a sad top ten list...

so today . . . was the first day in thirty years that i have gone to a church where rollie wasn't the pastor. i mean, we have gone to other churches when we were on vacation, and i have even gone to our church when rollie wasn't there. but today, when i went to church, he wasn't our pastor anymore...

i thought it would be ok. i thought it wouldn't be that much different. after all, i usually don't really see him on sunday mornings anyway, until his cute face shows up to preach on the big screen in the gym, which is where i am. but it was different. it felt different. he didn't pop in to smile at me while the band was rehearsing. when i went to his office to get water, the mini refrigerator was empty. i didn't have to wait for him to get done talking to someone before we could go have lunch after church. he wasn't waiting for me to finish wrapping cords and putting sound equipment away before we could leave. it was different, and i didn't like it. not one tiny little bit.

but i guess we can't have it both ways. he can't do his new job and still be the pastor at our church. (i know this, because he sort of had to do that for the month of january, and it was not pretty!!) and he will be really good at the new job. so we will all just have to adjust (and by all, i mean mostly diandra and me) to our pastor not being rollie. and we will. but i think this momentous occasion calls for a top ten list. so here it is.

TOP TEN THINGS I WILL MISS ABOUT ROLLIE BEING OUR PASTOR

10. i will miss hearing him preach. you would think after listening to him week after week, year after year, i would be ready for a change. but i'm not. he is a good preacher. he is easy to understand, he tells lots of stories to illustrate his points, and every week he says something that challenges me. i wish i was perfect, so that i didn't always have to think, "yes, i need to work on that" every week. but i'm not--it is good for me to be challenged.

9. i will miss sneaking out to the foyer at the beginning of the service to hear him play the bass, just for one song. since he plays in "big church," i don't get to hear him play very often. his band is always done rehearsing by the time i get there to play with my band. but several months ago, i figured out that since we start church a bit later, i could sneak over to the foyer and listen to him play during the opening song. so now that is what i do. or, that is what i used to do...

8. i will miss his unending supply of water bottles. he always kept water in a mini refrigerator in his office. i could bring water from home, but i never remember! and so at some point on sunday morning, i usually end up in his office looking for water. and if he happens to be in his office, well, that was just an added bonus!

7. i will miss seeing people respond to his sermons. it has been so cool to watch people change because of the words they hear on sunday mornings. rollie doesn't preach theoretical sermons--he preaches practical, "now go do it this week," sermons. and people do. and when they do, it changes them. we are all better people than we were ten years ago...

6. i will miss guessing what color shirt he is wearing. since we watch him on a big screen in the gym, his clothes are not always the color they seem. the camera has to be adjusted for skin tones, and so you can't trust the colors of people's clothing. one day he brought his black leather jacket onto the platform to illustrate a point, and the lining looked like it was bright purple! his black shirts look burgundy or purple, and his green shirts look brown or black, and his blue shirts look black or gray. so diandra and i have a litttle guessing game going...

5. i will miss knowing that whatever crisis is happening, rollie will take care of it. i have confidence in his abilities to diffuse heated situations, to confront when something is wrong, and to encourage when someone feels ready to give up. he just has this ability to know what is needed in different situations, and then how to give what is needed.

4. i will miss our lunch on tuesdays. tuesday has been rollie's sermon writing day. he needs uninterrupted quiet to write a sermon, and so he usually does it at home. and since i work so close, he brings me lunch on tuesdays, even though i only have half an hour to eat. but now, he doesn't have to write a sermon every week. AND his office is 30-40 minutes away. so now when i go out to the parking lot on tuesdays, he isn't there waiting for me with food from subway.

3. i will miss having input into what happens. there. i said it. when rollie was the pastor, if i had ideas about things, i could tell him and i knew he would at least consider it. but now, first of all, there is no one to tell. and secondly, even if there were, why would they care about what i think? so now, my ideas just roll around in my head with nowhere to go.

2. i will miss seeing kids and teens listening to the sermon. i love it when kids come up and ask him questions about something he said. or when parents report that their kids are still talking about the sermon during the week. the fact that he can preach a message that challenges adults and kids at the same time is kind of cool. actually, the fact that kids are listening and understanding and remembering a sermon is really cool.

and the number one thing i will miss about rollie not being our pastor anymore is...

1. ... the end of diandra's sunday tweets, where she says, "dad, in his sermon." because diandra may still tweet during the sermon, but it won't be her dad who is giving the sermon anymore. and that makes me feel sad. really, really sad.

i never wanted to be a pastor's wife. but i am so very glad that rollie has been our pastor all these years. i'm glad diandra has grown up hearing him preach every week. and while i know that the new responsibilities he has accepted are important too, i am going to miss his cute face up there on the screen in the gym, in his mysteriously colored shirts, challenging us to be more like Jesus... every. single. week.