so today . . . we spent about an hour with some friends, talking about their precious 28 year old son. as of yesterday, he doesn't live on earth anymore...
...it was a fairly typical saturday for us--rollie played basketball in the morning, i slept in and then started the laundry, diandra was in san diego shooting a wedding. early in the afternoon rollie and i went to petco for dog food and then to rubio's for lunch. we were on our way home when the first phone call came in, asking us if we had heard, if it could be true...
a flurry of phone calls followed, and we quickly learned that the unthinkable had happened--our good friends had lost their youngest son. he was 28 years old. a seemingly healthy young man experienced multiple heart attacks in the space of an hour and a half and then, despite heroic life saving efforts, he was gone.
there was nothing we could do, except let them know that we love them. we can't feel their pain, but we can hurt for them in their pain. we can sit and listen to them talk about their precious boy--what he was like as a child, some of the difficulties he had weathered, and his plans for the future, plans that will never be realized. we can remind them that we live in an evil world and sometimes terrible things happen. and God weeps. we can agree with them when they talk of God's plan, and how we don't always understand it, (and sometimes even hate it,) but still acknowledge that God does have a plan and we choose to trust it--even in our pain and grief and longing for the one who is gone.
parents should not have to outlive their children. that is not the natural order of things. but sometimes it happens.
(diandra is having to endure extra motherly love right now. that's just the way it is.)
the thing that comforts them the most is knowing that one day they will see him again. his time on earth is over, but while those of us still breathing are grieving, johnny is dancing with Jesus. he no longer has to deal with all the frustrations and deadlines and people that seem to define our days. he never has to worry about being hurt or heartbroken again. all those things that rule our lives are no longer a concern to him. because he is dancing with Jesus.
when she was about six or seven, diandra had this need for the last words she heard from us to be "i love you." whether we were walking out the door, or hanging up the phone, the last words spoken had to be "i love you." sometimes we would tease her by trying to throw in a "see you soon," or "be good" at the end, but she would insist on hearing us say "i love you" before we were separated. at some point, it became less of an issue for her, but i think it is about to come back into play. because this has reminded me that there are no guarantees in this life. every time one of us walks out the door, there is no guarantee that we will walk back in again. (especially if we are headed for the freeway!)
we always think we will have time. we will have time to mend relationships. we will have time to show our parents how much we appreciate them. we will have time to tell our kids we are proud of them. we will have time to let our spouse know how lucky we feel to get to spend our life with them. we will have time to sit on a swing and eat ice cream. but sometimes we don't. sometimes the phone rings, and life is never the same. and we are left wishing... that we had taken the time when we had it.
and so, when we are all going our separate ways, i'm going to take 30 seconds to tell my family i love them. even if i am in a hurry. even if it feels awkward. even if my precious, darling daughter rolls her eyes (not that she would...) i want the last words my family hears me say to be "i love you." i hope it is a very long time before they hear me say it for the last time, but i am not taking any chances!
no regrets. i love you!
Showing posts with label family crisis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family crisis. Show all posts
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
vacation: day 8
so today . . . is not my dad's birthday. his birthday was yesterday.
i was going to write a birthday blog for him, but diandra beat me to it! and she wrote a great tribute to my dad, her gramps, so i am not even going to try to improve on it. i'm just glad we got to celebrate with him...
when diandra was five years old, my dad had open heart surgery. he had been in the mojave desert playing in his silver mine for a couple of weeks, and had driven all the way back to southern oregon in time for my birthday. my mom and grandma drove down from portland, and we had a nice weekend together celebrating our birthdays. then my dad drove five more hours to get home. he hadn't been feeling good since he left california, so when he got back to portland, he went to the doctor. his doctor did some tests and immediately sent him to the hospital for emergency heart surgery. IN AN AMBULANCE! because the doctor was afraid that he might have a heart attack before he could drive himself to the hospital--the test results were that bad.
yes, after driving 1000 miles by himself, he had to go the last few miles to the hospital in an ambulance.
my mom called to tell me, and diandra and i got in the car and zoomed up the freeway. i admit i was scared. i felt fortunate that my dad had made it safely to the hospital, but the surgery he was going to have was not a slam-dunk! i did not even want to think about what might happen--but i did, and it scared me. i didn't want to lose him. i wanted diandra to have experiences with my dad. i wanted my dad to have time to teach her about all the cool things he taught me. i wanted him to watch her grow up and have a part in affecting who she would be. and i was afraid that might not happen.
we waited, and we worried. he survived the surgery, but the recovery was difficult. thankfully my dad is strong, and he made it.
