warning!! girlie blog!

so today . . . has been a collection of horrors! and most of them have revolved around my new nail polish.

you see, it is spring now--heralded by the arrival of easter and warmer temperatures. it is time to get out the shorts and sandals and put the sweaters and boots out of sight. and for me, it is also time to put away the really dark nail polish and lighten up a bit.

nail polish is a pretty cheap indulgence, and a new color can enhance my mood in a positive direction. the problem this time was, i got the craving for a new nail color after 9:00 p.m. when both sephora and ulta were closed. this reduced me to shopping at target as they are open until 10:00 p.m.--which also limited my choices. however, i did manage to find a pretty springtime color and headed home feeling happy.

until this morning . . .

to my horror, after just one day, the bright pink nail polish was chipped on several of my nails! and i don't mean tiny little chips either--i mean great big hunks of it missing. and because of the way i plan my mornings (ok, maybe "plan" isn't exactly the right word--maybe "race through" would be more accurate,) there was no time for repair work. so i threw the bottle of defective polish into my bag and headed out the door.

some people might be able to move throughout their day without giving this another thought. i am not one of those people. i knew this was going to affect my whole day . . .

it was a busy morning--no time for repairs. so i just tried to tuck the chipped fingernails out of sight as much as possible and watched the clock and waited until my lunch break. and waited. and waited.

story time rolled around, and i began to read. but as i am holding the book (which i had to do with unclutched fingers) i can see the big, chipped nails. and then, when i point at something in one of the pictures with my left index finger, which is the worst one, i immediately recoil--from my own hand! not good not good not good . . .

ok, i can keep my hands in my pockets during recess, and i have to wear serving gloves at lunch time, so if i can just get through that, then i can do the repair work . . . but i have not taken into account the deterioration of the manicure. by now, more than half the fingernails are affected and in a major way.

so, at recess i am holding my phone (because, guess what? i don't HAVE pockets today) and i am texting diandra about my sad state of affairs. she is my precious, loving daughter. she will feel my pain. i even send her a photo (which none of you will ever see) because in all her 24 years, she has never seen my nails look this bad, and i want her to know what i am up against. a few seconds later, i receive a picture back--from her dad. (remember the wonderful blog i wrote about him yesterday? i take it all back!) there he is, mocking the claw-like pose of my hand with his own clean and trimmed nails, while smiling faces (including my precious offspring, who i labored for 28 hours to bring into this world!!!) leer at me in the background. ok, i'm thinking, diandra is toast . . . that picture was for her eyes only! the three of us exchange text messages--they think theirs are funny. i do not, and my return messages reflect that.

finally it is my lunch time. BUT since i was in such a rush this morning, i did not bring food to school with me, which means a trip to a fast food establishment. which means the repair work must be put off yet again, as i only have half an hour for lunch.

i pull into the drive through at chick-fil-a and order. as i approach the window and pull out my wallet, i realize that the window is on the left side of me--MY WORST HAND. it's ok, i tell myself. i live in a large metropolitan area. what are the odds that i will see the people at this window ever again.

"hey, there's the lady in my miata!" these are the words that greet me from the young man waiting to give me my food and take my money. yes, we have talked several times before. he covets my car, and so he always remembers me. but i am thinking, "oh no! oh no! oh no!" as he hands me my food. i put my hand underneath the bag as i reel it in, so as to hide the offending nails. this is a little bit of a risky move, in that if the bag is unbalanced it could fall to the ground. but i am willing to take that risk as long as it keeps my horrible nails hidden. so far, so good.

and then, it is time to pay. i take my atm card out of my wallet, only to discover that there is no way to hand it to him without exposing the chips. i panic just a moment, and then sandwich the card between my fingers, turn my hand over so the palm is up (hoping i look casual) and flip it out the window. he takes the card with no problem. but when he hands me back my receipt and atm card, i am busted. there is no way to take it without displaying the disgraceful chipped polish. so i snatch my card as quickly as i can, say thank you, and zoom-zoom out of there.

i just know the next time i see him at the window, he will greet me with the words, "hey, it's the lady with the horribly chipped bright pink nail polish! i can't believe you have the guts to come here again!"

