so today . . . i've spent most of the afternoon beating myself up. i mean really, i am just so annoyed! i still cannot believe i have to pay all those overdraft charges . . .
one of the first things people have to figure out when they get married is how they are going to deal with their finances--who will pay the bills? who will decide what to buy? how will they make the whole thing work? for us these responsibilities have shifted more than a few times, but we have finally come up with a system that works pretty well. the reason it works pretty well is that rollie (the responsible saver) handles most of it, while i (the impulsive spender) get a set amount of money each month to spend. so coming up with an extra $140 at the end of the month presented me with a problem--it was not in my "budget." (and yes, i use the term loosely.)
then rollie said, "how much do you need? don't worry, i'll take care of it for you." which he didn't have to do. that is not how our system works! our system works because he takes good care of our money, while i spend mine! and yet, he was volunteering to cover my debt.
most of you will have no idea of how those words impacted me. you will think it isn't that big of a deal, but that's because you don't know our history . . . i haven't always made the smartest financial decisions. i am sometimes impulsive and short-sighted and lack self-control. and yet, every single time i find myself at the bottom of another hole i have dug for myself, rollie rescues me--without anger or guilt or frustration.
i don't know how he does it. i am selfish. he is not. i torment myself with the mistakes i have made. he does not. i say, "how can you not be angry with me about this?" and he says, "i don't know. i'm just not. everybody deserves a second chance." and i say, "but i've had more than two chances here." and he says, "not today! every day is a new beginning."
i know, he sounds like a saint.
but he isn't perfect--he gets irritated at other drivers, and at being asked "do you want the combo?" every time he orders a burger, and at people who can't make change, and if the tivo doesn't record a laker game. and yet for some unexplainable reason, he has this amazing capacity to forgive and forget and move on when it comes to me--even when i totalled the back end of his new car, or "organize" his stuff in such a way that he doesn't know where anything is, or find myself in need of cash. again.
and it is a good thing. because while i like to think that i am learning from my mistakes, i keep making new ones! and if he was keeping track . . .
let's just say that i am very glad every day is a new beginning :)