so today . . . was an ordinary day. well, except i did not feel like a very nice teacher this morning. after recess i sent this text to rollie, who was bringing me lunch today--i felt like he needed fair warning. "i am not a nice teacher today. someone may die." ok, now before i get horrified comments on the death threat, it was just a colorful expression of frustration shared only by text message to my husband. you all know i am not capable of murder. well, unless there is only one brownie left, and you look like you want it . . .
anyway, he replied, "hope it's not me! i brought you food--please don't hurt me." yeah, like that could happen. he is a foot taller than me, sixty-five pounds heavier, and has a black belt in tae keuk won. yeah, i am going to hurt him . . . but i was feeling feisty and irritated and like i wanted to kick someone, so i texted back, "if you don't whine or argue or hit, and you listen to my words, then you are safe. and it doesn't hurt that you brought me food!"
he said, "i think i am good on all of that except maybe for a little whining . . . "
so i relented, "ok, i can tolerate whiny CONTENT as long as it isn't said in a whiny voice."
(some days i think if i hear, "but he did it first!" or "but i had it first!" or "but she said she isn't my friend any more!" one more time, i will run screaming from the room. take some responsibility!!)
ok, i know--they are only four.
anyway, rollie brought me food, and most importantly, a giant soda. that gave me the strength to get through the afternoon--even though we fingerpainted fall trees--all the way up to our elbows!!
and then i got this text from diandra: "i just found out that a song i always thought said 'secret asian man' actually says 'secret agent man!' sooooo much better!"
i laughed and laughed and laughed. i mean, probably everyone has a story like that about song lyrics, but this one was so visual. then she said, "this is why i say i like songs that are 'bad' . . . i guess i make up my own words and have no idea what they actually say."
i said, "yes, but i kind of think secret asian man is worse than secret agent man. i mean, how can you be a secret asian man?"
she said, "i know! i never understood that."
as it turns out, she was enlightened while watching dancing with the stars. donny osmond (who is clearly not asian,) was performing to that song. dressed in a velour tux! which didn't make any sense to her, so she listened very carefully to the words, and finally the quarter fell . . . although that velour tux will never make sense . . .
so now i will never think of roger moore when i hear that song again. or don adams (you know, from "get smart!") now, i will always think of jackie chan! and diandra singing, "secret asian man . . . "