the siren song of the ipad...

so today . . . i was sitting at my desk, minding my own business, when ethan came over and said, "what's that?" he was pointing to my ipad. i said, "it's my computer." he looked at me and said, "that's not a computer! what is it?"

oh, apple people, somehow your world-wide domination of the tablet computer market has totally missed ONE four year old...

i've been having computer issues. i now have an old netbook (whose fan is going to go out any day now, which i am sure is going to result in it's self-destruction, a la mission impossible,) a newer laptop (which can burn dvds and has a nice big screen and is so pristine that i don't want to transfer all my messy files to it,) and an ipad. i know, its ridiculous. i would love to just use one device, but i can't seem to get everything organized and transferred. so my netbook is currently holding almost all my digital files hostage, while the newer laptop just sits there because it is too big to carry around. and then there is the ipad...

i sort of love the ipad, even though there are things it can't do. it doesn't have a memory card slot. it doesn't have a usb port. and you can't play anything that requires flash player on it. to me, those are three BIG issues. and yet, i have an ipad, and i sort of love it.

i looked at other tablets made by other companies. they had memory card slots. they had usb ports. and they would play flash player. and yet what did i get? an ipad.

i think apple is evil. really. where do worms live? in apples. what did the evil witch give to snow white? an apple. what did adam and eve eat that was the beginning of all our problems?!?!?!?! the apple.

do you see my point?

and really, if you think about apple devices, they are evil too. they are arrogant. they are flashy. they don't play nicely with others--it is either all apple or no apple. they don't just want your money, they want your soul...

and somehow they get it. even now, i am continually frustrated by some of the shortcomings of my ipad--i can't view everything on the internet that i want to see. i can't transfer digital files easily onto it or off of it. it won't let me manipulate my photos. i can't even sync my iphone to it!!!! realistically, i should be putting it in a garage sale and buying a xoom or a galaxy!

and yet, i sort of love it.

there is no logical reason for this. well, unless you look at the apps. the free apps. oh. my. goodness. i was a little embarrassed when i went in to the apple store to get some help, and they saw how many games i had. did you know there are four different angry birds games? that i know of?? i don't even know how to play all those games! and yet, i check the app store every few days to see what else i can download for free.

i think i might need a support group...

i didn't want to love my apple devices. it's that rebel in me--everybody else thinks they are great, so i will not! but i did. they continue to torment me with their unfamiliar (to me) operating system. they lure me away from the things i should be doing (like sleeping) with their unlimited apps. they remind me of all that they are capable of doing, if only i will purchase a data plan. they are sleek, and cool, and they make me feel tech-savvy (which is quite a trick considering that i have no clue how to make them do anything they don't want to do...)

the first day i took the ipad to school, every child in the class came to my desk at some point and said, "oh, you have an ipad!" they were impressed. would they have been equally impressed with a xoom or a galaxy? i don't think so. they kept trying to touch the screen. this is a problem. it is a problem that i never had to worry about with my laptop. my kids can't seem to keep their hands off the stuff on my desk, and my computer is no exception. but if they touched the laptop, not much would happen. with the ipad's touchscreen though, STUFF HAPPENS! which of course makes them want to touch it again! and again...

and how do they even know what an ipad is. they are tiny children! they can't even read yet!!! one little boy said, "i'm getting an ipad for christmas." now i know that could just be wishful thinking, but sadly, i don't think it is out of the realm of possibility. a five year old with an ipad.

apple wins.

and yet, ethan could not be convinced that my ipad was a computer. finally, i pulled my netbook out. i had both computers at school today, because if i need to print something, i need a computer with a usb port! which, as i may have mentioned, THE IPAD DOESN'T HAVE!!! so i pulled the netbook out, set it on my desk as ethan was saying, "yeah, yeah, yeah..." and opened it up. "now that's a computer," he said.

so maybe apple doesn't have everyone's soul. maybe just because i have fallen prey to their siren song doesn't mean everyone will. maybe others will be stronger and able to resist the sleekness, the cool factor, the illuminated apple icon...

then again, maybe not.

just ask my mom :-)

modern "technology" strikes again!

so today . . . i am seriously frustrated. if i had a weapon handy, i would smash our wireless router to smithereens! yes, i said smithereens!!!

like many other people, we went wireless a few years ago. i could suddenly sit on the couch in the family room and surf the web, shop online, and send documents to the printer... all without being plugged into anything!! i was in looooove!

but for the last month or so, my ardor has cooled quite a bit. in fact, i am on the verge of wireless router-cide. i seriously want to kill that thing...

i am not a violent person. i am nice. i am thoughtful. i am accommodating. (at least, i think i am...) but this router has it in for me. it refuses to stay connected. several times a night, i have to get up off the couch, walk to the router, unplug it for a minute or two, plug it back in to reset it, and then go back to my computer and try to continue.

the other night i was shoe shopping online, because i wanted some really cushy shoes, but i didn't want to pay nordstrom prices--i didn't even want to pay nordstrom rack prices! i wanted nordstrom shoes at walmart prices, and i figured the only way that was going to happen was if i shopped online. so after a couple of hours of shopping, i found the perfect pair of shoes. i filled out the information on the order form and was just about to hit the "complete my order" button... and then the network went down.

AAAGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! i raced to the router to reset the stupid thing, and then i raced back to complete my order and get those cute, cushy shoes headed my way--only to find that in that short time, the shoes had sold out!! sold out!!! can you believe it?!?!? so technically i guess you could say it saved me some money, but my feet are not happy. they are afraid i will make them wear some terribly uncomfortable shoes just to look good, now that the cushy ones are out of the running...

and this is not the only problem. it is interfering with our tivo. we are kind of tivo addicts. we have the high definition machine with the big hard drive, and of course we also have the little gadget that connects it to the network wirelessly. which is great, when it is working. but right now, we sometimes only get half a show recorded... or all but the last few minutes! or sometimes we miss the first ten minutes, so we have no idea what the show is about. and even worse, sometimes when we are trying to watch something, we will get the dreaded blue screen of death. (i find it interesting that the dreaded blue screen of death never shows up during a commercial. oh no. it only shows up at the most crucial, dramatic moments. which means we miss the crucial, dramatic moments. because by the time we get up, reset the router, and wait for the tivo to power up again, the crucial dramatic moments are over, and there is a commercial playing...)

typically i am the one who resets the network when there is a problem. usually rollie is upstairs, and diandra doesn't know how to do it. or didn't know how to do it... until we went out of town and left her home alone. she texted me one night, because she couldn't get online. so i texted her back the directions on how to reset the network. which played right into my evil plan, because now when diandra and i are in the family room watching tv with our computers on our laps and the network goes down, we have a conversation that goes something like this...

"oh no. the stupid network is down again."

"well, i guess someone should go reset it."

"yes, i guess someone should..."

"i would do it, but my computer is on my lap."

"well, my computer is on my lap too!"

"yes, but look! milo is all cuddled up next to me. and i hate to disturb him--he looks so cute!"

"oh fine! i'll do it this time! but next time it is your turn..."

and we have this conversation several times during the evening. because sometimes the network only works for ten or fifteen minutes before we have to reset it again.

but tonight... tonight it just about pushed me past my breaking point. i've been trying to catch up on my blog reading, and sort through the 180 emails that have collected over the last couple of days, and check on what has been happening on shopping tv. i went to facebook for a while to see how martha's egg laying birds were doing (her REAL birds, not the angry virtual ones that everyone is playing with,) and how sarah was celebrating her birthday, and what pictures diandra had uploaded since the last time i looked, and then i went to play my island game. it was all ready to plant. i tried to get seeds to plant, but the seed store just kept loading and loading and loading. i exited the game and tried again, with the same result. i went out of facebook, and came back on, and tried again. and still, the seed store just kept loading and loading and loading. i finally gave up--it was just taking too long, and i wasn't sure it was EVER going to load.

i can deal with the interrupted tv shows. i can adjust to losing a great pair of shoes. i can even tell myself it is no big deal to reset the network fifteen times a night. but apparently, what will finally drive me to thinking deadly thoughts, is not being able to play my fb games...

that router is living on borrowed time...

technical difficulties=a short blog

so today > > > milo has sabotaged my computer>

i was sitting here minding my own business<> milo jumped up onto the couch next to me and flopped his cute little head onto my computer keyboard> he does this often enough that i have taken photos of it> i probably should have made him move, but instead i said to diandra< "look at milo! isn't he cute?"

and he was. and then, a mysterious message popped up on my computer screen. a message that i didn't really understand. so i clicked "ok" and continued eating my chicken nuggets... because, you know, just because i didn't know what it meant doesn't mean it wasn't ok. my computer wouldn't prompt me to click on something bad, would it?

well, maybe not bad exactly. but certainly quirky. because suddenly my computer was doing all sorts of goofy things. every time i went to another page on the internet, it opened a new window. you would not believe how many windows i had open at one time before i figured it out! and whenever i hit a non-letter key, it would type the shift character (which is why there are all those arrows at the beginning of the blog--those are supposed to be periods and commas.) and then suddenly it stopped doing that!

