didn't really want a salad with meat in it--i wanted lettuce and eggs and peas and broccoli and garbonzo beans and shredded cheese and sunflower seeds. i wanted a salad from hometown buffet! but i only had half an hour today, and hometown buffet can get pretty busy. so i went to chick-fil-a instead. chick-fil-a has a really big side salad, and i was hungry. it has lettuce and broccoli and carrots and that shredded purple stuff. and sitting right on top, in the center, are two tiny tomatoes.

i hate tomatoes. but i have been thinking that i should learn to like them. they have lots of good, nutritious stuff in them, and i learned to like broccoli and cauliflower, so my next vegetable project is the tomato.

i thought the small ones would taste better. so when i saw those two tiny tomatoes looking up at me today, instead of giving them to rollie, i decided to eat them myself! a few bites into the salad seemed like a good time to eat one. i stabbed it with my plastic fork. i swirled it around in some ranch dressing. but tiny tomatoes are shiny and slick--the ranch dressing just slid right off! this was a problem. i was depending on that ranch dressing to disguise the disgusting thing. i gave it one last dip and popped it into my mouth...

...and sat there, not chewing. because now that it was in my mouth, i was having second thoughts about learning to like tomatoes. i knew i was going to have to bite it. and when i did, it was going to squish in my mouth. i hate it when things squish in my mouth! that is why it took me so long to learn to like grapes--the squish and squirt that happens when you bite into one. and don't even get me started on blueberries...

i finally decided i either needed to bite the stupid tomato or spit it out. as i said, i only had half an hour for lunch! so i did the brave thing and bit into it. and it squished. majorly!! it was too gross to spit out, so i started chewing. the ranch dressing deserted me quickly, and all i could taste was tomatoey yuckiness...

i ate a chicken nugget. (see, there i go sneaking in contraband. but it was chicken... and it only had a few breadcrumbs on the outside of it... and i had to go inside chick-fil-a to get my food today, and the smell of cross-cut fries almost pulled me over to the dark side...) then i continued to eat my salad, while the other tiny tomato mocked me from it's comfy bed of lettuce.

i don't like to be mocked. if there is any mocking going on, i want to be the one doing it, not the one to whom it is being done! (i used "whom." wow! i should be a writer!) so i had to eat the other tomato. i thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad if i ate it with some lettuce and carrots, and maybe that purple stuff (which i am not completely sure i like, either.) i stabbed the tomato (at least that was satisfying!) added some other salad ingredients (which helped to hold onto the ranch dressing,) opened wide and shoved it all in.

it still squished. but at least there were some other things in my mouth to temper the effect just a bit.

i am not sure i am going to be able to like tomatoes. i don't remember having this much trouble with broccoli and cauliflower. and since i have another chick-fil-a salad for my lunch tomorrow (yes, i bought two--it saves me a trip!) those evil little red orbs are going to be in my face again. i haven't yet decided how i am going to handle them.

maybe i should just start by eating the chunks in the salsa...

"let them eat...bagels?"

so today . . . my breakfast bagel had a marie antoinette moment. and then i ate it.

i love bagels! the flavor, the texture, the cream cheese... but they don't really fit in very well with this low carb healthy eating routine i say that i do :) so rather than eat the chewy goodness of a plain bagel, or the delicious onion-y flavor of an everything bagel, i eat 100% whole grain mini bagels--yes mini bagels--and i usually only eat one at a time. for breakfast. i guess i've adjusted to this whole healthy eating thing.

but a couple of days ago diandra came to costco with me. diandra + costco = food that i don't usually buy. i was zipping right past the bagels, when these delectable goodies caught her eye. "ooo, look mom! everything bagels!!" that is her favorite kind. "uh huh," i replied, trying to make my way past the third level of hell (which costco calls the bakery,) before anything made with white flour could jump uninvited into my cart. she pulled a plastic bag off the roll. "and look! we can get 2 bags for $5! i can get these everything bagels and you can have these honey wheat ones." she is under the impression that if the label says 'wheat' then i will eat it--she totally ignored the 'honey' part...which is just another way of saying 'sugar.' but by then, she was already bagging them up, and saying, "i'll buy them." so what could i do?!?

besides, now that the contraband is in the house, i can eat it :)

then last night we were watching tv, and diandra got hungry. "you have bagels from costco," i reminded her. her face lit up, and soon she was back with her snack. she took one bite and made a face--and it wasn't an "oh this is the most delicious food i have ever eaten" face. it was a "what the heck is this?!?!?!" face.