that was twenty years ago. if you met my dad today, you would never guess that he had undergone open heart surgery. because he has spent the last twenty years looking for rocks, golfing, hunting,
painting our houses, fixing things, fishing (in rivers, lakes, and the ocean--if it is wet, and there are fish in it, he is there!) dredging for gold, skiing, and tromping around the mojave desert. sometimes he takes a break from all those high energy activities by reading or farming on facebook.
yes, my dad has a facebook page.
his newest endeavor is helping my brother with his business by attending sports shows.
when i mention that my dad is turning 80 this year, people always ask how he is. it is a reasonable question--many people his age are feeling the effects of being alive for just over three quarters of a century and are slowing down. but not my dad. he still gets up early, works all day, and goes to bed early. some days he is happy to sit in a chair and read,
but most days you will find him fixing something for someone (because my dad can fix anything! really!) or fishing. or planning to go fishing. or calling my brother to see if he wants to go fishing.
there are days when i feel my age--days when my body won't do things the way it used to, or days when it takes me a little longer to get up from sitting on the floor, or days when i have an ache or a pain. i'm sure this is probably true for my dad too. he has some health issues, just as most of us over the age of 30 do. but on those days when his body is giving him grief, i hope he will either take some sort of pill, or sit down and rest for a while, and just remember how much we love him.
because we expect him to be around for a lot more years . . .
. . . to continue teaching diandra all the cool stuff he taught us, and have a part in affecting who we are!
i love you, dad! and don't worry--i have plenty of material to write birthday blogs for a long, long time. just keep those birthdays coming . . . :)
i was going to write a birthday blog for him, but diandra beat me to it! and she wrote a great tribute to my dad, her gramps, so i am not even going to try to improve on it. i'm just glad we got to celebrate with him...
when diandra was five years old, my dad had open heart surgery. he had been in the mojave desert playing in his silver mine for a couple of weeks, and had driven all the way back to southern oregon in time for my birthday. my mom and grandma drove down from portland, and we had a nice weekend together celebrating our birthdays. then my dad drove five more hours to get home. he hadn't been feeling good since he left california, so when he got back to portland, he went to the doctor. his doctor did some tests and immediately sent him to the hospital for emergency heart surgery. IN AN AMBULANCE! because the doctor was afraid that he might have a heart attack before he could drive himself to the hospital--the test results were that bad.
yes, after driving 1000 miles by himself, he had to go the last few miles to the hospital in an ambulance.
my mom called to tell me, and diandra and i got in the car and zoomed up the freeway. i admit i was scared. i felt fortunate that my dad had made it safely to the hospital, but the surgery he was going to have was not a slam-dunk! i did not even want to think about what might happen--but i did, and it scared me. i didn't want to lose him. i wanted diandra to have experiences with my dad. i wanted my dad to have time to teach her about all the cool things he taught me. i wanted him to watch her grow up and have a part in affecting who she would be. and i was afraid that might not happen.
we waited, and we worried. he survived the surgery, but the recovery was difficult. thankfully my dad is strong, and he made it.
that was twenty years ago. if you met my dad today, you would never guess that he had undergone open heart surgery. because he has spent the last twenty years looking for rocks, golfing, hunting,
painting our houses, fixing things, fishing (in rivers, lakes, and the ocean--if it is wet, and there are fish in it, he is there!) dredging for gold, skiing, and tromping around the mojave desert. sometimes he takes a break from all those high energy activities by reading or farming on facebook.yes, my dad has a facebook page.
his newest endeavor is helping my brother with his business by attending sports shows.
when i mention that my dad is turning 80 this year, people always ask how he is. it is a reasonable question--many people his age are feeling the effects of being alive for just over three quarters of a century and are slowing down. but not my dad. he still gets up early, works all day, and goes to bed early. some days he is happy to sit in a chair and read,
but most days you will find him fixing something for someone (because my dad can fix anything! really!) or fishing. or planning to go fishing. or calling my brother to see if he wants to go fishing.there are days when i feel my age--days when my body won't do things the way it used to, or days when it takes me a little longer to get up from sitting on the floor, or days when i have an ache or a pain. i'm sure this is probably true for my dad too. he has some health issues, just as most of us over the age of 30 do. but on those days when his body is giving him grief, i hope he will either take some sort of pill, or sit down and rest for a while, and just remember how much we love him.
because we expect him to be around for a lot more years . . .
. . . to continue teaching diandra all the cool stuff he taught us, and have a part in affecting who we are!i love you, dad! and don't worry--i have plenty of material to write birthday blogs for a long, long time. just keep those birthdays coming . . . :)
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