what if one day "they" discover that sugar was GOOD for us...

so today . . . i despair.  again.

i try to eat in a healthy way, i really do!  well, ok, that isn't totally true.  i know how to eat in a healthy way, and sometimes i make good food choices, but lately it has been awfully difficult.  i am finding that when it comes to eating, i am an 'all or nothing' type of person.  that hasn't always been true.  several years ago when we went on the south beach diet, i found that i could eat half a peanut butter cookie from subway after my lunch and feel satisfied.  HALF.  who eats half of a cookie?!?!?! but i was trying to make good food choices and had decided that half a peanut butter cookie a day was ok, but just half...

now before you all jump all over me about dieting when i was already pretty scrawny, let me just say that it wasn't so much about losing weight as it was about giving my body healthier foods to eat.  because the truth is, i could pretty much live on junk food and be happy.  but as we age... well, you know...  i don't want to die any earlier than i have to!  and i found that after following the south beach diet, my cravings for sweet things really did go away... until i ate something sweet.  which of course i did, because i like sweet things!

yesterday on facebook one of diandra's friends posted something about a dietary supplement that she was taking that was really helping her lose her post baby fat  she said it really helped to curb her appetite, and thus, her eating.

this would not work for me...

this would not work for me, because my eating is rarely about being hungry.  it is about what tastes good!  i am hardly ever hungry-i don't give myself a chance to be hungry!

i love to eat.

i blame my constant eating on some medication i am on.  my doctor keeps saying it is going to get better, but i am starting to despair just a little bit!  my brain knows i need to make better food choices, but my car keeps taking me to burger king for cinnabons!  yes, they now have authentic cinnabon rolls at burger king!  i am doomed...

...and then yesterday i got an email that said "eight superfoods to add to your diet now!"  i've heard of these superfoods, i just can't remember what they are!  so i thought i would check it out, and here is what i found...

1--salmon.  ok, i am good with this.  i LOVE salmon!!  it is almost always my food of choice when we eat out... well, when we eat out at a real restaurant where the menu isn't posted high on the wall behind the bank of cash registers, and you have to leave a tip.  but for some reason, i rarely fix salmon at home--and not just because i rarely cook!  i think it has something to do with having to actually buy the salmon from a store.  i grew up in oregon, and in oregon our salmon came from the ocean!  my dad went out and got on a boat and caught the salmon, and then he brought it home and cooked it in any of several delicious ways--my favorite being with cheese sauce (which i know maybe sort of defeats the purpose of eating a healthy fish, but it tastes soooo yummy!)  and so, during my formative years, i am pretty sure my mom never bought salmon at the store.  she just went to the freezer and ta-da! there it was.

salmon does not magically appear in my freezer, fresh from the ocean...

but still, i do love salmon, and so even though i don't eat it as often as the 8 superfoods article said i should (2-3 times a week,) i'm putting it in my "plus" column.

2--walnuts.  chalk up another one for me!  i have always loved walnuts.  in fact, i like almost every kind of nut (just ask rollie-teeheehee,)  walnuts are a little bitter, though, so my favorite way of eating them is by the handful, mixed with chocolate chips.

i'm pretty sure chocolate chips are not one of the 8 superfoods...

i have just the opposite problem with walnuts that i have with salmon--i eat way more that the recommended amount (15 nuts a day.)  fifteen nuts a day???  who can eat just 15 nuts a day?!?!?  and since i can't have chocolate chips with my walnuts, i have to mix them with pecans, so then i am eating at least 30 nuts a day...  and i've heard that almonds and pistachios are also good for you, and don't even get me started on cashews!  i haven't heard that cashews have any specific health benefits, but they sure are tasty!  and addicting...

3--broccoli.  a few years ago, this would have been a definite "i will die before i eat this" food.  but while we were on the south beach diet, i taught myself to tolerate it.  and now, i really like it!  i can eat it steamed or raw, and i don't even have to embellish it with fattening sauces (although a little ranch dressing is always a good thing, isn't it?)  broccoli is a superfood that i love, which is a good thing, because the list of other cruciferous vegetables (cabbage, brussels sprouts, kale, bok choy, and horseradish) are definitely "i will die before i eat this" foods.  i guess i'll just have to eat a lot of broccoli.

so as i was reading this article, i was starting to think, "i am doing pretty good!  i have no problem eating the first three superfoods.  maybe i won't die young after all!"  and then, i looked at the next superfood...

4--sweet potatoes.  eew.  in my family we only ate sweet potatoes once a year-at thanksgiving.  that was not often enough to develop a taste for them--even when they had marshmallow filling. i have noticed several places are starting to serve sweet potato fries, but i am thinking that those might not really count as a superfood, although i could probably learn to like them.  i think my main problem with sweet potatoes are their texture.  maybe if i could hide them in a smoothie... a few days ago, ms. jessica gave me a little taste of her smoothie.  it was very healthy.  it had spinach in it.  "but you can't even taste it!" she said.  does she think i am five years old??  i am not that easily fooled.  it was GREEN for goodness sake.  it may have had all sorts of wonderful fruits and vegetables in it, but it was green.  there was spinach in it!  i tried it, but i can tell you that there was no way i would be able to drink a whole huge cup of it like she had.  no.  way.

now, if sweet potatoes tasted like pumpkin, there might be hope.  then again, i don't really like pumpkin either, unless it is in a pie or cookies or ice cream... and it is fall...

5--mushrooms.  ok, listen to this.  "mushrooms have long been an unsung hero in the realm of superfoods, but they are now starting to get recognized as a major player because they're the only fruit or vegetable source of vitamin D."  are you serious???? vitamin D comes from the sun.  the sun!  ten to fifteen minutes a day is all it supposedly takes to get your vitamin D fix, and i am out on the playground a whole lot longer than that every day!  even if you are not fortunate enough to live in the land of perpetual sunshine, there are always delicious, chewy dietary supplements that can be taken-i know because i take them.  i am NOT eating a mushroom.  it is a fungus, for goodness sake!!!

6--tomatoes.  "studies show that eating tomato products may reduce prostate cancer risk."

not my problem.

however, i know there are other benefits to eating tomatoes.  so i tried to learn to like them.  after all, i learned to like broccoli (and cauliflower, btw, which apparently is not a superfood.  i wish i had known that before i made myself eat it...) i thought i would start slowly, so whenever i ordered a sourdough jack at jack in the box, i would just say "no ketchup," but i would let them leave the sliced tomatoes on it.

baby steps, people, baby steps.

here was the problem--the hamburger was hot.  the tomato slices were cold.  and apparently the cold was stronger than the hot, because i know, i KNOW those tomato slices cooled my hamburger off to the point where it was barely edible.  so maybe tomato slices on my hamburgers was not a good idea...  and as we already know, the tiny grape tomatoes had too much of a squish factor to become a regular food.  although, i did plant a grape tomato plant, hoping that fresh ones would taste better than the ones in the store.  everyone said they would.  but what i discovered was that they just tasted more like a tomato!!!

7--blueberries.  this should be an easy one.  blueberries are a fruit, and fruit is sweet, and i like sweet things, so this one should be easy... and maybe it would be. except for the dreaded squish factor.

i can't help it.  i have texture issues.  little did i know that the blueberry muffins that you make with a jiffy mix, which i love, don't have real blueberries in them.  the first time i had a real blueberry muffin, i was horrified!  after the first blueberry exploded in my mouth, i laboriously picked out all the other blueberries so i could finish my breakfast!

my mom eats blueberries every morning on her cereal.  frozen blueberries.  she thinks they are wonderful.  but then, she also eats flax seed...

the last time i was at costco, i bought a bag of dried blueberries.  for rollie.  because i certainly don't want him to die, and if blueberries are the key to longevity, then by golly, he has got to eat them.  and he loves dried fruit, so i thought it was worth a try... yesterday i went into the man room just in time to see him throwing away the bag of dried blueberries.  "what are you doing?" i said. "those are good for you!  and you like dried fruit!!"  he made a face.  "i don't think i like dried blueberries.  they taste funny."  listen, those dried blueberries don't grow on trees!  those dried blueberries were expensive!!  i was not going to just let him throw them away.  "give them to me," i said.  "i'll try them.  maybe i will like them!"  i put one in my mouth.  "i think maybe it is ok to throw these away," i said...

8--dark chocolate!!  ok, now we are talking!  i can totally get on board with this one!  in fact, since i have started eating dark chocolate, milk chocolate just tastes too sweet for me--a novel concept, i know.  but anytime "they" say dark chocolate is good for me, i am just going to accept that at face value and do my very best to stay healthy by eating as much dark chocolate as i can get my hands on.  yep.  i will live to be 100 by eating dark chocolate...

one day i am going to come up with my own list of superfoods.  it will have absolutely nothing to do with nutrition and everything to do with satisfaction.  because the truth is, no matter how bad it is for you, sometimes you just have to have a cinnabon.

or two.

the power of suggestion strikes again...

so today . . .  i cannot blog.

i cannot blog today, but not for the usual reasons.  usually when i say i cannot blog, it is because i am too tired, or nothing blog-worthy happened, or my brain has left the building.  but none of those reasons are the reason i cannot blog today... (well, except that really nothing blog-worthy happened, but i could probably come up with something if i gave it some thought.)  the problem today is that i need to do report cards and homework letters for school tomorrow, and it is already almost 10:00!

why, you may ask, didn't i get started earlier?  well, i have my reasons!

first of all, i didn't sleep very well last night.  and it is all my doctor's fault! 

i had to go to the doctor yesterday for a follow up visit to my "annual procedure."  she is not happy with the mediocre results we are getting with my current medications, so she wants to make some changes in a few weeks.  in order to make the best decision, she started asking me some questions about how my current medications are affecting me.  "are you irritable?" she asked.  "i don't think so," i replied.  "i mean, my husband hasn't looked at me like i was a crazy person and asked what the heck was wrong with me!  so no, i don't think i am irritable."  "ok," she said, "what about sleeping?  are you sleeping ok?"  "yes," i said, "i sleep really good!  sometimes i wake up in the night, but i usually go right back to sleep.  but sometimes i go to bed really late." (i didn't tell her it was because i blog!) "so maybe i don't get enough sleep, but not because i CAN'T sleep."  "ok," she said, "i'm asking because one of your medications tends to ramp most people up."

what?!?!  one of my medications tends to ramp most people up?  where is my ramping up???  this is a side effect i could use!  it seems like i am always tired (probably because i hardly have any iron in my blood, but that is another story...) i think that if i have to take this medication, it is only fair that i get the good side effects...

now i am irritable.

but my doctor said adequate sleep is important to managing my medical issues.  so last night i went to bed early.  before 9:00!   and laid there, not sleeping.  i didn't get to sleep until after 11:00, and then i woke up every couple of hours!  all. night. long.  this has never happened to me before.  i am usually a good sleeper.  i stay up until i am tired, and then i fall asleep quickly and am dead to the world until i start smacking the snooze button on my alarm at 7:00 in the morning.

in fact once, our security system went off in the middle of the night.  rollie immediately leaped out of bed, grabbed a weapon and went to investigate.  diandra jumped out of bed and peeked out into the hall to see what was happening.  the dogs barked, and mia jumped off the bed and on the bed and off the bed and on the bed.  i was aware that the alarm had gone off, but i just rolled over and continued to sleep.  i only know what happened, because rollie told me the next morning... along with little comments like, "if i wasn't home, and that was a real burglar breaking in to the house, you would be dead!  you have to pay attention to the alarm!"  i sort of think that if i was alone and a real burglar was breaking into the house, my best defense would be to stay asleep and hope he would just take the valuables and run...

but i digress.

my point is that i slept perfectly fine until my doctor put the notion in my head that maybe i shouldn't be sleeping perfectly fine.  and so last night i didn't sleep perfectly fine, which meant that i was tired today.  so when i came home from school, i took a little nap... just to get me through the evening.  because it is thursday, and rollie teaches a class on thursdays, and usually we go out to eat before his class. and i had some errands to run after that, so i didn't get home until almost 8:00. and then it was time to farm with my dad on facebook.  and then, milo started bugging me to hold him...

which would have been fine if he would have let me hold him.  but he didn't want to lay in my lap, he wanted me to hold him in my arms.  but he kept shifting around.  he just couldn't get comfortable.  he will lay in rollie's lap and let rollie hold him for hours, but when i hold him, he wants to actually be held.  in my arms.  and he is a bit chubby, so my arms get tired pretty quickly.  

finally rollie came home from his class.  "oh good!  you are home!!"  i exclaimed.  "why?  what's the matter?" he asked.  "milo is demanding to be held, and i have stuff to do!  maybe he doesn't feel good..."  "he is probably just ready to go to bed.  usually we are in bed by now, and he seems to know when it is time."

ah yes... milo doesn't have any trouble sleeping at all!  of course, maybe that is because he lays his chubby little body on the most comfortable spot on the bed... my pillow!  

for some reason he has recently decided that he has every bit as much right to lay his little furry head (or whole body,) on my pillow as i have.  and usually he gets away with it.  because usually i am asleep!  of course, if last night is any indication, that may soon all change...

and so, here i am at 10:45, "not blogging" because it is late, and i have school work to do.  i don't think i am going to be asleep by 11:00 tonight either...  and getting all the school work done before morning is starting to look less and less likely to happen...

