tmi... trust me...

so today . . . i survived my procedure. but just barely...

there were times when i thought i wasn't going to make it. not eating for two and a half days was not a good thing for me. it never is. actually i got through the prep fairly well. i thought...

but then i woke up this morning feeling sick to my stomach. i managed to get myself into the car to go to the medical center, but i confess i wore my pajama pants...

(i don't know why everyone gets all militant about pajama pants. they are comfy and at least they cover a person up!! have you see some of the shorts and skirts that pass for clothes at the mall?!?!?! i think we should be encouraging everyone to wear pajama pants...)

while i was checking in, i thought i was going to pass out. it took the receptionist sooo long to find me in the computer and then the machine that prints the wrist bands had apparently gone out to lunch! i finally had to leave rollie with her and go sit down. the next thing i knew, rollie was wheeling me around in a wheel chair...

talk about embarrassing! forget about being out in public in pajama pants, just take a ride in a wheelchair when you have the capability to be ambulatory and see what happens. although, i am sure i didn't really look able to move under my own steam at that point. my face was buried in my hands, and i was just trying not to throw up...

we made it up to the fourth floor, and thankfully we didn't have to wait long for my name to be called. by elizabeth. elizabeth was the perkiest, friendliest, most polite nurse i have ever encountered. i'm sure under normal circumstances, i would have enjoyed her company, but today i just wanted to smack her. i know. that's awful. but she kept asking me questions, and every time i had to open my mouth, i had to fight the nausea. when she finally got me into a bed, it was better, but it didn't stop. "do you mind if i leave you for a minute?" "would you please excuse me for a few seconds?" "can i close this curtain now?" "can i open the curtain now?" "have you seen any good movies lately?" (this last one was while she was trying to distract me from the fact that she was inserting an iv into my arm. this was not my first rodeo. i knew what she was doing. but it was easier to play along than to say JUST STICK THE NEEDLE IN ME AND STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS!!!)

and then my doctor came in to once again inform me of all the risks of the procedure i was about to undergo... like i cared! what was i going to do, say no? after i had just endured two and a half days of misery?? she could have said my left leg might fall off, and i would have still signed. i just wanted to get my warm blanket and lovely sedative, and all these questions were keeping me from it!!

finally maria came to rescue me from elizabeth. maria was nice, but all business--just the way i like my nurses! as soon as we entered the room where my annual indignity was about to occur, i started getting sleepy. i know it was probably just psychological, but i tell you, everything started swimming around... they gave me oxygen, put the lovely sedatives into my iv... and off i went, to blissful slumber.

there is nothing better than drugged sleep.

except, it took them longer than it usually does to complete my procedure, so i woke up before they were done. now before you say, "oh no!" i should tell you that several years ago, i underwent this procedure without any anesthetic. it really isn't painful at all. i could feel pressure and the scope moving about, but it didn't hurt. and it was interesting... i could watch the screen and see what they were seeing, AND if i looked at my abdomen, i could see the light on the scope moving around... it was cool and creepy all at once. however, given the choice, i prefer sedatives... just in case...

i wasn't sure what i should do. i am always hesitant to speak when under the influence of sedatives. i always think i sound drunk and probably don't make much sense. but i sort of thought they should know that i could HEAR WHAT THEY WERE SAYING!!! so i think i said something like, "um, i am kind of awake here..." to which my doctor replied, "we are almost done. are you ok?" i said yes and alternately focused on the tv screen which was showcasing my innards and closing my eyes hoping for a few more minutes of drugged sleep...

my body reacts weirdly with drugs. usually they stay in my system for a long time, so if they give me the normal amount of sedatives it takes me a long, long time to wake up. my doctor knows this, and i'm sure she was envisioning me hanging out in recovery for the next couple of days if she gave me more. so we finished the procedure without having to give me any more drugs.

it still took me an hour to fully wake up. and when i say fully, i mean awake enough that rollie could get me out of the building and into the car. he always has to sneak me out before i am really ready, otherwise i would take up one of their recovery beds all day! when i had my wrist surgery, it was late in the day, and those people thought they were never going to get to go home...

during my hour of recovery, my doctor came in and talked to me. i think. i remember seeing her, but i could have been dreaming. it's a good thing that they write down everything they tell you, because apparently my colon is not happy (which i knew. i just didn't know how unhappy it was.) and so we are going to have to start playing with my meds (which is never good,) and looking for alternative treatments (which is also never good.)

on the way home, rollie stopped to get me some food. in hindsight, i should have had him take me home first, because while he was in jack-in-the-box procuring eggs and hash browns for me, i had to make a mad dash into the bathroom, where my nausea finally won...

we made it home, i ate my eggs and hash browns (which, let me just say, was not what i was planning to have when i was thinking about my first meal last night. but in the light of day, and taking circumstances into account, it turned out to be a good choice.) and then i took a nice long nap.

i'm going to live. the good news is, i don't have cancer, which is always a concern for me when i have this test. the bad news is, we may have to repeat the procedure sooner rather than later. but for now, i am just going to go eat something and try to put the whole ordeal behind me...

:)