so today . . . i am conflicted. parts of my life are colliding with other parts of my life and making a mess.
i'm an orderly person. i like stuff to be neat and organized. i like to know where things are. you would never know this by looking at my life right now. right now i have no relief. everything is a mess. and it is exhausting me.
i would like nothing more than to come home after work and drive into a garage with a few neatly stacked plastic boxes storing a few important things, and then walk into a house freshly vacuumed and free of clutter. and then get into bed by 10:00, sleep all night without waking up even once, and go to work the next day in a neatly organized classroom--instead of driving into a garage full of stuff that threatens to hurt me, walking into a house that is nothing but a list of jobs to get done, staying up until almost midnight, and sleeping in spurts of an hour or two. then going to work the next day in my classroom without a complete lesson plan (what to do with those four year olds . . . ) and a desk piled with books and papers.
i would like nothing more than to be able to better manage the different parts of my life, and the people in it, so that it felt like i was living my life instead of like my life was steamrolling right over me.
BUT, i am thankful that i have a job (even if it includes four year olds this year and gives me a headache,) and a nice place to live (even though i am still battling the clutter,) and music (yes, even though it means listening to teenaged boys explain why they can't make it to rehearsal on time, even though they had time to drive through mcdonald's on the way, and even though they didn't bring me anything from mcdonald's,) and sunshine (even though it is way to hot to be called 'autumn' here,) and two precious, furry bundles of love (even though mia has started barking at us, and milo thinks he is the little prince--wait, you didn't think i meant rollie and diandra, did you?) and my family (who apparently love me, even though . . . ) oh, and fast food.
so, even though my life could be an advertisement for calgon ("take me away,") i will get up tomorrow morning and get through the day. again. i will figure out how to deal with the collisions. i will tackle a portion of the stuff that still lurks in nooks and crannies. i will try to get some sleep. and i will look for something funny to write about . . .
. . . even though i just want to go to the bahamas.