"this is not an everything bagel," she said. "but it is covered with all those seeds!" i said. "i know," she said, "but it does not taste like an everything bagel..."

i could tell she didn't really like it. and now there i was with a bag of five more of them, white flour and all. i was probably going to have to 'take one for the team,' and eat them.

so this morning, i thought i would just get it over with and eat one--even though they are gigantic! well, at least they seem gigantic to me, since i usually eat those tiny little mini bagels. i pulled a plump, savory, white bagel out of the package. i got out the cream cheese (because i read somewhere that if you are going to eat bad carbs, you should eat them with some protein or fat. i can't remember if it said protein OR fat, but i love cream cheese, so i went with the fat.) i got out a knife and prepared to slather the killer bagel with cream cheesy goodness.

and then, i encountered a problem...

...because the bagel wasn't sliced. i hate that!! i simply cannot slice a bagel properly. one half is always thicker than the other. or one edge will be thick and the other one will be thin. and since it is round, i have to hold it in my hand to slice it, which increases my chances of cutting myself by about 10,000%!

and then i remembered that we have a bagel guillotine!

yes!! a bagel guillotine!! i first encountered one of these wonderful devices when we were on vacation one year. we stayed at a motel that had a really nice complementary breakfast, and they had a bagel guillotine. i thought it was so cool!! i sliced up bagels for anyone who would let me. i wanted one!!!! but i could never find one in a store.

then, a few years ago diandra was getting ready to move out of our house. and i discovered that bed, bath, and beyond had bagel guillotines. "you have GOT to get one of these!!" i said, apparently somewhat forcefully. so she got one. and then when she moved back home, the bagel guillotine moved back with her :) i put it in a kitchen cupboard and promply forgot about it...because those 100% whole grain mini bagels that i usually eat are pre-sliced.

but this morning, as i stood there with my big, fat, chewy unsliced bagel in my hand, i remembered the guillotine. i got it out, put it on the counter, placed my bagel into the slot, and with one smooth motion i had a perfectly sliced bagel. which i quickly slathered with cream cheese. and then i ate it!

diandra will be moving out of our house again when she gets married next year. but i am thinking the bagel guillotine will not go with her. i am thinking that the bagel guillotine now belongs to me...

...even if i have to temporarily "forget" where i keep it :)

happy anniversary . . .

so today . . . is my wedding anniversary.

i was going to post some wedding pictures in honor of the event, but when i checked last year's anniversary blog, guess what i found? yep, wedding pictures...

then i thought i would write about how wonderful my husband is. but i frequently mention his wonderfulness and even wrote a whole blog about it on valentines day a year ago...

and yet, it is our anniversary, and i hate to let it go by without writing something. but we had a very low-key type of day...

we started talking about what to do to celebrate our anniversary a couple of weeks ago. we talked about going out of town for a few days. we talked about going to catalina just for the day. but neither idea worked out for us... i thought about going to the beach, or maybe to downtown disney. but then today turned out to be HOT! really, really HOT!!!! so doing anything outside was not going to be an option for me...

instead, we went to wood ranch bar-be-que for lunch. the food was delicious, and it was air-conditioned. that made it an excellent choice for today. then we went to see a movie.

(this sounds simple doesn't it? but you know, if it was that easy, i wouldn't be blogging about it...)

before we left for lunch, we looked at the movie listings to decide what to see and where to see it. we were each looking at different programs on our phones. my phone said our chosen movie was not playing at the theater by our restaurant, but rollie said his program said it did. and he is so rarely wrong, that i just figured i had misread my movie listings. so when we were full of steak and salmon, we headed off to the theater. on foot. in the heat. all the way across the burning asphalt. but it was ok, because i knew the cool of the movie theater was at the end of our trek...

while rollie went to buy our tickets (at the outside window,) i found a tiny bit of shade to stand in. i could almost taste the cold soda i knew was waiting for my just inside those glass doors... and then rollie came toward me. ticketless.

my movie listings were right. our movie was not playing at this theater.

i wanted to gloat, really i did, but it was so HOT! and now, since we had foolishly decided to walk to the theater instead of drive, we had to walk back to the car. on foot. in the heat. across the burning asphalt. without setting foot in the cool of the theater lobby. only now we had to hurry if we were going to make it to the mall in time to see the movie...

i was driving. i cranked up the a/c and took off. we made it just in time, and spent the next hour and a half laughing in the coolness of the dark theater. when the movie was over, we were glad we were at the mall, because rollie wanted frozen yogurt. i pointed him toward yogurtland...

rollie had never eaten at yogurtland, so i explained to him that he needed to get a bowl, fill it with whatever flavors of yogurt he wanted, and then top it with whatever he wanted on top. when he was finished, they would weigh it to determine it's cost. then i went to find a table.

when i get frozen yogurt at yogurtland, i always get cheesecake yogurt with strawberries on top. always. and i only fill the giant bowl half full. rollie had blueberry yogurt and peach yogurt and a tiny bit of mango yogurt and green apple yogurt. AND it was topped with mango and kiwi chunks. AND his bowl was overflowing!

he likes fruit.

he took about three bites and got brain freeze! not good, considering he had quite a lot of frozen yogurt left in his bowl. and none of it was cheesecake, so i wasn't going to be helping him eat it. he worked his way down through the layers of fruit flavors until he finally reached the bottom of the bowl.

