"let them eat...bagels?"

so today . . . my breakfast bagel had a marie antoinette moment. and then i ate it.

i love bagels! the flavor, the texture, the cream cheese... but they don't really fit in very well with this low carb healthy eating routine i say that i do :) so rather than eat the chewy goodness of a plain bagel, or the delicious onion-y flavor of an everything bagel, i eat 100% whole grain mini bagels--yes mini bagels--and i usually only eat one at a time. for breakfast. i guess i've adjusted to this whole healthy eating thing.

but a couple of days ago diandra came to costco with me. diandra + costco = food that i don't usually buy. i was zipping right past the bagels, when these delectable goodies caught her eye. "ooo, look mom! everything bagels!!" that is her favorite kind. "uh huh," i replied, trying to make my way past the third level of hell (which costco calls the bakery,) before anything made with white flour could jump uninvited into my cart. she pulled a plastic bag off the roll. "and look! we can get 2 bags for $5! i can get these everything bagels and you can have these honey wheat ones." she is under the impression that if the label says 'wheat' then i will eat it--she totally ignored the 'honey' part...which is just another way of saying 'sugar.' but by then, she was already bagging them up, and saying, "i'll buy them." so what could i do?!?

besides, now that the contraband is in the house, i can eat it :)

then last night we were watching tv, and diandra got hungry. "you have bagels from costco," i reminded her. her face lit up, and soon she was back with her snack. she took one bite and made a face--and it wasn't an "oh this is the most delicious food i have ever eaten" face. it was a "what the heck is this?!?!?!" face.

"this is not an everything bagel," she said. "but it is covered with all those seeds!" i said. "i know," she said, "but it does not taste like an everything bagel..."

i could tell she didn't really like it. and now there i was with a bag of five more of them, white flour and all. i was probably going to have to 'take one for the team,' and eat them.

so this morning, i thought i would just get it over with and eat one--even though they are gigantic! well, at least they seem gigantic to me, since i usually eat those tiny little mini bagels. i pulled a plump, savory, white bagel out of the package. i got out the cream cheese (because i read somewhere that if you are going to eat bad carbs, you should eat them with some protein or fat. i can't remember if it said protein OR fat, but i love cream cheese, so i went with the fat.) i got out a knife and prepared to slather the killer bagel with cream cheesy goodness.

and then, i encountered a problem...

...because the bagel wasn't sliced. i hate that!! i simply cannot slice a bagel properly. one half is always thicker than the other. or one edge will be thick and the other one will be thin. and since it is round, i have to hold it in my hand to slice it, which increases my chances of cutting myself by about 10,000%!

and then i remembered that we have a bagel guillotine!

yes!! a bagel guillotine!! i first encountered one of these wonderful devices when we were on vacation one year. we stayed at a motel that had a really nice complementary breakfast, and they had a bagel guillotine. i thought it was so cool!! i sliced up bagels for anyone who would let me. i wanted one!!!! but i could never find one in a store.

then, a few years ago diandra was getting ready to move out of our house. and i discovered that bed, bath, and beyond had bagel guillotines. "you have GOT to get one of these!!" i said, apparently somewhat forcefully. so she got one. and then when she moved back home, the bagel guillotine moved back with her :) i put it in a kitchen cupboard and promply forgot about it...because those 100% whole grain mini bagels that i usually eat are pre-sliced.

but this morning, as i stood there with my big, fat, chewy unsliced bagel in my hand, i remembered the guillotine. i got it out, put it on the counter, placed my bagel into the slot, and with one smooth motion i had a perfectly sliced bagel. which i quickly slathered with cream cheese. and then i ate it!

diandra will be moving out of our house again when she gets married next year. but i am thinking the bagel guillotine will not go with her. i am thinking that the bagel guillotine now belongs to me...

...even if i have to temporarily "forget" where i keep it :)