me and james dean

so today . . . i was a rebel. i wore my red birkenstocks to school--yes, my "if i'm moving to california, i am buying birkenstocks" shoes.

i am one of those people who hit the snooze button 3 or 4 times before i can actually roll my body out of bed. the result is that i do not have much time in the morning to get ready for work--it is jumpintheshower, runacombthroughmyhair, slaponabitofmakeup, throwonclothes, grababagelandmycomputerbag, and careenoutofthedrivewaytowardschool. so i do not have time to make clothing decisions. but girl clothing requires decision making and as you know, i am terrible at making decisions. i can try on 4 different tops with a skirt, reject them all and the skirt too, and then grab a dress--because there are less decisions to be made with a dress. until i remember how cold my classroom can be when the a/c is blowing directly on me, so then i have to choose a sweater too. or maybe my denim jacket, because it goes with everything, or perhaps just a scarf will be enough . . .

but shoes are the worst. i want to be comfortable, but i'm not going to work in tennis shoes. that is where my beloved skechers come in. but some days the skecher look is just not right, and today was one of those. my choices were either my favorite pair of red patent leather high heeled steve madden open toed shoes or my red birkenstocks. i lovelovelove the red steve madden shoes, but i thought their appropriateness for school might be questionable. that left me with the red birkenstocks.

the red birkenstocks are comfortable and cute, and seemed like the obvious choice except for one small detail--they do not have a back on them.

buried deep in the employee handbook for my school is a paragraph requiring all teachers to wear shoes with a back on them. it is not a rule i am fond of, but i have adhered to it for the last five years (well, except for a few times when i have sneaked a pair of "clog" type shoes in under my pants.) i try not to complain too much, because i know some schools also decree that teachers cannot wear open-toed shoes, and at least we still have that option. but sometimes i chafe under this rule--especially when the perfect pair of backless shoes is staring out at me from my closet just begging to go to school . . .

recently i overheard someone say that i was a "people pleaser." this really bothered me, because i don't think that i am, and it bothers me that apparently that is how some people categorize me. i think of a people pleaser as being someone who is weak and easy to push around, someone who will do anything to make others happy, or to keep from rocking the boat--an "anything to get along" attitude. i'm not like that. i am nice. i am polite. i try to be kind and considerate to other people. i see no point in arguing, so i usually just don't. and i usually follow the rules, because i think that is the right thing to do. but not at any cost. i am a strong person with a mind of my own. i stand up for what i think is important, speak out when someone needs to, and occasionally i speed :)

this morning i looked at those red birkenstocks and thought, "yes, i am wearing those!" and i did. with my attitude intact, i headed for school. and everything was fine at first . . .

. . . and then the director arrived.

i had forseen this happening. i knew she would be at school today. i knew that at some point she was going to see my shoes. the question was, what would happen when she did?

as the day wore on, i found my bravado slipping. i tried to avoid her. when i did see her, i tried to hide my feet--which is a little bit hard when you are standing all alone in a hallway. i thought up responses to her possible remarks. verbally, i was ready, but emotionally i still felt like a kid with stolen candy in my pocket.

but i got away with it--at least for today. not being one to press my luck, tomorrow i will go back to wearing "regulation" shoes. but i have a plan, a slightly rebellious plan. it involves pushing the limits of acceptable footwear in my workplace, one backless pair of shoes at a time . . .

i am NOT a people pleaser. i am a rebel. sometimes.