... unless, of course, some "ramping up" starts to occur...

snack attack!

so today . . . i am in big trouble. today i discovered that one doesn't need ice cream in order to eat the toppings.

you know i try to eat healthy most of the time. you know this, because i go on and on and on about it... but lately i am having a hard time staying on the straight and narrow. lately i just want to live on crunchy cheetos and brownies and ice cream, with an occasional banana thrown in, you know, just so i can pretend that i still have some sort of moral compass.

to aid me in my quest for nutritious food choices, i do not buy unhealthy snack food at the grocery store. or costco. especially costco, because at costco you cannot buy just one small bag of some terrible snack food--you have to buy a huge bag. or two bags forever joined by shrink-wrapped cellophane. in fact, when we finished off our last 12 pack of pepsi one, i decided i would no longer buy it. if i didn't have it in the house, i figured, i wouldn't have any soda to drink, which would force me to drink something more healthful--like water. this seemed like a good idea. it was a good idea. except that i still have car keys and a vehicle with gas in the tank (although it cost me $42 to fill my teeny tiny tank today!) and a 7-11 just about a mile away... i think i have been at 7-11 almost every day since i decided not to buy any more pepsi one.

clearly my plan is not working...

it is really not working, because when i go to 7-11 for a diet lemon cokesi, i almost always buy a brownie. or two. or three. and a bag of crunchy cheetos. or two. it is becoming a problem. friday, when i made my daily run for a soda, i also put a brownie on the counter. "only one today?" said the lady manning the cash register. yeah, that store clerk has my number. i might, in fact, be slightly addicted to soda and brownies.

or maybe it is just the sugar. sometimes i just want something sweet. but since, as i said, i don't really keep sweet snacks in the house, this can be a problem.

i don't have any sugar in my kitchen. we exorcised our kitchen from the evils of sugar a few years ago. but there are days when i still go looking for it. there were no cookies in the cookie jar, no chocolate kisses in the candy dish, no cans of frosting in the cupboard, no chocolate chips in the freezer. and no ice cream.

i knew we didn't have any cookies or candy or frosting or chocolate or ice cream, and yet i went looking anyway. i needed some sugar and i didn't want to have to drive to get it, because i was already wearing my flannel pants (the ones that are about 10 sizes too big for me,) and it was dark outside. i was in for the night!

and then i found some butterscotch ice cream topping...

i knew we didn't have any ice cream. i knew, because i had already checked the freezer for any hidden deliciousness and found that there wasn't any. but that jar of butterscotch topping lured me in. i was standing there thinking about dipping a spoon in it, when i saw the nut container.

now we were getting somewhere...

i put some chopped nuts in a small bowl and drizzled the butterscotch topping over it. (ok, here's the truth. there was no drizzling happening. i added butterscotch topping by the spoonful! and then i added even more. those nuts were almost swimming in a pool of butterscotch!) and then i sort of mixed it all together. and it tasted pretty good! even without the ice cream.

i guess desperation is the mother of invention. i guess it isn't safe to keep butterscotch topping in the refrigerator anymore. i guess maybe i should go to bed earlier, before the munchies attack me.

i guess it isn't enough to expunge the sugar from the kitchen. i guess i am also going to have to exercise a bit of self-control.

sigh. i am doomed.

sometimes, you just know . . .

so today . . .  i feel like i am an alien in a foreign land.

yesterday i read a tweet from one of diandra's friends that said she was craving brussel sprouts.  brussel sprouts!!

i'm sorry, but you don't crave vegetables--especially brussel sprouts!  you crave things like brownies or ice cream or lay's bar-be-que potato chips, things that are bad for you but that make you feel good.  and i am pretty sure that brussel sprouts do not fall into that category . . .

i seem to live in the land of vegetable eaters.  my five- and six-year-old school kids will eat cooked spinach--limp, cooked spinach--and broccoli and green beans!  and they like it!!  the first time they served spinach at school, i didn't even know what it was.  i had to look at the menu to identify the vegetable of the day.  and when i saw it was spinach, i thought, "this is crazy!  no one is going to eat this."  but they did.  some even had seconds . . .

then at band rehearsal, i made some sort of dismissive comment about brussel sprouts only to discover that almost everyone else likes brussel sprouts!  and asparagus!!  and i am talking about teenaged boys here.  teenaged boys who eat their vegetables!  even the icky ones! 

it's like i am living in some sort of alternate universe where up is down and black is white and green vegetables are delicious. 

i don't know how this happened to me.  my motto has always been "if it's green, it had better be an m&m."  but even i have learned to like broccoli in the last couple of years . . .

maybe it is the sunshine.  maybe it is the multi-cultural influence.  maybe it is the fear of french fries.  i don't know . . .  all i know is, i do not like brussel sprouts OR asparagus.  i am sure of it! 

even though i have never actually eaten either one . . .

cholesterol wars

so today . . . once again, life is not fair.

i'm going to whine here a bit, but it isn't serious whining, so it's safe for you to read on. well, i mean i am seriously going to whine, but it won't be gloomy. i don't think. unless you are married to my husband, which i am pretty sure none of you are . . .

this morning rollie brought me a diet lemon coksi (that's what we call it when he goes to 7-11 and mixes the diet coke and the diet pepsi with lemon syrup in a big gulp cup--it is my favorite drink!!) and a brownie while i was at school. he occasionally does this just because he is thinking of me or because he knows my day is not going so well. but today he did it because his cholesterol is low.

his cholesterol is so low, his doctor said it was "awesome" and high fived him. seriously!! and his doctor is a woman! (i think the high five may have something to do with the fact that rollie plays basketball with her husband on tuesday nights, but still . . . ) she said his cholesterol was so good, that on some scale they use to calculate your risk of a heart attack, his cholesterol numbers worked IN HIS FAVOR!! his odds of having heart attack are slim to none.

so why the whining?? shouldn't i be glad his numbers are so good?? well, yes and no.

i am glad that he is not going to die of a heart attack. i am glad that he is healthy, especially after his close call a couple of months ago. but you should see the amount of fat this man consumes!! he eats eggs every day for breakfast, sometimes sausage. he eats double cheeseburgers and steak. in his defense, he also eats a lot of chicken (remember rubio's? he always has the chicken quesadilla--several times a week!) but usually the chicken is surrounded by a mound of melted cheese . . . and double sour cream! he does exercise regularly and eat lots of fruit and whole grains. but every time i see him make a snack and walk out of the kitchen with a tower of sliced cheddar cheese, i think, "you are slowly killing yourself," and i nag him, just a little.

but apparently i am wrong. apparently his body thrives on fat.

my body does not. i have cholesterol issues. my numbers are not dangerously high. yet. but they are high enough that every time i have a blood test, i get "the letter" from kaiser. you know, the one that says something like "diet and exercise are important. eat better food. exercise at least three times a week. come to a class that tells you how to cook healthier."

cook healthier? maybe they should send that letter to jack-in-the-box.

i have started going to the gym. i am not consistently going three times a week yet, but i think i will get there. but i don't know how much it is going to help. fatty foods call to me . . . i've pretty much given up french fries and ice cream, but i love eggs, cheese, and meat. real meat, not that sissy poultry stuff. i do try to be aware of how much i am eating and balance it all out. and yet my numbers remain high . . .

the real problem here is that i am not the disciplined one in the family. i am much more likely to give in to that little voice that says, "it's so creamy and smooth . . . mmmmm . . . just have a little bit . . . well, maybe a little bit more would be ok . . . it's almost gone now, you should just finish it off . . ." and every time i am faced with a forbidden food, i have to make the decision whether or not to quickly scarf it down (because you know, if you eat it FAST then it can't hurt you . . . ) whereas rollie would just not eat the forbidden foods--it wouldn't even be a choice for him. he would just say "no, my doctor said i can't eat that." no compromising, no justifying, no
rationalization. (i don't know how he does that!! it is so annoying sometimes . . . ) some foods would just not be an option for him. but wait, HE HAS NO FORBIDDEN FOODS!!!

when he gave me this wonderful news yesterday, i was not as happy for him as i could have been. fortunately he sent me a text message, so i could respond with the right words even while my face was saying, "you have got to be kidding me!!" and then this morning i was grumbling about breakfast, because as usual i was in a hurry and didn't have time to stop and make something to eat. and my dear husband offered to make me breakfast--eggs and sausage--and then he said something like, "no wait, that would be MY breakfast. hehehe." you do not even want to know the words that were parading through my head at that minute. the man was living very dangerously, especially since it wasn't even 8:00 yet!!

when i got to school, i made a cup of peppermint tea and ate 3/4 of a graham cracker that was left over from yesterday's snack. that was breakfast. i had 10 four year olds in a very small room, all wanting something, and a child who would not stop saying, "but i WANT to play with the legos," after being banished from the lego table for continuous tattling. it was my day to lead music time (the bane of my existence) so i was trying to make a list of songs i thought would keep the kids interested, while also coming up with different responses to "but i WANT to play with the legos," that didn't include duct tape.

and then, the angels sang! rollie walked through the door of the chaotic cubicle i call a classroom with diet lemon coksi and a brownie.

he said, "well, i did promise you breakfast . . . "

yeah, ridiculously low cholesterol and all, ya gotta love him!

the devil (donuts) and rollie . . .

so today . . . i was operating on very little sleep. you see, a charity is coming through our neighborhood tomorrow to pick up donations, and you know what i have been doing for the last couple of weeks! so i have lots of stuff to donate. but if i want it to be tax deductible, i cannot just throw it into bags and estimate it's value--according to our tax preparer, and my sister-in-law (who is pretty smart) each item must be documented. documentation of items i am donating to a charity is proving to be a major pain in the you-know-what!

so i was operating on very little sleep. i stayed up last night until the shopping channel started airing their "good morning" show. although it is based in florida (which is three hours ahead of us) i still decided that perhaps it was time to make my way to my bed. and collapse there. and sleep forever . . .

but i woke up at 9:30--even though rollie had closed the drapes so the sun wouldn't shine on me and closed the door with the dogs on the other side so they wouldn't lick me or walk on me or demand to be let under the covers. all precautions had been taken to ensure that i could sleep until lunch time if necessary, but still i woke up . . .

i tried to go back to sleep. i was sooo tired, but my stupid brain would not shut up!! i tried to think about blank space--my brain made a list on it. i went to my "happy place" (which, btw happens to be cozumel)--my brain started thinking about the heat and how i should really get up and check to see if rollie remembered to close the windows and turn on the air conditioning--which of course he did!! i can't even believe my brain tried to get me with that one, but it almost worked. and then i thought about breakfast--and decided i wasn't going back to sleep, so i might as well get up and eat.

yesterday a couple of my friends brought me a box of chocolate mini donuts. remember last week when i ate a whole box by myself in a day and a half? i thought that would be the end of my chocolate mini donut binge, but apparently that was not going to be the case . . . they brought them to me at church, and when we left i put them in my trunk, because we were going to subway for lunch and the top was down on my car and i didn't want anyone to steal them. but it was pretty hot in the trunk. and yet, when i got home and took the donuts out, they were still covered in chocolate! it was amazing! i don't know what they put in that chocolate coating, but it did not budge from those donuts. i know what happens to hershey kisses, and even crayons, when you leave them in a hot car, but that chocolate was fused to those donuts. they probably add some sort of bonding agent to the coating to make it stick, which will probably kill you if you eat huge amounts of it. which wouldn't be a problem for most people . . . anyway, i took them into the house, put them in the refrigerator, and they were fine. i really didn't plan to eat any of them yesterday, but as i said, i was up really, really late . . .

when i came down for breakfast this morning, i went straight for the donut box. i had left it out on the counter last night so the donuts wouldn't be so cold. i knew it was a risk, because although rollie won't touch those donuts (if he is going to eat a mini donut, he prefers the powdered sugar ones,) diandra might. and she usually goes into the kitchen when she comes home at night--i think just to see if i got any new food and if it is something she likes.

when i opened the box, it looked different. i felt like mama bear. someone had eaten some of my donuts--not all of them, not even half, but i could tell that some were gone. figuring it had to be diandra (because the dogs would have finished them off,) i popped a few in my mouth, swigged some diet soda (sorry mom, but i was up sooo late that i needed the caffeine--and i know that sounds bad too--needed caffeine--but i did . . . ) and went on about my morning. because if diandra wanted some donuts, that was ok with me--as long as she left me some.

fast forward to lunch time. rollie and i were at rubio's. again. you know why. we were sitting at the table waiting for our food, when rollie said, "i ate five chocolate donuts this morning!"

whaaaat?

he continued, "i couldn't help myself. i saw them sitting on the counter, and i ate one. and then i ate another one and another one, and i couldn't stop until i had eaten FIVE!"

my husband is the most disciplined person i know. he makes decisions based on what is right and then that is what he does, even if it is hard. he does NOT eat chocolate mini donuts--carbs AND sugar--are you kidding me?!?! he has decided to eat healthy, and so except for the occasional subway chocolate chip cookie (and o'henry bars at christmas) that is what he does.

i was flabbergasted! i was shocked! then i was delighted!! rollie ate five chocolate mini donuts (insert smiley face!) he said he couldn't help himself (insert a HUGE smiley face!!) he said he couldn't stop at one or two or three (ok, even a huge smiley face isn't going to do the job here--i need one that laughs hysterically . . . ) he said they were devil donuts!

the look on his face as he was telling me all this was priceless--i wish i had video. i know that he knew that i would be amused by his topple off the healthy eating pedestal where he usually resides, but there was also a hint of confusion on his face, like he was thinking, "i don't know how this could have happened to me . . . "

i do. it happens to me all the time. it's those blasted devil donuts--they are evil . . . i think it is something in the chocolate coating . . .

a break for chocolate cake

so today . . . i am blogging from del taco. i needed chocolate cake.

i've been on vacation most of the summer, which means i have pretty much been eating whatever i want--ice cream, french fries, potato chips, and of course, mini chocolate covered donuts.

but now i am home, and it is time to go back to eating healthy food and avoiding the bad stuff. this is easier said than done. knowing my inability to deny myself, i did not buy any of the forbidden foods when i went grocery shopping. i bought salad mix, broccoli, fruit, nuts, and dry roasted endamame (which is a decent substitute for chips, sometimes . . . ) chicken breasts, whole wheat tortillas, and soy milk. see how good i was!

when i eat only healthy food, i find that i don't really crave the other stuff. i can even occasionally have a small bag of chips or a brownie without going into shock. but when i have been living on the dark side (foodwise) it is awfully hard to come back into the light . . .

this week it has been especially hard, because i have been trapped at home, chained to the scary room. so i am forced to eat what is already in the house--and you know what that is! the problem is that i have been craving brownies and i don't have any and it is too hot to go to 7-11 to get some. so i tried to assuage my craving with dark chocolate m&m's (the one chocolate treat i eat with abandon--dark chocolate is good for you, you know.) but it didn't work. the m&m's were too mushy, because the house is hot.

i was complaining about this to rollie, who offered this advice--"try this," he said. "first, suck the candy coating off the m&m's. then take a drink of ice cold water and let it flow over the m&ms in your mouth. that makes them nice and firm, and then you can chew them up!" i have not tried this yet. but apparently there is a downside. he continued--"the only problem is, it is hard to stop eating them this way. usually they are sweet enough that a handful is plenty. but when you alternate eating the m&m's with drinking ice cold water, you can eat an awful lot before you feel satisfied."

this is surprising advice from my husband, who is the most self-disciplined person on the planet. i guess we all have our weaknesses . . .

so when he said he had band rehearsal at 6:00 (meaning we couldn't go out for dinner, which is our routine on wednesday nights) i graciously said, "oh, i will take you to the church and then come back later. that way we will only have one car out tonight." don't i sound selfless and caring? you know me--don't be fooled! because what i was THINKING was, "yes! i will take him to the church and then go back to del taco for chocolate cake!!!"

and that is pretty much what i did.

and since i knew it wouldn't take me long to inhale their cake (the best chocolate cake, by the way,) i brought my computer along to blog.

btw--i tried rollie's suggestion about the m&m's . . . it didn't work for me.

surprise!

so today . . . is my baby's birthday.

i guess i should quit calling her that--she is now 24 years old!

when rollie and i were first married, we talked about what we thought our family would look like some day. we always thought we would have two children--a boy and a girl. that is the family structure that both of us grew up in, and so that just seemed normal to us. the discussion usually centered around which should come first, the boy or the girl (like we had any choice about it!) i always voted for girl, which is the way it was in my family, and rollie always voted for boy, because that's the way it was in his family.

and then diandra appeared. she was perfect. she was beautiful. she was the world's best baby. not to mention, she was a girl and she was first (i was right~ i was right~)

she was the light of our lives. she grew. she learned to eat real food--even peas. she loved books. and her cinderella video. she can probably still recite every word of that video if she doesn't think about it too hard. she wore pretty dresses and always had one pair of red shoes.

and then one night, she stopped breathing.

she was 16 months old. i was rocking her to sleep, which i did sometimes, when she suddenly stiffened up and arched her back away from me. the pacifier dropped from her mouth, and when i looked at her, i could see she was not breathing. and she was starting to turn bluish . . .

i tried to heimlich her. it didn't help. i ran outside with her to where rollie was, screaming all the way. there were people at the church (which was right by our house) and someone had the sense to call 911, but since we lived so close to the hospital, rollie grabbed her from me and someone drove them to the emergency room. i say drove, but i am sure they flew. i followed as soon as i could, hysterical as i was. all i could think about was, "how can i call my mom and tell her that diandra is gone?!?!?" my mom would brave ice storms in the columbia river gorge to come see that baby. she would drive 7 hours each way just to spend a weekend with her, and i couldn't imagine how i was going to give her the news that i knew i was going to have to deliver.

i just knew she was gone. i knew how long she had been not breathing. i knew that even though we were only maybe three minutes from the hospital, it was going to take precious seconds to explain the problem and get someone to help her. i knew rollie had taken her from me, because he didn't want me to have to cope with what might happen.