the rest of my afternoon is uneventful, because it is just me and jonathan--and my embarassing fingernails. and jonathan is too involved in his own stuff to notice. either that, or it just looks normal to him. because, you know, some people do walk around with big hunks chipped out of their nail polish, and it apparently doesn't bother them.

but for me, i couldn't take it. i felt unsettled all day. i raced home and headed for the nail polish remover! and heaved a big sigh of relief.

and then diandra said, "hey mom! want to go to the beauty supply store with me? you could get some nail polish . . . "

my family. they are funny, funny people . . .

government intervention strikes again!

so today . . . i was a fashion faux pas. i blame the u.s. government...

i don't know whose brilliant idea it was to move daylight savings time to the second weekend of march, but they should be forced to live in the dark until the end of april. i'm serious. i know the idea is to shift time so that people will use less energy, but if you have to get up for work before 8:00 a.m. (which is true of almost everyone with a job!) you are going to have to use your lights in the morning anyway, so i don't see how that is saving any electricity!!!

clearly i am a bit frustrated by the government's intrusion into my mornings...

i don't like to get up in the morning. ever! well, except for christmas morning, but other than that, mornings are not my happy time. i especially hate getting up IN THE DARK! the dark was made for sleeping, not for getting up. my eyes do not want to open unless the sun is fully visible. the best thing about our new house? the dimmer switch in our bathroom! it allows me to see without the light screaming at my eyeballs. so it should go without saying that if there is any ambient light at all in my room in the morning, i am not going to be turning on any lights. especially since i shouldn't have to! because it should be light enough at 7:30 in the morning not to require the use of any electricity!!!

which there was. last week. before daylight savings time.

last week, when i was cleaning out my closet and organizing things into my new dresser, i sorted my tights and belts by color--black, brown, gray--and put each color in it's own drawer... in alphabetical order, from the left. because how else would you do it?!?! so this morning, since i was wearing a navy dress with brown shoes and a brown sweater, i decided brown tights would be the right choice. i went to the second drawer from the left (the brown drawer,) and picked out a pair of tights, and got dressed. i looked in the mirror before i left my room, and everything seemed to be ok, so off i went to work...

... and everything was fine until my break. because during my break i went to use the bathroom. and that's when i realized that my tights weren't brown. they were black.

yes, i was wearing black tights with a navy dress and brown shoes. black tights. it was so, so wrong...

how could this have happened, i wondered. i got the tights out of the brown drawer, didn't i? maybe i didn't. maybe i had accidentally (since my eyes were only half open,) accessed the black drawer. but still, wouldn't i have noticed the color difference when i looked in the mirror? yes, i would have, if there had been enough light for me to actually SEE the colors i was wearing! and why wasn't there enough light for me to see??? stupid daylight savings time, that's why!

i read fashion magazines. i watch tv. i live in l.a., for pete's sake, so i either have to have a clue about what looks good or die! i know that "color blocking" is the trend this spring, but i am pretty sure that color blocking does not mean a navy dress, brown shoes, and black tights! i am not adverse to mixing colors in unusual ways--like navy and brown, or turquoise and yellow, or lime green and orange. i even like black and brown together. but black, brown and navy? i don't think so...

remember the chipped pink nail polish? yeah, well, this was way worse. waaaay worse, because i could sort of hide the chipped pink nail polish. there was no way to hide my legs. one of my facebook friends asked if i had taken the tights off when i noticed. no. no, i did not. it was cold today, so i was stuck. apparently being the "what not to wear" model for the week is better than freezing to death...

which would not have been an issue if there had been adequate light in my bedroom at 7:30 this morning. which there would have been if someone, somewhere hadn't decided that they could play fast and loose with the beginning of daylight savings time. which clearly isn't saving any electricity anyway!

i'll show them. tomorrow morning i am going to turn on the lights! from the time i get up at 7:30 until i leave the house at 7:50! i'll use all the electricity i can!! daylight savings time will not save any electricity in my house...

... and maybe i'll double check the color of my tights... just to be safe.