misc. midnight thoughts...

so today . . . it is almost midnight, and i haven't blogged.

i planned to blog today. one has been rolling around in my head about packing for our trip tomorrow. i've probably blogged about packing before, though, and as i said, it is almost midnight. so i am going to sleep. i will blog about packing tomorrow... maybe while we are sitting in traffic on our way to las vegas. i am pretty sure it will be a parking lot, so i will need something to distract me.

besides, i need my sleep tonight. tomorrow is our thanksgiving feast. there will be 44 people in my classroom for lunch. yes, 44. tomorrow we are not only feeding our students, but also their parents, grandparents, tiny siblings, and apparently whoever else wants to come along. i anticipate chaos. i don't do well in chaos. this is one of the few times i wish i had mood altering drugs--the kind that make you relaxed and happy--like nitrous oxide... i love nitrous oxide...

i am kind of wishing for a snow day. my mom had a snow day today. in fact, according to what i read on facebook, all of oregon had a snow day today! i think i should have a snow day tomorrow. then i wouldn't have to "feast" with 44 people in my classroom. i wouldn't even have to pack! i could just sit in front of the fire with a festive beverage and my book...

snow. in southern california. for thanksgiving.

it could happen...

random update...

so today . . . i realize it has been several days since i have blogged. here's why.

1. my allergies are still trying to kill me. i am better than i was last week, but it is still an issue. every time i wake up, one of my nostrils is fighting for it's life! so i am not sleeping too well, which results in daytime tiredness. which results in a sluggish brain. which results in staring at the words "so today" on my empty blog page, unable to think what to write next.

2. diandra has been gone. i realized this week that she is one of the catalysts to my crazy way of looking at things. sometimes it is because she is part of it. sometimes it is because of the places we go together (ok, i know mostly we go to target, but stuff happens there...) but part of the problem this week is that i find i am more interested in hearing about her adventures than i am about having my own. especially since, you know, breathing continues to be an issue.

3. i've been busy. sometimes busyness makes for good blogging material, but this has not been that kind of busyness. this has been of the school work, house work, church stuff variety. it has been the "put your nose to the grindstone and get it done" type of work. it has been the "just get through the day and then flop exhausted into bed" type of work. this type of work doesn't leave my brain much room for the kind of mental excursions that make for a good blog. if i had to live like this all the time, i might be tempted to flee to jamaica...

(oh wait, i AM tempted to flee to jamaica...)

4. rollie has been busy. waaaay busy. his brain has been otherwise occupied, which means our conversations mostly consist of these phrases:
--"how was your day today?" which is usually answered with "ok" and then we hope the other one had something happen that they can talk about, because we just need a minute to veg...
--"where do you want to eat?" because that is a decision that has to be made. if it isn't, we just go to rubio's. sometimes, even when we decide to go somewhere else (like jack in the box,) if i am driving, my car just whizzes right past jack in the box and goes to rubio's--even though jack in the box was probably my choice. yes, we eat at rubio's way too much!
--"i'll see you...(when?)" because, some days we don't see each other from the time we leave for work in the morning, until the last one of us finally makes it to bed. so rollie isn't much of a source for blogging material right now either.

5. my new class is chatty, chatty, chatty. i have high hopes that they are going to be a good source of hilarity this year--especially the little ones. i think this, because as i watch my assistant, ms. claudia, work with them, i hear her laugh quite frequently. but for now, at the beginning of the year, we are learning to STOP talking while we work. and i am still getting organized. so we haven't had a lot of blog-worthy conversations. yet. but just wait...

i am going to be out of town this weekend (no, not doing something fun--just more busyness,) so i probably won't be blogging again until next week. then again, every single time i say that i won't be blogging, something funny happens and i do. so you never know...

today's plan? errands and a movie :)

so today . . . i ate bar-be-que potato chips and went to a movie by myself.

neither of these things are earth shattering, but they sort of sum up my day.

this is my last full day alone, and i woke up still thinking about getting my hair cut. i have been putting it off, because my bangs are just the perfect length, and that only happens for about three days every few months. my hair looks fine, but it feels heavy and annoying. and i was afraid that if i didn't go in and get it cut by someone who knew what they were doing, i might just break out my own scissors and see what happened. i have been known to do that before--usually late at night, when my hair is at it's worst and there is no place i can go for a haircut--not even supercuts! and the results are never good...

this morning i walked into supercuts, and for the first time ever in my experience, there were no customers in the store--not one! i sat down and got the full sales pitch on all the hair products that were on sale... none of which i wanted. i finally got my hair cut, and it felt much better. except for the bangs... they are now too short.

