my body rebels

so today . . . i am a big, fat failure.

well, to be more accurate, i am a small, skinny unsuccessful colon cleanser.

yes, i know, that is way more information than you ever wanted to have about me, but i've had a crummy weekend. and if you continue to read, you are going to find out why . . .

i have a digestive disease that now requires me to undergo yearly colonoscopies. am i lucky or what?! i have a wonderful g.i. doctor, whom i love, and i don't even mind the actual procedure. but preparation for the procedure is a nightmare! at least it is for me.

my colon hates me. it refuses to cooperate with normal methods of cleansing for this procedure. so my prep consists of at least two days on clear liquids, followed by drinking a gallon of a specially designed drink. (i will spare you the details of what it is specially designed to do . . . that's how much i love you all.)

i have endured several of these procedures over the last 25 years. and while the prep has been difficult for me, i have always been able to ingest enough of it so that my doctor could use her scope for the purpose for which it was intended--again, i will spare you the details.

but this weekend i was unsuccessful. i didn't eat one bite of anything for two whole days! i felt pretty bad. and when i tried to drink the vile concoction? i could not keep it in my body long enough for it to do it's thing! i tried. really, i did. and then i cut the dosage in half and tried again. i tried for five hours!! i finally realized it was just not going to happen . . . and i had to call and cancel my appointment at the last minute.

i feel like a failure. i hate that my doctor and her team had to get up early this morning for nothing (yes, i was their first appointment.) i miss the warm blanket and lovely sedative that accompany this procedure. and i really hate knowing that i am going to have to go through all of this again, because, you know, it is important that we find out just how much my colon hates me . . .

i wrote my doctor a despairing email last night, explaining the situation. she replied that we would try something else next time. i soon got an email from her nurse with a new plan of attack AND a new appointment. i think the new plan has a much better chance of success--it relies more on pills (which are also an issue for me, but that is a subject for another day,) and less on copious amounts of disgusting fluids. so i live to dread having a colonoscopy another day . . .