it was a nightmare.

i fully expected to hear the worst when i went racing into the emergency room several minutes later. and then i saw rollie's face, and he said, "it's ok, she is breathing." i can't describe the relief i felt. i got weak in the knees, and i then i just lost it. it is always amazing to me how we can hold it together during a crisis, only to fall apart as soon as the danger is over . . .

she spent the night in the hospital for observation, and although i spent the night with her, i didn't sleep much. i kept checking to make sure she was breathing, which i did for many more nights after that. and she was. and has been ever since.

i did not know that i was going to share that story when i started blogging tonight. sometimes something happens to me during the day, and i think to myself, "there's my blog for today." but some days, i really have no idea what i am going to write until i begin. today i had a plan. it is diandra's birthday, so this was going to be a "diandra is my favorite daughter" blog.

but this is the story that came out.

i think diandra would say that her life was mostly happy and peaceful growing up. but she did experience some things that seemed too difficult for someone her age to handle at the time. and yet, she did. her adult life has taken some twists and turns that we would never have imagined. and yet she perseveres. i watch her deal with the difficulties in her life, and then use what she learns to help someone else. i watch her refuse to let other people rob her of who she is. i watch her become stronger and smarter and more compassionate. while her very difficult circumstances have had an effect on her, they have not destroyed her.

we sing a song at church that says, "i'm pressed but not crushed, persecuted not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed. i am blessed beyond the curse for His promise will endure, and His joy's going to be my strength. though the sorrow may last for the night, His joy comes in the morning."

i have found that to be true, over and over again.

i don't know why things happen the way they do, but i am very grateful that on october 31, 1986, diandra started breathing again. as it turns out, not only was she our first child, she is our only child. and while that was not our original "plan," for us, it has been the perfect plan. we have enjoyed her, and loved her every day of her life. i am so proud of her and who she is becoming. it isn't always easy, but she is making her life work! and although she doesn't really eat peas anymore, she is still the light of our life!

i love you diandra! you will always be my favorite daughter!!

why do i even make a plan?!?

so today . . . did not go according to my plan AT ALL!!!

my plan was get up early, start working on cleaning up the sewing room (soon to be a guest room--well, not soon NOW, because as i said, my plan was thwarted . . . ) harvest my facebook farm early in the afternoon so i wouldn't have to stay up until midnight, do laundry, go to old navy (sale ended today,) and a few other assorted tasks as well.

my list is always longer than i will ever possibly be able to finish, but at least it gives me some direction.

it started off badly when i woke up feeling punky. so i went back to sleep. i stayed in bed until 11:00, and even then, i only got up because i knew i had things i had to get done today. so i fought my way past dogs and down comforters and got dressed. i thought about starting the laundry, but first thought i should go check on diandra and make sure she was still breathing . . .

no, wait a minute--i didn't check on diandra until almost 2:00--oh yeah, before i checked on diandra, i did a few errands. there was no way i was going to get through this day without m&m's, and i was out of m&m's. but when i got back from doing errands, i checked to make sure diandra was still breathing. she got home about 7:00 a.m. from the teen overnighter, and of course headed straight to bed. but by 2:00, i thought i should be hearing some sounds from her room, and it was still eerily quiet. so i peeked in, and saw she was just waking up and was HUNGRY. we struck a deal where she would get up and collect the laundry, and i would go get us lunch.

you see, rollie was gone today. he got up early, as usual (the only one who did) to play basketball, and then went to a scuba show this afternoon. that is partly why my plan for the day went awry--when he is here i seem to get up and around earlier. although today it probably wouldn't have mattered even if he had been here . . .

ANYWAY, i went to chick-fil-a for lunch. i went throught the drive-thru, as usual and ordered food for diandra and a kid's meal for myself, with a diet soda. i have done this numerous times, and never thought a thing about it. but today, when i rolled up to the take out window, the woman working the window handed me my tiny, child-sized soda and said, "the child's soda is diet?!?" and i thought, "oh no! she thinks this meal is for my child and that i am giving them a diet soda!" i was horrified. so i said, "yes, but it isn't for a child, it's for me. i would never give a child a diet soda!" she handed me the rest of my food, but i'm sure she was thinking, "yeah, right! i'm going to remember that license plate number and turn that woman in for child abuse . . . " now i feel guilty. and the truth is, i did get a diet soda for my child, but she is almost 24 years old, so does that count?! and my mom would say that i am her child, so why would i not give diet soda to a small tot, but i would pour it into myself? she thinks i am slowly killing myself with the stuff . . .

maybe i should just switch to iced tea and be rid of the guilt. i've tried to do that, but the diet soda always lures me back--"just have one with your pizza. how can you eat pizza without drinking soda? it just isn't right! they go together like salt and pepper, or bacon, lettuce, and tomato." and then it's "you haven't had a soda for such a long time. just have one as a treat!" or the ever popular, "they are out of iced tea, and you have already paid for a drink, so just have the diet soda." as i write this, i am thinking "hmmm--that diet soda sounds a lot like the devil!"

again, ANYWAY, i got home with the lunch, started the laundry, and diandra and i sat down to watch a movie. did you see "watch a movie with diandra" on my list for today? i don't think so. but it seems like we have been ships passing lately, so i toss my list away and settle in to watch a movie with my girl! as luck would have it, we watch a jessica simpson movie. this, of course, turns our thoughts to hair, and we decide to go have something done with ours. we have this flyer . . .

so we go to a new salon--well actually the salon isn't new, but this particular stylist is. she is so new, that everything she uses has to be taken out of the package before she can use it. this worries me a little bit, but there we are. so she starts highlighting diandra's hair. and after an hour and a half, i begin to think that we might have to have food delivered . . . it is taking forever!!!! when she finishes, diandra is not totally happy with the result, but i don't think it is too bad--it just isn't as good as it could have been. my haircut, on the other hand, looks pretty good i think. (don't worry--it isn't drastically different--just a bit shorter.)

by the time we get home it is 8:00 p.m., and i have done nothing, i repeat NOTHING from my list yet. so first things first, i start the laundry and then turn on my computer to farm . . . because a farmer's work is never done . . .

an alternative to surgery?!?

so today . . . i had an adventure--and before 11:00 a.m.

