so today . . . was kind of a hard day. some days are like that. i wish they weren't, but they are. most of my days are pretty good--i have a wonderful, loving family, i have a steady job that pays me more than i could make working at the mall, i have two dogs who are a riot and are always happy to see me, i live in a place where the sun shines most of the time, and so most of my days ARE pretty good. but today was not.
the fact is, i am not in control of everything. stuff happens around me that affects me that i cannot control. i hate that! it is one thing to deal with the consequences of my own actions, but when i have to deal with the consequences of the decisions made by other people, i am not a happy camper. my choices may not always be the best ones, but they make sense (at least to me.)
about a year and a half ago i was driving rollie's car and got rear-ended by a HUGE pick up truck. i wasn't hurt, but the car was smushed! it totalled the back end, and it was in the shop for a month while they completely rebuilt it. it was a nightmare for me, and i couldn't help thinking if only. "if only i had left the house a little bit later . . . if only i had gone on through the yellow light instead of stopping (i know, but we live in california!) . . . if only i had taken a different route . . . if only i had gone in someone else's car . . . " i suppose any of those decisions could have resulted in a safe trip. but the cause of the accident was really a guy who was following a bit too closely, made an assumption about what i was going to do, and then took his eyes off the road for just a second. and so i suffered the consequences for his decisions. (so did he when his insurance company got the bill!)
today i am having a bit of a hard time. i know i will get through it, because i always do. again, i have a pretty good life and soon, that life will overcome the issues i am dealing with now. the stuff that is bothering me today will get resolved or just fade away over time. i guess is isn't all that important. what is important is the people in my life who love me (all 4 of you!) i know they will be there no matter what. they will not give up on me, or tell me to just get over it. they will love me, and try to help me, and do their best to understand me, and let me know that i am not alone. and so even though today was difficult, tomorrow will probably be better--or maybe the next day . . .