i am very confused and very frustrated. i've tried everything i know to fix this problem, but there is a strange icon at the bottom of my screen that says "filter keys" which i am sure is the key to my problem, but i don't know how to turn it off! and so i am probably going to have to have help. fortunately i am meeting with my computer wizard james tomorrow night. he will be able to help me.

and i can't wait to see his face when i tell him, "my dog did it..."

pre-vacation craziness

so today . . . i am getting ready to leave town again.

yes, i just got back from visiting my parents in oregon, and now i am leaving again. but tomorrow, rollie and i head to san diego for a pastors' conference. it will be work for rollie, but fun for me. we are going to point loma nazarene university's campus--which just happens to be right on the pacific ocean!

i had heard about how beautiful the campus was, but until i actually saw it a few years ago when diandra began her freshman year of college, i really couldn't imagine it. diandra spent her first year there in a HUGE room with three other roommates. one whole wall of their room was made of glass, with a spectacular view of the pacific ocean. i wanted to stay there myself and send her home with rollie! honestly, i don't know how any of the students ever pass a class . . .

but i digress . . .

there is always a mad frenzy of house cleaning to be done before i can go anywhere overnight. i'm not sure why i am like this, but i have learned that i am not the only one. oddly, though, i have yet to meet a man who feels the need to do this. usually the man is packed and in bed at a reasonable time before leaving on vacation--at least rollie always is.

but not me. technically all my vacations begin the same way, with me working into the wee hours of the morning before i leave--dusting, mopping, vacuuming, and generally trying to make my house neat and clean for my return. (and also, in case my vacation kills me, i won't be embarrassed for people to have to come into my house after the memorial service.) so i am always up until well past midnight the night before i go anywhere.

thankfully, since i was just on vacation, and since my husband is the neatest person i know, there wasn't much to be done. but, of course, i managed to find things that suddenly had to be completed before i could go. like learning how to use photo shop . . .

at 10:00 tonight, with my packing still undone, laundry still going, and picking up to be done, i sat on the couch while diandra showed me how to use photo shop. (if by some chance, any of you reading this are photographers or clients of diandra ann photography, don't panic! i am not going to be editing your photos!! diandra is just helping me learn the program so i can work on some other projects . . . ) there she sat, clicking through different steps, and downloading photos, and layering, and tweaking . . . and i am thinking, "i will never remember all of this. in fact, who am i kidding?!? i will probably not remember any of this!!!" but i tried, because she is going to be at camp this week and i am going to be in san diego. we will be far, far apart.

yes, i am going to be in san diego, staying on the beautiful campus of pt. loma nazarene university. probably in a dorm room, which i am guessing is not going to have a tv. or a microwave. or a refrigerator. so i will have lots and lots of time to try to learn photo shop. when i am not reading or napping. or playing games on my phone. or organizing my computer files (i defragged it today, so now it is nice and neat--really, i'm not insane.)

or enjoying the beach :)

blogging may be sparse this week, because i can already hear the ocean calling my name . . .

but first, i need to get that last load of laundry out, and mop the tile floors, and scrub the bathrooms again, and maybe vacuum.

i know i said i wasn't insane, but the day before my vacations, i think i might be knocking on that door.

now my computer is hospitalized!

so today . . . I am blogging on my phone. again.

as it turns out I have a very aggressive virus on my computer. rollie couldn't get rid of it. diandra says it looks like the one that killed her computer. I am hoping mine is salvageable. james, the computer wizard (who, coincidentally is not geeky at all-just very smart) is going to try to save it. blogging on my phone is doable, but not so easy. so until I am back up & running on my computer, I probably won't be blogging a lot.

here is my advice to you--get an external hard drive and REGULARLY back up your files!!! I have a 500 gb hard drive, but I haven't backed anything up since early last spring. why? because my files are not all neatly organized yet. and you know me, I want them to be perfect! but today I am wishing I had saved all my imperfect files on my hard drive--they would be better than no files at all. so if my computer comes back to me intact, I will back it up every weekend-just in case . . .

more advice--buy the biggest, baddest anti-virus software you can find. and use it! viruses are real, and they can affect even insignificant users like me. I get all the email notices about the latest virus threats (thanks mom!) but I guess I have been cautioned so often without ever actually encountering one, that I've kind of become immune to their threat. so even tho I know they are real, I guess I don't think they will find me.

and lastly, don't click on anything you don't recognize! this sounded like it was trying to alert me to a problem. it looked like it was a windows program. it wasn't. it was a disaster waiting to take over my computer and slurp up all my info.

my final warning-beware of anything called "total security." it is a digital nightmare!