not quite done yet . . .

so today . . . . AAAGGGHHHHH!!! tomorrow is my last day of school for the year. which should be cause for celebration, and it is, but i have so much to do and not nearly enough time in which to do it! i am in a pickle!!

first of all, tomorrow is diandra's birthday and she has high expectations for what that means. usually i am up to the challenge, but i had to work an extra week this year, so i have not had adequate time to prepare . . . i am afraid she is going to be somewhat underwhelmed by my plans.

AND tomorrow i am meeting with the teacher who is going to be teaching my new crop of kindergarteners for the summer, while i am on 'vacation.' it would probably be nice if the kindergarten room looked inviting and maybe even a little bit spiffy. but as of 3:30 this afternoon when i left . . . it was neither. i've been moving all my stuff back in from the classroom i shared this year, and somehow it does not all seem to fit back into the space it came out of. contrary to what you are thinking, i did NOT add any new stuff this year. maybe i just don't remember how i had it all put away. all i know is, my cupboards are full and there is still stuff sitting on the tables. and i only work half a day tomorrow. i do not have high hopes of a relaxing last day of school. there probably won't even be any presents, because no one really knows it is my last day. not that it matters . . .

AND farm town is acting weird tonight. my mom had to actually call me on the phone, because it wouldn't let us talk to each other. and then one of my new neighbors came to my farm to harvest, and i couldn't see her. she kept saying she was standing right in front of me, but it looked to me like i was all alone on my big, beautiful, successful farm. (did i mention i am kind of a farm town tycoon?) and then my mom came to harvest my farm, but the crops were still there after she harvested, at least on my computer. no one else could see them, but i haven't been paid for them, and i can still see them. it was not my day on farm town, tycoon or not . . .

AND we finally got a bass player for our band. but she is pretty new at the whole bass playing thing. so she needs some extra practice outside of rehearsal. and since i am going to be out of town for 10 days, and then come home briefly before being gone for another week, i need to get her practice music ready. copying the lead sheets won't be a problem, but making cds is always a challenge for me--i am somewhat skills challenged when it comes to getting digital files onto small silvery discs.

AND although i did report cards yesterday, i still need to make the picture cds for my boys of the pictures i have taken of them throughout the year, and all their artwork that i scanned into the computer. i did a pretty good job of keeping that up to date until about a month ago (hmmm, could that be about the time i started playing farm town?) but i took a lot of pictures at the aquarium on tuesday. so i need to get those sorted into the right folders and label everything and burn cds--hopefully without any glitches. but of course, there are always glitches when i try to burn a cd.

AND, did i mention i am trying to get ready to go out of town for 10 days? but first we need to celebrate diandra's birthday, and there will be laundry to do before we can pack, and milo's nails need to be trimmed again (which is always a job for me and whatever army i can recruit,) and i am going to santa barbara on monday with diandra for a photo shoot, and did i mention that tomorrow she will be turning 24 and would probably like to celebrate a bit?!?!?!

i had great plans tonight of making some progress here--i wanted to at least get those cds made! but rollie wanted real food for dinner--not fast food (no, i didn't cook--but we took the time to eat at a real restaurant instead of one with a drive-thru!) and then my mom called me on the phone to alert me to our farm town issues (because it wouldn't even let us chat,) and then when i went to write my blog, i realized that i hadn't read any of the blogs i follow for the last couple of days . . . so of course, i had to get caught up. and now, even though it is only 10:30, my eyes are sandpapery, and i am fading fast. my inclination is to just stay up late tonight, get everything done, and sleep later. but that is what i have been doing for the last couple of weeks. i am beginning to wonder when 'later' is going to arrive. i'm so tired, my ears are ringing.

so i'm headed for bed. it can all wait until tomorrow.

except for the blog . . .

sigh . . . ? or scream . . . !!!

so today . . . i have no profound thoughts to share. or even mindless, random ones . . .

it's been a day of frustrations--nothing major, just a lot of little stuff. i hate that, because it makes me feel edgy all day. and since i tend to be non-confrontational, this means a day of just swallowing the words that crowd my mind, and trying not to compound things by telling everyone just what i think! that's why i have no thoughts to share--my brain has been so busy controlling my reactions that it hasn't had time to wander into territory that would make for interesting reading . . .

i've had several days like this lately, and it is bothering me. this is not the way i want to live my life, but it seems to be what's going on right now. maybe i am just ready for summer vacation--but that is still almost a month away! maybe i need therapy to learn how to deal with these frustrations more positively. maybe, like one of my friends, i just need pharmaceutical aid. i don't know.

all i know is, today i am glad for my dogs (who think i am the second best person on the planet,) and facebook farm town (which gives me the illusion of being in control--even though my animals are running wild!)

