Saturday, August 22, 2009

mr. invincible comes home

so today . . . rollie came home from the hospital. modern medicine strikes again, and he is on the mend.

this has been a strange experience for me. i am the one who has health issues and takes medicine--rollie is the one who exercises and takes vitamins. i am the one with a team of doctors who know me--rollie is the one who hasn't even met his current primary care physician. i am the one who knows where the kaiser hospitals and clinics and labs and urgent care centers are--rollie is the one who would have to use his gps to find them.

so when he ended up in the hospital, it was as though everything was turned upside down. suddenly he was the sickee, and i was the one standing helplessly by~

i actually felt pretty calm most of the time. i knew he was getting good care, and that God had a plan in all of it--and i was just kind of along for the ride. even as the drama unfolded, the calmness remained. we just let the doctors do their thing (which they did very well,) and then waited for him to recover enough to come home.

and today he came home. he is not yet back to 100%, but he is much better than he has been--in a long time, apparently. we know this because of his blood test results. and yet, i feel as though he is fragile. i don't want him to walk up and down the stairs. i don't want him to carry anything. i'm not really sure i want him to go to sleep unless i can watch him to be sure he is alright. i know this is not rational--he is much less likely to have a problem now than in the last month or so--and yet, that's how i feel.

i think of my husband as invincible and indestructible. he is strong and competent. he isn't afraid of anything. and so to suddenly be in a situation where he was so vulnerable has been strange. i'm not used to being the one sitting in the visitor's chair in a hospital room, worrying about what the test results will be and what the doctor will say. i felt so helpless, and yet i needed to be strong and calm. so i was. most of the time . . .

but i didn't like it. not one tiny little bit! i am looking forward to the day when life gets back to normal. and by normal, i mean when rollie is back to being the strong, healthy one. because i am definitely NOT up to the role of being mr. invincible . . .

No comments: