ch-ch-ch-changes, part deux

so today . . . is the last day of 2011. i thought i should probably blog...

i have been a terrible blogger this year! in fact, i am not sure i have blogged enough to even be called a blogger!! i should probably just be called "a woman with a computer and a blogspot address who thinks about blogging but never actually does it..." but that is kind of long, and i don't really like it, so next year i promise to do better!

(oh man, there i go, making new year's resolutions already! i hate new year's resolutions! they always make me feel like a big, fat failure, because i can never keep them. ever. so forget i said that... because if i make a resolution like that, it will certainly be the kiss of death for my blog!)

2011 was a year of changes. ultimately all the changes were good, but they were not without consequences. i was tired. i was busy. i was confused and overwhelmed. i was exhausted. my brain ceased to function quite frequently. there were days i couldn't keep my eyes open and nights when i didn't sleep. and so my blogging became sporadic...

...and then i got an ipad. and an iphone. which made it worse!

yes, one of the biggest changes of 2011 was learning to navigate apple's operating system--you know, the one that is so intuitive?? yes, well maybe it is intuitive if you are a child! but for a person who has been using microsoft products for the last 25 years, i find it more than a little bit challenging. and yet, i am strangely madly in love with my new electronics. you know how in the movies the good girls are always falling for the bad boys? you know those boys are going to get them into trouble, and yet the good girls fall for them every. single. time. well, my iproducts are my bad boys...

how has this affected my blogging? it's like this... i used to spend my evenings sitting on my couch, watching tv, and surfing the internet with my cute little laptop. i would "shop" a little, catch up on what all my fb friends were doing, farm a little, and then blog. but now? now i spend my evenings sitting on my couch, watching tv, and surfing the internet on my ipad. i check my email, look for new, free apps to download, and maybe "shop" a little. but what i do not do is farm (because the ipad doesn't support most fb games,) or blog. because i can't.

i can't blog from my ipad. my blogger site doesn't work with apple's operating system. i need an app for that! and there is one for the phone, but not for the ipad. i went into the apple store for help, and we managed to figure out how i could post a blog, but it isn't easy! it is time consuming and frustrating and doesn't always work. so, if i want to blog, i have to get up off the couch and trade my ipad for my laptop, and i am sorry to tell you that there are days when i just don't have the oomph to do that! and so my blogging suffered...

and then i was busy. i was out of town in february, march, august, september, october, november, and december for 5-10 days each time. i was the mother of the bride on st. patrick's day in las vegas. i looked for a house, bought a house, packed up our old house, and moved into our new house. i hired and supervised painters, gardeners, and other miscellaneous workers. i taught school. i did laundry, walked the dogs, cleaned the house, and finally started cooking again. i shopped for family room couches, a washer and dryer, and a new front door... i am still shopping for a new front door... i spoke at two retreats and a christmas brunch. i was busy.

and then our family changed. in 2011 i became a mother-in-law. i'm not so sure how i feel about that. i always say that diandra is pretty much perfect. and she is. but "pretty much" leaves a little room for those days that we all have occasionally... and somehow, miraculously, her husband, javier knows how to deal with those days and make them better. i am very glad that my darling daughter is married to a man who is the yin to her yang. i'm glad she found a man who loves her like her dad loves me, and like my dad loves my mom. but now i have a son-in-law, a cuban son-in-law, who doesn't like to smile in pictures (although he is getting better,) who hugs everyone (EVERYONE,) who eats my string cheese by BITING it (everyone knows you have to peel the strings off to eat string cheese!) and is just a bit inscrutable. and so i am not quite sure what to do with him. our family dynamic has changed, and it is a little unnerving at times... our nest is empty (well, except for our two weird pups,) and we miss having our little chick around.

2011 was defined by changes. and sometimes chaos. it was all about just getting through the next few days... or weeks... or months... it was about homecomings and leaving home. it was about crisis management and problem solving. and yet, when i look back over the last year, i am struck by how blessed we are! we live in the land of eternal sunshine. we have good, steady jobs. we have a lovely new home (even if the garage roof does have a leak!) we are mostly happy and healthy.

i am hoping that in 2012 we are going to find some balance in our lives and get back into a routine. i am hoping that we are done dealing with major changes for a while. i am hoping that life is going to get back to normal... even if normal is going to be different than it has ever been before.

so here we go... on to 2012... let the blogging resume!

ch-ch-ch-changes...

so today . . . i bought rollie a tie.

rollie doesn't wear ties much anymore unless he is officiating at a wedding or a funeral. so it has been several years since he has had a new tie. but today i bought him a new tie, because he is going to need it. he has a new job.

today is the beginning of another brand new year. usually i make resolutions on january 1. usually they are the same resolutions i made the year before and the year before that! yes, i am not so good at keeping my new year's resolutions. so this year i am only making one. this year, my new year's resolution is not to go crazy in 2011.

2011 is not going to be an easy year for me. 2011 is going to be a year of changes. and i am not a person who loves change. i like the familiar. i eat the same thing for breakfast nearly every day. i take the same route to and from the places i go. i listen to the same songs over and over again on my ipod. i play the same few games on my phone. i like the familiar.

but i have the feeling that the familiar is going to be elusive this next year. rollie is starting a new job, which sets a whole string of changes in motion. we will have to move into another house. we will have to find another house to move into. (yes, i will be a house hunter!) we will have to sort and pack all of our stuff. and diandra's stuff. and then unpack it all again. and put it away. rollie's schedule will change, which means my schedule will change. life will change.

and then there is diandra. she is getting married in march. we will be adding a son-in-law to our family. diandra will be a wife, but her husband will be thousands of miles away in the middle east for six more months. so she will continue to live with us for a while, but then the day is going to come when she is going to move out of our house and into one of her own. of course. but we will miss having her around. life will change.

and then there is my job. while finding a house and packing and moving and helping diandra with wedding stuff and adjusting to rollie's new job, i will still be teaching. i will be teaching several hours a day and trying to do all the other stuff after i get home. when i am already tired. when i should be blogging. or walking the dogs (ok, i confess--i am also making a resolution to walk the dogs at least a few days a week...) or cooking (ha! i'll bet you didn't expect that one :) it is going to be a while before i can come home, plop myself down on the couch with my computer, and spend the evening watching my favorite shows on tivo. life will change.

i am a little overwhelmed today, thinking about what the next few months are going to be like. i am thinking maybe i should just go to jamaica and come back in june. because i think that when i get through the next few months, when i have adjusted and dealt with the changes that are coming my way, my life is going to be quite different than it is today. different isn't always bad--sometimes different can be very good. but it is still different. and for a person who likes to know what each day is going to bring, that can be a little unnerving...

so my resolution for 2011 is not to go crazy. i will try to take each day as it comes. i will try not to think too far out into the future. i will work harder at finding something funny every day to laugh at. and to blog :)

because at the end of the day, the important things in my life are not going to change. i will still have a place to live. i will still have food in my refrigerator. i will still have a job. and i will still have a family who loves me.

2011, here we go...

my top ten list for 2009

so today . . . is the day that we are all supposed to make resolutions, so that the new year will be better than the old one was. it is a great idea, and i am sure that there are 10 or 12 people out there who make resolutions and actually keep them. i am not one of them. i am a resolution failure.

i've been thinking about this blog for a few days--the first blog of the new year. it should be awesome, i thought. but awesomeness seems to be hiding from me right now. and since i spent the day watching the rose parade over and over again (will i ever get tired of seeing our city's award winning float or the "snow-boarding" bulldogs?) before watching our ducks have the best day and the worst day of their football careers, it was a kick back, low energy, sit in front of the fire (yes, i know it was 72 outside, but it felt chilly in the house) kind of day.

if i were going to make resolutions, this would be a much easier blog to write. there are so many things that i would like to change. but making a resolution won't change anything--i know this from experience. so i decided to take the advice from last year's january 1st blog, and make a list of the TOP TEN THINGS THAT I ACCOMPLISHED IN 2009.

10. i'm a millionaire--well, a virtual one at least. i have over $3,000,000 on farm town. i knew i was rich when i bought a nativity scene to decorate my farm, and then discovered it didn't have baby jesus! (why would they even create a nativity scene without baby jesus? without him, what is the point of a nativity scene??) without even thinking about it, i deleted the baby-less nativity and promptly purchased one with baby jesus in the manger. and there was not a heart palpitation in sight. i guess when you are a virtual multi-millionaire, the cost is irrelevant--unlike when you are just building your fortune . . .

9. i've become more flexible at work. the last two years, enrollment at my school has necessitated different classroom arrangements for me. and while i can be somewhat disorganized at home, i am a robot at school. so making changes in the way my class is configured and using less than perfect classroom space has been hard. but i've tried to keep a good attitude, be thankful that i still have a job, and just figure out a way to make it work.
8. i've learned i am not a gym rat. i really, really wanted to be. i went to the gym pretty regularly for a couple of months. and then i got sick. and while i was sitting at home, i realized that the only reason i liked going to the gym was because diandra was there. but the truth is that our schedules don't match up very well. and really, i should spend that time walking my pups. and maybe i should learn to use the pilates machine i bought a few years ago, since i moved it downstairs where it would be more convenient . . .

7. i've weathered band transitions at church. i lead the worship band in the alternative service at our church, which is mostly filled with teenagers. some days this is a challenge for me, and this has been an especially difficult year. i have wanted to quit more than once. but i am not an island--people depend on me. so i have just had to make allowances, find the humor, put one foot in front of the other one, and keep moving forward. and i have. so good for me!!

6. i'm drinking less soda. i know it is bad for me, and i haven't been able to give it up completely, but most days i am limiting myself to one small soda. when i eat out, i order the small drink and don't refill it. if i spend the day at home, i will just have one can of pepsi one (which is sweetened with splenda, so i don't think it is as bad for me . . . ) i'm trying to drink more water and tea. this may seem like an insignificant thing, but for me it has been a big deal--even bigger than when i learned to like broccoli!

5. i have persevered. seriously. the last couple of years seem to have been full of challenges, and sometimes it is exhausting. sometimes i wish i were an island. some days i just want to get in my car, head out on a freeway and just drive, drive, drive. but i can't. well, i guess i could, because some people do. but i don't. my life is really pretty good. i have a family who loves me,and a roof over my head and a job. i have two adorable dogs who make me smile every day. and a blog that helps me focus on the good things and the funny things that are a part of my life!

4. i posted over 300 blogs! i find that amazing! my original goal was to write every day, and i did for a while. but i found there were days when i just didn't have the time or energy to write. there were days when i couldn't come up with anything to write about. there were days when the people in my life had to take priority. i worried about repeating myself. i still worry about that, because i have written so much that i can't always remember what i have written about. but in the last few days as i have gone back and reread some of last year's blogs, i am so glad i did it. it reminds me that each day is different, even though sometimes it seems like i do the same thing every day.

3. my digital music files are finally organized just the way i like them! i thought it would never happen, but it did and my mind is happy. although, now i need a bigger ipod . . .

2. i am learning to let go . . . of stuff, of annoyances, of things over which i have no control. it isn't easy, and some days i grab it all back (well, except for the things that have already been hauled off!) but i know that it is necessary and good for me. so i will keep working on it.

and the number one thing i accomplished in 2009 is:

1. i cleaned out the scary room and turned it into an office for diandra's photography. i still have to use the closet for my out of season clothes and one large cabinet for my school books, but the rest is dedicated to her business. i thought i could finish this job up in the week that diandra was at camp. i was delusional. it has taken me several months of working a little at a time to whip that room into shape. i let go of a lot of things in the process, and it was harder than i thought it would be. but it was a start. it isn't perfect yet, but it looks good and it is functional, and i am hoping that it will help us both be more organized.

i hope that 2010 will be a little more relaxed, a little more fun (like when diandra and i met hawk nelson at fishfest,) and a lot less stressful. i hope that instead of just keeping our heads above water, we will flourish. i hope that we will be healthy. i hope that i can do a better job of choosing the important over the urgent. i want to read more. i want to take more pictures--even if i can't get them organized. i want to hold my puppies more and my laptop less. and i want to keep blogging--because on new year's day 2011 i need to be able to look back and see how far i have come . . .

2009--a retrospective would have been nice.

so today . . . is new year's eve--and i am about to write my last blog of 2009.

i had a plan. i thought i would write a top ten list of my favorite blogs from the last year. but i have written over 300 blogs! i'm not sure i could narrow my list of favorites down to 10. and really, if i was going to do that, i should have started a couple of weeks ago . . .

so, plan b. i would choose my favorite blog from each month. of course this was going to require me to read all 300 blogs, one month at a time, and choose just one to highlight. but it seemed doable. i would just pull up january's blogs, quickly skim them (because after all, i did write them--i shouldn't have to reread every word to remember what they are about,) choose one, and then move on to february. it seemed like a good plan. so i pulled up january's blogs and read them, and found something to like in each one of them. how could i choose just one?

ok, plan c. i would look at the topics i wrote about most and choose my favorites. so i would link my favorite weather blog, my favorite dog blog, my favorite blog about my family, my favorite school blog . . . yes, i thought that might work. but again, i couldn't choose just one.

on to plan d. i would not go back and read all the blogs. that was just not working, because when i would read them, i would think, "oh yeah, i liked that one," or "that was really funny!" so my new plan was to think about the blogs i could remember that i really liked and list them. but the first two that came to mind were the ones about the devil donuts and the police coming to the house last summer, and i had just linked those on recent blogs.

i was talking this over with rollie, and he said, "well, make sure you include cholesterol wars." i think that is HIS favorite. he will whip out his phone, look up that blog, and make people read it with very little provocation. usually they enjoy it, but still--i think he is a little too proud of that high five from his doctor!

so, here i am at 11:56 p.m. on december 31, 2009 with no retrospective. i just couldn't do it. i think almost all the blogs i have written are worth another read. in fact, when you are sitting at your computer with 20 minutes to kill, just pull up a month's worth of blogs and read them again. and then comment and let me know which ones you liked the best.

as for me, i think i have to say that the joshua blogs were my favorites last year. i am sure that in the coming year i will write blogs about the weather, my family, our dogs, my school kids, shoes, and food. but the joshua blogs kind of define 2009 for me. he made me laugh during some times when i didn't think laughter was possible. he lightened some heavy days with his wit and his smile. those blogs were unique--a slice of my history that will never be repeated in quite the same way. because there is only one joshua, and he will never again be five years old.