i decided since i was out, i should just do some errands. so i whipped out my list and headed to wal-mart. i got crayola crayons for 25 cents per box! and these were the boxes of 24!! (i know, i sound waaaay too excited.) i watch for this sale every year, because whether you are buying crayons or markers or watercolors, crayola is the best!! i don't know if they use special pigments or what, but their colors are definitely more vibrant than any others. which is probably why they cost more. and when you are buying for a whole classroom, you have to watch for the really good, back-to-school pricing. of course, this put me smack in the middle of the school supplies... (luckily, because i found the coolest folder! i have no idea what i am going to use it for, but it made me smile for only $1!)

wal-mart is also where i found the bar-be-que chips.

i got the last bag. clearly bar-be-que is the flavor of choice, since several other flavors were still on the shelves. i brought the bag home, and ate almost all of it. by myself. but it's ok, because that is all i ate today. and according to the package, it had 11 servings at 150 calories per serving. since there are a few chips left, i figure i ate about 9 servings which equal 1350 calories. and you know, people lose weight on 1500 calories a day, so i think i am good...

...except i did eat a hot dog at the movie theater. i went to the cheap theater to watch iron man 2. all by myself. i really wanted to see it, because i loved the first one, but it just hadn't happened. so when i saw it was at the cheap theater, i knew i had to go! i walked up to the ticket booth and asked for one ticket. the cashier, who was probably 15, just looked at me. then he gave me a big smile. i could almost see his thoughts--"it's perfectly ok that you are here by yourself. lots of people come to the movies by themselves. although most of them are alone because they have no family or friends or job. but hey! i'm sure that isn't true of you. i'm sure you have a ton of people you could have asked to come with you today. you are probably always surrounded by family and friends showering you with love and attention, and you came by yourself today because you were craving some alone time. right???"

uh huh... whatever...

the movie was really good. then i came home and vacuumed. yes, i vacuumed. rollie and diandra are coming home tomorrow, so i needed to pick up the debris that seems to collect around me (papers, magazines, photo albums, chip bags...) and prepare to share my space once again.

because while i really like my alone time (that 15 year old kid wasn't all that wrong,) i will be glad when my family comes back. as cute as my dogs are, neither of them are great conversationalists...

... and i think i might be ready to eat something that is not a snack food...

new beginnings

so today . . . i've spent most of the afternoon beating myself up. i mean really, i am just so annoyed! i still cannot believe i have to pay all those overdraft charges . . .

one of the first things people have to figure out when they get married is how they are going to deal with their finances--who will pay the bills? who will decide what to buy? how will they make the whole thing work? for us these responsibilities have shifted more than a few times, but we have finally come up with a system that works pretty well. the reason it works pretty well is that rollie (the responsible saver) handles most of it, while i (the impulsive spender) get a set amount of money each month to spend. so coming up with an extra $140 at the end of the month presented me with a problem--it was not in my "budget." (and yes, i use the term loosely.)

then rollie said, "how much do you need? don't worry, i'll take care of it for you." which he didn't have to do. that is not how our system works! our system works because he takes good care of our money, while i spend mine! and yet, he was volunteering to cover my debt.

most of you will have no idea of how those words impacted me. you will think it isn't that big of a deal, but that's because you don't know our history . . . i haven't always made the smartest financial decisions. i am sometimes impulsive and short-sighted and lack self-control. and yet, every single time i find myself at the bottom of another hole i have dug for myself, rollie rescues me--without anger or guilt or frustration.

i don't know how he does it. i am selfish. he is not. i torment myself with the mistakes i have made. he does not. i say, "how can you not be angry with me about this?" and he says, "i don't know. i'm just not. everybody deserves a second chance." and i say, "but i've had more than two chances here." and he says, "not today! every day is a new beginning."

i know, he sounds like a saint.

but he isn't perfect--he gets irritated at other drivers, and at being asked "do you want the combo?" every time he orders a burger, and at people who can't make change, and if the tivo doesn't record a laker game. and yet for some unexplainable reason, he has this amazing capacity to forgive and forget and move on when it comes to me--even when i totalled the back end of his new car, or "organize" his stuff in such a way that he doesn't know where anything is, or find myself in need of cash. again.

and it is a good thing. because while i like to think that i am learning from my mistakes, i keep making new ones! and if he was keeping track . . .

let's just say that i am very glad every day is a new beginning :)

in the red!

so today . . . i am sad.

i was mad, but now i am sad.

my bank account is overdrawn. i made a mistake and it is costing me. i knew my funds were getting low--we are approaching the end of the month, after all--so on thursday afternoon i checked my balance before i went to do some errands. i was pleasantly surprised! it seemed that i had a bit more in the account than i thought. so after picking up a few things from the grocery store, i came home and downloaded a song from amazon, and got dinner from chick-fil-a. earlier in the day i had gone to 7-11 for brownies. i didn't spend that much, but i did complete four different transactions. the bank graciously deducted the largest one first, which resulted in four overdraft fees.

