deja vue...

so today . . . i was mean teacher ms. julie.

mean teacher ms. julie doesn't show up very often, but today i did not feel good. not good at all. i probably should have stayed home, but there were things to do at school today, and i needed to be there. so i got up, got myself to school, and tried to get through the day--which would have been easier if all of my students had just stayed home!

it isn't that they were "bad." they were just active and distracted. they wouldn't stay where they were supposed to be. they kept touching and poking at each other. two little boys decided to "moon" the whole nap room. and no one seemed to listen to a word i said!

i gave directions, and they played with their pencil boxes. i reminded them it was time to do their work, and they just talked to the kids across the room. i gave directions AGAIN, and they said, "what are we supposed to do?"

i wanted to scream.

most days i take these things in stride. most days i am patient and kind. most days i talk in a quiet voice and facilitate good decision making.

today was not most days. today i just wanted them to listen to my words and then do them! today i did NOT want to repeat the same words over and over and over again--which, let's be honest here--is a large part of my job. today i wanted them to just GIVE ME A BREAK!

but they are five years old. they are egocentric and totally unaware of my wants and needs--even when my sinuses are trying to kill me. and so as the day wore on, we found ourselves at odds--more than once. it reached the boiling point at reading group time...

...when i am doing reading groups, the kids know they have to wait to ask me questions until i am between groups. they know they are not supposed to interrupt. but today, i was probably interrupted ten times--during the first reading group!! i kept reminding them that they had to wait, but then someone else would come over. i managed to stay calm and use a quiet voice, until one child was interrupting me for the third time!! and then i sort of lost it.

i didn't exactly yell, but i asked several questions in a row, without waiting for an answer. "why do you keep interrupting the reading group? are you supposed to do that? what are you supposed to do while you wait? why are you over here? AGAIN?!?!?!"

the little guy i was talking AT, just looked at me. he couldn't quite figure out what was happening. i could almost see the speech bubble above his head--"who is this, and what has she done to teacher ms. julie?"

that is when i decided i had to get some help, so i emailed my doctor. she emailed me back and said i had to get an appointment to see someone, and that i should see someone either today or tomorrow. so i called the appointment line, and found that the first available appointment was for the middle of march! now what was i supposed to do?!?! my next step was to call the nurse advice line. at least when i call that number i get to talk to a real, live person instead of a computer. eventually, after being on hold for longer than you can imagine, i got to talk to a nurse. she said she would make me an appointment to be seen at urgent care, if i could just hold for a little longer.

again, i wanted to scream.

when she eventually came back on, she said, "well, they were no help!" and then she told me they didn't have any available appointments either! so my "plan for treatment" turned out to be a trip to urgent care to take my chances among the masses. after an incredibly short wait, the doctor there agreed that i was sick and gave me a prescription (for an antibiotic, although my kids might think a mood enhancer would have been a better choice.)

and so now i am back home, with drugs in hand and a smile on my face. i am not going to school tomorrow. there are still things that need to be done there before i go out of town next week, but i like my kids too much to subject them to my sinusitis crankiness. i am just going to stay home, rest, drink plenty of fluids, and maybe even get out the sinus rinse...