i have hearing issues. about 14 years ago i had lost enough hearing in my left ear that i had to have surgery. the surgery helped--for a while. but a few years ago, i noticed that i was losing the hearing in that ear again. so last summer i went back to the doctor to see about another surgery, and he said it couldn't be done again--"get a hearing aid," he said.

i was not happy with that diagnosis.

so for now, i just deal with the reduced hearing in that ear. but there are times when i really have trouble with my ears, like when i am flying. they seem to adjust to the change in pressure fairly well going up, but coming down is very, very painful. and this time i forgot to bring any gum or candy to suck on, so it was especially bad. when i landed on friday, i couldn't hear out of my right ear at all. and so i was complaining about it a bit . . .

and then i learned about "ear candles."

my dad, who has had hearing issues for a long, long time told me about them. he said it made a difference for him, and maybe i should try it. i am thinking, "ear candles?!?!? i don't think so!" all i can think of is an open flame near my ear AND MY HAIR. this cannot be a good thing. but he explains it to me--"no," he says, "you put the candle in your ear and light the other end. the heat transfers through the candle and pulls the ear wax out of your ear, and you will be able to hear better."

i am still thinking no. but i say, "oh, that sounds interesting," because i love my dad and don't want to say to him "are you nuts?!?!?" i still can't picture it. so he shows me an ear candle. it is a tube about 12 inches long that comes to a rounded point at one end. it seems to be made from some kind of treated cloth. he tells me that you stick the pointed end gently into your ear and then LIGHT THE OTHER END ON FIRE! i am still thinking "hair, hair, burning hair," but in a moment of weakness i agree to give it a try.

we gather the necessary tools--a pillow for my head, the ear candles, a LIGHTER, and a paper towel. as i rest my head on the pillow, i see my dad poke a hole in the paper towel and insert the ear candle. "dad," i say, "what is the paper towel for?" (i am feeling a little bit like isaac on the altar saying, "dad, where is the ram for the sacrifice?") he says, "it is to protect you from anything dripping or falling." i am thinking that maybe a paper towel is not the best choice to protect me from anything involving fire . . . but no matter how outlandish the plan sounds, my dad usually knows what he is doing, and i trust him, so we proceed. he sticks the candle in my ear, lights the top of it, and we wait. after about five minutes he says, "oh, here comes the white smoke!" white smoke?!?!?!? "that means the wax is starting to vaporize." vaporize?!?!? i am hearing things now that he neglected to tell me earlier, but it seems a little late to back out now. ok, just lay still and wait for it to be over . . .after about 10 minutes, he thinks we are done. it has burned down from 12 inches to about 2 inches. i am thinking we are done too--that flame is getting rather close to the paper towel which is kind of close to my head and my hair! dad takes the candle, dunks it into a bowl of water to put it out, and then says, "now let's see how much wax we got out!" i'm kind of curious about this as well. did anything happen? did it work? will it make a difference? dad slowly unwraps the rest of the candle and there it is--not what you would think of as earwax. it is dry and powdery, not waxy. i guess that is where the vaporizing came in. i have a picture of it, and i found it somewhat interesting, but maybe it is a little too personal (and possibly gross) to include here.

count your blessings that i am showing some restraint . . .

the aftermath

so today . . . i had my "procedure" and have lived to tell about it.

there really isn't much to tell, because my doctor mercifully puts me to sleep while she does whatever evil stuff she has to do. my doctor is amazing. i think God must be saving a special place in heaven for gastroenterologists!

i have endured this "procedure" many times, and have found that once i get done with the prep, the rest is easy. i had even made plans for tonight, thinking that i would be feeling fine by then. but i did not. the sedative and i had a battle. and while i ultimately won, the sedative had me on the ropes for most of the day. here's the story . . .

diandra was going to take me in this morning, because rollie thought he might be busy with his parents (who are visiting us,) but diandra woke up sick--really sick--like "i think i might throw up at any minute" sick. so it didn't seem wise for her to take me. as it turned out, rollie was able to take me, and then meet up with his parents later. but that change meant that we left a little later than i had planned. so we decided to take the freeway. at 8:50 in the morning! it turned out not to be a good choice--how many different ways can we say parking lot?!?! so we got ON the freeway, and then about a quarter of a mile later we got OFF the freeway and took surface streets. and we made it just in time . . .

they wheeled me into the 'cave of doom,' put me blissfully out, and the next thing i knew, a nurse was yelling at me, "julie! open your eyes!!!" and she continued this until i finally did--for about 10 seconds. they made me sit up, and yet i slept. they tried to get me on my feet, but my legs were taking a break as well and would not hold me up. they had rollie come in and get me dressed,which was probably like trying to put clothes on a giant 105 pound rag doll!! apparently i could follow directions, but could NOT open my eyes. my legs were still acting like spaghetti noodles, so they put me in a wheelchair and rolled me out to the car. i remember getting in and getting out, but nothing in between. it reminded me of when killers are abducting someone they have drugged in order to kidnap them. i was glad to be kidnapped as long as no one tried to make me open my eyes. about two hours later, i woke up on my bed. i finally got my eyes to open, but they were not very happy about it.

you would think i would be famished and make an immediate dash to the kitchen. but for the first time in the last two days, i didn't really feel hungry. i knew i needed food, so i ate a piece of toast--not at all what i had spent the last two days planning to eat for my first meal after the "procedure," (i was thinking pizza and brownies!) but it seemed to be a good choice.

as i said, diandra wasn't feeling good either, and we were both feeling the need for pepsi one, but diandra (who i love dearly--except for maybe when she drinks the LAST pepsi one,) drank the last pepsi one yesterday. so there we were alone (rollie took his parents out for a bit--i mean, here they are on vacation to visit us, and i feel sick and can't eat, so i'm not very entertaining right now,) with no soda and neither of us feeling able to drive to the store, secure a box of pepsi one, and make it home safely with all of our stomach contents intact. we were sitting there looking at each other, and when diandra said, "javier said he would bring me some vitamin c."

"do you think he would bring us pepsi one instead?" i ask.

"probably," she says.

"THEN CALL HIM!" i say.

twenty minutes later he is at our door with pepsi one--if he were a woman, we would "rise up and call him blessed (prov. 31) but since he is not, we just say thankyou!thankyou!!thankyou!!! and immediately begin guzzling.

which is wonderful--for about 45 minutes. i had started feeling better, and thought that maybe we could go ahead with our plans for tonight after all . . . when suddenly, i feel sick. sick. sick. i have to head back to bed, and for the next hour and a half, i think death would be a step up . . .

my stomach seems to have settled down now, and my headache and nausea are mostly gone. i think maybe i could eat a hot dog--if my eyes would just stop watering and my nose would stop running. so now i am thinking that i managed to make it through my "procedure" in one piece, only to catch the swine flu?!?!?

sheesh!

can't write . . . gotta go . . .

so today . . . i stayed home from school (because my doctor told me i should) and spent the day NOT eating and doing the prep for a very invasive medical procedure i have scheduled for tomorrow. i was going to write about the experience, but then i remembered this article written by columnist dave berry. my mom sent it to me a while back, and it made me laugh, so i saved it. he does a pretty good job of describing the experience, and i doubt i could improve on his words. so yes, al, another guest writer--but trust me, you might not want to read what i would write in my current state of mind . . .

"... I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' has to be the least appropriate. 'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, Feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ."

what is absolutely, unequivocally true is that the prep is the worst part. my gag reflex kicks in just thinking about it--not a good thing when i have to drink a gallon of the stuff! but i just console myself with thoughts of heated blankets and heavy slumber . . . and hope that my colon passes with flying colors.

wednesday bonus blog: being sick sucks

so today . . . i've been thinking about the swine flu.

i don't watch the news or read the newspaper, because frankly, it is just all too depressing. so the only news i get is when someone says to me, "did you hear about . . . ?" to which i usually reply, "no." and then they will tell me. i figure this way i hear about the news that the people around me think is important, and i don't worry about the rest of it--if something major happens, i am confident that someone i know will tell me about it. this is how i learned about the swine flu.

one of the teachers at my school just returned from mexico. her grandfather died a couple of weeks ago, and so she travelled down there to be with her family. while she was there, the swine flu break-out was reported. her family decided to come home a little early, but had a hard time getting an earlier flight out. and by the time they got to the airport, everyone was wearing surgical masks. she said it was a little unsettling. and then she arrived home early only to be told to stay home for two more days--just in case she had been exposed.

i understand taking precautions. someone asked what we were doing to address the possible encroachment of this sickness in our school. apparently the health department recommends washing hands often and for at least three minutes each time. "do you realize," i said to our director, "that since we have only one sink and 15 children, it is going to take us 45 minutes for every child in our classroom to wash their hands for 3 minutes each JUST ONE TIME?!" that is what i SAID. this is what i was THINKING "good grief! all we will do all day is have kids stand in line to wash their hands. maybe we should just all take a week off, and let them stay at home where their exposure would be more limited." someone suggested using hand sanitizer, but we were told that it wasn't strong enough to kill these germs. so maybe the best i can hope for is that the dreaded virus will get lost on it's way to destroy us . . .

anyway, in response to the swine flu epidemic, i am posting a blog about being sick. actually, i wrote a couple of sick blogs, but this was the first. it was originally posted on february 8, 2008, which happened to be a friday.

ok, so rollie has been sick for most of three weeks. he got sick suddenly and was sick for a week. then he felt a bit better, so of course, being a man, he went back to work. he worked for a few days, and then got sick again. he has been down this time for 10 days! now i am not complaining about him being sick, because he is NOT one of those whiny crybaby sick boys that some of you may be familiar with. he still takes a shower every morning and shaves and brushes his teeth no matter how sick he is. and all he requires of me is to bring him food once in a while. so again i am not complaining about him being sick.

now go with me to my job--a kindergarten classroom. you would think that parents would keep their precious darlings home when they have a sneeze or a sniffle--but NOOOOO. mom and dad need to go to work, and OF COURSE the kids want to come to school (because they love me--even when i yell) so they come and blow their tiny noses and cough amazingly huge coughs, and then they touch things that i am also forced to touch, like pencils and staplers and zipper pulls.

the result of all of this exposure to GERMS is that i am sick. and it is supposed to be a beautiful weekend. and i can't breathe. and my nose is so sore. and nothing tastes good. and my head hurts. and it sucks.

whine whine whine

last week i was downstairs (watching something vitally important, like american idol) when rollie called to me from upstairs. he was headed for bed and was watching the news (he is one of my sources) and they were talking about the swine flu. he said they had quarantined a family in texas. and as he is telling me about it, he gets this faraway look in his eyes and says, "wow--wouldn't it be great to be quarantined?! you would get to stay home for several days, rest and recuperate, people would bring you food and no one would bother you . . . "

yeah, he is wishing for the swine flu--i think he needs a vacation . . .

living healthy

so today . . . it was HOT!!!! i left the top up and turned on the a/c! that's how hot it was . . .

it would have been a good day to stay inside, but i had a doctor appointment scheduled for today. and i have waited two months for this appointment, so i took off school early, braved the heat, hit the freeway, and landed at kaiser.

today was a follow up visit to talk about some blood test results. i have been feeling fatigued lately, and i thought the answer to the problem might be in those tests. i got good news and bad news. the good news is that according to all my tests, i am perfectly healthy! the bad news is, uh, i feel fatigued. so those blood tests may say i am fine, but i am not. i'm tired. i just wanted her to give me a pill to fix it!! i mean, i already take vitamins and calcium and iron and intestinal medication, so what is one more pill?!?

apparently, not an option.

she said i probably need more sleep (like i have time for THAT.) she said i need to keep walking the dogs and wait for the endorphins to kick in (apparently i have lazy endorphins!!) she said cut down the amount of caffeine i ingest (which means cut way back on the pepsi one and tea--what am i going to drink?!?!?) she said it's possible that i have sleep apnea and she will order that test for me (my question is, if i have sleep apnea, is there a pill for that?) and THEN she finally said, "or we could probably treat your symptoms with an anti-depressant." YESSS!! FINALLY!! A PILL!!!

but first, i have to jump through all these other hoops. increase the amount of time i sleep, keep exercising, stop drinking caffeine, sleep with some sort of apparatus attached to see if i breathe while i sleep . . . i think she thinks if i do all of that stuff, i will feel better. i think i will be exhausted! and cranky!!!

but ok, if that is what i have to do, i will do it. i guess.

now i AM depressed! do you think if i told her that, it would make a difference?

probably not. she is a pretty good doctor . . .

maybe i will just go to target with diandra--i'm never too tired for that!

this living healthy stuff is going to kill me!