julie-0, the cosmos-1

so today . . . i am convinced that the cosmos plots against me. and no, i am not paranoid. you'll see . . .

next week rollie and diandra are going to be out of town for a few days. at the same time. which means i will be home all alone. aaaallllll alone.

:)

i occasionally need time by myself. i can't exactly explain why, i just know that i do. i mean totally by myself--the kind of by myself where the rest of my family is OUT OF TOWN. when we lived in oregon it seemed that it was easier for me to achieve this alone-time--rollie would have to go out of town for a meeting, and diandra would spend the night with a friend, and voila--i would be alone.

but now that we live so close to everything, rollie doesn't have to go out of town for meetings--he just goes across town. and while diandra is still sometimes gone overnight, it never seems to coincide with rollie's absence . . .

it isn't like the two of them are always in the same room with me. rollie spends much of his free time hanging out in the "man room," and diandra is out of the house quite a bit. but it isn't the same. if they are in the house, it changes the air pressure. really! i can feel them in the house. and they distract me--even if i can't see them, they are distracting to me. i know they are there . . .

but next week they are going to be gone for three days. three whole days. i got pretty excited about this. and i started planning . . . because whenever i am alone for more than a day, i do a project. i paint walls. i buy new sheets or towels. i rearrange things. i organize. i stay up late. i leave the tv on all night while i sleep. i eat ice cream and frozen pizza and chips. i go to a movie. all. by. myself.

it is heaven.

and so, as much as i love my family, i really look forward to those rare occasions that leave me home alone. like those three special days next week . . .

. . . and then . . .

i traded messages with a friend on facebook. he is going to be in town next week, and we were talking about the possibility of getting together. so i was looking at the calendar, and that's when i saw it--my newly scheduled colonoscopy. and guess when it is scheduled for? yes, while rollie and diandra are going to be gone! so i am going to spend my first two days alone drinking clear liquids. no ice cream. no pizza. no chips. and i am not going to feel good, because when i don't eat, i feel sick. so there will also be no project. no organizing. no new sheets or towels. no movies.

what there will be, on the third day, is an invasive procedure--which i will have to endure all by myself. someone unrelated to me will have to get up ridiculously early, come pick me up, take me to the medical center, wait for me, try to get me to wake up from the sedative--a nearly impossible task--and then leave me at home to sleep it off. all. by. myself.

this is not exactly the plan i had for myself next week. i am going to be alone, alright, but i am not going to be having any of the fun i had planned. instead i am going to be miserable, and no one will be here to hear me complain. rollie and diandra may be saying, "this is our lucky day!" but i am saying, "bah! humbug!!"

i told you--the cosmos hates me . . .

sigh.