Friday, September 17, 2010

alert!! possibly whiny blog ahead!

so today . . . my house is a mess. i have laundry to do. i have a bag full of school work. i have music to work on. and cds to burn (oh, diandra is going to kill me when she realizes i am so far behind...) i'm so very tired. and i have no weekend...

well, actually there is a weekend, but it is full of obligations--that means events i have to attend and things i have to do that i don't necessarily want to do. these are all things i agreed to, which means at some point i wanted to do them. but that was a few weeks ago when i didn't realize what my last couple of weeks were going to be like...

when i am out of the house as much as i have been these last few weeks, i find that i am only home long enough to make a mess. rollie doesn't understand how this happens. that is because he never makes a mess--or rather, he never leaves a mess. but sometimes i am just too tired to put my stuff away--usually because it requires decisions to be made, and when i am tired, my brain leaves me to fend for myself...

what i find odd, is that at school i am uber-organized--which is why i have been working until 5:00 or 6:00 almost every night, trying to get my new room put together! i know where everything is, and i put things away as soon as we are done with them. it has to be that way in order for me to function. unless i want my class to resemble a pinball machine with 14 balls pinging around, i have to be able to put my hands on stuff immediately--i can't turn my back and go looking for something or chaos will erupt behind me. i know this. i have seen it happen.

but then when i get home, i sort of go on auto-pilot. i see things that i should do, but when i assess my energy level and brain functioning, i usually decide to just leave it until another day--a day when surely my neurons will be firing. (i sound like annie--"tomorrow... tomorrow...") and since i have been practically living at school for the last three weeks, i am waaaay behind at home. and now i have school work to do. and worship band music to arrange. and blogging. and it is already friday night. and i am tired.

so i am giving up, at least for now. there is no way i am going to get everything done this weekend. no. way. and thinking that i can start out next week all fresh and orderly is just going to discourage me when monday rolls around and reality rears it's ugly head.

so, giving up. i don't think i've ever actually done that before. i am always thinking, "well maybe..." or "if i just tried..." but that is exhausting! i'm not giving up for good, though--then i would just be dead! but i think for this weekend, i give up. i surrender. i quit.

except for the laundry...

4 comments:

mom said...

Instead of quoting "Annie", you could quote Scarlett, "Tomorrow is another day" or better yet quote Rhett, "I don't give a damn" or quote me, "In five years, it won't even matter." Just do what won't wait and forget the rest and ask for help. It amazes me what Dad will do if I just ask. He doesn't know what to offer to do if he doesn't know what needs to be done. Caring for the house, laundry and etc. shouldn't all be YOUR job. Delegate, delegate, delegate!!!

Jewelielyn said...

hahaha! oh mom, i had a bet with myself that you would say something like that. at least my family picks up after themselves, but they can't really help me with most of what has to be done. but it was a nice thought :)

Diandra Ann said...

oh boy. forget crap. grams has moved on to damn.

Jewelielyn said...

nonononoNONONO. no. no, diandra, that is a quote from "gone with the wind." a very famous quote, actually, from an academy award winning movie. i can't believe you don't know that! we need to have a gone with the wind afternoon...