"that's not how i remember it . . . "

so today . . . i listened to lots of people telling stories. and refuting the stories that were being told about them. it was kind of interesting . . .

our memory is a funny thing. you know how they say if seven people see an accident, there will be seven completely different accounts of the incident? i now know it is true. i heard stories about my uncle during his memorial service today that i am sure were recounted accurately by the pastor--he told them the way they had been told to him. but then, after the service i heard slightly different versions of the story. and i am sure that each person's version is exactly the way they remember it happening. but there are slight differences, so they cannot all be totally true. yet in each person's mind, their version is what really happened, and everyone else's memory is faulty.

then later in the day i heard my mom telling a story about something diandra used to do when we would come to visit. i'm sure it is true, because her memory is really good, but i don't remember it happening. at all. either i have completely forgotten, or i wasn't there when it was happening. i don't know, but it is funny, because my first reaction was, "no, that's not what happened." why is that? why do i immediately assume that just because her recollection is different than mine, that mine is right and hers is wrong. the truth is, her memory is much better than mine. but my brain still wants to be right.

i have heard grown people arguing over their different memories of the same incident. and arguing and arguing. it makes me want to scream! first of all, do you really think that you are going to be able to convince someone else that their memory is wrong and yours is right? it will never happen. the best you can hope for is that the other person will finally admit, "well, maybe you COULD be right," while thinking, "what is the matter with you?!?! how can you not remember what happened?!?! you are so very, very wrong." and second, does it really matter? really? the things that people argue over are generally not vital one way or the other. and yet it seems to be so important to us that our version is accepted as the right one, that we will fight to the death over the details of an incident.

it doesn't matter. let it go, people. don't waste your time and energy over fighting over the details of distant memories. we all remember things through the filters of our past experiences, our feelings about the incident, and what is important to us. so just enjoy your memories and let others enjoy theirs. be the bigger person--let them think they are right. after all, YOU are the one who knows what REALLY happened . . .

caution!! venting ahead!

so today . . . it was HOT!!! it was too hot to drive with the top down on my car, but i did it anyway--i just prayed for green lights . . .

today i am wondering about my people skills. i tend to think i am pretty good with people, even cranky or mean ones. i'm perpetually nice (except on facebook--i can be a little sassy on there.) i don't steal parking spaces or cut the line or complain about bad service. i respect the rights of others, usually even if it interferes with mine. i give other people the benefit of the doubt. i don't mock kooky ideas--well, at least not out loud. i try to get along. but sometimes it costs me.

. . . maybe if i wasn't in charge of anything--if i just sat back, did my little part and let everyone else do theirs. that would make my life soooo much easier.

unfortunately that is not a choice i can make right now. i've agreed to be a part of something that puts me in a position of leadership. most of the time i am ok with that, but today i just wanted to be part of the wallpaper--one of the people taking directions, not the one giving them.

today it was like i was on a different planet or out in left field all by myself. i could not communicate effectively. i tried explanations, i tried stories, i tried sharing something personal to illustrate my point. and it was all for nothing. they just didn't get it. i was very frustrated! and yet i couldn't ACT frustrated, because i was dealing with people i spend time with and care about. so throwing a temper tantrum, or walking out, or saying, "i don't care what you think, we are going to do it MY way because it is the RIGHT way!!!" really were not options.

i am a smart person--smart enough to realize that i may not always be right, or that my way may not be the only way. but not being able to get people to at least understand what i am trying to say makes me want to scream! you don't have to agree with me (although i like it better if you do!) but at least acknowledge that you get what i am trying to say--or that you are TRYING to get what i am trying to say--before i fly across the room and throttle you . . ! AAGGGHHHH!!!!!!

ok, i got that out of my system.

. . . maybe it's the heat . . .