each one of those transactions has cost me an additional $35. each one! even the music download--yeah, i am now the owner of a $36 song. and it isn't even a song i love--it is a song i needed for band rehearsal!

i called the bank to try to convince them that it was ridiculous for me to have to pay all those fees. they agreed to cancel one of them, but i am still on the line for the other three. my only recourse is apparently to write to the home office, plead my case, and see what happens. which i'm sure will be nothing, but it guess i will do it anyway. in the mean time, i have to cover those charges by wednesday, or they will charge me another $35 for being overdrawn for more than five days. really. they can do that.

so i guess i will have to come up with $100 anyway, but now it won't be going to buy that beautiful, soft, leather handbag that i blogged about on thursday. instead it will be going to my greedy, sneaky bank.

i wonder if they will take a gift card . . .

another saturday . . .

so today . . . was saturday.

i say "was" because it is mostly over, and i don't know what happened to it . . .

i woke up earlier than normal, but it was disorienting because rollie was still asleep. rollie never sleeps later than me. never. ever. but today he is sick, and there was no basketball at the church. (i mention this, because it took both of those events to keep him in bed past 6:00 a.m.) i hated to get up, because i was afraid i would disturb him and he really needed to sleep. but milo decided it was time for everyone to wake up. i could tell this because he tried to cuddle up to rollie's face and lick it. i saw him maneuvering for position, so i grabbed him and rolled him closer to me so he couldn't reach rollie's face. "oh!" milo thought, "you want me to lick your face!!" finally, in self defense (and in the interests of breathing,) i decided there was less risk of waking rollie if i got out of bed and took milo with me.

we headed downstairs where i spent the next 15 minutes doing all the stuff my pulmonary doctor says i have to do every morning and night in order to stay healthy. although, since i am showing signs of getting sick again, i am not so sure how much difference it is making.

then milo and i went into the family room and settled on the couch with my laptop so i could take care of my facebook games. i grumbled a bit about the new format, until i played around with it and made some changes that mollified me, at least temporarily. yes, milo was the only one there to hear me grumble, but i did it anyway. he is one of the few people who are not put off by my grumbling. in fact, it seems to compel him to try to lick my face off. i think he is trying to make me feel better, although that pretty much seems to be his response to everything . . .

once rollie was up and around, we discussed what to do. it was a beautiful day today--warm and sunny--a perfect day to get out of the house and go somewhere. but with both of us battling bugs, we decided it was not a very good day for us to be out and about. so we opened up all the windows (so that we could at least enjoy the warm air,) settled in front of our tivo, and caught up on our favorite shows. and snacked. and then napped.

well, actually rollie napped. i cleaned out my t-shirt drawer. and i was ruthless! the truth is, i don't wear a lot of long sleeved t-shirts, and yet i find myself with a whole drawerful--so most of them didn't make the cut. but then i started wondering why i hang up my short sleeved t-shirts in the closet, but fold the long sleeved ones and put them in a drawer. and why do i hang up some of my sweaters but put others in the drawer. really. apparently i have some sort of system, but i can't explain it. i know which sweaters and t-shirts go where, but if i tried to tell you how i know the difference, i couldn't do it. and now it is bothering me . . .

i did laundry. i checked out more blog designs. i kept watching island paradise on fb, because there was thieving to be done. (i used to be nice, but i got tired of my island being pillaged. so now, i am a pillager too!) i watched shopping tv (tucson gem show weekend! yay!!) and then we went to dinner.

and now the day is over, and i don't know what happened to it! i guess i should be glad i made it through the day without feeling the need to go to urgent care. but i would have much rather spent the day at the beach . . . with my tissues . . . and my cough drops . . . and my blanket . . .

sigh.

maybe not. i'm exhausted just thinking about it . . .

maybe i should leave my brain to science.

so today . . . my m&m's are gone. i am bereft.

i eat a ridiculous amount of dark chocolate m&ms. i am afraid to look at my receipts and add up how much i spend every month on them. i buy the big bags, several at a time. then i hide them around the house. i have to.

i used to hide them all in a drawer in the china cabinet. but then one day i temporarily lost my mind, and went to get a new bag out while diandra was in the room. so now she knows where i keep them. which would be fine if i was good at sharing, but i'm not. i will share, but only if i have to. and if she doesn't know if i have any, then i don't have to share.

so . . . i have to have several different hiding places. of course, now she know that, since she reads my blog . . .

but the main advantage of multiple hiding places is that i always have hope that i am not completely out of dark chocolate m&ms, because i have a system.

i keep the current bag in my desk. this is a good place, as i don't really use my desk--i just keep stuff in it. it is a lovely desk, and i would probably be more productive when working on paperwork if i did it there instead of in front of the tv. but then i couldn't keep my m&ms in it. i also keep a small supply of 3 oz. dixie cups there as well--my container of choice. if i scarf down 3 oz. of dark chocolate m&ms, it is usually enough to satisfy me--at least for a while. sometimes it takes a second cup to get the job done, but 6 oz. is almost always enough. for a while.

when i finish off a bag, i go get the next bag, which is usually in the china cabinet, and i move it to the desk where it is convenient for snacking. (it is at this point that i should get in my car and go to target for more m&ms. but many times i don't.)

the problem begins when i finish off the second bag. if i have not made the trip to target for more m&m's (which takes all of 20 minutes from the time i leave until the time i am back on the couch, so i really have no excuse,) then i have to start thinking about where i hid the other bags. sometimes i find them quickly, sometimes i don't. and sometimes, by the time i find them, i don't really want them all that much anymore--so i put the bag in the desk, ready for the next time, and try to remember to go to target.

but sometimes i don't go looking for more, especially if i kind of think there aren't any more. and here is where the twisted logical reasoning comes in . . .

if i kept all the extra m&ms in one place (like the china cabinet) i would always know exactly how many i had. and when i ate the last m&m out of the last bag, i would know that they were gone. and if i wasn't sure that they were gone, i would just go and look in the china cabinet. then i would know. they are all gone. and i would be sad.

BUT, if i hide them multiple places around the house, then there is always hope that there are more m&ms somewhere, even if i can't find them. so when i finish my "last" bag, i go and look in all the places i usually keep the extras, and even if i don't find any, i still have hope. because maybe, just maybe, i hid a bag in a new place and i just can't remember where. which means that there are still m&ms somewhere in the house. and someday i will find them. and i will be so happy!

maybe not as happy as if i had found the bag and was busily scarfing down m&ms. but happier than knowing my house was m&mless . . .

so maybe i am not bereft. i did buy several bags on sale after christmas. i thought i had eaten all of those, but maybe not. maybe there is a bag of dark chocolate m&ms lurking somewhere just waiting for me to find them. if only they could call out "you are getting warmer (or colder)" i might have a chance. then again, if i don't look, i won't know for certain that i am out. is it worth the risk? do i want to know?

maybe i will just go to target.

if only it wasn't raining . . .

all that effort, and no result

AAAGGGHHHHHHH!

so today . . . i have tried to write two different blogs. one was about using dry erase markers at school, and one was about trying to find a ups drop off site. at the time they occurred, both incidents struck me as something i could blog about. the marker story was just kind of cute, and the ups story was extremely frustrating (but i knew you would love to hear about me driving in circles for hours, following gps directions that took me to the wrong places, and finally finding a drop off box only to discover that my package was too large to drop in.)

so i wrote the marker story. and when i read it, it was boring--and that is not a word i use very often. but it wasn't that funny or interesting. so i deleted it. then i wrote the ups story, but it was so complicated that even i got confused, and i was there!!! so i knew there was no way you would be able to follow it, and i was getting frustrated trying to write it. so i deleted it too.

so now, i have wasted over an hour trying to write something funny and entertaining, and i still have nothing! and it is almost 11:00 and i need to get into bed and get some rest or i will never be able to fight off whatever bug is trying to get me. and so . . .

AAAGGGGHHHHHHHH!

you see, this is the problem with trying to write almost every day. some days it is just not happening. but i tried. and i will try again tomorrow--hopefully with more success.

just because i love you guys ;)

another sick day . . .

so today . . . was a bust for blogging material.

the sun shone.

i'm getting good at irrigating my sinuses (sadly.)

my ct scan was uneventful. i didn't have to wait. i didn't have to get undressed. i didn't fall off the machine. i didn't pass out from holding my breath (although one time i thought i might.) i didn't get claustrophobic (i just closed my eyes and pretended i was laying on the beach . . . the mind is a powerful thing!)

i did wear a christmas tree pin that i liberated from my mom's jewelry chest last summer :)

and someone did steal the poinsettia plant from radiology. so a radiologist stole a poinsettia plant from someone else . . . while i was standing right there!!

i did not go to school.

i did not go to band rehearsal.

i did not go to old navy and get $15 boots or to starbucks for their special "12 days of christmas" deal which was a red travel cup for $6.99.

i did get a get well card from one of my little munchkins, via his mom's blackberry :)and i did wear my sheepskin boots all day to keep my feet warm, because it only got up to about 60 degrees today--even though the sun was shining.

pneumonia--day 10