"now what?" he said.

i wasn't really in the mood for shopping. my intestines are still not happy from the ordeal i put them through last week. but we were at the mall. so i said, "how about the apple store? would you like to go visit the apple store?"

the apple store is new at our mall, so he had never seen it. and it is huge and full of apple toys to play with. i said, "i will sit on those couches over there outside the apple store, and you go in and play. i'll be perfectly comfortable until you come out." this seemed like the best plan to me. and it would have been, if rollie had seen the apple store instead of walking right past it...

have you ever seen an apple store?!?!?! they are big and bright and shiny! they scream, "COME IN AND LET US MAKE YOU DISSATISFIED WITH YOUR CURRENT ELECTRONICS!!!" it is like a vortex that sucks you in when you walk by... how can you miss that?!?!?

i don't know, but when i looked in through the big glass doors, i couldn't find rollie. i looked all around the store, but did not see his head towering above the rest. "oh well," i thought, "he must be behind one of those big signs." and then i went back to playing games on my phone.

ten minutes later, there he was in front of me. "wow, that was fast," i thought. only he informed me that hadn't been in the store yet. "i saw you sitting on the couches, but i walked right by the store," he said. "i walked clear down to the intersection where there was a directory, and then i saw i had to come all the way back!"

uh huh. ok.

he finally made his way into the bright and shiny apple store and came out half an hour later wishing for an ipad. (you see? that is what the apple store does! all you have to do is walk in there, and suddenly you think you can't live without something that has a glowing apple on it...)

and that was the end of our celebration. i know it probably doesn't sound very exciting, but it was. it was exciting, because we enjoy just hanging out together. it was exciting, because after all this time, we still choose each other. it was exciting, because i know rollie will always be there for me.

so, our anniversary...it isn't about what we are doing--it is about being together. hopefully for a long, long time!

maybe it isn't so bad...

so today . . . i had an epiphany about prepping for a colonoscopy...

(i'll bet those are words you never imagined would be strung together in a sentence!)

since my failed attempt at colon prepping a few weeks ago, i knew i was going to have to do it again. it is a precautionary annual procedure that is necessary because, as i have mentioned, my colon hates me...

but my gastrointestinal doctor loves me! so she has forced her whole team to come in an hour early on thursday just so i don't have to wait several months for a new appointment. wasn't that nice?!?!?!? (that was sarcasm, in case you didn't catch that!)

i knew it was coming, but i was sort of living in denial--until tonight. tonight i realized that i was going to have to start the prep tomorrow. this means two full days without food. TWO DAYS!! and then i have to ingest chemicals whose sole purpose is to, shall we say, quickly eliminate any unnecessary substances lurking in my intestinal system. yeah, you know what i mean...

but i hadn't purchased the necessary substances yet. so off i went to wal-mart, my drug store of choice.

(this reminds me of when diandra was about four years old. that commercial with the frying egg was popular. you know the one--"this is your brain. this is your brain on drugs" sizzle, sizzle... diandra had seen the commercial and asked what drugs were, so we had explained it. we thought. until the day my grandma was babysitting her. they were making some sort of craft and needed some supplies. payless was just down the road. they got in the car to go, and diandra asked where they were going. my grandma innocently said, "to the drug store." diandra's little eyes got big, and she said in a loud voice, "but grandma! drugs are bad!")

