and so, the quest begins . . .

so today . . . the quest began for the perfect, yet not ridiculously expensive, handbag.

actually it started on wednesday, but i didn't realize it until today.

wednesday afternoon i was soooo tired! so i texted rollie--"i am sooooo tired. i think instead of coming home for such a short time, i will just go to the church and take a nap in your recliner until band rehearsal." (this was really just a courtesy text. rollie is never in his office at that time of day. and that chair has been calling to me . . . ) but he responded--"i'm sorry, but you can't nap there today. i am in my office in a meeting."

bummer. plan "a" was thwarted.

i didn't want to go home, because i only had an hour which wasn't enough time to accomplish much--it would just make me feel restless. i thought about getting ice cream, but i had eaten a big lunch and ice cream didn't sound all that good to me.

so i went shopping.

since i didn't have a lot of time, i thought it would be fun to go to marshall's and t.j.maxx to look at shoes and handbags. because i have been feeling like it might be time for a new handbag--it must be spring!

but i don't just want any handbag--i have requirements. it must have . . .
--only one handle, long enough to go over my shoulder. flat is preferable to rolled, but braided might be acceptable.
--outside pocket for my phone and keys. i find that i rarely open my bag. i guess i mostly carry stuff around that i never need. except for my phone and keys.
--soft, real-looking faux leather. unless i am lucky enough to find soft, real-looking real leather. but that is probably not going to happen, because . . .
--it must cost less than $50. less than $30 would be even better, but i am afraid that might be the impossible dream. and . . .
--i think i want a fun color rather than a safe color like black or brown. i am leaning toward turquoise or purple or maybe even yellow, but it has to be just the right shade of turquoise or purple or yellow.

to be clear, i don't really need a new handbag. but i have this gift card that i have been hoarding, and i think i might just part with it if i find the right bag. (and maybe i do need a new one, because there is this lady in my cell group who has this turquoise handbag. which i love. and while i am pretty sure i could out run her if i decided to snatch it, she might recognize it when she saw me carrying it on sundays. so i probably need a better plan . . . )

marshall's had several nice bags, but other than the michael kors bag (which was $250 ON SALE!!!) nothing really tempted me. i moved on to t.j. maxx. i was initially encouraged to see how many bags they had in the colors i was looking at, but either the shade was cheesy or the materials were cheap looking or it was too expensive--(they had a lot of michael kors bags, and i find that i am drawn to them. this is new information for my brain to ponder.)

and then i saw it--a beautiful lucky brand bag in the softest, butteriest leather. the moment i touched it, i was in love. i wanted it! but . . .
--it has two handles (although they are flat.)
--it is brown (although it isn't just any brown--it is a beautiful mahogany color) and . . .
--it is $99--yes, just a bit over my budget. (although, if you knew it's original price, you would recognize what a great deal it is!)

i immediately began trying to figure out how i could afford this beautiful bag. but i was out of time, so i reluctantly put the bag back and went to rehearsal.

today i have been thinking about that bag. and how soft it was. and how unusual and pretty the color was. and did i mention it's softness? but i was also thinking about spending that much money on a handbag. do i really want to be that person? a part of me says, YES OF COURSE! GO GET THE BAG BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE BUYS IT!! but another part of me says it is ridiculous to spend that much on a bag! but then the impulsive part of me says, IT WAS REAL LEATHER! YOU COULD CARRY IT UNTIL YOU DIE!! but then the more rational part of me says, yes, but do you really want to carry the same bag until you die? and then the instant gratification part of me says, YES! IF IT IS THAT SOFT AND BEAUTIFUL, YES YOU DO!!!

(have you noticed that only one part of my brain speaks in capital letters? and that the part i should probably listen to speaks in lower case letters? i'm sure this is significant . . . )

i can rationalize anything. if rationalization was an olympic sport (and it is just as much a sport as some of the things being considered, if you know what i mean . . . ) i would be the gold medalist. in fact, i might be the gold and silver and bronze medalist. i am good at it! but that isn't always a good thing. if i'm not careful, my wicked rationalization skills can get in the way of good decision making.

i went back to look at the nearly perfect handbag again tonight, because shopping at t.j. maxx isn't like going to the mall--there is only one of these bags. i can't just wait several days to decide if i want it. if i want it, i need to make a decision soon, or it will be gone. and while i love, love, love it, it isn't completely perfect.

so now i am on a quest for the perfect handbag. because the truth is, the lucky brand bag isn't it.

but that doesn't mean i don't want it--it just means that if i do get it, it won't be the last handbag i ever buy. it will however, be the last thing i buy for quite a while . . .