Friday, October 16, 2009

cholesterol wars

so today . . . once again, life is not fair.

i'm going to whine here a bit, but it isn't serious whining, so it's safe for you to read on. well, i mean i am seriously going to whine, but it won't be gloomy. i don't think. unless you are married to my husband, which i am pretty sure none of you are . . .

this morning rollie brought me a diet lemon coksi (that's what we call it when he goes to 7-11 and mixes the diet coke and the diet pepsi with lemon syrup in a big gulp cup--it is my favorite drink!!) and a brownie while i was at school. he occasionally does this just because he is thinking of me or because he knows my day is not going so well. but today he did it because his cholesterol is low.

his cholesterol is so low, his doctor said it was "awesome" and high fived him. seriously!! and his doctor is a woman! (i think the high five may have something to do with the fact that rollie plays basketball with her husband on tuesday nights, but still . . . ) she said his cholesterol was so good, that on some scale they use to calculate your risk of a heart attack, his cholesterol numbers worked IN HIS FAVOR!! his odds of having heart attack are slim to none.

so why the whining?? shouldn't i be glad his numbers are so good?? well, yes and no.

i am glad that he is not going to die of a heart attack. i am glad that he is healthy, especially after his close call a couple of months ago. but you should see the amount of fat this man consumes!! he eats eggs every day for breakfast, sometimes sausage. he eats double cheeseburgers and steak. in his defense, he also eats a lot of chicken (remember rubio's? he always has the chicken quesadilla--several times a week!) but usually the chicken is surrounded by a mound of melted cheese . . . and double sour cream! he does exercise regularly and eat lots of fruit and whole grains. but every time i see him make a snack and walk out of the kitchen with a tower of sliced cheddar cheese, i think, "you are slowly killing yourself," and i nag him, just a little.

but apparently i am wrong. apparently his body thrives on fat.

my body does not. i have cholesterol issues. my numbers are not dangerously high. yet. but they are high enough that every time i have a blood test, i get "the letter" from kaiser. you know, the one that says something like "diet and exercise are important. eat better food. exercise at least three times a week. come to a class that tells you how to cook healthier."

cook healthier? maybe they should send that letter to jack-in-the-box.

i have started going to the gym. i am not consistently going three times a week yet, but i think i will get there. but i don't know how much it is going to help. fatty foods call to me . . . i've pretty much given up french fries and ice cream, but i love eggs, cheese, and meat. real meat, not that sissy poultry stuff. i do try to be aware of how much i am eating and balance it all out. and yet my numbers remain high . . .

the real problem here is that i am not the disciplined one in the family. i am much more likely to give in to that little voice that says, "it's so creamy and smooth . . . mmmmm . . . just have a little bit . . . well, maybe a little bit more would be ok . . . it's almost gone now, you should just finish it off . . ." and every time i am faced with a forbidden food, i have to make the decision whether or not to quickly scarf it down (because you know, if you eat it FAST then it can't hurt you . . . ) whereas rollie would just not eat the forbidden foods--it wouldn't even be a choice for him. he would just say "no, my doctor said i can't eat that." no compromising, no justifying, no
rationalization. (i don't know how he does that!! it is so annoying sometimes . . . ) some foods would just not be an option for him. but wait, HE HAS NO FORBIDDEN FOODS!!!

when he gave me this wonderful news yesterday, i was not as happy for him as i could have been. fortunately he sent me a text message, so i could respond with the right words even while my face was saying, "you have got to be kidding me!!" and then this morning i was grumbling about breakfast, because as usual i was in a hurry and didn't have time to stop and make something to eat. and my dear husband offered to make me breakfast--eggs and sausage--and then he said something like, "no wait, that would be MY breakfast. hehehe." you do not even want to know the words that were parading through my head at that minute. the man was living very dangerously, especially since it wasn't even 8:00 yet!!

when i got to school, i made a cup of peppermint tea and ate 3/4 of a graham cracker that was left over from yesterday's snack. that was breakfast. i had 10 four year olds in a very small room, all wanting something, and a child who would not stop saying, "but i WANT to play with the legos," after being banished from the lego table for continuous tattling. it was my day to lead music time (the bane of my existence) so i was trying to make a list of songs i thought would keep the kids interested, while also coming up with different responses to "but i WANT to play with the legos," that didn't include duct tape.

and then, the angels sang! rollie walked through the door of the chaotic cubicle i call a classroom with diet lemon coksi and a brownie.

he said, "well, i did promise you breakfast . . . "

yeah, ridiculously low cholesterol and all, ya gotta love him!


Wendy said...

So much I could say.... have to stop laughing first! I can't imagine how his levels could be low. The poor man never gets a home made meal! Unless he makes it himself! Now you- yes- I can see how your levels are high. You don't take care of yourself! Your nice twin sister needs to pay you a visit and attempt to educate you! I say all of this as I wait for the results of MY tests! Eat on Rollie- Eat on! As for the preschoolers- I'm pretty sure duct tape was truly made for kids! I have a supply in my classroom!

Albert said...

excellent blog. you're back to the witty self that I love.
hey, who's wife is the doctor rollie plays with? i had no idea. i want high fives from my doctor!!

Carroll said...

Like Father like son. Would you believe with the weight Wally carries that his cholesterol has never been high? Mine is elevated but no need for meds. Enjoyed the blog though!