:) ok, back to my story...

i entered the store and headed straight to the pharmacy. i picked up a box of ducolax and two bottles of magnesium citrate. and as i was standing there with this armful chemicals designed to aid in the elimination of anything ingested, i had my epiphany--i could eat anything i wanted tonight, because tomorrow it would all just go swooshing out of my body! it wouldn't matter if i ate vegetables or chocolate cake tonight--it was all going out!

so i did the only thing i could do. i got a bag of chewy chips ahoy cookies.

i started to the cash registers to pay, when i realized what i was buying--an armload of laxatives and a bag of cookies. i could just imagine the looks i was going to get from some cashier. i am small and lightweight, and here i was ready to leave wal-mart looking like i was headed home to binge and purge. so i stopped. i turned around. i made my way to the self-checkout lines. at least there, there would be no cashier to call the diet police.

i scanned my items and bagged them. i pulled out my debit card and swiped it. i entered my pin number. and then these words appeared on the screen: please wait for a cashier to assist you.

are you kidding me?!?!?! here i am doing my best to fly under the radar with my suspicious purchases, and the self-check out line decides i need assistance?!?!? somehow this machine knows that i shouldn't be buying cookies and all these laxatives?!?!?! how is that possible???

i looked around for the lucky employee who was going to "assist" me. i started preparing my explanation. surely she would believe me. surely she wouldn't take one look at my scrawny frame and think, "this girl needs an intervention," and take away my cookies...

(you notice that i was worried about the cookies being taken away, not the laxatives.)

thankfully she was apparently counting down the minutes until she could go home, because she quickly counted the four items in my bag, handed me my receipt, and said to have a good day.

clearly she doesn't know what is in store for me.

as i drove home, i started thinking about what i wanted for dinner. this new freedom to eat whatever i wanted without regard for it's healthiness opened up so many possibilities. i knew that dinner tonight would be my last meal until thursday afternoon, and now i could eat anything!! where to go... what to order... i was nearly paralyzed with choices. then i saw the jack-in-the-box sign, and knew i could find something totally unhealthy to eat there. because that was now my goal!

i looked at the menu with new eyes. calories and content of the food was not an issue. i could choose anything off the menu and eat it without thinking about it's glycemic index. taste became my only consideration. so again, i did the only thing i could do--i ordered deep-fried potato wedges with melted cheddar and bacon on top and ranch dressing to dip them in.

oh, and cheesecake.

:)

i guess maybe there are some advantages to this ghastly annual procedure. it has just taken me a while to figure it out...

today's plan? errands and a movie :)

so today . . . i ate bar-be-que potato chips and went to a movie by myself.

neither of these things are earth shattering, but they sort of sum up my day.

this is my last full day alone, and i woke up still thinking about getting my hair cut. i have been putting it off, because my bangs are just the perfect length, and that only happens for about three days every few months. my hair looks fine, but it feels heavy and annoying. and i was afraid that if i didn't go in and get it cut by someone who knew what they were doing, i might just break out my own scissors and see what happened. i have been known to do that before--usually late at night, when my hair is at it's worst and there is no place i can go for a haircut--not even supercuts! and the results are never good...

this morning i walked into supercuts, and for the first time ever in my experience, there were no customers in the store--not one! i sat down and got the full sales pitch on all the hair products that were on sale... none of which i wanted. i finally got my hair cut, and it felt much better. except for the bangs... they are now too short.

i decided since i was out, i should just do some errands. so i whipped out my list and headed to wal-mart. i got crayola crayons for 25 cents per box! and these were the boxes of 24!! (i know, i sound waaaay too excited.) i watch for this sale every year, because whether you are buying crayons or markers or watercolors, crayola is the best!! i don't know if they use special pigments or what, but their colors are definitely more vibrant than any others. which is probably why they cost more. and when you are buying for a whole classroom, you have to watch for the really good, back-to-school pricing. of course, this put me smack in the middle of the school supplies... (luckily, because i found the coolest folder! i have no idea what i am going to use it for, but it made me smile for only $1!)

wal-mart is also where i found the bar-be-que chips.

i got the last bag. clearly bar-be-que is the flavor of choice, since several other flavors were still on the shelves. i brought the bag home, and ate almost all of it. by myself. but it's ok, because that is all i ate today. and according to the package, it had 11 servings at 150 calories per serving. since there are a few chips left, i figure i ate about 9 servings which equal 1350 calories. and you know, people lose weight on 1500 calories a day, so i think i am good...

...except i did eat a hot dog at the movie theater. i went to the cheap theater to watch iron man 2. all by myself. i really wanted to see it, because i loved the first one, but it just hadn't happened. so when i saw it was at the cheap theater, i knew i had to go! i walked up to the ticket booth and asked for one ticket. the cashier, who was probably 15, just looked at me. then he gave me a big smile. i could almost see his thoughts--"it's perfectly ok that you are here by yourself. lots of people come to the movies by themselves. although most of them are alone because they have no family or friends or job. but hey! i'm sure that isn't true of you. i'm sure you have a ton of people you could have asked to come with you today. you are probably always surrounded by family and friends showering you with love and attention, and you came by yourself today because you were craving some alone time. right???"

uh huh... whatever...

the movie was really good. then i came home and vacuumed. yes, i vacuumed. rollie and diandra are coming home tomorrow, so i needed to pick up the debris that seems to collect around me (papers, magazines, photo albums, chip bags...) and prepare to share my space once again.

because while i really like my alone time (that 15 year old kid wasn't all that wrong,) i will be glad when my family comes back. as cute as my dogs are, neither of them are great conversationalists...

... and i think i might be ready to eat something that is not a snack food...

all alone...

so today . . . i am home alone. hehehe...

i took rollie to the airport after lunch. the traffic was light, and the trip was uneventful. i stopped at 7-11 on the way home and bought two brownies, two bananas, and two bags of chips. so far, i have eaten both bags of chips and one brownie. my plan is to eat a banana when i am done blogging, which will leave me a brownie and a banana for breakfast!

i may have to eat salad for lunch tomorrow...

rollie would never eat a brownie for breakfast. although, he did eat one of those 40 minute hard boiled eggs this morning. and he didn't die. but he did say they were kind of dry. he tried to warm one up for his breakfast, and he said it didn't get very warm. his explanation (and i am not sure i am buying it,) is that microwaves heat food by activating the moisture in the food, and apparently these eggs do not have enough moisture in them to get warm... i don't know what to say about that. i told him he didn't have to eat the eggs, but he said they weren't that bad.

there's a rousing appreciation for my efforts!

i got my computer back today, too. james, the computer wizard, finished working on my computer last night, so when i got home from the airport, i spent some serious time catching up on all my internet stuff. my old computer sort of bridged the gap, but it is SO SLOW!!!!!!! which i know is relative, but still...

and now i am sitting here at 11:30, all by myself for the next two and a half days! i'm going to eat a banana and maybe some ice cream. i'm going to set up the family room for the photo project i want to do while rollie and diandra are gone. i'm going to stay up late and THEN leave the tv on while i go to sleep. and tomorrow, i may take a break and go to a movie. all by myself...

...after i eat a salad, of course :)

i thought freestyle was just for olympic skiing . . .

so today . . . we ate lunch at hometown buffet.

i like hometown buffet. i am the only one in my family who does. diandra refuses to eat there--she will go across the parking lot and eat all by herself at panda express rather than come into hometown buffet with us. rollie's reactions are mixed. he can usually find something he likes, but it is definitely not his favorite place to eat--it is probably not even in his top five.

that is, until today . . .

we went to hometown buffet today, because we were avoiding carbs, and there are a lot of carb-less choices there. (well, if you stay away from the dessert area and the cinnamon rolls--which they inexplicably put on the salad bar!!!) i came back from the salad bar with a plate full of yummy stuff. rollie came back with a plate full of tiny tomatoes and cucumber slices. and three sodas.apparently our hometown buffet has upgraded their soda fountain. they now have the new "freestyle" coke machine. we now have more beverage choices than anyone needs. there are soda choices in this machine that are not even available anywhere else! rollie's first three choices were grape coke, vanilla coke, and peach fanta. yes, he is somewhat partial to fruit flavors . . .

i had a diet coke. with a lemon slice from the taco bar. i am so adventurous . . .

rollie was pretty excited about his drink choices. i was not so sure. i'm not adverse to a vanilla coke now and then, but grape coke?!?!? raspberry coke?!?!? i'm sorry, but that is just WRONG!!! rollie, however, seemed to think it was delcious! i think he made more trips to the freestyle coke machine than he did to get food!!and i had a diet coke. with a real lemon slice in it.

i did take a sip of his grape coke (it was gross!) the vanilla coke was pretty good. i declined his offer of a taste of the peach fanta. but the point is, there were drinks of just about every flavor in this machine. rollie continued to drink, and i went back to get some meat.

i could tell rollie was enjoying his beverages. even as he sat drinking one of them, i could see the wheels turning inside his head, already thinking about what he was going to have next . . . that is the thing about this machine--there are over 100 choices!

rollie had a big smile on his face the whole time we were there. he said it was the best meal ever from hometown buffet. but he didn't really mean meal--he meant he liked the beverage choices.

i don't think i am a fan. the machine was cool, the technology of it is interesting, (because they are not keeping a supply of 100 different drinks in there--think about it,) and it is nice to have all of the choices. but only one person can use it at a time! and because of all those choices it can take that one person a looooong time to decide what to fill their glass with, so the wait to quench your thirst can be daunting . . .

in the end, i still got the same drink i always get--diet coke with lemon. because that is what i like. and this new machine? i'm glad it is there, because now rollie will jump at the chance to eat at hometown buffet. but for me, it just adds one more layer to my own personal hell--a place where i have to make more decisions . . .